It was always been like this,
you will smile at me and you will say---
"you're gonna be fine"
and I know I'm not.

It was always been like this,
you will run towards me and chant---
"I'm excited for your life"
but you know I'm not.

It was always been like this,
you will hug me and you will whisper ---
"I miss you"
but was I the one you miss or the lively vibe I give?

It will always turn out like this,
I'm gonna laugh when you make your dumb faces.
It will always turn out like this,
I'm going to smile even though i'm not okay.

It will always turn out like this
I'm going to be happy cause' you're here with me.
but why is it the one who always;
found out that i'm lying is you?

Why is it every time I will bring down a tear,
you're always here to catch it?
Why is it every time I die,
you're always there to bring me back to life?

I hated you,
for leaving me behind.
But now I still hate you,
for coming back right now.

Wait no, I hate that I like you.
I'm crazy enough to jump without you.
I'm a ***** to force you to fly with me.
I'm right to think that I have a lonely story.

Yet I still hate you.
You still treat me the same,
I'm still a lost child in your eyes.
I'm still the sister you care about.

I hate our 3 years age gap,
I hate that I'm your ideal sister.
I hate that I will never be your lover.
I hate that our age bring down the bridge

I hate you.
No wait, I hate that I like you.
Yet I still hate you.
I hate that I'm liking to love you

I've dreamed of me holding someone's hand,
Someone who I don't recognize his face when I wake up.
I grow up with my mom on my right side,
and envy and jealousy with other children in my left side.

Every night the same dream invaded my mind,
Every morning I will try to remember his face but couldn't.
Every weekdays I found myself asking why is my family different,
Every weekends I will wake my mom early asking why does our family is incomplete.

Monday morning my mother's face looks different,
Her smile changed from sweet to vibrant.
Tuesday noon an unfamiliar man stand beside her,
With a mixed emotion type of smile full of sadness, happiness and excitement.

Wednesday night I caught the stranger crying with my mom,
I don't understand why but they're both smiling while crying.
Thursday midnight I was shocked that I have a dad,
I was furious that all this time I have a complete family but never felt it.

Friday dawn, I decided to leave our home.
I decided to hate my father for leaving me behind.
I blame him because I was bullied and was called an illegitimate child.
Still, I'm longing for him to call me "my son"

Saturday came and night is near,
I close my eyes and let the nightmare in.
Nightmare didn't came, a man stand beside me holding my hand,
I looked who it was and it strike me it was him all this time.

Sunday I came home running to my fullest to reach our house as fast as I could,
There he was hugging my mom whose crying right now.
Tears are starting to grow from my eyes,
I stop running to catch my breath and said "Thank God for the blessing you made".

"Mother!" I called, they both looked at me.
Their fears dissapeared and relief cave in.
I walk straight closing our gaps to each other,
"I'm sorry" I hug my mom and looked to the man "I missed you and I love you, Father"

I'm afraid when I fall to sleep,
I might dive too deep.
I'm scared to wake up,
for I thought my heart beat will stop.

I'm anxious to play in the rain,
people might think I'm insane.
It's so depressing to leave the house,
I might meet a lot of clowns.

I remembered how she smiled at me,
telling all the stories about me and our family.
I remember ** I fall asleep without any fear,
for her angelic and sweet voice is all I can hear.

I remembered how she laugh at me while playing-
cause' I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm remember how excited I am to wake up,
excited to play that my heart beat can't stop.

I remember the sweetness of the soup she cooked for us,
it taste like heaven and it feels like a blanket that heat us up.
I'm remembered how I enjoyed playing under the rain in our land,
it's so cold yet I can feel her warmth for she won't leave me behind.

I remembered her graceful walk beside me on my way to school,
I was walking with my cold hands but she looks really cool.
I can now go outside our house,
She said "no more clowns. Let's look for a doll house".

I remember her smell,
I remember her warmth,
I remember everything about her,
I remember and I still feel her love for me and for us.

She save us a lot,
She was there when we need to fight.
She was and will always be our number one fan,
She always believe that we can do everything by our own hand.

She never failed me to smile, cry and laugh.
She never failed to act that she is so tough.
She never failed to make us feel safe and home.
She never failed to love us with all of her heart.

She's the best of all the best,
She's my first and last love,
She's my first kiss and first hug.
She's my one and only true love.

I love you with all of my heart,
Happy mother's day mother.
You have my love and my heart.
We love you with all of our heat our best mom.

A face with a mask is a person with a deepest and tragic past.
A face with a fake smile is a person who want to take a rest for a while.
A face with love in the eyes is a person who knows how to try.
A face with a mask, fake smile and love in the eyes is a person who live in a world full of lies.

