the fear of living with a burden on my chest

the fear of me becoming something i am not troubles me

the mistakes i could make can effect my life

my old self could return i fight my demons everyday of my life and i win!

Fear is that one emotion you can love and hate because living life by taking risks is the only way you can get anywhere

why do you bicker why do you ruin my life well just bring it  ruin yours.

i use my skill with words all you can do is complain i make you look like the fool who thinks he can bring people down.

ok whatever i just join the fight for homeowner independance   why wait to get out when i can end their group.

I vow to fight for this harder than i fought to to make her stay last year she walked away i can be put down  beat down but i get right back up   so your british didn"t your people remember you held us back we came back stronger.
i am coming for this i fight i show you that don't mess with best

i conceal a feeling that resides in my  scarred up heart.     like a living  with a open wound i carried what i thought could happen with me for a thousand of miles..

I now see myself figuring out   what is this lie i am living i am concealing for a good reason for a good cause.

I want happiness if  the heart is not getting what the heart wants it wither up and die alongside your humanity

I conceal this feeling because i have not gave up but  i will prove that i can live with this feeling controlled heck i  am willing to try out some thing new something different its time i opened up to new people explored the world a little more hey maybe you see the light at the end of the tunnel like i did but since clearly you can not see the light well i am sorry but until that happens i will have to explore a new world beyond waiting for a chance that might not happen

peace binds two entity's conflicts shut.

ones troubles go away  with the game of chance.

Peace has finally hit me i am free from the chains held down by the so called higher being.

i attained the gift with years of hard work i found the one person i was wanting to have in my life.

Serene sky's bind peace with the higher beings for  a length of time i  enjoy my melancholy free life while it lasts.

how important are you to me i really am shocked i feel something like this horrid thought of being abandoned again.

My life has been miserable in this new place until i met you you brought some light to this dark heart

I realize i am crazy i realize i am not the usual person people would see the light in their life

How are you important you listen to me you dont ignore me when i need someone to talk to

I am not gonna say your the one well because i honestly dont know i said that so much to be honest and i been wrong so not gonna risk that  but your importance keeps me sane your eyes fill me with light to my black black heart

Nerve racking moments are always there

the most nerve racking thing is that i could fail on trying to be there for you

Nerves get in the way they tell me do not act its the right thing to do

Those nerves are idiots in the dark falling down its abyss

Nerve racking but i am gonna do it for me for everyone else who has ever felt the sting of  falling for someone or something

so here i go and yes or no friends or not i need to try because i am not being alone anymore

I stare at my future i realize being there is what  makes others lives great but you kinda wonder why is my advice working for them and not me?

I never really figured it out i always get  i am there hero for there situation not anymore because  i am no

longer working to make others future great  i am working for two things to make my life great

and the second thing is to Find that ONE chance i do not care if i have to jump road blocks i do that all

the time   this one because for everyone who just loves to criticize and walk away  

theres a diffrent there one of the reasons why i am leaving because i am no longer the hero nor villain i

am no longer  trying to find  something in my home town because two things will happen i will get what i want and two the people who played me are gonna miss me being there

I am finally opened my eyes to the harsh reality

I never be the guy I never be the one  because some people's taste is just plain full of blasphemous lies

Like the snake in Eden it tells everyone don't go to the one is actually meaning what THe worlds truths are


The fact is I will Change it because I am sick and tired of  the tears  at the thought of you gone its official  i am mess filled with many colors some green some black some blue some red  these colors have meaning and I am embracing a new life style

This past year it's been exhausting trying to cross the river but always end up drowning in the rapids of sorrows  soaking wet I lay at the ground with a shattered soul filled with happy memory's   Drift away down the river along with myself

why do these feelings return to me  you see i may be not what THEY see

There's one thing we don't have in common you do not have the guts

theres one reason why i care about people because i been broken been  heartbroken you name it

you see i do not want others to suffer my same FATE  yeah i brought you UP and you through it away but face it  no matter what discouraging thing i hear i do not care you see i dont LOVE you i just want to be your friend i did but i decided against it

i adventured with one emotion, trying to find something?

all i found was something that was  i never should of cared about.

My friend that i remember every day that i always have cared for drifts away slowly on a piece of drift wood.

I want to swim out there and bring her home but shes found a home with someone else.

