Circumstance always ******* me in the worst ways.  i lost the girl of my dreams  i  nearly thought that my existence don't matter .   but it does and when i go away those circumstances can *******. yes my heart is shattered i want to just throw it out but i know something will come along to fix it....

Completion a feeling we all long for But ****** i finally after years of fighting i get over a girl i never thought i stop loving. and then what happens i get hit in the face because something turned out that   the one piece that actually seemed to be in the background the problem is its not gonna happen for a while and ****** it ***** and knowing     i  wish i could cut this away but what if something was there what if would i be throwing away that one shot at happiness. my gut says no because shes such a good friend but what can i do for completion must i take a risk i never been able to take before,..    i wish it was me  i wish i was that guy but i am not i am just the guy who makes sure everythings alright if shes happy without me Fine i am used to it as long as shes happy  . i wish i could never love i wish i could cut this feeling away its eating at my soul and i am suffocating .  i want to be complete but lets be honest the higher ups don't like me .

A change is coming   I stare at the night sky after a shock of lightening hit me. Tommorow could be my last day on earth. so i must live each day as if its my last. A change is coming you see i am following my heart no matter how crazy no matter if  i will leave broken

I never thought i end up falling in love with  a person that i known for a while.    

  never ever in a million years i thought  feel this way again.     I never thought  could care so much that not having her in my life sounds like hell.  i have this feeling that i know that when i sense the spark hit theres no coming from it.  Those eyes Light me up more then you ever know  i got my courage back to follow my heart.  i never thought it be you and don't matter to me anymore how i end up one day i will finally tell how i feel again.

hidden feelings i feel this way for someone honestly i should not morally be in love with

i hide my feelings hoping one day i can unleash them onto this world

hidden feelings that drive me mad in my dreams we are together more ways then one

my hidden feelings feel in my heart because i want to be with her but i just can't risk my

friendship she means that much to me  but i am the one who will not be the one because no matter what  i be there

a few years ago we met our eyes met with enchantment  made me realize  something.
your eyes that can make hearts melt  and can turn ones world to a dream .
the dream world i wanted i want to share with you are the bright light at the end of my tunnel   and no matter what your smile is what keeps me going  in this harsh world

i am insecure about losing things i lost friends  because i followed my heart  and when  i

have chances to make something good i just squander it  every time  being in love has

been hard for me because every time i am never the guy  i am just used  for them to get

back at their former relationship  a war is  always struggling inside of me because i want

to confess my hearts true feelings just don't want to ruin what i got already

call me insecure i just care to much to ruin something already great in my life

falling down i fell down a chasm hit the ground felt like a thousand needles impaling my heart

falling down i realized why have i always looked for the next best thing i realized

something the thing i always wanted has always been in my life a friend told me a piece

of my own advice its never out there its always under your nose **** she was right

to see the answer you got to hit rock bottom multiple times again and again again

and again and again and again because i see it now i don't need someone who

discards me when they are to stubborn or just don't care  i know what i need no one

else  can stop this feeling like a wild fire of emotions i feel like i am a lowly peasant

basking at a window with all their dreams right there in front of them  just not being

able to grab it.   falling down took me to realize the truth i love being there i love every second of basking in happiness instead of sadness and regret do i regret not fessing up absolutely but i really honestly love every second of this  i am so done being a lone wolf  my heart needs is a pack of two  and i wait every single day till the one i am loved back

months years i known you even though we rarely talk in a life time i know you always be there and i be there if needed  no matter what
I remember back in the days we were all growing up on who we were you remained kind unlike others   you never changed  never have  its crazy its been three years since i last seen you   maybe  i see you in the future months years friends for life

i learned basking in the emotion one calls fear  created problems

Now i live in one other emotion that makes me happy with my significant other

i no longer choose to live in fear i chose to live with love and being grateful i have something in my life

so i finally found someone now i worry if its gonna be short lived

short lived as success of some people who achieve their dreams to be ripped away

I be god ****** if i am ******* over again  i promise if its for someone else i

will  let karma  smack them in the face   cut  my heart up heck carve all you

please  i have many scars with various dark dark memorys  and good ones this happens well  war path  will consume ones heart and one will fail

because i did nothing to deserve it

i be god ****** if somone comes in and takes my life from me

oh dear  my heart is like freaking  rubics cube always moving and changing and being difficult

Loneliness is one horrific thing i deal with but a feeling that i wish would go away is another