I'm not alone yet I feel so lonely.
I rather have a flying ability than this invisibility.
I want to feel their love again whole heartedly,
I want to be happy with them beffitingly.

I'm happy outside yet I feel the cold inside,
The sun is setting yet winter have their love to ride.
The icy wave of tears in my pillow became a wild tide,
Drowning me in till I force myself to dive in.

So I wear the mask, the fake smile, and the love in my eyes.
It's okay, I wear the mask so that they can't see me in pain.
It's fine, I have a fake smile to make the pain disappear for a minute.
Don't worry, I will never take the love from my eyes cause' it's my tie that holds them in my heart.

I wear them to bear the coldness in their eyes.
I have them to make sure they will make a good lies.
I'm not good with "I love you's" but I hate "good bye's".
I don't have the strength to stop it but I'm doing it so I won't cry.

I don't want to leave with this unique and gloomy heart bruises.
I don't want to gave another path with traces.
I don't want to look in people's smiling yet fake faces.
I will keep my mask so no one can give me another heartache.

One, two and three. I counted my tears,
as the idea become so clear.
Four, five and six. I counted my heart beat,
as my fear grows to hold my feet.

Seven, my hands are trembling.
Tears keeps on falling.
My heart started shouting.
Hope keeps on fading.

Eight, I wish it was a joke.
One word yet it made my heart broke.
I'm looking for a miracle.
Yet finding it, is hard cause' I'm too weak.

Nine, life is about not being fair.
Life is about making a dare.
Life is about not to care,
but I can't help it I can't bare my despair.

Ten, I'm scared not for my life.
I'm scared for someone who can't survive.
Tears with fears are drowning me in,
Wishes, Miracles are nothing with my Prayers for him.

I prayed for him not for me,
I tried to be me but I can't break free.
My eyes starting to be blurry,
blame it on tears and fears staying beside me.

Here we go again,
tears are falling like rain.
Life is now being insane,
and every part of my heart feels every pain.

Dying isn't my goal,
but now I'm thinking if I should fall.
Life is so unfair,
I'm now quiting in every dare.

I can do anything,
but don't push me with everything,
I'm not a toy nor a thing,
I'm alive and I can feel any pain like a human being.

I can fall easily,
I can quit,
I can **** myself,
if that's what you want me to do.

I can hang myself,
I can stab my heart,
I can easily drink a poison,
or even drowned myself in a tub.

I can begged for my life,
I can surrender my own life,
I can trash my effing life,
I can do every wrong if that's what you want.

Can't you see?
I can't think straight,
I can't fight,
I can't even stand.

I'm quitting,
You can now live happily,
you don't have to worry about me,
I'm happy to know that you are happy seing me dying.

I quit!

"I'm fine"
"It's okay"
"I'm good"
and flash a smile

Nonsense!
I'm not fine, don't you see?
It's not okay, understand it please.
I'm not good, I can't find peace.

Get the rope!
No, pick the knife!
Choose the poison!
thoughts roaming around my insane brain.

I'm tired,
I'm lost,
I'm lonely,
I feel nothing.

I'm stuck,
I'm suicidal,
I'm choosing,
Live or sleep?

I got the rope,
put it high in the living room,
thinking if I should do it,
but I changed my mind.

I picked the knife,
pointed it on my heart,
thinking if I should stab it.
but then I put it down.

I chose the poison,
put it on a glass,
thinking if I should drink it,
but I tossed it in the garbage.

I looked in the mirror,
with my big brown fluffy eyes,
tired of crying,
wish on dying.

School,
Projects,
Paper works,
And stress.

Tears are falling in line,
ready to flow,
ready to crawl,
ready to fall.

I made my way in the bathroom,
locked up the door and got up in the tub,
I closed my eyes and started mesmerizing everything,
Started to think those darned times to welcome myself in darkness.

before I fall asleep
I said, "goodbye for nothing"
as I closed my eyes, I felt the water enter my body,
tears are on my eyes and I drowned myself while smiling.

Wanna know my secret?
It's about me wishing you were mine.
and I have something to tell you,
I don't know but I think I love you.

Wanna know my favorite color?
It is called black but I used to love red.
I change it for the reason red is not essential for my heart,
you broke my heart that's why red becomes black.

Wanna know why I feel this way?
It all started when you said all those lies.
Lies that I kept on believing,
Lies that makes me fight for nothing.

Wanna know why I fought?
you said you love me but I heard you wrong,
you said I'm beautiful but you just made a lie,
you said I'm cute but you just said it like a joke.

Can I wait until you are ready to be mine?
Can I hope that there's a chance?
Can I just fall upon without getting hurt?
Can I just love you without any conflicts? but then I'm asking for nothing.

