Never claimed I was perfect, if I did, didn't mean to.
I'm just searching for a woman who can be my equal

Aged and agitated,
Hate my contemplation,
Rage, my compensation,
Shades of inner hatred seem to keep my mind abated

This used to be my only fear,
But now, it's gone away.
Ever since you did appear,
A new one took its place.
I was afraid of death.
Namely, dying alone.
But tell me, what is left,
Of me, if I were on my own?..

The poem that I'd never write..
The kind of poem that'd show me in a different light.
I scoff at Benja F bills
Women come and go,
I be popping pills that make the world turn slow.
I yolo *******,
Holler at team swag,
Money and the *******,
Tell her throw it in the bag..

That's the kind of poem that I'd never write.
The kind of poem where I ****** everyone in sight.
I keep it real hood.
Gangster all day.
Look me the wrong way,
Dead body in the hallway.
You don't want no problems,
I'm strapped like Velcro,
Dummy I don't play no games, Nintendo.

This made little sense,
something wasn't right.
This is the kind of poem I would never ever write.

And I'm addicted to your love...
I can't imagine my life here without it.
I would die if you left me I fear I don't doubt it.
You promise you won't disappear, just stay grounded.
And I'll assure that my love for you dear, is so boundless

I just want you to know,
I'm still here and, oh so proud.
And if you ever feel low,
That's something I cannot allow.
Cuz you've come so far,
you're better now than, you were at the start.
I know that times are kind of hard.
But I promise that I, am never apart.
If you ever feel the need to cry,
I hope you know that it's fine my friend.
Just promise me that you'll try,
To dry your tears and smile at the end
I know you hold regrets,
and wish things didnt end that way.
But I swear I'm proud of you,
and the person that you are today.

"The world sees me looking in the mirror,
Images of me, getting much clearer, dear self",
I wrote a letter just to better my soul,
Trying to keep it all together, wrapped and under control.
I have a dream like Dr. King once had
A vision of a time where not a thing is bad.
Where every body is an equal, and they've met their needs,
The only addicts live off compliments and good deeds.
War is nonexistent and they've banished the gun.
Every automobile runs off energy from the sun.
I have a dream like Dr. King once dreamed.
I'm fighting for my dream, a dream to be free.

Still can't understand it, curse myself, its damning,
I am just one man, I am Jonathan Fernandez,
Consumed deeply in thought, stranded from the world,
Cogitating by myself, along with my own words,
I've escaped through notebooks, paper, pens, and lexicons,
I've been driven madly and destroyed all that I've set upon,
But these verses hold my cure, in it I find solace,
These words turn my soul pure, I offer no condolence,
Please excuse me if my mind decides to crash upon me,
I try so hard to stay alive but I feel like a zombie,
People stare and point at me, laughing cuz I'm different,
I laugh cuz you're the same, I'm glad that we are distant.
So I hold no regrets, I vow to never change,
true I will remain, no matter if I'm sane,
This is my domain, I've carved out my whole name,
seared it deep in flames, to immortalize my fame.
I just want to change the world, one person at a time,
feel it in every verse rehearsed, deep in every line,
I swear that I will do it if it's the last thing that I do,
Even if I have to write tens of millions of haikus,
Even if I have to write until the day I'm dead,
Even if my arms fall off, I'll write them with my legs,
I'll even write my own never-ending story,
True poetry is dead? I'll restore its glory,
My future's undecided, as fickle as the weather,
can the weatherman, tell us that, turn us to a better man?
Nothing's really certain, believe me when I say that.
I know that painful truth, because it hurts my mind to play back,
Speeding on the freeway, dawning on a new day,
Getting hard to relate, this is new praise when you lose faith.
Keep your head up, listen and embrace the somber silence,
Take life for what it's worth and always keep on smiling.
Cherish every minute, time keeps flying by,
I swear I saw it ticking down, I hope it doesn't die.
But die it must and die it shall, die it surely will,
I write so many poems because words cannot be killed.
My words will be here long after I'm dead,
The only word I want's 'Forever' on my epitaph.