Trying not to be near anything involving that one horrid emotion the more i hide the harder it fights

I get it  trying is everything  yeah dreams do wonder really  does  my dark soul have some light in me in still?

why does the monster have to  come out of the shadows  

why have i become this evil being with no cause

is it because i fail and i have decided to Take whats mine

Choices we make reflect our actions trust me  i am not your savior i am completely a demon  to your parents eyes

the Corrupter which is false oh well past is past because i am a dark soul but i am still caring and will forever  Love is a sick sick feeling full of  idiotic happiness and false reality sky high then your on the ground broken in half

Aren't  all of man kind carry a black spot that is pure evil pure sick twisted hunger for revenge and the craving of wanting more and more

I am sick of tired of losing to a ****** who thinks he can ,pick on kids who have issues take whoever they want from others  I was Robbed and oh boy i have not been this angry for a while and my vengence is always sweet not bitter

You see all you have to do is make one mistake i catch oh your done

because i vow to ruin it taint it and after that **** this **** i am going to hide in my cave until SHE wants to make a right choice

Authority is like someone trying to control your life

The poison of being  having limited influence over somebody

Authority is like a Nasty Virus that you have to remove with hard labor

Authority is a Nuisance  that always come back to rear its ugly head

Authority Is a good and has its dark flaws  sometimes their orders you just want to escape them but sometimes its the right thing to do

am i regaining my courage i am finally showing following hearts true intentions

Taken well all that is a challenge really  am i doing what i had held back because of prior attachment issues  well you see you say i am done being your average nice guy who waited for people to realize that i am not to be ignored and be considered

Courage to stand up to the system to stand for a**holes who think they can get away with being the one taken some one chance a way well i see you cant hope you got to take what the heart wants and if it costs you oh well your following your heart

To be honest i was nervous introducing myself to her but i did because well i was a lone i was curious i had honored my past love but  i dwelling never worked i want something real not one sided

Courage makes me feel alive your smile makes me feel alive it could be me but i honestly can think you and i in a sentence in my mind that fits that is crazy that a chance is there in the dark place i live in i never thought i could reach a light

i look in the eyes of a significant other as i stare into the moon light i think of her

Her smile which is the only reason i go to that prison surprised that i caught her glare at me is it fate paying me back? or is it just a blank dead miserable stare

The eyes of fate and i have never seemed eye to eye we have always butted heads always picking up on the chosen ones the gods have picked for the non believers

Misery i have been brought pain i have felt hell my heart has bled more than a soldier in a war
but one very simple thought in my head what if it ruins it all what if she gets wierded  out and abandons me like the rest because i hate saying this but the truth hurts others

Should i or should just leave this place and be a after thought in this hell of a life

i hear a  a urge to strike when my time is needed it seems its about to be my time maybe i hope i fail

I struck out so many times where you got to take what you want not patiently wait like a solider guarding the lines of Korea

Strike first  my friends say i must find a way to have her some way some how it must happen

how important are you to me i really am shocked i feel something like this horrid thought of being abandoned again.

My life has been miserable in this new place until i met you you brought some light to this dark heart

I realize i am crazy i realize i am not the usual person people would see the light in their life

How are you important you listen to me you dont ignore me when i need someone to talk to

I am not gonna say your the one well because i honestly dont know i said that so much to be honest and i been wrong so not gonna risk that  but your importance keeps me sane your eyes fill me with light to my black black heart

How many times do you need to fall down before the realization of what your gut feeling is

How many times do being a failure affect you?  why is it that you clamor not to be alone.

I ask myself that over and over again why do i doubt when i should be trying not giving up which i don't

Falling down is fine when its your fault but when its because some Idiot of some kind decides to stay involved and steal everything you have

Fine steal from me  i dont mind because i do not have much to be honest what can i lose at this point  seriously i am not a idiot

i been called many things but i rather be hated for who i am then liked for what i am not  and as far as i am concerned

I am not alone i tons of Partners in crime ready to strike but really i dont need help  all i need is for You to fall down you feel broken i been broken for years never healed fully every time i am about to heal its scars to a bigger mess than before

But strength is gained Not from working out not for being a complete jack *** either but growing up falling down making mistakes and trust this  envious being i am not standing down from any thing or anyone if i want something i just plainly not take no not a theif but should i say i strike when my time is right

I dream of Returning to my Real home a home i miss the rain it reminds me of all the things i overcame

I stand in the Rain in a place they call full of sun and chances what have i got here so far a few friends not

many and  i honestly wonder if i made a choice i regret i have Dream't of returning home and finishing

things up  a Dream what is a dream i have two dreams i know what they are and i will achieve at least one

Hope i wont hope I will return stronger better bigger i learned leaving to avoid a problem is not the answer.

