And up with the flames they go,
memories now turned to ash.

The physical items have been destroyed,
although the memories are branded forever in our minds.

Through the fire we have been healed…
Just as the roaring flames devastate a forrest, so too do plants rise from the ashes.

We have been ravished, destroyed, and thoroughly eviscerated,
Battle tested, and **** near defeated, yet we still stand.

Through the fire we have been tested,
and through the fire we have been refined.

Among the ashes we find ourselves,
and from the ashes we shall rise taller than we ever have…

When I look back,
I remember Montpelier is where I started.
Things were simpler, the days were easier, and everything was brighter.
It’s amazing how much has changed since then.

Back then I didn’t worry about school.
Education was free, I loved learning, and recess was invigorating.
But now, school has conquered my mind with questions like:
Can I pay next year?
What about loans?
Can I keep my scholarship?
Will I have to drop out?

The struggle is alive people, and if you don’t realize it will eat you alive.

Over the years, friends have decreased, family members deceased…
Days have grown longer, and the years have become harder.
My chromatic days filled with vibrant colors have faded away…
The lively colors of my youth have faded away to black, white, and somber greys.
Black carries the bad times, the uncertainty, the doubt.
These times are constant…
White carries the pockets of sunshine within your life…
The good days, when everything is going right, or when a certain special person steps in your life.
And, the grey carries those days where you just don’t know…
Those days where you are stuck in the mundane cycle, constantly trying to find your drive.

I just wonder, where did those vibrant days go?
Because most days I am stuck in the greys…
And, simply, I just do not where did Montpelier go?

*- j.m.

Honesty is all I ask of you.
By that I mean, open yourself up to me.
Tell me what is constantly on your mind.
Tell me what do you dream about at night
Tell me about all of your hopes that you constantly strive for
And tell me of the fears that visit you at night…
Tell me about your mistakes and your successes.

Because, I want to know it all.

Leave no stone unturned when you talk with me.
If anything you say is embarrassing, tell me so we can laugh together.
If anything you say is good, tell me so we can both be happy.
And, if there comes a time when anything you say is sorrowful,
Tell me so that we can both feel the pain...

If you laugh, let us both laugh.
If you smile, let us both smile.
And, if you cry, let us both feel the pain, the tears, and the anguish.
So that we can get through anything and everything together…

Share yourself with me…
Open yourself up to me, and I will do the same…

Because, I want to know it all.

*- j.m.

One of my friends graduated today,
But as I came home bad thoughts lingered.
They brought me back to you,
And it made me realize how torn up I still am.

I don’t know exactly what I need.
If it is time, let it be…
Everyone I talk to about this says that it takes time…
Well, I have been waiting and time has been ticking and sadly I’m still here.

I don’t know what to do.
I have found another,
But the seeds of doubt and uncertainty that you planted are starting to grow.
And on the horizon, I can visualize history repeating itself.

I don’t know…
Maybe closure would have made this a little more bearable.
Instead of finding out that you’ve moved on, while I was stuck.
How fast one can move from love?
Was it love…?
I certainly thought it was, but maybe I was wrong.

I want this to go away so I can cherish the one I’m with.
But it’s not going away…
The only thing I do know is that it seems like this pain is here to stay.

*- j.m.

Subtly and quietly, uncertainty has recaptured its place in my mind.
Just as soon as I thought I was happy,
When I thought the sun was shinning over the horizon,
The gloomy impenetrable clouds of uncertainty and indecision return into my view.

I know that somewhere beyond these clouds there is light.
But, why must the clouds stand in the way?
Why must they frequently return?

Please, let me be.
Let me enjoy.
Put my mind at ease, and allow me to feel fervently.
Allow my emotions to ravish me in pure ecstasy.
Let the light consume every single part of me.
Fill me light, until my cup is overwhelmed. Inundate every part of me!
I beg, and I plea! Light, please take me!
Allow me to soar past the darkness that constantly captures me, that enshrouds me, that eviscerates the entirety of me!

Please, ominous and petrifying clouds of indecision and uncertainty…
Please… let me be happy.

- *j.m

I need you gone.
I need your presence that looms in my mind to disappear.
I want the memories eradicated.
I want any iota of anything regarding you to be forbidden within me.
Because, on days like these when my mind is racing and I revisit my past, you return.

You, of all people, do not deserve a place within my mind.
Because of you I am broken.
No longer is everything bright, happy, and wonderful.
Now, I question others more… their ways and their motives.
And even now, my mind, which used to be secure, is now overwhelmed with doubt.

Originally, I thought you were the one for me.
But that’s the thing about thoughts: sometimes you’re just wrong.
I wish I wasn’t wrong, but I cannot change that now.
I wish I didn’t know you…
I just wish we didn’t meet,
Because even though we had some great times, and surely they were great,
But it was not worth the fall…
It was not worth it at all.

Now, all I am left with is a shattered heart, and a mind that is in shambles.
While you are happy living, I am left picking up the pieces of the chaos you caused.
While you are moving on, I’m trying my best to proceed, but sometimes I get stuck.
There should be something that happens to people like you…
People that grow on you, people that hold a sacred part of you, and then they leave…
People like you should be the broken ones, not us.

I need you gone, so I can move…
Please… just leave.

- J.M.