“I want my life back”
No-no-no
I don’t want my life back
I like exactly where it’s spit me out

          “I’m invisible, I always have been, and I always will be”
I’m not invisible
I’m just unseen by those who mean
Absolutely nothing to me

          “I’m a mess of a person, all I make are mistakes”
I am a ******’ hot mess and
The mistakes I make
Lead me to wonderful places

          “I want to die”
**** that.
This life is irreplaceable

I tripped and fell
Hello dizzy spells
Wait, what the hell?
Wrong side of the road
It’s time to unload
Colors racing everywhere
Never seen a place with so much flare
Halfway around the world
Different lives soon to be swirled
Thankful for the trip
For the piece of mail I didn’t skip
Kick off my shoes
As I soak in the deep blue
What’s up surf boards
And headphone chords
Palm trees
With a warm breeze
Cute boys
And water toys
Tanned and toned,
Leave my thoughts postponed
Rippling tides
And emotional rides
I just decide to close my eyes
Wake up dead,
Sand underneath my head
Breathtaking sights
Crisp warm nights
Sprinkling rain here and there
Sun shining, beach dried hair
Airplane flights
Long nights
Stupid fights
One whole year,
Reached my biggest fear
Wake up at camp
Lick my letter, postage stamp
Come back home
With friends unknown
One drink, I took
One last look
At my best friend
Feelings start to blend
As I lay in the rain
Feeling all the pain
Of saying goodbye
Storm blends in with my cry
More feelings of being alone
What place should I call home?
Learning starts off as a blur
Depressed thoughts mixed with anger
Sweet hello’s fade to bitter goodbyes
Can no longer see the sparkle in your eyes
I don’t remember
Just like fire leaves ember
Up to the month of December
Life kept crashing down
Every smile greeted with a frown
But then I took one more
Before I fell to the floor
Found an old bliss
Something sworn off with a kiss
But you ran out of my life
I picked up the knife
One more inhale,
Ten more new tales
One more large sip,
I begin to get a grip
Of what it’s like to be happy
No more feeling ******
New faces,
New places,
Don’t leave any traces
I dare to rebel
So now I won’t dwell
On my past
On the things that didn’t last
For the millions of reasons
Or maybe the changing of the seasons
From my summer to winter,
This is what comes out of my printer.

I’m not the best at anything
Like I thought I wanted to be
But I’m pretty good at everything…
Here’s the list that is me:
          Singing
          Writing
          Playing the guitar
          Projects
          Designing
          Driving my car
          Running
          Kissing
          Baking cake
          Organizing
          Smiling
          I am no fake
          Being honest
          Friendly
          Truthful
          And real
          I’m beautiful
          And funny
          I share what I feel
          Open to everything
          Willing to try
I say, “I hate my life”
But I don’t know why.
Why?
Because I had never realized
How great it is to fly.
So, goodbye
          To the past
          To that quiet girl in the corner
          To the crying & frightened girl in the corner
          To the corner I trapped & locked myself into.
To everything I thought was my life
Because my life is what I make it
And I’m making it mine
Go out
Dance about
Scream and shout
I’ll go do what I want
If it’s fun and makes me smile
If I plan to stay for a while
And I have each of you to thank
          You, who rejected me,
          You, who accepted me,
          You, who gave me a chance,
          You, who gave me a glance,
          You, who used me,
          You, who abused me,
          You, who made me laugh,
          You, who watched me cry,
          You, who reached in,
          You all helped me survive.
I am not alone
I have found my new home
I’ll probably break down
You will see me frown
But for right now
I can remember what it is to be happy.

I jump to bad conclusions
And in these delusions
Everything goes wrong
So hear me out,
This shouldn’t take long
I am too cool
For school
For rules
For fools
Like you
So let me off this leash
You have tied around my heart
This isn’t the beginning
This isn’t how we start
I’m pretty
I’m witty
I’m fun
And so ***,
This is the last time
That I will try to mime
The us from the past
Something that didn’t last
Goodbye sweetie pie,
It’s time for this girl to fly.