The one way to solve it is confront it Head on  sure i found something that brings me a smile here but it

brings back a feeling i struggle to control the thoughts of home i return i beckon to live my dreams i

Made a promise to thyself that no matter what i Love is could be here but i know i have something i

cherish family.   i wonder if i never left  i wonder if i stayed i am not backing down no more i am gonna

solve my problems head on until the wall in front of me for years is gone  i beat down once i can do it again

Whem you see a obstacle you can wait for it to go or do something drastic the fact  that someone like was born with a crap hand does not mean something great can happen  truth is I can hide and watch and wait but I choose to live and overcome that obstacle a Prievous year I had  a flaw of love lorn as I will always care for her but I may found something so I thought I was hurt I radiated disappointment in my  eyes but hey I like a challenge  I may have  become that guy who's a loner a guy who isolates himself from others but I tell you something  what I want  I will get this time what's gonna stop me a another fellow a judgemental authority figure  all I have to say is obstacles are meant to be smashed

i Call myself crazy i Call myself a idiot for what because i open up to people to easy

Is that something i can control? Is affection ,love or infatuation natural.,

I call myself crazy well because i am crazy for good reasons  very good reasons the fact is one can fail and doubt themselves so long


Call me crazy call me a idiot but i am not gonna throw this second chance at something fresh and  Beautiful away i patiently wait for a connection to hit before the crazy boy who has always wanted someone in his life is now matured and knows what he needs most importantly

the fear of getting close to others the fear of ******* up another chance

How my past has lived with me like  childhood toy that was not used for years after their  child grew up

My heart has been confusing shocking dismaying contiversaial the situations i been in have been a experience this time as beautiful as

she is i wont  be reluctant i patiently wait to see a conclusion  prepare to take risks for somethings not everything i say

i conceal a feeling that resides in my  scarred up heart.     like a living  with a open wound i carried what i thought could happen with me for a thousand of miles..

I now see myself figuring out   what is this lie i am living i am concealing for a good reason for a good cause.

I want happiness if  the heart is not getting what the heart wants it wither up and die alongside your humanity

I conceal this feeling because i have not gave up but  i will prove that i can live with this feeling controlled heck i  am willing to try out some thing new something different its time i opened up to new people explored the world a little more hey maybe you see the light at the end of the tunnel like i did but since clearly you can not see the light well i am sorry but until that happens i will have to explore a new world beyond waiting for a chance that might not happen

I am finally opened my eyes to the harsh reality

I never be the guy I never be the one  because some people's taste is just plain full of blasphemous lies

Like the snake in Eden it tells everyone don't go to the one is actually meaning what THe worlds truths are


The fact is I will Change it because I am sick and tired of  the tears  at the thought of you gone its official  i am mess filled with many colors some green some black some blue some red  these colors have meaning and I am embracing a new life style

This past year it's been exhausting trying to cross the river but always end up drowning in the rapids of sorrows  soaking wet I lay at the ground with a shattered soul filled with happy memory's   Drift away down the river along with myself

18 years ago i entered a harsh world with   a little off from the others i had a flaw,

now you look at me like how did he stay at our level knowing he is a not as strong and quick ,

Well i am  something of a living example of anything can happen i overcome so much,

I tasted defeat i suffered through hard times, had my heart stomped on more times then i could remember,

But through it all i have grown and i am now better and unchanged by the higher ups trying to change me ,

I stand over the ledge called life knowing what  i want  i don't want object thats i ignore i do not want a **** load of money either i want is a simple i want to be doing what i love  be the guy for certain somebody at most of all prove that i can do things people said i could never do

A new dawn is upon us  a Man with revenge on his mind is coming  for every person who held him down

Will they see it coming no because they do not know what he is capable of doing to get his dark dark revenge

Is he a puppet of the darkness , is he the true anti hero someone needs good questions by all who have faith

But faith wont save them because this guy will  not forgive or forget

Its quite a nuisance when I feel like I tryed   But trying was never good enough I could have have up but my iron will will continue this fight till the end

