The room was hot
Her skin was dry
In speckled formations
That resembled alligator skin
Laughter from the room over
And the buzzing of the refrigerator
Were the only
Outside noises
The ones inside her head though,
Those voices never rest
Outside from the window
Cars and people trickle by
As the night does
One cup of water
Filled too many times
The room was hot
But her fingers still cold
Slow breathing
Even slower tears
The couch was black
And its leather resembled
The texture of the skin
On her unevenly shaven legs
The wall was white, and flat, and hard
And she felt her spine against it
Each time she took a breath
She sat motionless
Her body sent tingles and itches
To make sure she knew
She was alive
The stillness of the air haunted her
Just as reality's voice crept in singing,
"You're still alone."

I tried to sleep at night,
But thoughts of you came to me
Desire and want began to taunt
And I could not leave

Your long sleeve shirts they hurt
In ways 'cause I won't feel them
Wrapped round my freezing skin
Oh, please just let me in

I just want to talk to you,
To sit with you, to walk with you
To do the things you do, with you
To be the one, to be with you

I tried to ignite
In your eyes a light
But mine was compromised
See, you already had one there

I know I'm wrong and you are
Right to just look past me
But stars and swirls they twirl
My heart when you look at me

I just want to talk to you,
To sit with you, to walk with you
To do the things you do, with you
To be the one, to be with you

You've got me smiling down sidewalks
My heart, it stops when you talk
I could sit and stare for a while
Just to wait and watch you smile

But I will take what I can get
Even if you never see it
Times we share don't go compared
Just let me believe it

I just want to talk to you,
To sit with you, to walk with you
To do the things you do, with you
To be the one, to be with you

And I hope that sometime
In the summer shine I can call you mine
Oh, I dream of the time
In the summer shine when you will be mine

who are you when you close your eyes
when the dark skies take over
the cars loose their zig zags and start to braid
as their lights blend
the strangers of faces pass by
and none of them know your name

who are you when you take that sip
when your mind slips
the memories fade away with the rain
as the bells ring you start to sing
the music is loud
and you don't remember anyone standing there

who are you when you begin to dance
when the eyes of everyone else fall upon you
the music swirls and stirs your brain
as the beat flows through your fingertips
the room closes in
and you are the only one to walk the planet

who are you when you start to sing
when your voice reaches the corners
the world shatters in the palm of your hand
as everything falls into its exact places
the words come together with meaning
and you close your eyes to enjoy the scenery

You put me through Hell.
Knowing that whichever way I turned,
        you were there to stab me in the back.
The countless hours of crying and confusion
        trying to get you to understand that you were in a delusion
        that I was never out to get you, and I
        never tried to hurt you.

                Although sometimes, it felt like that was your
                only mission.

You never took the time to listen or to compromise with
        the words that came out of my mouth.
You were good at the quick reactions and sudden stabs
        and my mouth simply didn't run as fast as yours did.
Because trying to word the truth into means in which you'd listen
        was a seemingly impossible task that I
        tried to tackle and defeat.

                But your sting defeated me
                instead.

I'll have you know,
        I've never missed you more.
Four years later, I'm still reminiscing of a time
        when yours was mine.
Secrets were shared, and we actually cared
        about each other.

                The words "I'm sorry" and "I miss you" never really
                fix anything.

They could have but words
        can never be erased.
They leave a trace
        especially ones that travel in permanent ink and are
        always linked on the internet
I'd love a chance to start over, I feel like we've
        grown since then but you
        grew up with each other and I
        was left to find another
But never did.

                And I could really use a friend here.

I could feel the water drop
into the pit of emptiness that
laid beneath my heart
for my stomach,
it was not hungry
but this headache was telling me
otherwise.

I could have a disorder, but I
choose not to
that's what I've always told myself
but nowadays I think
differently.

not eating is easy.
the only problem is that food is
flavorful, delicious.
throwing up is easy.
the only problem is there are
too many people around to
hear me.

there seems to be a different
kind of disorder that my
body is going through.

you see,
I eat one meal a day
and that's enough
I get full
off of one meal
and I still think I eat
too much.
if I ate more,
it would be a disaster
but,

it isn't normal to only
eat once,
is it?

it isn't normal to look
at myself and
love what i see
but not be happy with
what's there.

there might really be something
wrong, huh?

I travel
to places
only I
know of
submerged
astray
encased
my thoughts
take over
every sliver
of my intellect
absorbed
drowned
consumed
I mostly
sit and
wonder if
you're
thinking
of me too
I breathe in
sigh out
and then
journey
slide
drift
off to
a land
where you
are what
I wish
you could
be.

I'm back home.

where the walls are blue,
the bed is big,
and the pillows engulf me.

where the music is loud,
the door is open,
and the everything is mine.

where the room is comfortably cluttered,
the spaces aren't blanks,
and everything has a meaning.

where I can talk for hours,
the faces actually know who I am,
and the respect I show is reflected.

where the streets have names,
the lines and dots connect,
and I know where I'm going.

where my mind still wonders,
the wonderland continues,
and you are still on my mind.