Sometimes you can do everything right,
and still be wrong.
Sometimes,
things just do not work.

You reflect,
and you hope and pray,
that things would fix themselves.
But, they don’t.

You contemplate:
the what if’s,
the but’s
the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.

But if you think about it,
if it was really meant to be
it would have stood the tests of time,
it would have taken blow after bitter blow,
and it would still stand.

If it was meant to be,
It would be here right now.

Sometimes in life, you win…
sometimes you win big.
But there will come a day when you will lose,
And sadly you will fail.

Sometimes you win,
and other times you must walk away.

*- j.m.

Trust me,
if I could be sleeping next to you
I would.

If I could wake up next to you,
I would.

If I could pick up my life and revolve it around you
I would.

I would like to do many things.
I wish I could take away my pain.
I wish I could rid you of your pain.

I wish life was simpler.
I'd make it easier if I could.

Trust me, I’d do many things if I had the power.
Sadly, I’m not in control.

I guess that’s what hurts the most:
Lacking control and the uncertainty that follows.

*- j.m.

I don’t let most people in anymore.
I’ve learned my lesson from experience.

Sometimes, you let someone in and they take what they need and leave.
And sometimes, someone stays…
They stay long enough for all of your walls to come down,
Long enough for all of your scars to heal,
And then one day you wake up and they are nowhere to be found.

So, forgive me if it takes a lot for me to let you in…
Forgive me, if my walls are higher than before…
Because, I know pain…
I know it all too well…

How do I know if you won’t be like the others?
I don’t want to lower my walls,
to discover that you stole something from me while I wasn't looking.

I don’t want to wake up empty again…
I do not want to feel that pain again.

*- j.m.

You, my dear, are special.
You are different…
You are kind…

There are many other wonderful things about you
But to write about them would take me a while…

So I’ll close with this:

Thank you, for being you.

*- j.m.

Is it sad that I want you back in my life?
Yes, you hurt me.
You honestly did more damage to my heart than I thought was ever possible.
I would’ve done anything and everything for you.
But you left.

Is it bad that I want you back in my life?
You brought me joy.
You transformed me from the inside out.
What we had was so real.
But you left.

Am I mad to want you back in my life?
You knew me the best.
You knew parts of me no one else knew.
And you never judged me…
But you left.

Even though you left.
Even though you left me shattered.
I still want you back in my life.

But you left.
And you are not coming back..
Not this time

*- j.m.

These tears are longing to fall,
And during turbulent times like these I desire a release.

I thought I was done,
But the weight of my situation continues to follow me.
As bad as I want all of this to be gone,
I know that this will not go away easily.

Money is tight.
I have to work harder than ever to stay in school,
Because now higher education and debt are synonymous,
And money is hard to find.

My relationship introduces questions like:
Why isn’t this like the last?
        Will this last?
And many other questions I shouldn’t ask right now.
During sad nights like this when I want you here…
I have to face reality that you live far away,
The reality that our schedules do not, and will not match up,
And sadly, when I need you I know you are asleep.
Is this even real?

Is this all really real?
     I was taught if you do everything right then things will be fine.
     Well, I’ve done everything right…
     I’ve dotted my I’s and crossed my T’s,
     and yet things haven't turned out fine.

All in all, my stress never takes a vacation.
No release for me.

*- j.m.