And it’s okay if your heart breaks
If your head aches
If you’d like to take
A stake
And stab the pain away
For another day
If you’re just too tired to pray
I don’t care about hamburger meat
Or white sheets
Wrapped around my frozen feet
I just want to sleep          
But even then
You haunt my dreams
I end up lost
In dark rooms
With feelings of gloom
And so I resume
To try to stay
In a way
That will make you happy
But I don’t care about you
The way you want me to
So gang up on me
Father, brother, stupid boy
There’s still something I’d like to say
To you
So if you find the time of day
To give me a chance
For that romance
We once had in a glance
Before it went away
So take off your pants
Let’s dance
The night into day
The music lets us sway
But I want you to remember
That it’s December
And I am cold: hearted
Not the way
That we started
Back in the month of May
When feelings were gray
When you got on your knees
And begged me to please
Not slip into a drought
And for all this I still shout
Get me the **** out

"STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES,
                                       BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME."

I don’t know about you,
         but I’d rather be impaled
                   with blades and rocks
                             than called the names
                                      I’ve heard you say.

                             Time after time I think you’ll change.
                                    The lash of words you speak always
                                              seem to cut like daggers
                                                      str­aight through me.
                                                             ­ But your secrets don’t leak out
                                                             ­       and I won’t seek for revenge.
                                                        ­                  I’ll just let you go, like I always do.
I’d rather be beaten and bruised,
          scratched and scarred,
                   combusted and cut up.
                             Because these marks will fade
                                      away from me over time.
                                                But the insults sting forever.

                                      I’ll keep your secrets,
                                                But you won’t keep me.
                                                          You­’ve hurt me before
                                                          ­         and I learned from it.
                                                             ­                But I didn’t learn enough
                                                          ­                            to not live the story over
                                                            ­                                    again and again.
You take different forms,
          as a friend, that I trust-
                   as a love, that I lust-
                             as my family, that I must.
                                      Your words stick with me all the same.
                                                And when they seep out as fallen tears,
                                                          ­reminiscences of them will always reappear.

                                                The scars I bear now
                                                          are­ the outcome of
                                                              ­     words and thoughts.
                                                       ­                      And believe it or not,
                                                            ­                          they didn’t hurt
                                                            ­                                  half as bad as the way
                                                             ­                                       you made me feel.
So, sticks and stones may break my bones,
But your words will haunt me forever.

I’ll keep your secrets,
but you won’t keep me.
You’ll spend time with me,
and you’ll tell me promises
that aren’t quite lies, yet.
But I know they will be.
You'll only throw me out,
just leave me standing there.
The lash of words you say
will cut like daggers
straight through me.

But your secrets won’t leak out
and I won’t seek for revenge.
Instead, I let you go.
Knowing full well that you’ll regret
your actions and your crushing words.
I can’t say how long it will
take you to realize it, but you will.
And when you do, you’ll come back,
just like they all do.

You’ll start to express how sorry you are.
For all of the terrible things you said to me.
How I didn’t deserve any of it.
How you were so wrong.
How you hope I’ll forgive you.
And I’ll tell you what I tell the rest.
          It’s fine. It’s just life. I’m not one to hold
          a grudge and I haven’t. Thank you for
          your apology, I really appreciate it.

And we’ll talk for a while;
try to get back to old times.
But it won’t work.
You’ve already hurt me.
And from that I grew, and I learned.
But I didn’t learn enough
to not live the story again and again.

The thing is: I don’t have to be nice.
I could share your secrets with the world.
I could make your life hell,
just like you’ve made mine.
I don’t have to forgive you.
I could hate you.

But that’s not how I am.
And even though time and time again
I go on abandoned and unappreciated
I still swear to keep your secrets safe.
I still meant the statements that followed every “I promise”
And I still care about you.

But not in the same way I used to.
You were still wrong, and now I just wish you the best.