I know a place where happy ending always do come true.
Narnia? I don't think so,
Hogwarts? my answer is still no,
Disney land? I love to say no.

I'm not Snow White,
that if I eat a poison apple you will come and kiss me.
I'm not Cinderella,
that if I left my slipper you'll search to find me.

I'm not Aurora,
that if I pricked my finger in a spinning wheel you'll give me a true love's kiss.
I'm not Ariel,
that if you found out about me being a mermaid you'll accept me with my fins.

I'm not Belle,
even if I'm the most beautiful in town you're still not my Beast.
I'm not Jasmin,
even if you have the lamp I'm still not the one who you want to wish.

I'm not Pocahontas,
it will be hard for me to paint the color of the wind.
I'm not Mulan,
it will take me hundreds of year to follow my own heart beat.

I'm not Tiana,
but I know my dreams will not be completed without you.
I'm not Rapunzel,
but if I can I will treat your broken heart so you can love again.

I'm not Merida,
I can't shoot any arrows but you came straight to my heart.
I'm not Anna,
I can't travel in a cold just like her but I can endure the coldness living in your part.

I'm not Elsa,
I don't have any super powers but I have a fear, a fear that you will leave me.
I'm not Moana,
I don't think that the ocean will choose me but I decided to chose you.

I'm not a Disney Princess,
but I want to live in Disney land.
I'm not as good as they are,
but I still want to stay for a while.

I'm a lost girl from wonderland,
I'm a lost girl who wants to live in disney land,
I'm a lost girl who loves to be a princess,
I'm a lost girl who chose you to be my prince but you disagree.

I'm not a princess,
you're not my prince.
without having our once upon a time,
I got my own first tragic smile.

I know I'm not alone,
but my voice are out of tone.
I'm fragile they will break my bone,
I look in the mirror and wished "can you help me to reborn?"

I feel so useless,
but I'm doing my best.
Is this some kind of a test?
cause it all gave to me was just a stress.

I can't lead great,
everytime I try I always failed.
Is this now my faith?
I know I am a leader to rate.

I'm wrong when I'm right.
They wish I'm out of sight.
Can I ask why my life isn't so bright?
I'm begging someone to help me fight.

If doing right is wrong,
then I can't come along.
This poem can make a sad but beautiful song.
For now I will stay to do the "right" thing which is "wrong".

Mirror mirror on the wall;
Let them here the truth before you fall.
Who's the most different of them all?
"You my friend, and you're not great at all"

He is flawless.
I am worthless.
He live his life to the fullest.
I live my life cause it's pointless.

He is unpredictable.
I am an open book.
He have all his secrets secured.
I have my secrets for everyone to look.

I can't read his mind nor his heart.
He can read mine cause he have my heart.
I have but one secret to be true,
"I love him" but he never knew.

He have her.
I don't have him.
She have him.
He don't want me.

We almost exchange romantic lines,
he was almost mine,
until She came in the picture.
She came in and took my future

I almost have him,
but I woke up in my dream.
We almost have our happy ending,
but we got the tragic ending.

I hate you,
I don't need you,
Go away,
this is what I said.

Je'taime,
Tu me manques,
j'ai besoin de vous,
this is everything I didn't say.

The flowers sway as the wind blows,
The leaves fall in the river as it flows.
My feelings for you is like the river it keeps on flowing;
but like the wind it blows in the flower slowly fading.

The birds sang a beautiful song,
The tree danced as the leaves fall.
I've been waiting for you for so long,
but like the leaves you let all my hope fall.

The silky white clouds look so happy,
as the sun embrace it heat through there body.
I want that feeling I want your heat to embrace me,
but its like dreaming to fly, we will never happen and you will never be mine

Nightmares are on the run.
Dying now wasn't my plan.
I have nine nights to wish upon,
and nine stars to count in my glance.

My first night was completely fine,
second night is totally divine,
third night I saw one star fall down in my sight,
fourth night I look above and let my hand wish it can hold them tight.

Nightmares are slowly fading,
screams turned into a phantasm.
Dreams are slowly caving in,
Tears turned into a beam.

My fifth night was peaceful,
sixth night every stars look so colorful,
seventh night I'm falling down with a star,
eighth night I fall and it gave me a tragic scar.

Nightmares are now competing in a run.
I have to die soon the way you plan.
I wish upon nine nights,
and count nine stars to gain my bright.

My ninth night are being conceited ,
screams of my nightmare remain undefeated,
tears of my blood is on my thread,
I'm lifeless and now I do feel I'm dead.

Love is about being real.
Love is about being happy.
Love is about how you feel.
Love is about you being free.

She's not popular.
She's not even beautiful.
Her dreams are so far,
and she live like a tool.