So when you are called traitor what did I do I gave my reason and my brutally honesty I needed to find out of this feeling I had in me if it was a phase it was not it is imprinted in me Like that horrid image I saw that drove me over the edge I remember it like it was yesterday

My life has been something of a up and down war to find that one  single thing in this world I needed a person in my life that I tend to have a feeling of will I ever be the same again? I will answer that when I return  I will be ready for all arms open and all opposition and I be ready to end it all

This darkness that plagues my heart carries me to a thought of despair no matter what I can't stay happy I have done things I am not proud of i lived a lie and this darkness has made me not myself for me to fight this out I have to walk alone once again because it's about **** time  I got something in return because when I return the place of my birth I will do everything in my power to make sure all opposition falls one by one because this darkness that has consumed me I will use it and I will channel it and when I finally have a chance I will take it even it kills me in the process I will have The girl of my dreams one day I hope but I will have to take down every road block first comes competition then the blood line and after it is all said and done I will finally succeed failure is not a option

What would you've do if you were forced to leave the one you  loved

What would you do if your last chance at something amazing was ripped away because your not what their chosen one is

I encountered everything in my way and I broken through dark dungeons I encountered madness

But through all the times I fell down   I got back up and did not quit

I am a real   Spitting image of  overcoming the odds.

The fact is when I return I will reclaim what is rightfully my place  

And in the end the higher ups filled with paranoid thoughts  of  re occurring antagionist i am no hero nor I am the villain I am simply we man who will do whatever I have to do to realize one of my dreams

A dark thought carries like a spider replicating itself  This dark though i carry....

Embracing the darkness to get what you want sure you get what you want FINALLY but in reality theres a cost  Humanity lost, looking like a total a**hole , becoming what you do not want to become  this darkness i should not embrace is jealousy because when i am jealous i am crazy i am not me its like a demon has taken my body to commit certain  horrors upon Humanity   Embracing the darkness gets you to your dreams and goals but at the same time the you give up everything else to attain that goal  which i won't do i will take the high road to see her again i will not stop and i will do it the right way but being a man and confronting this feeling head on and any man gets in my way   just to say  i can control the darkness inside of me and wont change me because when i use it two men will enter but one man will be left

Broken side walks Tell a story of a man who has been chasing something that he never could attain 

Sunlight gives false hope he has little hops left 

Not willing to surrender  as a dark cloud is in my heart 
I carry a weight a dilemma that has mixed results 

Should I surrender the love I have for a year for a risk 
Or should I keep it and fight for it  I walk the broken side walk like its the broken road I walked for years

Do you know what is like to be haunted? 

Every time I see a another pretty face it does not Change I just see the one that got away from me 

This image. Is a haunting image. That makes you realize that you can't fight your emotion 

This reoccurrence has a pattern  once you seen it turns me into a world I missed. 

You know you missed something when reminded of it 

I am not afraid it has shown  who really is that dream you feel every single night 

A reoccurence of a image is  imprinted into my heart and will always be patient for that chance that one can dream about

You all my heart wants

I think of you like crazy i see the rain its beauty its nothing compared to you

your my Everything i will return one day

i dream of returning to see you to bring light to this dark soul

I realized that your my everything  i need nothing else i wait years forever  for you to see the way i do

the pain inside my chest has put a wrench in my stomach as i think about it  

saying good bye to everyone  i  am gonna miss all my friends and that One person  that i will always care for no matter what

My heart aches at the thought of leaving her and my best friends  but i will be back and trust me

This is not my last time i ever see you guys i will be back and i see you and everyone will miss me to and  as i see that   beauty last time   i hope one day  something more happens because i will wait for you no matter what so good bye  but when you see me again i will be right there for you as always even a thousand miles away i will be here so saying good bye hurts us but like a double edged sword theres a plus  equaling me returning

I stare at my future i realize being there is what  makes others lives great but you kinda wonder why is my advice working for them and not me?

