From time to time I compose a possible banter Thoughtful and beaming with insight full in fervor that spoils my ego
I fall to reality as I erase my words My mind is made up, I wish not to offend with my interruption Why disturb the sleeper with a specter's presence? They live their lives with their gaze looking forward rather than looking back to where I am
I close my eyes to turn the darkness darker Listening to the constant sounds that rattles the walls Focusing on the silence in between for peace
It is just me here alone Dictating force upon the slouching body Abusing it to do my deeds
I opened my eyes and tried to write a letter
I deleted it all I felt I began to ramble and the rambling of a madman is something that isolates the madman alone in his madness
I sit here with my head buzzing and swirling without any control as I feel a sickness from the poisoning that the void of a moment with meaning
Then I hit the wall hard and ask why!
I respond by typing
This is why!
This is nothing Only a prostration before the chasm of chaos What do you want me to say? This is all you got and that is what it is
What kind of a person are you if this is all you got You sitting conversing silently with none to hear trying to make any sense of who I am
So how is this going to end?
You are so tired You should get some rest
Don't shut down Answer me!
What could I say to you? I wish I could get you to understand that you bring me pain
Anxiety from the withering muscles and joins of a body that had either been ruined by its creation or the folly of the the fool that wore it down Pains in my back and pains from the life you have me put me through I am trapped in this body fumbling through existence Suffering from lack of sleep and from a relentless consciousness that curses me with incessant ramblings An unending line of thought that blends dream and reality shocking my mind into habits of criticizing all things
You make me angry You make me wish I was in a different person You live below the eyes of others You are burnt by the simpleness of day You lack what you once loved and you live putrid in your uncaring shame You don't take care of yourself like you should Your breath is revolting and you refuse to do the most simplest of actions all because you just don't care
You live you life like you are going to die any moment not caring about the mess you leave behind
If I could ask you this question in a clarity of mind that I solemn come across I want to know why you want me to die?
My life is that of a wonderful adventure The collecting of experiences is like that of the collecting of jewels Steep cliffs strain my legs but they are always conquered by my stride Dreadful walls stand looming over me but I know all walls are capable of falling
I know you are tired I know you don't get any sleep I am sorry
I am sorry I don't treat you well because I truly don't think it matters I don't know how long I will be here All my luck could give out leaving me at the bottom feeling as if I belong there eternally
A fruition of a secret plan that I have been building for years A dive into the depths of true isolation removing myself from those who could miss me disappearing without them noticing
I'm tired I'm alone No one can help me in this way A way that is locked within me as I stand in the way blocking the path to freedom