the moment you realize
that you **** everything up
from friends to your body to
even the ones you love the most.
that my dear, is what growing up is like.
the feeling of worthlessness and complete
and utter failure is my life cycle.
constantly going from good to bad
in a matter of seconds,
i am a real life interpretation of the word "Failure".

i cant even email my teacher anymore,
because i am seen as "treated special"
and her "favorite". what the hell?
all i am saying is, if a teacher told,
i can understand. but,
if a student told?

ill ******* rip their head off.

rant done

Like a piece of wood floating
I feel I am drifting
Drifting on a sea of expectation
And like the wood I have easy ignition
Now I am burning of disappointment
In a deep sea full of judgment
Down and down I go deeper
And the fire burns darker
Until the sea is dried
And the wood has died

Dear Moon,
I passed you last night,
alone in the sky.
I know how it feels though...
Like you're about to die
but you aren't alone,
because I'm alone too
So let's be lonely together,
& shine bright the whole day through
- Sun

Mistakes
One after the other.
Trying to fix them.
Exhausting.
Forgiving yourself easy.
Others forgiving you not so easy.
Mistakes?
How long do we call them that till we realize they are called **** UPS and can not be taken back.
EVER....

I just wanted to be alive.
After all, you were sunlight
and my eyes were still tired
from just waking up.
I am waiting for time to
catch up with the weather.
3 AM used to feel so much warmer.
I see stars and think about
the patterns that run through
your skin,
the constellations that run through
your veins.
I will never have a chance
to trace them all,
but my God,
they are beautiful.

i think ive fooled everyone.
they all believe im happy.
that my laughter and smiles are real.
and yes, sometimes they are...
but, id rather see the blades and the blood.
and the real smile that creeps onto my face as
i press d
               o
                  w
                      n
into my skin and the vein opens up
and the blood starts pouring out.

i see myself doing this every night.
i know one day that i am bound to relapse.
i know that one day i wont be able to take it anymore.
i know that i probably am a bit crazy... probably even on the verge of psychopathy/sociopathy...
but, i am trying. i am trying to stop and i guess thats all that matters.

sometimes i believe that i should've killed myself last year,
but then i remember that i wouldn't have met half of the people that
i have come to love today.

You think about me when
Your in my thoughts too

I think how I found myself
And how you lost you.  

Waiting for a happy ending
Fighting with yourself when your not even winning

Wanting everything to stop
And its only the beginning.