I don't read you anymore
polluted all my secret spots
and if you wrote one thousands words
my eyes won't have a single one
you see I have a billion thoughts
already
plastered in my head
one more word
i feel of yours
might corrupt each word I've said
and so I'll kindly let you know
that i won't
read anymore poems
i'm still so lost in my own soul
your stories
pour pain down my throat
and
i'm trying like a king
to be open to this reading
not really knowing much about you
confuses what I should believe in

When kids pop more pills than balloons
at a fair, take more rips from bongs
than Beyblades, shake hands with *****
dollars and plastic bags, steal more money
than hearts, are in more mugshots than family
photos, **** more than war, sell more ****
than lemonade, read more billboards than books,
go through more girlfriends than socks in a week,
text more than they write, inject more ******
than flu vaccinations, drink more beer than fruit punch,
put their lips around more pipes than Popsicles,
and die more than live;
then we'll know we've failed them.

I let you inside
every time
and the times that I don't
is because you're no where to be found
you make me laugh and make me want
to taste the sound of your voice
I laugh, you catch my hand
and let me taste all of your noise
you are an angel
such beauty in his brand
I know i'm not good at you yet
but then again maybe I am
and your lips are so unreal to me
your skin is like dessert
you tempt my need to be an astronaut
when you release me from this earth
I forget all of my patterns
my boxes open up
you're a breath of mountain air
you're like water in my cup
and our lips can out-dance
anyone
i've known this to be true
and you'll always be a dream of mine
til' I can have what's left of you

you were an earthquake
shaking everything around me
where feet once planted firmly
you'll find me lying on the ground
I'm not here to reassure you
I don't owe a single sound
I bled when you would touch me
my insides bled with you around
Always worried I would face you
but see love, it makes me weak
and **** I knew I loved you
but you burned it out of me
I make moves
and some decisions
based upon your hands
hands i use to trust
turned into strands of broken muscles
and you took more than I had
I was entirely for giving
what you stole from me was light
cause light exposed my broken skin
and every time I think about you
my nails t u r n i n t o bullets
that I press against my temples
ready to blow through thoughts of you
like a virus in my blood
you infected all my feelings
you tore a child out of me
& until death will I forgive you

Golden eyes
you disguised pain so beautifully
you hid my love notes in your shoes
you thought you loved the girl I used to be
I thought I knew what love was made of
pressed against your car
you smelled just like the ocean
I felt kept inside your arms
I had no knowledge of commitment
I was only seventeen
wanting a body made of heaven
born decades before me
we smoked cigarettes and danced
for hours in the rain
you were as gentle as the wind
I didn't mean to cause you pain
confusion is a cloud that visits
every n o w and t h e n
when I think of nights spent on the phone
and days worshiping your skin
whether or not you think of me
is fine and either way
you were a message wrote in cursive
that I r e p e a t everyday

my first love letter
my first gin and tonic
you planted passion in me
you were older
and I was under
& you didn't live in Texas
and I wonder sometimes
about you
and if when I was
16 that any of my
w i s h e s
for you would ever come true
and they didn't
but I always got you
you were always mine
you are my never-ending story
and I will forever
g l o r i f y you in my mind
because everything I know
about anything that I show up with
was influenced by you
you taught me how to write
you are a painting on the walls of
my chest
in lipstick
i always wanted to smear your lipstick
and fall asleep tangled in your legs
and I never knew what any of that meant
and when I did, I associated it with you
I think I still do
I am older now and I can sift through that
quickly and speak to you better
& now this chest is so comfortable where I keep you
even though I never grew out of wanting to
I guess I'll never stop loving you
and I'm grateful for that
because I've loved you for 11 years
and this love has taught me more than
anyone who i've wasted my senses on

I could write entire novels
slowly down your body
my lips pretend to be a pencil
and your spine, my only hobby
gripping tightly to your chest
as if your bones are now my desk space
carving letters of my longing
down your arms
my lungs are desperate
for the right to be your air
while my breath endures this chest ache
forgetting what a life outside
is like
your ribs become my breakfast
your body is a mountain
I continually climb
and your neck becomes a bite of hope
that haunts me all the time
your skin is like an ocean
your salt becomes my wine
you build with your two legs
a space for me to live inside
and I study what you're made of
I compare you to the sky
like the moon you glow on top of me
like the stars you blow my mind