I realize that i should not  be a jealous  monster i am not macbeth i am human.

i want here to know that i am here for her no matter what  i am right here waiting for her to come home.

when  i realize she is doing great i hope for her to at least visit but all she says not sure  i try to get down there.

but theres no way to reach for it i must  figure  out somehow.

18 years ago i entered a harsh world with   a little off from the others i had a flaw,

now you look at me like how did he stay at our level knowing he is a not as strong and quick ,

Well i am  something of a living example of anything can happen i overcome so much,

I tasted defeat i suffered through hard times, had my heart stomped on more times then i could remember,

But through it all i have grown and i am now better and unchanged by the higher ups trying to change me ,

I stand over the ledge called life knowing what  i want  i don't want object thats i ignore i do not want a **** load of money either i want is a simple i want to be doing what i love  be the guy for certain somebody at most of all prove that i can do things people said i could never do

no matter what i do someone else has it easy

I may be nice and sweet and thats only for you

You see to some people i dislike i can be the biggest **** on this planet

You see honesty is where  i am no matter what i wait for that one shot that is long over due

No matter what i will be here waiting  if i have to leave a few years  i come back for you  

Because  i will be waiting i will time my shot right and this time lightning won't strike twice

Broken side walks Tell a story of a man who has been chasing something that he never could attain 

Sunlight gives false hope he has little hops left 

Not willing to surrender  as a dark cloud is in my heart 
I carry a weight a dilemma that has mixed results 

Should I surrender the love I have for a year for a risk 
Or should I keep it and fight for it  I walk the broken side walk like its the broken road I walked for years

people make think scars on the outside there dead wrong

you see scars are on the inside i would know i am scarred on the inside and out

a child hood ruined by having to watch a loved one be arrested  by the evil blues

or is the fact every time i get close to someone i get smashed you see i am tougher than you critics

Instead of making jokes about ones issues why don't you talk to them and you understand why?

I dislike you so much

i learned basking in the emotion one calls fear  created problems

Now i live in one other emotion that makes me happy with my significant other

i no longer choose to live in fear i chose to live with love and being grateful i have something in my life

a few years ago we met our eyes met with enchantment  made me realize  something.
your eyes that can make hearts melt  and can turn ones world to a dream .
the dream world i wanted i want to share with you are the bright light at the end of my tunnel   and no matter what your smile is what keeps me going  in this harsh world

17 years ago a struggle started to find within what  i have been missing   you see i been missing  a lot of things

The fact is that here i am not the guy  for anything ''

I am not who the person who is typically someone that is treated with respect

Not many people believed in me

Well those 17 years of anguish hard work failure   come to a ahed because  i wanted at first was to hurt anyone who ruined my life but i decided on this

You took something that took me 17 years to attempt     its simple i use my superior intelect to take what i need in my life

how do i get over this feeling i want just fall into a casket and not wake up.
this wont phaase me and believe me this guy whoever it is is gonna get some sweet sweet vengance
but as far i dont need to because  he has to **** up once and i pick up the pieces and make sure you dont get another chance and i take the chance and this time the result will be diffrent you be broken and i be back up!

a heartbreaker walks  down the road with her thoughts gone just the devils minion.

a man vows to fix this false state of mind of hers i doubt he get his reason from her though

he has been ruined by a mystery person with a gender unknown  hes not sure if he has to take matters into his own hands or not

he wants to know if there was the same reason as before knowing someone is out to get him

Whoever you are i will find you and i will get my hands on you i want you to show yourself  i wont hurt you unless i  you deserve it

why question you deserve it either way!

how can you move on after your loved ones lives end by the tip of a weapon of mass destruction?

how does one  **** children that have their whole lives to grow i don't understand how some people do acts of evil.

the valiant heros who fought for their students in their school  thats who we should be.

the steel 'the carbon the ' bullet of destruction is that to blame?

people blame Guns in reality there not so violent until someone uses it for satanic purposes

i pity who survived the massacre of souls there healing will be in effect death is natural it all depends on how we die.

i look in the eyes of a significant other as i stare into the moon light i think of her

Her smile which is the only reason i go to that prison surprised that i caught her glare at me is it fate paying me back? or is it just a blank dead miserable stare

The eyes of fate and i have never seemed eye to eye we have always butted heads always picking up on the chosen ones the gods have picked for the non believers

Misery i have been brought pain i have felt hell my heart has bled more than a soldier in a war
but one very simple thought in my head what if it ruins it all what if she gets wierded  out and abandons me like the rest because i hate saying this but the truth hurts others

Should i or should just leave this place and be a after thought in this hell of a life

My past confronts me still it was a mistake i will never make again.

