I am Miserable at best the truth is that i think my emotions cost me something  love

You see i would give my life to be with you but at this state  of the oppressed  

You see Darkness has been trying to take me over and i been fighting with my heart

You see i am at miserable at best because  i am not one to quit and when i see  a challenge i overcome it

Yes i have fallen and failed you see i wrote you something that showed my hearts true feelings you see i am miserable at best  and everyone whos been in my shoes knows This feeling as torture , great, a night mare, a dream   you see i know that i may never have this chance but all i ask or wish for is to be given that ONE SHOT and i will stay miserable at best because my life is not easy and it is not that i hoped for but it changes

months years i known you even though we rarely talk in a life time i know you always be there and i be there if needed  no matter what
I remember back in the days we were all growing up on who we were you remained kind unlike others   you never changed  never have  its crazy its been three years since i last seen you   maybe  i see you in the future months years friends for life

I am finally opened my eyes to the harsh reality

I never be the guy I never be the one  because some people's taste is just plain full of blasphemous lies

Like the snake in Eden it tells everyone don't go to the one is actually meaning what THe worlds truths are


The fact is I will Change it because I am sick and tired of  the tears  at the thought of you gone its official  i am mess filled with many colors some green some black some blue some red  these colors have meaning and I am embracing a new life style

This past year it's been exhausting trying to cross the river but always end up drowning in the rapids of sorrows  soaking wet I lay at the ground with a shattered soul filled with happy memory's   Drift away down the river along with myself

My true self to be found i realized i need me to be happy and be there for others

Because my true self is something that can not be broken because i realized

yeah i would love to be with her but guess what i can't but does that stop me from living my life

I realize my time will come when my dreams do come true you see there's more things in life

I am not alone i got friends that care about me i got a chance to live a dream i been waiting for a year   you know what my true self is a hero in my eyes

Nerve racking moments are always there

the most nerve racking thing is that i could fail on trying to be there for you

Nerves get in the way they tell me do not act its the right thing to do

Those nerves are idiots in the dark falling down its abyss

Nerve racking but i am gonna do it for me for everyone else who has ever felt the sting of  falling for someone or something

so here i go and yes or no friends or not i need to try because i am not being alone anymore

as i walk with a friend who  i am glad to know and will miss we talk about all things and he gives my advice on my situation  i think  of Us and why shes been so strange i know i would love to be there its  noticeable that she is bothered and needs left alone   i understand i been there  but as i talk and watch the moon light glimmer it tells me she needs you she needs you swoop out of no where and fix her  because she changed   and i  need to fix it and myself

no matter what i do someone else has it easy

I may be nice and sweet and thats only for you

You see to some people i dislike i can be the biggest **** on this planet

You see honesty is where  i am no matter what i wait for that one shot that is long over due

No matter what i will be here waiting  if i have to leave a few years  i come back for you  

Because  i will be waiting i will time my shot right and this time lightning won't strike twice

Whem you see a obstacle you can wait for it to go or do something drastic the fact  that someone like was born with a crap hand does not mean something great can happen  truth is I can hide and watch and wait but I choose to live and overcome that obstacle a Prievous year I had  a flaw of love lorn as I will always care for her but I may found something so I thought I was hurt I radiated disappointment in my  eyes but hey I like a challenge  I may have  become that guy who's a loner a guy who isolates himself from others but I tell you something  what I want  I will get this time what's gonna stop me a another fellow a judgemental authority figure  all I have to say is obstacles are meant to be smashed

oh dear  my heart is like freaking  rubics cube always moving and changing and being difficult

Loneliness is one horrific thing i deal with but a feeling that i wish would go away is another

Trying not to be near anything involving that one horrid emotion the more i hide the harder it fights

I get it  trying is everything  yeah dreams do wonder really  does  my dark soul have some light in me in still?

all i  have that is between you and i at this point is one dance  

One dance that i  never forget One Dance i  have to prove how much you  mean  to  me

That One dance  is all i GOT  to look for  now because   my  life is changing  my family might be moving

