Some people break bones
and still smile

Some people get cuts
and brush it off

I am not those people
I get paper cuts
And whine like my finger just got amputated

I am like a nectarine, I bruise easily
I'm different.
But don't shelter me, I need to grow up
Grow out of this weak and soft shell

It is looked down upon
to be a nectarine
and thus, the cardboard needs to be cut
yet again

Because bubble wrap
doesn't solve things
one day,
all the bubbles would pop

what happens then?

I got kicked.
Like a dog being called to obedience

I got stabbed
By my own hand

My fault
My fault my heart got broken again

One day you would realise
That special fizz died

You waited and waited
But it just didn't seem to
Come back

You waited and waited
Till your tears dried up
It just didn't come back

You waited and waited
Only to find out
That fizz relighted somewhere else
And it's never coming back

I GET IT NOW.
remember how it was treacherous to think of a person to be more than a person
I made that mistake.
I thought of myself as more than a person
a weak empty vessel
that can only function when God sends
that river to flow through you, empowering you
how silly of I to think otherwise
I see now
and I kid you not
This is the most humble I have ever been so far

Even the strength we have
is not of ours
not mine to give
not mine to take
but its by God's grace that we have

It all makes sense now
everything that had happened
it clicks
I see the connection
ohmygoodness
how blind I have been

My pride led to my fall
painful yet its an awakening I so gratefully receive
I must know my place
a mere human being.

We don't hold the ability to change people
don't you see
that argument we had about how class bonding was useless
how we tried so hard but in the end you told me
humans can't change personality
humans can't change people
only God can

I argued
and now I find that
you were right all along
why was I so freaking blind

I took matters into my own hands
and I would not now
ever.

Because I am but a mere human being
I can't force anything
because it's not in my power or right.

I can only wait for him
to use me
by his mercy and grace.

Have you ever felt that feeling
where your mind transforms
from being cloudy, dark and grey
sitting in that grey area that just grows larger and larger as time ticks

and suddenly it clears.
Like sunshine after rain
I was brought to my knees
I fell.

And I'm glad I did
because never have I been so lost and selfish
that was my lesson.
this whole week was my lesson

and I thank you Lord for that lesson

Dear velohomme,

I know you probably hate me for doing all this
for forcing you and everything
I know why you used that quote
you don't want to be seen as a 'freak'
But you aren't my dear,
you are my friend, my very best friend
and I know you are scared how everyone might view you
and honestly you are perfectly normal and everything
aside from those 3 brothers
but you must understand that they deprive you of sleep
you dearly need
those tears that fall. you are scared. You have written.

You are amazing in every way
but if there is something wrong
and you need help
I hope you reach out your hand to receive it

There is nothing wrong with a little help
I honestly don't mind being the bad guy
I mean, you can hate me
want to **** me
slap me
throw something at me

but if at the end of the day
everything falls into place
and you get better
though you may not agree.

It would be worth it
I wish I could tell you there is nothing wrong
but maybe sometimes there is
and we all need a little fixing
maybe its just society
I would love to agree that there is nothing wrong
but maybe there is
neither of us wants to admit it

by this time you are probably bursting
with anger and hurt
and maybe other emotions

I just want to let you know
that even if you won't talk to me anymore
even if you don't want to see me
I don't regret it.
I just don't want to keep closing my eyes
thinking its all okay
My mind has been clouded.

Well just to comfort you
I won't be doing anything or telling anybody soon
Just God.
Because its him who does the magic right?
He's the one with the fairy dust.

I'll leave it all up to him
It's not up to me, or you or anyone
it's up to him.

And tonight,
I really hope he answers my prayers
because wishing on 11 11 is *******
wishing on stars and believing about stardust magic
is *******

honestly,
I've been neglecting him a bit
and I'm ashamed and sorry
But I trust that he'll save you lil' sis

He'll be by your side whenever you fall
in the dead of night
whenever you call and please don't fight
these hands that are holding you.

God's hands are holding you

Oh great
Now I can multitask
Playing the piano and rethinking
All my stupid actions

Oh how great
Daydreaming even while playing piano
Simply marvellous
What a handy talent right?

Who doesn't want it
You get to practice
And set the background music
While you replay your nostalgic film
Of how dumb your words have been
How insensitive they were
How over the top you have been

A lovely talent
For a lovely mind

It's treacherous to believe that a person is more than a person
I never really understood this line
till now

It really is treacherous
misleading
feeds your thoughts

that person loses her identity
she just becomes an idea.
and you my dear believe in that idea of her
so strongly you forget who she is.

don't
Because one day reality would come along
and turn the switch on to bring gravity back
leaving you waking up on the concrete floor
concussed and crying
bleeding and dying
**cheated of feeling