I moved on from her but i may have found another but the diffrence i that i still care about the other but i

am not gonna wait for something i cant attain  my  feelings are minor i just want to live life when in

general everybody's time comes sometime  i just want to have something that is gonna heal me up 100%  

Soul searching is one thing i have done for ever because i know what IT is nothing more than to hold me

back because i admit i am not the guy  you expect to be there  because you see the one flaw is my gain.

I am gonna be the guy who succeeds i am the guy who is always over looked then i just wait for a

A good thing in my life  is not someone it is me being happy nothing more as much as i want someone

to care about me   i can only hope...

when i look at her i see her healing from past scars.
when those eyes meet mine i realize i want to be with her
i doubt i get that shot but i know one day you might be  
because  i realize your  not ready its fine because i wait days months years  even a life time.
i swoop down when your in distress and be right here  for you no matter what road block is put in my way.
because you are the one i need to heal this broken soul and trust me when i tell you  i am right here waiting for that one chance all i need is one to make you life great.

I am sick of tired of losing to a ****** who thinks he can ,pick on kids who have issues take whoever they want from others  I was Robbed and oh boy i have not been this angry for a while and my vengence is always sweet not bitter

You see all you have to do is make one mistake i catch oh your done

because i vow to ruin it taint it and after that **** this **** i am going to hide in my cave until SHE wants to make a right choice

Circumstance always ******* me in the worst ways.  i lost the girl of my dreams  i  nearly thought that my existence don't matter .   but it does and when i go away those circumstances can *******. yes my heart is shattered i want to just throw it out but i know something will come along to fix it....

how can one hide things from their oldest and treat them like a freaking child".

i am almost seventeen and am not treated right and clearly i am done with it."

well she does not know many things about me either i guess you want to know be honest or burn in the fiery depths of hell."  i dont want hiding i want control of my life  my money i do whatever i want with it.
its america not freaking china"  so theres a legal adult age well if thats a case holding back because i am bad with money". well time to start a revoltioution to end this blasphemy.

What would you've do if you were forced to leave the one you  loved

What would you do if your last chance at something amazing was ripped away because your not what their chosen one is

I encountered everything in my way and I broken through dark dungeons I encountered madness

But through all the times I fell down   I got back up and did not quit

I am a real   Spitting image of  overcoming the odds.

The fact is when I return I will reclaim what is rightfully my place  

And in the end the higher ups filled with paranoid thoughts  of  re occurring antagionist i am no hero nor I am the villain I am simply we man who will do whatever I have to do to realize one of my dreams

love is just the emotion that drives everything many ways the right away and the wrong away.

If you love something or someone you fight for it even if you fail

But when i finally succeed something Messed up happens

i might have ******* up but WERE all human  i fight for her

Dear home wreckers its my life stay the **** out i am right here say it to my face

Love is the emotion that drives people to ****   love drives you to do the right thing its unpredictiablilty is

like the sociopaths mind you never know what he might do next

I am not one i am a kind gentle soul who makes plenty of mistakes with love driven mind set thats the

old me the new worries about my being not anyone elses.

the intentions of the many have a grasp on all of us

we all follow like sheep on a farm following they's command

The  fact of being yourself is the key you need my intentions are my own

Ones intention effects us all  that's the message majority  rules in there system

in my system the lesser ones like myself get more help we need it more than They

I have to fight to stay in my home town  because i have something good finally and now i have to

walk away and let my place be taken from me that wont happen i promise that i will be the last  one
standing because family does not go behind your back to control you

I will fight because you want to take me and be your little puppet for a long time but you see because this plague in my brain does not mean i am stupid and cant fend for myself

This moment will prove why I should Be IT instead of being the guy everyone knows that is forever alone.
But you see i am not IT nor forever alone and i am no ****** who cant change himself either you see there are people to and as far as i am concerned family would not do this   so Game on *******

so i finally found someone now i worry if its gonna be short lived

short lived as success of some people who achieve their dreams to be ripped away

I be god ****** if i am ******* over again  i promise if its for someone else i

will  let karma  smack them in the face   cut  my heart up heck carve all you

please  i have many scars with various dark dark memorys  and good ones this happens well  war path  will consume ones heart and one will fail

because i did nothing to deserve it

i be god ****** if somone comes in and takes my life from me

a piece of redemption once thought to be obtainable lost

Because i am so freaking stubborn my pride i would not give it up

the fact is the  i am the threat to your society i earned everything i ever got and you think i am gonna back down.