And i be left here to stay in the home that the past years i been in

This one dance may either break my soul to a even worse state or it will mend it hopefully

one more year of youthful mistakes one more year of dealing with ludcrious teachers.
one more year of watching friends leave for the world outside of school.
one more year of  dealing with doubt  anguish  at the fact that i am a ***** up.
well one more year of a chance to achieve a dream that i vowed i would do i would make state.
that goal has driven me since i joined mock trial i started with the wrong reasons i wanted it more than that mistake being fixed.  the one i thought i wanted turned out to be a lie but heck those mistakes wont bring me to my knees i am fighting that last year to do something amazing to live a dream to find the one.

My past confronts me still it was a mistake i will never make again.

I moved on from her but i may have found another but the diffrence i that i still care about the other but i

am not gonna wait for something i cant attain  my  feelings are minor i just want to live life when in

general everybody's time comes sometime  i just want to have something that is gonna heal me up 100%  

Soul searching is one thing i have done for ever because i know what IT is nothing more than to hold me

back because i admit i am not the guy  you expect to be there  because you see the one flaw is my gain.

I am gonna be the guy who succeeds i am the guy who is always over looked then i just wait for a

A good thing in my life  is not someone it is me being happy nothing more as much as i want someone

to care about me   i can only hope...

how do i get over this feeling i want just fall into a casket and not wake up.
this wont phaase me and believe me this guy whoever it is is gonna get some sweet sweet vengance
but as far i dont need to because  he has to **** up once and i pick up the pieces and make sure you dont get another chance and i take the chance and this time the result will be diffrent you be broken and i be back up!

I for years been considered a social reject heck  once you accept your identity its hard not to question it   because i have tried to be nice and caring to everyone not to much a veil  
Being a reject has perks your looked down but when you pull something off you hit out of the park
and respect is shown to you i am a reject fighting the system of what THEY want guys to be  is always about what THEY want you see i do not care because i am  reject who's life has been tough since birth so who' deserves chances more people who are handed everything that is given or someone who has to scratch and claw for everything they get in there lives you can answer that

Do you know what is like to be haunted? 

Every time I see a another pretty face it does not Change I just see the one that got away from me 

This image. Is a haunting image. That makes you realize that you can't fight your emotion 

This reoccurrence has a pattern  once you seen it turns me into a world I missed. 

You know you missed something when reminded of it 

I am not afraid it has shown  who really is that dream you feel every single night 

A reoccurence of a image is  imprinted into my heart and will always be patient for that chance that one can dream about

my thoughts return attempted to drive me crazy
you may not talk to me as much you see i am here for you no matter what you do
you see   no one can change my feelings for you are real and heck you can pick the wrong guy thats cool
because after a while  you may regret  it because i refused to be stopped by him or anyone else   because until i find a way into your heart consider it to this man a war that he cant win because  if he knew that i am the most patient and most relentless man when i want someone to be safe from a big fat mistake like HIM  i know who it is and trust me when i tell you  i may be ignored i may be not what you consider the type of guy but let me tell you something i am nice until you break my heart      into pieces and talk to me like i can detect something  its not funny this wont happen again  and tell him  i got a a phrase run while you can because i do whatever it takes to prove that i should be THAT GUY

you see  you can ignore me you can treat me like crap but you need to  know the truth

So you found a jack *** from another town good for you because you just started something that you cant stop

i will find him i will hurt him i will show that you are making the biggest mistake on the planet because i dont care because you come back to me crying  and do you want to throw away a friendship for some *******   wow very professionally

you see you want me to get over this but you see it drives me to be better do i care what he thinks no

you see i jumped every roadblock in front of me and you place  more you see tell him that he has a target on his back and  for you well good luck because you might lose me i am done with all of this crap

Rumors you can slander me you see i did not  care if your jealous of me because that person you say

Quote on quote ******* around with someone rumors are not gonna hold me back because...