She's there when they fall.
They knew her when they need a call.
She's not worth to take a role.
She is way too different at all.

Her friends are so cool.
She's nothing but a fool,
Her responsibility is to make a happy soul.
Her friends always get the leading role.

She's Eros' sweet substitute.
Guys call her to ask "why your friend is so cute?".
She's a bridge that every guy could ask for.
Because with her, love is getting colorful.

She take the responsibility all alone.
She want to strike her arrow in a stone,
cause all she's been doing is to give.
Now she's not happy the way she live.

He was a boy,
She was a girl.
He likes toy,
She loves flower.

He likes black,
She's in to white.
He gave her luck,
She gave him light.

She is free,
He is happy.
She's so pretty,
He's so lucky.

It may seem so different,
She's the reason why he beam.
He has her parent consent,
and she fall in love with him.

Perfect choice,
Perfect partner.
Perfect voice,
Perfect lover.

Forever is a long way,
Never take the shortcut to go away.
Tomorrow is not enough,
Love each other like your better half.

Once upon a time.
I live alone,
you came.
You cared,
I fell.
You left,
I wait.
You never came,
I'm alone again.
The end.

I just want to be friends with you.
Do you feel the same way too?
One day you approach me.
I rub my eye if it was really you coming to me.

I thought it was just a dreams for me,
so I expected tomorrow you'll ignore me completely.
But our path meet again I feel like I'm insane,
You shout your name so I can recall you again.

Day past we became good friends.
Thank you for everything my friend.
You are my brother,
and I am your sister.

But I made a huge mistake,
and now I feel so sick.
I want to say sorry for everything,
forgive me about this thing.

I can't blame you for ignoring.
I'm crying hardly and suffering.
I really regret everything.
Brother, I'm still hoping.

I'm desperate for your forgiveness.
I feel so empty because of my sadness.
I can feel sorrow in my head,
to the point that I feel like I'm dead.

I feel lame,
I can't make you tame.
Save me from this pain,
Be part of my life again

I don't have a clue,
that I'm falling for you.
I never knew,
that I'll be stuck waiting for you.

I never thought,
it will come this far.
Far enough,
to wish to die with you in a war.

Loving you is never been so easy.
You're so sweet with her but not with me.
You catch her and fall with her.
You leave me and let me fall alone.

Cute love story,
but it's not about you and me.
One sided love?
Yeah it happens all the time.

Perfect night and late night talks.
Perfect smile and eyes full of love.
Perfect reason to fight but I chose to walk.
Perfect miles to walk cause I chose to go.

A toy is something you will play at,
Something you will call a past time,
Something you will enjoy to have at.
They have a toy and this is her life.

A boy ask what it feels like,
A girl tried to look deeper.
Someone smiled at her,
They tried to save her....

Brokenhearted? Talk to her.
Bored? Chat her.
Need a past time? Go to her.
Need someone? It's not her.

She's not a toy.
She's not someone you will play at
She's not someone you will call to have a past time.
She's not a toy to enjoy at.

No one asked what it feels like.
Nobody looked deeper.
No one tried to smile at her.
They all tried to save her, but failed.

She's not a toy.
Don't talk to her for the reason that you are blue.
Don't chat her for the reason that you are bored.
Never go to her for the reason you want to have a past time.

She's not perfect.
Sarcasm and insults affect her all the time.
She's full of words,
But it will all go wrong if she said "I'm not a toy"

23:11 Wish
He is my old foe.
Always leave me in throes.
He is just my raven.
He is not for heaven.

Tremendous I might say.
Lustrous slays me everyday.
Uses the lenient way,
too good to obey.

Time is my old foe.
Time leaves me in throes.
Time is just my raven.
Time is not for heaven.

23:11 wish is in line.
Repeat it three times.
Time never made me fine.
Time wasted mine.

23:11 wish was been mine.
11:11 wish will be pulverize.
23:11 wish is in my sight.
11:11 wish is out sight.

23:11 won't last.
23:11 had passed
23:11 is full of dust
Time won't have my trust.

I love time before,
however he never made a score.
I love him everytime,
but time never made him mine.

She like to meet the guy,
that will sit beside her till they die.
The one who will cherish her loneliness,
and change those feelings into happiness.

The guy who will never leave her aside,
and will clean his soul by her side.
Promise he will be her knight,
to lessen the feelings of fright.

She's a princess.
Having a prince in chapter six.
He will save her if she stocked in the tree.
To leave the sadness and leave happily.

Thinking in reality we don't get happy ending.
Sometimes our story lasts with crying.
Cause were crazy and still loving,
the man we think our prince charming.

We must end this stupid thing.
Stop and sleep tight in night,
don't think that fright in your sight.
Sleep under the cold night and live by your own light.