well your so wrong so until i get what i want your gonna have to fight the best in the WORLD at overcoming obstacles

so i build you up and you still love him and like someone else so this guy likes you to so do i.
hey may be bigger than me he may be stronger than me but i know what he is a ****** bag i have proof.
he is just your next mistake and come on my best friend told me you wait for him really i am right here i treat you right i wont discard you for the next big thing   heck i  am not no bone head ****  i am kind man who's life is rougher than anyone  else but i still care about you and i wait and i make sure you  wont wait for the past you have someone like me one day believe me i am right here  in this world waiting for you

the fear of getting close to others the fear of ******* up another chance

How my past has lived with me like  childhood toy that was not used for years after their  child grew up

My heart has been confusing shocking dismaying contiversaial the situations i been in have been a experience this time as beautiful as

she is i wont  be reluctant i patiently wait to see a conclusion  prepare to take risks for somethings not everything i say

Those higher ups who i thought they were helping me

To ruin me you see whoever is trying to ruin my life is a piece of shT  

Because I poured my heart out  i shown her how i felt and i made her happy  

and for what to be  a heart broken mess filled with jealous rage yeah ***** it ok i  am done being treated this way.

So yeah ***** the higher ups theres a reason i do not believe in God  or anything you see in reality they just want to ***** me over it makes me sick to my stomache

so i want the truth and i want to know who is it gonna be the guy who cares about you and is willing to DIE FOR YOU or some piece of shT who has not payed his dues  in life

whos the one" is she right in front of my face or someone i least expect.

is she perfect is she what i want i not sure the one will come in a while "

but i hope that my waiting working or am i forever alone i know i am not she will come just hope its sooner than later down the line.

why must  a lovelorn fellow have to wait for that chance."

why must i walk the path of the hero of every man who failed?

considering i fight this fight forever have been a good friend to her?

or why must i be subjected to silence   what matters  why wait?

when you can risk yourself put your body on the line."

when your on the broken road theres no one but loves victims.

that changes now i am the muse of the world i fight for that cause nice guys finish last i don"t think so.

why am i  fighting this fight? i fight it because knowing whats it like to have your heart smashed into pieces.

why is the lovelorn fellow doing i am the lovelorn fellow i wait that one moment of truth.

Even when i may end up die trying.

I dream of Returning to my Real home a home i miss the rain it reminds me of all the things i overcame

I stand in the Rain in a place they call full of sun and chances what have i got here so far a few friends not

many and  i honestly wonder if i made a choice i regret i have Dream't of returning home and finishing

things up  a Dream what is a dream i have two dreams i know what they are and i will achieve at least one

Hope i wont hope I will return stronger better bigger i learned leaving to avoid a problem is not the answer.

The one way to solve it is confront it Head on  sure i found something that brings me a smile here but it

brings back a feeling i struggle to control the thoughts of home i return i beckon to live my dreams i

Made a promise to thyself that no matter what i Love is could be here but i know i have something i

cherish family.   i wonder if i never left  i wonder if i stayed i am not backing down no more i am gonna

solve my problems head on until the wall in front of me for years is gone  i beat down once i can do it again

A man has a dilemma take his mistake and fess up or be secretive

the fear of  losing that one person lingers but sometimes you gotta do something for yourself

the guilt he feels for trying to be alone because life is not what it used to be.

you see my choice is  you can have that one person but  there's a risk some times that risk ain't worth it

the pain inside my chest has put a wrench in my stomach as i think about it  

saying good bye to everyone  i  am gonna miss all my friends and that One person  that i will always care for no matter what

My heart aches at the thought of leaving her and my best friends  but i will be back and trust me

This is not my last time i ever see you guys i will be back and i see you and everyone will miss me to and  as i see that   beauty last time   i hope one day  something more happens because i will wait for you no matter what so good bye  but when you see me again i will be right there for you as always even a thousand miles away i will be here so saying good bye hurts us but like a double edged sword theres a plus  equaling me returning

so what i am not seen as  a guy who is considered relationship material but i do not really care.

because you see i  am a changed man i  no longer am the guy who takes failure and holds it i just let it go and continue on