I care about someone else i worry she has heard it and that scares me because i might lose my chance

I hate to say it  but that person they say i did things with  i do not see that way so your just making yourself look like a fool i find you f*CKERS  and trust me give you a piece of my mind

the pain inside my chest has put a wrench in my stomach as i think about it  

saying good bye to everyone  i  am gonna miss all my friends and that One person  that i will always care for no matter what

My heart aches at the thought of leaving her and my best friends  but i will be back and trust me

This is not my last time i ever see you guys i will be back and i see you and everyone will miss me to and  as i see that   beauty last time   i hope one day  something more happens because i will wait for you no matter what so good bye  but when you see me again i will be right there for you as always even a thousand miles away i will be here so saying good bye hurts us but like a double edged sword theres a plus  equaling me returning

people make think scars on the outside there dead wrong

you see scars are on the inside i would know i am scarred on the inside and out

a child hood ruined by having to watch a loved one be arrested  by the evil blues

or is the fact every time i get close to someone i get smashed you see i am tougher than you critics

Instead of making jokes about ones issues why don't you talk to them and you understand why?

I dislike you so much

i stand on this cliff wondering why hold back something that is good

as i watch the  ******* chosen one take the one from me you see i was *******  you see

this war i will fight until one man is left standing you see there is one ***** job you see i am always the one being ******* over and over again and trust me i don't care if you think i am gonna be  the one who ruins your  little angel you see my intentions are pure unlike this mysterious son of a gun  i know theres some prophecy to ***** me over its a matter of time your faith and crazy DIES when i finally get the pay off and you be the failure

Those higher ups who i thought they were helping me

To ruin me you see whoever is trying to ruin my life is a piece of shT  

Because I poured my heart out  i shown her how i felt and i made her happy  

and for what to be  a heart broken mess filled with jealous rage yeah ***** it ok i  am done being treated this way.

So yeah ***** the higher ups theres a reason i do not believe in God  or anything you see in reality they just want to ***** me over it makes me sick to my stomache

so i want the truth and i want to know who is it gonna be the guy who cares about you and is willing to DIE FOR YOU or some piece of shT who has not payed his dues  in life

I walk in the street staring at the sky and look for the answer who is the one for me?

Where is my answer I don"t need a god to find it i  may have found it

I try to wait for my shot i been waiting for a long  6 years  i found something good but i will not make

that mistake.... again

you can share feelings with other people you open up to someone you only pick one.

you cant have them all you have to make a choice me the nice guy or the others  

maybe but i am selfish this never happens to me so i fight for it even if i have to literally fight to the death.

so whoever my rival is thats spreading the *******  come and face me in the way i settle this in the backyard

i show you how i truly feel  about your lies when your laying there not knowing what happened i hurt my body doing that but i have to i do again to get my hands on you
so i face me we see who truly deserves it

a sin is a mistake on your morale code

you make that mistake on purpose or on accident

but you see  theres a key i regret some of my actions some i don't

but what i regret is that  i may have done something wrong but i am a man that will fix it on my own
a sin is a mistake but you see this sin is worse i fix it and before you know it your in to deep

a sin is no joke a sin isn't just a religious thing its a normal thing in our lives

so what i am not seen as  a guy who is considered relationship material but i do not really care.

because you see i  am a changed man i  no longer am the guy who takes failure and holds it i just let it go and continue on

So what you found someone else because i might have found someone else  so what i am a success i feel like i am on top of the mountain.

so what if i cant have you i can be happy still sure i wish i could but why be so down about it i be coming to be me not worry about  anything else

why does the monster have to  come out of the shadows  

why have i become this evil being with no cause

is it because i fail and i have decided to Take whats mine

Choices we make reflect our actions trust me  i am not your savior i am completely a demon  to your parents eyes

the Corrupter which is false oh well past is past because i am a dark soul but i am still caring and will forever  Love is a sick sick feeling full of  idiotic happiness and false reality sky high then your on the ground broken in half

Aren't  all of man kind carry a black spot that is pure evil pure sick twisted hunger for revenge and the craving of wanting more and more

