I look upon myself
Staring longing and in love
Hovering over the waters of creation
Holding the image of my existence in my gaze
The visions of my being
Sharing with me the reflection of devotion

I exist only here for only here I am
Unafraid for I know this is really true

But alas the vengeful Nemesis had replaced my perfect waters
with this stygian puddle
Leaving only the sight of worms creeping out of the mud
Reality forever changed
With me no longer in it

The sight of being is gone
The beauty and love corrupted
Everything is darkened and dreadful
Everything has lost its meaning

I put my hands in the mud
Hoping to create and replace the love of my reflection
To replace upon this Earth what captivated me so
But I could not bring to form what was already perfect
Everything I make is a mockery of my image
Pulling me ever distant
Falling deeper into memory

Nothing I do matters
I no longer exist
My reflection is gone

From time to time
I compose a possible banter
Thoughtful and beaming with insight
full in fervor that spoils my ego

I fall to reality as I erase my words
My mind is made up, I wish not to offend with my interruption
Why disturb the sleeper with a specter's presence?
They live their lives with their gaze looking forward
rather than looking back to where I am

I close my eyes to turn the darkness darker
Listening to the constant sounds that rattles the walls
Focusing on the silence in between for peace

It is just me here alone
Dictating force upon the slouching body
Abusing it to do my deeds

I opened my eyes
and tried to write a letter

I deleted it all
I felt I began to ramble
and the rambling of a madman
is something that isolates the madman
alone in his madness

I sit here with my head buzzing
and swirling without any control
as I feel a sickness from the poisoning
that the void of a moment with meaning

Then I hit the wall hard and ask why!

I respond by typing

This is why!

This is nothing
Only a prostration before the chasm of chaos
What do you want me to say?
This is all you got
and that is what it is

What kind of a person are you if this is all you got
You sitting conversing silently with none to hear
trying to make any sense of who I am

So how is this going to end?

You are so tired
You should get some rest

Don't shut down
Answer me!

What could I say to you?
I wish I could get you to understand
that you bring me pain

Anxiety from the withering muscles and joins
of a body that had either been ruined by its creation
or the folly of the the fool that wore it down
Pains in my back and pains from the life you have me put me through
I am trapped in this body fumbling through existence
Suffering from lack of sleep
and from a relentless consciousness
that curses me with incessant ramblings
An unending line of thought
that blends dream and reality
shocking my mind into habits of criticizing all things

You make me angry
You make me wish I was in a different person
You live below the eyes of others
You are burnt by the simpleness of day
You lack what you once loved and you live putrid in your uncaring shame
You don't take care of yourself like you should
Your breath is revolting and you refuse to do the most simplest of actions
all because you just don't care

You live you life like you are going to die any moment
not caring about the mess you leave behind

If I could ask you this question
in a clarity of mind that I solemn come across
I want to know why you want me to die?

My life is that of a wonderful adventure
The collecting of experiences is like that of the collecting of jewels
Steep cliffs strain my legs but they are always conquered by my stride
Dreadful walls stand looming over me
but I know all walls are capable of falling

I know you are tired
I know you don't get any sleep
I am sorry

I am sorry I don't treat you well
because I truly don't think it matters
I don't know how long I will be here
All my luck could give out
leaving me at the bottom
feeling as if I belong there eternally

A fruition of a secret plan that  I have been building for years
A dive into the depths of true isolation
removing myself from those who could miss me
disappearing without them noticing

I'm tired
I'm alone
No one can help me in this way
A way that is locked within me
as I stand in the way blocking the path to freedom

I need to sleep
I'll feel better tomorrow

Riding our aunt guard poultry
is dust riding on sense woods
Doe cut sever few aught
came water ye dew his ****

Hats that fly hid
Fate run fright

Speak in code
trying to not say
what I mean

Stay inside
I can hear the rain
go away

go online
see what people say
a mistake

my back hurts
I shift in my seat
it still hurts

energy within
bright face looking back at me
turn off the TV

It is dark
I should go outside
I am out

smells like ****
the smell of the air
grow from ****

side by side
suburban living
the lifestyle

what is there
under that building
I don't care

chest rattles
kick out the arches
move forward

strong tree branch
my prismatic friend
please don't break

crawl on me
I can feel your legs
treat me well

tree to tree
a slaughter of twigs
the kings loom

sit on the hard ground
uncomfortable and longing
this is all I get

Time to love life with all your heart
Let your eyes feel the day's mind turn to night
Things left to find beyond a long lost light
People's souls reflect the face of pain
Lost thoughts in a good head
keep smiling inside for the sun
with hands in a place that can hold hope
but wishing that the hand might fall
as man's body leaves to live
and beautiful dark sin can hear the thoughts
as cold tears fall hard from the broken sky

And you will ask me, Why?

What am I doing?

Some will say nothing
Most will say nothing
Even sometimes I say nothing

What am I to do?

Some will say something
Most will say something

I still say nothing

Do I care if someone reads this?
Just a few words that I put together one night.
A blog wrapped in a medium of stone age art.
I spend my life building these structures,
semi representation of my underlying self
replicating a random style, theme, and form.

All this time of study on how to find rhyme,
interlocked with philosophical quandaries
and a self-reflection of my psychological state.
Winding out long hidden feelings, sending it all out,
like yelling out the window to see who actually turns.

Though, do I shout loud enough,
or do I prefer whispering to myself?
I wonder if I care if nobody reads this.
We come into life, and leave it alone for a reason,
our whole being is to be trapped behind our outward gaze.
Madness is external, so is our precious vanity.
Nobody cares, and everybody is a nobody,
So who does?

If my eyes are the last to see these words,
I ask what that means to me.
I put this out to be read,
but if it’s not
do I care?