So what you found someone else because i might have found someone else  so what i am a success i feel like i am on top of the mountain.

so what if i cant have you i can be happy still sure i wish i could but why be so down about it i be coming to be me not worry about  anything else

Completion a feeling we all long for But ****** i finally after years of fighting i get over a girl i never thought i stop loving. and then what happens i get hit in the face because something turned out that   the one piece that actually seemed to be in the background the problem is its not gonna happen for a while and ****** it ***** and knowing     i  wish i could cut this away but what if something was there what if would i be throwing away that one shot at happiness. my gut says no because shes such a good friend but what can i do for completion must i take a risk i never been able to take before,..    i wish it was me  i wish i was that guy but i am not i am just the guy who makes sure everythings alright if shes happy without me Fine i am used to it as long as shes happy  . i wish i could never love i wish i could cut this feeling away its eating at my soul and i am suffocating .  i want to be complete but lets be honest the higher ups don't like me .

am i regaining my courage i am finally showing following hearts true intentions

Taken well all that is a challenge really  am i doing what i had held back because of prior attachment issues  well you see you say i am done being your average nice guy who waited for people to realize that i am not to be ignored and be considered

Courage to stand up to the system to stand for a**holes who think they can get away with being the one taken some one chance a way well i see you cant hope you got to take what the heart wants and if it costs you oh well your following your heart

To be honest i was nervous introducing myself to her but i did because well i was a lone i was curious i had honored my past love but  i dwelling never worked i want something real not one sided

Courage makes me feel alive your smile makes me feel alive it could be me but i honestly can think you and i in a sentence in my mind that fits that is crazy that a chance is there in the dark place i live in i never thought i could reach a light

i can tell my best friend has changed because of  his denial.
as far as i am concerned i am happy this happened because i really care for her
you see he should own up because far as i am concerned he is the reason that she is broken
and i am willing to bring her up back to herself and she in the process is bringing my life to good things.
as i watch a friend change a great friend who tells me what he thinks.
as you change i will be always your best friend but   i i am not picking your side because of that as far as am concerned you try anything else i am gonna get you back  for not me for her spirit because she  is all i need so even if i have to fight someone i had their back you may be in pain now i be there but dont mess with her again or i tell you straight up    you stop or i might have knock some sense back into you i miss the old you

In a week i get my chance to right the biggest wrong in my life and if your not clear is i am not looking to ruin anyone's night by any means but i will do something that no one has to do
to break this idea that We Nice guys finish last     you see i am coming for one reason and it is to fufill lifes promise you see i am fighting everything in my path my family turning against me a jack *** and something more clear its funny that   being filled with hate is not the best for someone like  me because when your past is always trying to knock on your door you make the same mistake  i made the mistake of  letting my emotions control me you see  when something is started with me i **** well i am gonna finish it so time to show the world the truth about what i feel

i  thought of you again i really can tell you need someone there to be there
because i will  be here and i did miss talking to you  i thought you were mad at me
you need me to save you  i maybe not the guy you think of but hell i am here to prove that you need is me not that fat lying ******* i call a former friend not that one guy hell not my best friend you need is a guy who is not like the rest of those guys   you need someone who is always on the sideline you need a man who will make you smile not leave you for the next big thing  hell    i fought for you  i stood up for you when no one would

A change is coming   I stare at the night sky after a shock of lightening hit me. Tommorow could be my last day on earth. so i must live each day as if its my last. A change is coming you see i am following my heart no matter how crazy no matter if  i will leave broken

I never thought i end up falling in love with  a person that i known for a while.    

  never ever in a million years i thought  feel this way again.     I never thought  could care so much that not having her in my life sounds like hell.  i have this feeling that i know that when i sense the spark hit theres no coming from it.  Those eyes Light me up more then you ever know  i got my courage back to follow my heart.  i never thought it be you and don't matter to me anymore how i end up one day i will finally tell how i feel again.

you can share feelings with other people you open up to someone you only pick one.

you cant have them all you have to make a choice me the nice guy or the others  

maybe but i am selfish this never happens to me so i fight for it even if i have to literally fight to the death.

so whoever my rival is thats spreading the *******  come and face me in the way i settle this in the backyard

i show you how i truly feel  about your lies when your laying there not knowing what happened i hurt my body doing that but i have to i do again to get my hands on you
so i face me we see who truly deserves it