I do not care if i like you or not please sometimes you should not talk   because you got it easy

you see my life is rough i really fallen for someone and i rather not hear about  how someone else is taking her

you see a dance is a dance so what you see i will not ruin someone else because my life is ******

love you see i am glad that you care for my sanity but at the same time the one thing that is keeping me borderline  loose cannon crazy   is my LOVE and i will not quit i will not back down from anyone
because just stay out of it this does not concern you see i be here and i always be here so people please Get the F out

i hear a  a urge to strike when my time is needed it seems its about to be my time maybe i hope i fail

I struck out so many times where you got to take what you want not patiently wait like a solider guarding the lines of Korea

Strike first  my friends say i must find a way to have her some way some how it must happen

every time i see that beautiful smile of yours my heart erupts like a volcano

No matter how hard it is for me in my life i am glad you show concern for me

that smile i see it i realize i am looking at the girl of my dreams

i see something i care about you see friends  Lovers  i always be here that smile makes me feel like  that i am someone not some thing to help as a coping mechanism

Your smile is what drives me to get up every day the chance to talk to you makes happy

I walk down the street thinking about life" and my road to redemption that i have never finished.

I fall into the ditch seeing broken hearts victims of the classic disease of friend zone."

When will i be cured of friend zone when i clearly see something great along the way of this public enemy.

The diseases carried of these victims are melancholy, depression , heartbreak.

not wanting love is just trying to be alone when in reality that you can"t fight the heart.

Why is friendship get the way sure its a risk but its a risk i am willing to take even if i have to jump through fire.  

The flame is huge every time i am thinking of this topic why friend zone have to exist why?

Well ask me about this topic i tell you that you girls always choose the guys on the field not on the sideline.  

As i leave this ******* forsaken ditch you see what your actions can create.

i look in the eyes of a significant other as i stare into the moon light i think of her

Her smile which is the only reason i go to that prison surprised that i caught her glare at me is it fate paying me back? or is it just a blank dead miserable stare

The eyes of fate and i have never seemed eye to eye we have always butted heads always picking up on the chosen ones the gods have picked for the non believers

Misery i have been brought pain i have felt hell my heart has bled more than a soldier in a war
but one very simple thought in my head what if it ruins it all what if she gets wierded  out and abandons me like the rest because i hate saying this but the truth hurts others

Should i or should just leave this place and be a after thought in this hell of a life

i long for something new in my life i long for a chance to do something to live a dream

i long to be out there  alone trying to forge my own destiny i long to finally find that one

i long for it as much as i long to be   not held back by anyone anymore because of my disabilty

the longing will come true the truth does hurt for you critics because i can do more than you guys could

Vengance is a feeling that you get when someone wrongs you.

you see i wouldn"t hurt a fly normally but this is not a fly this a threat to my home

you took my two dogs away you take our rights away i am sick of it

i may not own it but what you do effects ALL OF US

you see i do us simple i put my mind into something you what you created because when i find out who called oh  my goodness your in for a treat.

i am gonna offer to settle this like men one guy vs one fraud in a fight to the finish  

you see i fight for those who are wronged like i fight for every boy and ******* the sideline  my revenge is gonna be sweet sure they do say revenge is bitter. well your wrong i vow to end your group of lunatics.

i adventured with one emotion, trying to find something?

all i found was something that was  i never should of cared about.

My friend that i remember every day that i always have cared for drifts away slowly on a piece of drift wood.

I want to swim out there and bring her home but shes found a home with someone else.

I realize that i should not  be a jealous  monster i am not macbeth i am human.

i want here to know that i am here for her no matter what  i am right here waiting for her to come home.

when  i realize she is doing great i hope for her to at least visit but all she says not sure  i try to get down there.

but theres no way to reach for it i must  figure  out somehow.