If Sleep's the cousin of Death,
then what's insomnia?
Draining life with each breath?
A hypochondriac,
See, it's hard to explain..
Trying to see what's real or not is making me go insane

These walls are closing in, where do I begin?
My mind is running back and forth, pacing from within.
I'm talking to myself, arguing, internal strife,
Debating who the hell I am, in this infernal life?
Incoherent babble, I'm asking what I'm after.
I understand my questions way more than I do my answers.
I'm feeling burning cold but I know I'm dead awake,
Screaming silently, I mean, can no one hear me break, and shatter
What's the matter? What's the fuss?
Who am I? What of us?
Is it just? Just because?
*Truly, what have I become?

I thought you'd live forever if I wrote you in these pages.
But nothings forever, nothing can live for many ages.
Pencil can be erased.
Stone crumbles to dust.
Ink can fade away.
Metals are doomed to rust.
It seems the only way, to keep your soul alive,
Is to keep you in our hearts, and never let it die.

I am, highly outspoken,
and, overtly open,
wear my, heart on my sleeve,
where it's not, hard to get broken,
I love, live in the poem,
a life, full of much hope and,
'Love' in my hemoglobin, good emotions keep me going,
Don't take this life for granted, we're all granted special moments.

*I wish I could spread the word to the world,
   Love, be my slogan.

With so much evil in the world, it's hard to stay strong.
So much bad among us, it's so easy to go wrong.
There's people filled with malice, people who discriminate.
Their hearts have become callous, and seem to live off deepened hate.
Degrading what is different, and they don't even care,
or fathom we're alike, like phonemic sounds in pairs.
Whether black or white, whether blonde or a brunette,
We all bleed the same, yet we're so quick to forget.
Is it because it's easier to do nothing than to learn?
It's hard to save the planet, easy to watch it burn.
Such a fine line in-between, it is hard to distinguish,
The moment that we give up is the moment that we're finished.
But we can't be submissive, not one person's typical
We're all one of a kind, that's distinctive of a miracle.
Nothing will ever change, if we don't ever try.
It starts with just two vowels, it starts with U and I.
The answer isn't hidden, it's found in the Preamble,
The answer's We the People, let's be shining examples.

I tend to focus on the dread, the darkness,
On Death, the dead, the daring, the dauntless,
The doomed, the ******, the sad and depressing,
The dim, the duped, the drones and distressing.
When it's overwhelming and I feel the world will eat me,
That's when I realize that I wasn't seeing clearly,
The world is pretty messed up,
Sure, that part is true,
But there's lots of positivity and amazing things to do.
You can crack a joke, then a smile, pass it along,
You can share some stories, share some forties and a song,
Make some memories, make new friends and live with purpose.
You need to find a goal in life, and devote to living for this,
Whether it's start a family or change a life or change the world.
you can start today by spreading love through joy and words.

Live to the fullest every day
And every day will be your truest.

How could words explain what I feel?
Letters etch my tattered tale?
A broken shell, a hollow soul,
My heart, so cold and pale.
Now how to cope, what do I do?
I feel so lost, it's true.
The world came crashing down on me
the second I lost you.

The despair I felt was nothing like I've ever felt before.
I never thought that I could cry until my soul was sore.
I cried until my heart hurt. I cried until my eyes hurt.
I cried until I couldn't cry, and then I cried some more.
I never thought this day would come,
not this way, this soon.
Every day I wonder what I'll do now without you.
That very thought consumes me, I'm filled with grief and rage.
To think you'll never get to see your nephew come of age.

Sweet kisses to the missus in my heart,
In my soul, she lives, yet, she seems so very far.
We make love so beautiful, and she's a work of art,
But part of us is missing, can you tell me what it means?...
She's got me mixed up like a plastic cup of solo.
Everytime she asks, i say I'll love her more tomorrow,
and everywhere she walks, then love is sure to follow.
Full of sorrow cuz I only see her in my dreams...

She's always there, no matter what you couldn't sway
The way she feels about me, yet I tend to push away
Always deep in roses, yet alone is where I tread
The way I give my heart up, swear you'd think that I was dead but
Next time I think that I deserve a heads up,
Cupid, if you shoot me, better use a different weapon
Cuz fallin for you hurt me but I swear I don't regret it
And though I've never said it, know that I'll never forget it.
Maybe we'll unite again if fate does intervene
If we stay the same or change or if there is a 'we'
And if it is true love, then I hope it never ends
But if you're not the one, then why can't we just pretend?

