some people are such wasted space,
they show you their nice side
but they can't always hide their true face.

why the deception?
for my protection?
you can't stop the conception
of the idea that you're not the person
that you think i see,
you're just another fake to me.

i try to help you as much as i can,
but you just don't want to be a man
and stand up with your own two legs,
you're the kinda person that begs & begs
for help all the time,
and then for no reason or rhyme
you put off all the help you need,
you listen to advice but you just don't heed,
i guess you really are a different breed.

I'm not a quitter
but i can't afford to do this anymore!
ill keep my hand open, but I'm closing the door,
I've tried so hard
to keep our friendship alive,
so many failed attempts just to get you to strive
to be someone better than who you are now,
you don't know the way then i show you how,
but you always give up when it starts to get hard!
i try to keep you up but you always play the same card,

you jump back to ****
and you start drinking,
you stop trying
and you stop thinking,

you just quit,
and I'm getting tired of this ****!
man i can't hold you up forever,
one day ill have to flip the switch,
pull the lever,
break the line,
cut it & sever,
retake whats mine,
my dignity & pride!
i will no longer abide
and continue to collide
with your drugged up suicidal side,
its almost as if you were dead from the start
and it just straight up breaks my heart.

and i don't know why i couldn't tell,
that you were already lost,
you had already fell,
and we both paid the cost
as it ended in hell.

I sit idle on a bench
before a grey pond
and a grey sky,
my eyes count the ripples
as the wind blows them across the water,
i listen to the trees dancing in the air,
as i listen... to the silence...

i walk idle through the trees,
i hear each step i take,
i feel every blade of grass,
i stare through the leaves as they fall before me...
the tranquility stills my heart
as i listen... to the silence...

i lay idle on the ground
and i close my eyes,
what do the wind,
and the trees, and the grass tell me?
my heart is still...
my mind is calm...
as i listen... to the silence...

i fall to the ground
and i want to die,
i painfully scream,
i painfully cry,
i hate this world,
i just dont understand,

i just want to know,
to feel, to see,
what to do,
who to be,

i wanna know how to live,
how to go on,
as if everythings right,
and nothing is wrong,
oh its been so long,
since my sadness was gone,
and my heart wants to live,
but this pressure wont give,

and no matter how much i resist,
no matter how much i fight,
the sadness takes control,
it holds me so tight,

and then i cant breathe,
my body gets weak,
my eyes cant see,
my lips cant speak,

and then i fall to the ground,
and i just want to die,
in agony i scream,
in despair i cry,
and i dont know why
this is happening to me,
why the darkness comes so suddenly,

and so...
i am lost
in the emptiness of space,
a cold, dark, forgotten place,
i am
lost in oblivion

You run up to me in the hall
  Ask me what's up
    I begin to reply, but
      I see you run
       You run up to her
       And that reminds me of my place
      I am your confidence
     I am your will power
    I am your support
   I am your friend
But that's all
  You still lead me on
    You still claim you have feelings for me
      You still bring up the things that we once did
        You still say that I'm beautiful
          You still make me feel special
            But I hate you so much
           I hate your love and affection
          I hate the way you treat me
        You treat me like ****
      But this is all a lie
    I only hate what you make me do
  I only hate that you make me love you

...Three days without food, his reasons started to deviate from his sanity. All he wanted was to taste what they reaped and a little mercy. But the drought seems to linger on their tables while the masters get drunk in the rain...

...Third world
under the feet of great men
they smile
when they cry
and worse
when they laugh...

...The taste of earth didn't satisfy the hunger. This was not the land that his mother used to tell him. It couldn't be. The story was filled with hopes and dreams. Perhaps she was wrong...

...Succumbed into fear
of losing the gold
over the fields
they mock
hope
so poor man will believe...

...A dawn of the last breath will soon come to pass. He'll never understand the equilibrium in the middle of balance. But one thing's for sure, there will never be a day that his sons will ever see equality amongst men...

...They saw
the harvest was good
and what's good
is bad for the noble
Power is the root
of the greed
Control is
everything...

Put on your make up
while we're in the car
peyote in our air
travelling through the desert
holding hands
air conditioner broke
smoking 4 dollar cigarettes
kissing
wiping the sweat off our faces
with old shirts
torn sweaters
you wore a dress
that exposed your knees
no bra
and your shoulders were bright
like your eyes
it was 100 degrees
lip stick smeared on the rear view mirror
when we kissed kansas goodbye
driving with no shoes on
let's stop for gas
but the wind
the heat the peyote and the lips of yours are
keeping me on the road
melting like hot candle wax
we stopped at a motel
the windows let in a draft of hot air
coffee machine broken
the cable television speaking spanish
making love
listening to dogs bark
as if we were aristocrats
in a private box
at an opera
the sink leaked
adding background static
to the sounds of the air conditioner humming
sputtering for air
we bought bad whiskey
took off our clothes
fell asleep in the sand mixed with mexico's moon light
when I woke up
my good sweater was gone
the 1980'd-rusted-flat tired-oldsmobile was gone
she left me a cigarette
the rest of whiskey.

"You're afraid of growing up."

Perhaps
but I see no shame in that
why would I ever want to grow up
if it means being
miserable
lonely
and drunk
like you,
Dad.
-