I want an endless time to be peaceful
and alone
or maybe with someone
working and thinking
or maybe just being
carefree and dancing
or lazy and sleeping
but what I really want
is for it to be my *choice

Love & loss
these women
Are like knives
That slice through your throat
Over and over again
Tearing skin
Losing breath, voiceless
And leaves you wet on the floor
unsure of things you'd instilled in yourself
Way before
Unsure of who you fell in love with
Empty and caving in
balled up like another mistake
& watching you replace it

I'm just another
bag of bones to you
because that's all we are anyway
insane eyes
crossing in every direction
getting us nowhere

I want the silence
I want to tell it yes
and to keep it
am I so evil?
I don't deserve to
claim my own time
I've been around clocks without you
I've fallen without you
I've done it all
and I am still here
and you are still here
but neither of us know where that is
anymore
and we played a silly game
for far too long now
and no one won anything anyway

Until the front porch swing loses all it's comforts
and all the words become blocks of ice
between rocks
or an overly sized brushstroke of black
against all this green surrounding
and all I am is cold this summer
when all I ever wanted to do was hold you
I watched beauty morph into
untouchable, I watched it turn it's back on me
I feel like I can see my skin aging in your eyes
I feel ugly, withering, dry
desperate for my eyes to weigh less
I close them and stand up
drinking the last drop of my coffee
to block the swell rising too quickly in my throat
I know that i'm using these minutes incredibly untrue
I rise quickly to let you
think more about your cons on this list we've been writing
and I go
mad
I go crazy
I go without
I draw out the blow
that inevitably split us in half
and no sunset could ever fix that

Maybe it's the
champagne or
maybe it's faith
But it's strange
anyway
That we've never
shared space
kind of
deranged
in a way
that I can't
kiss
your
face
I hope it's okay
that I say it
It's on my mind
everyday
I've had so much champagne
I can't deny what I'm saying
it's insane that your face
blinds my right of purveying
or in saying
sometimes saying
it's a game that we're playing
i'm not playing babygirl
it's [your name] i've been saying
it's your face i've been blaming
on every single curve
catch me cursing the verse
your name leaves on my shirt
i disperse it
well of course it's a curse
a voice
I haven't heard yet
so of course i'm submersed
& of course it is yours
& you
the most gorgeous of all
and me a thrown ball in Autumn
watch me fall
watch me fall
watch me fall
watch me fall