I don't believe that I was forward
but you pointed straight ahead
and I didn't insinuate our ***
but you gave me head in my bedroom
your legs, those legs
should not leave my blankets
your hair smelled like fall does
& your chest made me anxious
you laid there like a goddess
I should have hand fed you grapes
you stole my night and my morning
I should have asked you to stay
but it's okay
now it's daytime and i'm keeping myself busy
you left your smell on my fingers
& it's making me dizzy
I smiled as you left
& when you walked out the door
I saw your car leave the yard
& your ******* on my floor

I'm wondering if
I loosen my fist
if the weight of my
persistence
could end with a kiss
it's a gift that I wish for
on a list that i've written
a name that i've scribbled
and penned down and sipped on
for the millionth minute
for the millionth time
& every time that you smile
i trip ten steps behind
but I run to catch up
& I pick up my jaw
I'm in awe of you darling
no, and that isn't all
I want all of you darling
but I don't want to fall
so I drop to my knees
and I crawl
and I crawl
and I crawl

I squirm
to form words
I know you've already heard them
I want to say something new
learn a different slogan
I'll write a different poem
every single night
explaining the importance of time
& your sides next to mine
it's a line
these are lines
but none of them are lying
I'd like to pick through your mind
and climb the
flights
        of
           your
                   spine
bite your smile
find your binds
and slowly untie them
redefine what's sublime
leave behind all the silence
what's inside this
no one knows
I think I know where this is going
If I could convince you late at night
to just be mine
& keep you moaning
keep on crowing
keep on throwing
your name to the moon
i want to wrap you in my blankets
and keep you in my room
I know it's soon
it's all too soon
but i'm making room for it
I've got a lot on my mind
and you're the lot i'm exploring
but I'm not pouring this up
I hope you've got it by now
while I tackle your why's
watch me worship your how's

Let's start with some words
before we go any further
before I get lost in this world
that exists on your shoulders
before I allow you to break me in
& wear me out
I'm about to convince my nerve endings
that we need to fly south
but I flout
I doubt bouts
as I
shut
down
my mouth
in fear of every word
burning
my insides & out
cause they are loud
& it shrouds me
like a cloud or thick smoke
you evoke this hoax that I've drowned in
& throw boats down my throat
how can I float in a landslide ?
it's making me dizzy
how can I grow if your lies are what's keeping me busy?
it's misery really
& the feel won't fulfill me
so I dump myself out and rebuild what i'm missing
I spilled all the will I had left for this feeling

Are you a weapon
Or a rose
I can hardly tell
If only I could hold it in my fist
Or contemplate the smell
This is hell
This is hell
I'm certain I have fallen
I try to learn all of my lessons
& suddenly forget how I was taught them  
My chest
This chest
Please give it a rest now
Here i choke on your petals
And slowly digest how
My mouth saved the flavor
Of every thorn
You should come with a warning
"beware of her sword"
I've been warned
This is war
On all of my breaths
I'm a wreck for every freckle
That lives on your chest
But you're a threat
You're a threat now
& I'm just left to guess
Where the next arrows stabs
And I'm not left with much flesh
I digress
I digress
E v e r y message
Through all of the silence
I loudly suppress all my questions
With the heaviest of sighs
& at night when I'm sleeping
You creep deep behind my eyes
& when I wake up
I'm shaken
I'm still learning how to take this
I built this image of you out of shapes
& I take them
I shoot them
Straight to the sky
Sweet Queen of this torture
Sweet Queen of my time

Say something
Let me know
Because
The Silence is
*Roaring

I'm ready to bow out
Give up
& Leave it all behind
Teach me how to give up what I believe in
When it was so hard for me to find
Peace of mind
Some peace of mind
Would do me good tonight
Another fight with my might
& one more bottle of wine