Redemption that's the only road i been on for a while now

A chance to right something inside me that i been missing

I have shown strength time and time again each time i fall and get my heart stabbed

I get up and keep on walking down the road  one day i see the light at the end of the tunnel and i have

a beautiful thing in my life

A man has a dilemma take his mistake and fess up or be secretive

the fear of  losing that one person lingers but sometimes you gotta do something for yourself

the guilt he feels for trying to be alone because life is not what it used to be.

you see my choice is  you can have that one person but  there's a risk some times that risk ain't worth it

when i look at her i see her healing from past scars.
when those eyes meet mine i realize i want to be with her
i doubt i get that shot but i know one day you might be  
because  i realize your  not ready its fine because i wait days months years  even a life time.
i swoop down when your in distress and be right here  for you no matter what road block is put in my way.
because you are the one i need to heal this broken soul and trust me when i tell you  i am right here waiting for that one chance all i need is one to make you life great.

Every time i see you is see this twinkle in your eye that draws me in.

i know i have feelings now i cant stop thinking about you day and night

i want to know if there is a chance i will try my best because when i saw you give me that look of happiness

It gave me hope that i do have a future  i wish i could come clean but  i just can't    those sparkling eyes
just  may have saved my life

I dream of Returning to my Real home a home i miss the rain it reminds me of all the things i overcame

I stand in the Rain in a place they call full of sun and chances what have i got here so far a few friends not

many and  i honestly wonder if i made a choice i regret i have Dream't of returning home and finishing

things up  a Dream what is a dream i have two dreams i know what they are and i will achieve at least one

Hope i wont hope I will return stronger better bigger i learned leaving to avoid a problem is not the answer.

The one way to solve it is confront it Head on  sure i found something that brings me a smile here but it

brings back a feeling i struggle to control the thoughts of home i return i beckon to live my dreams i

Made a promise to thyself that no matter what i Love is could be here but i know i have something i

cherish family.   i wonder if i never left  i wonder if i stayed i am not backing down no more i am gonna

solve my problems head on until the wall in front of me for years is gone  i beat down once i can do it again

The times we had.

"The times i turned your frowns upside down.

Ad Times passed i realized that my efforts was something i was proud of.

I quit when there was no chance if you want anything just forget our past and cometh with your reasoning.

and i forgive my inner wrongs you should to.

"Times pass all humans change for the better or the worse .

For two weeks i am have not thrown hope away for what a miserable life well guess what

The fact that i walk alone against a entire army to prevent me from   any and every chance i have

well for two weeks i been thinking why quit when you can say you know what take your restrictions , your replacements , your turncoats   and have them feel how i feel right now you see it does not matter  because UP THERE  i am not what is considered IT you see IT is  just a chosen piece of garbage who does not work for anything his life   so guess what  think about this how would you feel if i ruined YOUR Moment how would it feel if you were in MY shoes  huh not good because  i do not care if this ruins everything i worked for  because what i am gonna do is gonna be remembered as a mixed reaction some people will say good for you and some people will say why Jordan why  well right now they can know why because you see being the nice guy for years i been told it gets me no where you i have balanced it and now this side of me will do WHATEVER IT TAKES so  your gonna have to **** me to stop this the headline reads that i get my dreams and the pieces to fix my broken soul leaving  to the end of this  dark gloomy story the enemy gets whats coming to him and the hero gets the girl

Two years ago he was brought  into this world filled with the everlasting battle of light and darkness.
the smiles over the years he gave me  brought me up from the rock and the hard place.
the darkness fell for a moment he shows his love for me as he says my jojo.
today he turns two i want to make it a great day to my best little brother  i ever had

a piece of redemption once thought to be obtainable lost

Because i am so freaking stubborn my pride i would not give it up

the fact is the  i am the threat to your society i earned everything i ever got and you think i am gonna back down.

well your so wrong so until i get what i want your gonna have to fight the best in the WORLD at overcoming obstacles

as i think of her my chest pounds  at me like punch to the face.
there's one thing that i hear these things about her one more time that are false.
i will crack some heads to make sure they dont break her down.
i am willing to have scale ladders jump off  rooftops  heck even  have to climb a mountain the size of everest for her.   she is everything i want i may never be the one who be in the heart but i will be there as support