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joyana Jan 14
I’m attempting a story
A story with an ending
I’ve never had the courage to declare an ending
I’d like to try this time

I’m attempting to believe in good things
Manifestation is too much commitment
But I can believe in karma
And I want to try being a good person again

I’m attempting a new beginning
But all beginnings must have an ending
(To) Last
joyana Jan 14
I can’t help but think
Why won’t you care
About anyone but yourself
You have all the options in the world
So why can’t you see it?
joyana Jan 14
Kisses at sunset
Your mouth is the only one I remember
The only one that mattered
Your body is the last I pulled closer to my own
I don’t remember the past eight months
I wonder if it’s because I was apart from you
Kisses at sunrise
And everyday after
I imagine it with a shadow figure now
It’s not you
Anymore.
joyana Jan 14
Please handle me with care
If you don’t like lavender or honeysuckle
If you don’t want to smell like smoke
If you’re the type of person to buy almond milk
(I’m allergic)
If you avoid ****** eyeliner stoners
If you’d rather just play around
If you’d keep my heart after you break it
You might find I’m not so sweet in your mouth

Please handle me with care
I keep diaries and art journals with only a few entries
I wander at night and scare the **** out of my lovers
I don’t have enough friends to afford losing even one
(I’ll take yours too)
I think the sun is too bright but the moon is just right
I mutter under my breath when I need to process verbally
I sing loudly in the car
(Please never call me out on it)
Someday you’d find I’m worth the wait
But if you aren’t able to give patience and vulnerability
Please handle me with care
And don’t touch me like a lover does

Please handle me with care
If you like pretty boys and nerdy girls
If you wish you could talk and someone would listen
If you want obsession and passion and sweet sincerity
If you’d like the feeling of ‘my one and only’
If you’d tell me the truth and kiss me with your whole soul
You might find I’m the one for you
joyana Dec 2021
Watching people
Wandering
Wondering if
I too
Could join the throng
The feelings
Crystallized ice in the ******* air
Frosty stones in souls
And stoners
Crossing (faded) between them
The feelings
The atmosphere filled to the brim
Overflowing out across
Water turned frozen
Slick across black cement
You can taste the tension
Cold feelings
Words become snowflakes
Watching people
They all wonder
When
When
When

They are me.
Every one.
The feelings ebb and flow-
The people here-
figments of Time’s art school phase-
Time’s own distorted puppets and pupils alike...
They are me.
Everyone.
joyana Dec 2021
you’re making a killing
on all the hours, i spend at your side
im as free (for you)
as the spotify premium your father pays for
you’re making a killing
with every broken promise
i still stay by your side
faithful and stupid to the bitter end
joyana Dec 2021
I am a creature
Soulless and bodiless
I flounder in open water -
Forgetting how to swim-
The waves take me under...

Alone in the ebbing tide
The body washes up
And with it
All my raw insecurity -
Unfinished thoughts and discomfort I kept inside-
Disintegrated

forever.

I am no longer a creature
Only words with an expiration date  
And secondhand memories
I find the stars more silky on my skin -
Than the dark cold water dragging me in-
Still sometimes ...

I awake to cough up a fish or two
Water soaking the Earth
Lungs expand
Slipping inside a hollow chest -
Remembering once again the distinct feeling-
Drowning.

forever.

i am a creature
but I have a soul (i think) -
and a body too-
even if it is to my deepest and sincerest regret...
pt. idfk I don’t keep track of my titles and their connected parts
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