I never really figured it out i always get  i am there hero for there situation not anymore because  i am no

longer working to make others future great  i am working for two things to make my life great

and the second thing is to Find that ONE chance i do not care if i have to jump road blocks i do that all

the time   this one because for everyone who just loves to criticize and walk away  

theres a diffrent there one of the reasons why i am leaving because i am no longer the hero nor villain i

am no longer  trying to find  something in my home town because two things will happen i will get what i want and two the people who played me are gonna miss me being there

I made a mistake i thought i could have something else because i could not have the one

Well i can see why people are flawed i know this  why did i realize this because i think i know who i really care for

I am  at this point stronger than ever and i get it  theres more waiting and pain and anguish  then anything

I see  the light of the end of the tunnel because i am willing to keep things the way they are but  we all can dream and wish  but   since my honesty is to unfiltered

why on earth did i walk away  because i am still here and hears the brutal truth that  everyone needs to know

9 days   i am leaving  and the reason i am leaving is i need a fresh start failure here comes back like a reoccuring nightmare

why on earth am i walking away from my home town the reason is i am sick of the fickle people  who toy with me  and one more thing i will always be there for the ones i love  the friends and family i just won't be here so failure can not follow

all my failures i accept the false confidence  others have given me has a effect on my choices

A fresh start might be what i need because now i realized the hearts fickle and it can change in a instant

But when you have friends that care about you when you have family in two places

A fresh start might not be the best because its walking away from the the hardships that made me stronger

yes i care a lot about others but  coming from my point is i need something that can not give false hope i need    something thats there not a fake

Because the new me is not worried about anything but  proving everybody wrong

so what i am not seen as  a guy who is considered relationship material but i do not really care.

because you see i  am a changed man i  no longer am the guy who takes failure and holds it i just let it go and continue on

So what you found someone else because i might have found someone else  so what i am a success i feel like i am on top of the mountain.

so what if i cant have you i can be happy still sure i wish i could but why be so down about it i be coming to be me not worry about  anything else

when you welcome the fall out of a choice you decay  and welcome all kinds of pain and suffering

i am decaying i am a mess i am the monster i did not want to become

I knock heads at this point to get what i want so    guess what i speak the truth i would act on my feelings but whats the point when you maybe be gone  

I am not gonna become the bitter monster again i was having something good and it was taken FROM me again so guess what God or whatever is up there F*CK you  because this fall out is a warzone and i be the last man standing

I have to fight to stay in my home town  because i have something good finally and now i have to

walk away and let my place be taken from me that wont happen i promise that i will be the last  one
standing because family does not go behind your back to control you

I will fight because you want to take me and be your little puppet for a long time but you see because this plague in my brain does not mean i am stupid and cant fend for myself

This moment will prove why I should Be IT instead of being the guy everyone knows that is forever alone.
But you see i am not IT nor forever alone and i am no ****** who cant change himself either you see there are people to and as far as i am concerned family would not do this   so Game on *******

I walk in the street staring at the sky and look for the answer who is the one for me?

Where is my answer I don"t need a god to find it i  may have found it

I try to wait for my shot i been waiting for a long  6 years  i found something good but i will not make

that mistake.... again

My past confronts me still it was a mistake i will never make again.

I moved on from her but i may have found another but the diffrence i that i still care about the other but i

am not gonna wait for something i cant attain  my  feelings are minor i just want to live life when in

general everybody's time comes sometime  i just want to have something that is gonna heal me up 100%  

Soul searching is one thing i have done for ever because i know what IT is nothing more than to hold me

back because i admit i am not the guy  you expect to be there  because you see the one flaw is my gain.

I am gonna be the guy who succeeds i am the guy who is always over looked then i just wait for a

A good thing in my life  is not someone it is me being happy nothing more as much as i want someone

to care about me   i can only hope...

My true self to be found i realized i need me to be happy and be there for others

Because my true self is something that can not be broken because i realized

yeah i would love to be with her but guess what i can't but does that stop me from living my life

I realize my time will come when my dreams do come true you see there's more things in life

I am not alone i got friends that care about me i got a chance to live a dream i been waiting for a year   you know what my true self is a hero in my eyes

no matter what i do someone else has it easy

I may be nice and sweet and thats only for you

You see to some people i dislike i can be the biggest **** on this planet

You see honesty is where  i am no matter what i wait for that one shot that is long over due

No matter what i will be here waiting  if i have to leave a few years  i come back for you  

Because  i will be waiting i will time my shot right and this time lightning won't strike twice

17 years ago a struggle started to find within what  i have been missing   you see i been missing  a lot of things

The fact is that here i am not the guy  for anything ''

I am not who the person who is typically someone that is treated with respect

Not many people believed in me

Well those 17 years of anguish hard work failure   come to a ahed because  i wanted at first was to hurt anyone who ruined my life but i decided on this

You took something that took me 17 years to attempt     its simple i use my superior intelect to take what i need in my life