there's a slow burn in her words
I've come familiar with drawls
I watch your voice turn to coffee
I sip from your jaw
I'm not thirsty, just nervous
speaking in black caffeine tongues

"I'll fiend before it starts
& I'll feel clean after it's done"

cause you can't run from the two lungs
catching breath after breath

& you can't squeeze life back from death
if it is dead
then it is dead

a staunch shack-job
a fine devotee to this longing
my appetite

the throb that pulls
pushes through
& out

foolishly do i un doubt
& instead drowned
toe to toe
eyelids bat in front of me
dance
dance
my hands, ready for anything

it's early; 7:17
first things first
I push open the window
the morning soaks my sweater
my skin quickly drenches in its chill
I think of you
the flowers are blooming and resting on the window screen
alongside a large mosquito
I ignore her & she ignores me
I make coffee
inhaling a breeze created for me
it is easy clinging to these things
a lot like leaves do their trees
& much like them
I fall slow
but it's spring now & the birds are sipping and singing
that Raven with her suddenly, loud solo
against a white canvas
painting the only image that exists during these
isolated seconds
& I thought of you
it sounds sweet sometimes
it even tastes as such
but much easier is it, t y p e d  o u t
*t h a n  d o n e

I've mapped this house out for months now;
praying you'll kiss me against every joist holding                (in & exhale)
I'll breathe out
all the lives I have lived without this
my chest will beat the tale of you over and over to my ribs & my legs will never stand again without aching

Spending my time like pennies, *waiting

it is 12:02
I can hear the bell at the mission
it's holy alarm
beats of your syllables today
you, my midday meal
I'll likely starve
but you're feeding me numbers
less & less everyday
thinning 'till I binge on you

I've stopped seeing clearly
this lack of oxygen is absolutely thrilling
I'm just a crow in your intricate pinfold
however beautiful the build, careful
I am locked, without stretch
& somehow you are free to roam

I only ask to rest on your arm but you've been claimed by dogs, honey.
I'm not one to fly around heads either, i'd rather rest in your trees,
but trees don't grow in cages and I use to fly with my eyes closed before this.

as temporary as seconds
& constant like a calender
I've always hated math
I can't count on numbers the way I do letters
but I have smelled you on every numbered page
& I've been counting down these days like hail
waiting patiently on your storm

I curled up
fervently
on this California morning
in the gaps that built your back
you told me i'd been snoring

I wondered what you'd thought about
arrested in your sleep
you took my arm around your *******
& you said you'd dreamt of me

you're all I see
you're all I see
she thoughtfully repeats

I see you in my sleep my love
I see you where I breathe
& under trees, between my knees
I hear you when I speak
& from April until March
you're the leaves beneath my feet

silently
so silently
I squirmed in this defeat
I have this fear of always leaving
a deer who runs from anything
I can't be all you see I said
& open up your eyes
I don't trust periphery
and the heart it often lies

she held on even tighter
& choking on her fill

then I will love you while you let me
like this
for this
I will
I will

it's the longing that does it;
being deprived nightly
& over again
of your southern inhale
that skin
when did I begin this
masochistic, bloodthirstiness
born at 26
your picture in my right hand
like my ribs had tastebuds
& I needed to give my limbs to you  

and it's the longing that does it;
garden me darling
dig with bare hands
starved fingertips
my entire body
under every one of your nails