How do I make you understand
     Understand what you mean to me
          How your words cut me
How do I make you understand
      Understand that I don't know what I would do without you
           Even though your words cut me
How do I make you understand
      Understand that I love you
            Even though I know you don't love *me

She stands gazing out at the lake
         the waves chase each other across its surface.
Beside her, a fire
         connected to her, it burns softly and warmly in the dark of the night.
She can feel her city miles behind her
         its walls shifting, changing, throbbing with her every emotion.

The waves crash against the shore
         pounding the sand as hard as it can.
Then...
         a silver chain, half buried reveals itself as a wave retreats
She reaches down and grabs it before the waves reclaim it into the black abyss
         infinity...
                  the loop dangles from the silver chain blazing in the light of the fire.

A scream claws its way up her throat
         blood-curdling, loathing, filled with hatred.
Beside her, her fire leaps
         its flames raging, burning brighter, hotter, higher, faster
The chain falls from her shaking hands
         the light illuminating the chain as the waters reclaim it, bringing it back into the black abyss.

How?
         Why?
It was a cruel joke
         after everything?
Now they were just mocking her
         breaking their promise and throwing it back in her face.

Hatred fills her veins
         for what the silver chain means
She can feel Him waking
         He can feel her rage, her anger, her hatred.
Slowly everything around her begins to fade
         the lake, her fire, her city.

He begins to wake
         filled with longing to be unleashed upon them
                  to make them pay for what they did.
He begins to consume her
         taking over her till nothing is left
She is on her knees, panting, fighting to control Him, to keep Him subdued
         but its too late
                  He is too strong and she is to weak.


He enters the world
         and she is no more
                  gone...
He wants blood, pain, chaos
         He wants to make them suffer
He has no reasoning, no cares, nothing
         only the urge to ****
                  destroy, pain.

He is the Beast
         and nothing can stop him.
Her city can do nothing
         only watch and wait
Watch has the Beast destroys the world
         consuming it till it is no more...

Sorry* you say when you are little
And then everything is back to normal
         Back to the ways things were before
                       happy and innocent

Sorry you say when you are older
And then most things go back to normal
          Almost back to the way things were before
                        almost happy and innocent

Sorry you said as you fell to the floor cold and lifeless
And then nothing is back to normal
          Nothing is back to the way things were before
                         no longer happy and innocent

But how can things go back to normal?
     How can you say 'sorry' as you are on the floor cold and lifeless
             How do you expect me to go back to normal, to the way things were before?

Sorry is all I see, all I hear
Sorry is never 'back to normal'

****** Up

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Not seen not heard not wanted
But that's just life isnt it?
People not caring

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Alone abused abandoned
Friends aren't there
Parents don't care

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Dejected deserted neglected
Living a lie
Begging to die

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Shattered crushed broken
Vitals failing
Everyone's bailing

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Exhausted ruined drained
Hopelessness surrounds her
Life is a blur

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Not seen not heard not wanted
But that's what life is isnt it?
*People not caring

A disappointment
Useless
Worthless
Stupid

Their words rage all around her
Mocking her

Dumb
Idiot
Not worth my time
Can't wait till she leaves

She's sick of it all
Sick of their words

Inside she is screaming, kicking, fighting
Outside she is silent, still, dead

Home is suppose to be a sanctuary
*******

Home is Hell
And they are the Devil

But there's no one there to save her
No one to get her out of Hell

No one can hear as she screams Get me out of this ******* Hell
No one can see her pain

Why?

Because they belive the smiles she's faking
The laughter that comes from her mouth

No one stops for a moment to see behind her facade
No one comes to her rescue

Forever she is trapped in Hell
Forever she will yell

Forever In Our Heart:

That fateful night when everything as We know it changed
The call late in the night
The weeping that followed
The lives that were forever changed

That was the night He passed
It was the night We lost a class mate, a friend, a brother, a son
That was the night We lost a young man so full of life
A young man who sought only the truth

We miss His bright happy smiles
We miss His care free attitude
We miss His presence
But most of all We miss Him

However life must continue
We must continue
But even as We continue
A part of us will never forget Him

He will always remain in that part
Never to be forgotten
Always to be rembered
May You Rest In Peace Dear Friend

For Her

The call came late that night. The voice on the other end asks for him; he answers in the affirmative. It then proceeds to deliver the dreadful news.

At first he does not believe the voice. He asks it to repeat it self. It does, this time offering words or sympathy and comfort.

But it's to late. She is gone. There are no words of comfort, no spells, no nothing that can bring her back to him.

The phone falls to the floor with a sharp clatter; he with a soft thump. He stares blankly ahead as his brain works to understand, comprehend, believe what has happened.

DEAD

The Word rings through his mind, his body, his soul. It consumes him. He understands nothing else. It traps him in its hold till he is numb, then it releases him.

First comes the grief and the tears. It washes over him crippling him once more. The tears stain his cheeks forcing him to remember.

Then the rage. Rage so red, so hot, it burns the Word out. He begins to blame everyone and everything. How could this happen? How could Fate be so cold? He blames and blames till there is nothing left to blame.

The rage passes as the guilt begins to seep in. It starts at the skin and slowly makes its way to his core. She had done nothing to deserve this! It should have been him, not Her! She had been innocent!

As the guilt reaches his core, his thoughts take a deadly turn. He could step off a chair, pull a trigger, take pills. Anything to end this pain and join Her. He could flood the tube, cut till he bleeds out...

Suddenly a cool calming sensation washes over him. His thoughts begin to clear, his emotions begin to calm. Her voice whispers in his ear, soothing him, begging him not to join Her.

For Me. She whispers then fades.

Her words strength him. They lead him away from the Darkness and Guilt and Rage. For Her. For Her, he must continue.

Day after day he gets stronger. For Her. He tells himself. For Her. Week after week. For Her. Month after month. For Her. Year after year. For Her, he whispers.

Till one day he sees her. she looks the same as Her, walks and talks the same. But as he begins to learn about her, he realizes she is not Her. she is like Her but not Her.

Month after month and year after year. Finally he has a reason to live, a reason to fight.

He realizes that She was right all along. Her words were right, for time had passed and he had healed. However he would never forget her. Every now and then he whispers softly to the sky For Her, Thank You.

High above She gazes down at the small family. The family she could have had. But She has no regrets. He his happy and that is all that matters.

A smile tugs at Her lips as She watches him. Finally he had found peace. Finally he had found love. Finally he had healed.

She would forever gaze down to watch and protect for though he was happy She knew She would be *forever in his heart