I've claimed and not climbed ladders
to say that I was high
but I can't blame my mind
and the sky
at the same **** time
"why" I've asked you
why;
do you exist in me this way ?
I lie here plummeting my palm
against the ache between my legs
you're far away
so far away
& far is where you'll stay
until the end of this debris
of all this
counting
d
o
w
n
the days

when she said my name -
I was forced to learn the difference
b e t w e e n pain & **ache

let me slip
into your skin
like sleep
like sheets
and fall asleep
between
the s p a c e s where
you breathe
& you dream
like this my arms feel long
my legs, a thousand miles
to wrap myself
around the shelf
of ribs that hold your while's
somebody, anybody
tell me how to
stop
wanting what I cannot have
instead of what I've got
this have, it feels like nothing
it all pales to what you pour
and everyday
I stay awake
wanting you
more
& more
& more

I woke up early
& went outside where the ducks were sleeping
I thought about seeing you
I did this all morning
the air was cold & wet
my shoes were off

I didn't have coffee today

a n d
*I really can't wait to see you

it isn't setting for me
to want t h i n g s before sleep
or to wake up
finding
I still want the same things
my want turned into a haunting
I become tightened in my sheets
& you're the ghost I want the most
so come possess me as you please

& as those dead petals
settled on my windowsill
I stood still
unmoved I knew
the inevitable to be true
to lose
was the only thing left to do
with *you

loosely
I allow myself to think of you
as not to become foolish
and truthfully
it's all I end up doing;
I play the fool in the schoolyard of your voice
I learned to listen without ever making noise
I fight and fetch *all of your sounds
& I can't stop your pour of longing
in & all over my mouth