You hit me and it was shocking
Being hit by lightning never felt so divine
Being in love never felt so real
You hit me and I could Feel
For the first time
But I mistook licking the floor at your feet for love
And I misunderstood that eating out of your ***** hands was bad for my health
When you told me love was a chain and a collar, I believed you
So when you walked away -
Where was I supposed to go but to follow?
And when I was whining at your heels
How you turned and snarled
“Back to your corner till tonight”
So when you were done ******* them
Then you crawled back to me
And opened my cage-
Only to push my head between your legs
Only to tell me how it felt
To have another for lunch-
While waiting for me at dinner.

Night pour into nights
I was your night
But you had made yourself my Entire understanding of light.

But hey, that’s love right?
We let them destroy us with words and pain
Till we stand up
Only to get kicked down again and torn into for asking-
“Why am I not enough?”

I don’t think she was built to last
This vessel
This shell
My body- a temple?
You must be joking.

I shall run her through till the last ounce of blood as been drunk and dripped down my pouring neck
I shall destroy her with all the malcontent of a blunt in a cigar lounge
No one else treated her like gold
So I shall rust rust rust
Till I am all but bone

Maybe it’s the losing people that makes them more lovable
Maybe it’s the edge
Rather than the dependability

I’ve always hated that-
I usually end up pushed over the edge when I stand too close

Lovers always say they just want a taste
They want the wind on their face
And they want to see the thrill on mine when I close my eyes and lean out across the vast nothingness

But then they push you
Instead of grabbing you
And then I am falling
All over again

The world stood still when I loved you

But Today
I’m reminded that’s an unnatural and unsustainable state

Reaching for the moon is just a ******* phrase
What’s the point in trying when the moon is just rock and empty space?

Unless you’re there

Then I’d never stop reaching

I can’t condone madness and mayhem
But sometimes, I’d like to
Sometimes, I wake in the morning with an itch under my skin
The gun trigger in my mouth, safety off
And I know, it’s not right
But god, it feels so easy with the barrel all loaded
That’s when realization sets in and I can almost see the future like a fortune:
The dread scratches at the back of my scalp
(My conscience whimpers and begs my brain to listen)
The anger eats at my amygdala
The sharp sensation of adrenaline is burning its way up my central nervous system
And the apathy...
(My illness grins)
Someone’s gonna get it today.

You have a pen and more than just ink
Let it caress your body
Take your mind far away
and I will wander the starry night
Trailing right behind you
A friend in tow
On your wild adventures
An artist unable to draw
Hoping to capture
A fleeting image
Of their ever changing Wonder
Dance on smoke with me
My dear
And let’s wander the night
Together