Dear Life, I am so sorry.

For wishing you were something different,
For saying all of those terrible, hateful things about you,
For hating you so much that I wanted you gone.
I didn’t want to have anything to do with you.
And I tried, but you never let me leave,
And I hated you even more for that.

Instead, you gave me a brother.
A child I could never abandon,
A little boy who held happiness in his eyes,
A boy whose joy seeped into my wounds
And for a second,
Made my world a better place.

Then you gave me a friend.
But not just any friend, this one was special.
So special, that two-hundred miles could not keep us apart.
The distance didn’t stop the love.
And his love for my miserable soul kept me sane.
I knew I couldn’t just give up someone like that.

I never understood you and
I probably never will.
But I am so sorry that I had never loved you.
I never found the joy in you,
Or the happiness,
Or the pleasure,
I was never satisfied with you.
I knew I didn’t have it worst,
But I still couldn’t handle you.
All I felt from you was the pain and sadness.
The madness that you sent through my head,
I absolutely hated it.

I am incredibly sorry
And now, incredibly thankful.
I was blind to your greatness but
Now I can see everything.
The colors are more vibrant and
The laughter is louder
The love is stronger and
The hugs, more compassionate.
My smiles are real and when I say, “I’m happy”, I mean it.

I don’t know what you did
Or how you changed my mind,
But I thank you.
I don’t know how you did it.

Maybe this was your plan all along.
You put me in a darkened room with
A few pretty bursts of light here and there.
I thought they were happiness
And then all of the light faded,
You took everything away.
And when you decided I was ready,
You welcomed me into a new place
A place I can’t completely describe
But in this new room, I am alive.

I used to be able to sleep,
But now being awake is so much more enjoyable.
Thank you for finally letting me in on
The secret that I have been envious of for so long.
Thank you for making me wait.
I needed nothing in order to appreciate everything.

I understand that you can’t keep me happy all of the time.
You’ll send some more challenges my way.
But as long as you promise to keep showing me the good,
I will be forever grateful.

Life, I sincerely love you.
Forever yours, for as long as you’ll have me,
                -Julie

Oh hell yes
I love this
                    Feeling
Numb
          Exotic
                   Dangerous
          Crazy
One more, one more.
Just give me more.
                   Dance
Dance
          Dance
Until I fall to the floor
                   Slip on ice
Laugh it off
          Fall to the ground
I don’t feel a thing
I don’t feel anything
Except for this
                   Laughter
Excitement
          Silliness
                             Life.
Out of body experience
In my own flesh.
The colors mesh.
The people smile
We sit and enjoy for a while.

In a place full of smoke,
They spoke and
Sweet lips touched.
In a room consumed by the dark
A secret sealed and marked,
This is where you stole her heart.
Before they part
The outside submerged with white
One last kiss.
Darling, you'll be missed.
Her heart breaks as she drives away,
She would do anything to stay
With you.
Reminisces of nicotine and love
Stick to the fabric of
Her jacket.
She'll sleep alone tonight
And the next, "Until you and I."
She's never met a smile that felt so right.
Sweetheart, you give her the freedom to fly.
She's not the most gorgeous girl in the world,
But she's got a love in her eyes and
A passion in her soul.
A creative charisma and
The ability to love you unconditionally,
If you'd just let her.
Your simple wink and smirk,
Sends her instant butterflies.
The subtlety of your head resting on her shoulder
Leaves her with a simple satisfaction.
Her comfort rests between your arms.
Whether it be her face upon your chest at night or
Her body clinging tight
While she wraps her arms around you.
She'd do anything
Just to get close to that heart of yours.
Something she's wanted since she was thirteen.
And the distance inbetween doesn't stop her love.
And one day, she'll tell you the story
Of how she fell for you
And how her feelings have always been true.
While under skies of blue,
She's always been wishing for you.

I smile because you make me
Just let me stay for a while
Something so sweet
This simple act makes me complete

I’ve never met a smile that felt so right
My own gives me butterflies
And you give them to me best

Mine belongs to you
I feel it every time I do

I’m addicted to look you put on my face
It’s anything but familiar

Oh darling,
You’re so charming
Please promise to never leave my side

There was snow
There was ice
Then the car spun twice
Saw a couple of trees
My thoughts set free
This is it
To die right here, with you
I’d be alright.

Hold on darling
Remember what you said
          Never fall again
          Never fall again
                   Take it easy
                   Take it slow
Better watch out before you go
                                                Overboard
                                                Oh dear Lord
How far will you let it slide
     This time
          Stop it
          Stop yourself now
          Close your eyes
          Look away
          I don’t care
You know the pain isn’t something you want to bare
You’re leading yourself into this
You already know what happens next
This time won’t be different
                             Time to close up
                    Time to build back those walls
          Time to wake yourself up from this dream
                Things will never be what they seem
                                      I know, you know what you want
                                       But this is just a taunt
                                      Please darling just say no
                                       It’s time to go
                                      Get out of here
                                       This place of fear
                             Where you never should have led yourself
                   The monsters will consume you
          They’re already slipping through the cracks
Hurry- Or it’ll be too late to turn back

I lay awake
As the ground shakes
As I wonder what it would take
For you to love me,
For you to want me,
For you to hold me throughout the night,
For this feeling to be right
Instead of wrong,
Instead of nights that are long
With tossing and turning,
Hoping and yearning
I don’t want to sleep
I just want to keep
Laying here with you
As the sky turns from gray to blue
Until everything in my mind is true
I don’t want the next day
Because it’s one more before I go away
I hide the tears in my sleeve
I never want to leave