You control my thoughts, but it's not like I would change them,
You're always in my dreams, and I'd do anything to save them.
Feels like I hit the pavement, I'm a *******,
Because they hurt me so, yet the pain is such a bliss.
If dreaming of you always hurts, I'll readily accept it.
If it was up to me, then I'd be a narcoleptic.

The walls are closing in,
the isolation's smothering.
This sense of dread and doom is overwhelming me and covering,
I'm loving it, the masochistic part of me's in heaven.
The other side that's dead inside, screams "I want to end it.
Beat up and physically demolished every week.
That's the last time anyone says I'm a freak.
Hold the metal to my wrists, I think the darkest thoughts,
Things could've been so different if I had received more love.
I push the metal blade in, and feel my life escaping..
But to my surprise,
Then I awaken..

A poem written with lascivious thoughts,
Closer to the flame, what a ridiculous moth,
I'm driven by the lust, I felt so compelled
To close the distance between us,
I'm lost, can't you tell?
Are you a devil? Angel?
Neither heaven nor hell,
Could break this spell I'm in, I keep sinning, I love it, oh well.
Now its time to give in,
This night is a sin,
I lost control of my own body but this feels like a win.

True love's between a pair,
It can take a heart and break it.
Make you visually impaired,
Love before you make it.
Cuz makin love first is complicated,

Questioned and debated.
So just make sure it's worth it.
True love is so sought after cuz it's perfect.

You're funny if you think you can compare,
From her cuticles to her cute little locks of hair,
You're visually impaired, don't despair,
She's a goddess, I'm just honest, the comparison's not fair.
It seems you speak at random,
Or is it an amalgam?..
Of wicked crock and sicker thoughts
That you need to abandon.
This obsession has to stop,
Find a different subject matter,
'Fore you mature or go insane,
I'm betting on the latter.

Nevermore,
will the ebon raven ever soar,
Feathers torn,
the seven sins tethered bore,
Hard fruit,
black and rotted to the core,
Dark soot,
Covering a brooding door.
Open it,
A deep regret if you explore,
Hoping is,
Good for nothing, evermore.

Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe,
The Raven

Listen close to this and let me paint a picture.
Inside my mind, where it's way too dark for any fixtures.
A mixture, of hail and hell inside my brain.
Feeling like both sides of two oncoming trains.
Twenty-three cars in a one car-lane.
I don't know why I kinda love the fact that I'm deranged.
Sane or insane, some think that the latter's bad.
I'm the calm before the storm, the storm, and the aftermath.
All rolled into one, it's hard just to contain.
Hard to not change, even harder to explain.
I might explode and leave behind a stain in my name.

I know you'll miss me when I'm gone.
You'll miss my warmth, the spark we had on the tip of your tongue.
The smell of my cologne,
Those restless nights, our songs,
You should've kissed me one last time,
you'll miss me when I'm gone.

One wrong turn, a sudden misstep
Live and learn, or stumble on to His step.
Theres a fine line
between risk and reward,
When its my time?
What was it all for?
I'm not convinced, im on the right path
Every day's a struggle to give all that I have.
Im not saying im unhappy,
far from it.
I just don't know if Im happy,
with what im becoming..

This world is ****** up, so we need to change it.
Some might not agree and think I'm a deranged kid.
Well, maybe I am...
... Then again, maybe not.
We need to save this planet, cuz one is all we got.
If we pull together, we can make this a better world.
But we've grown too focused on sarcophagi and burials.
It's scary though, the situation's pretty grim,
There's a chance to save it though the chance is pretty slim,
We need to keep hope alive, no way that I am giving in,
The world that I envision's better than the one I'm in.
At the most, it seems that all one can do is hope,
Let's rid the world of evil vices, things like guns and dope.
I hope it's getting through, this message that I send,
I fear I'll fight this battle til the day my life does end.
It feels like one against the world,
Surrounded desolation,
Cuz in a sea of people,
I still drown in isolation.

I made myself a promise,
When this mortal met this goddess,
I swore that I would always love her and be honest.

And she brings out the best in me,
Loves me ever pleasantly,
Taking in the good, and all the bad and all the rest of me.

And that's when it hit me,
how could I ever leave her?
When this goddess met this mortal,
she said she loved him, he believed her.

My words are mixed messages,
The work of a madman,
My poems come in hazmats
I'm on a pen and pad ban,
My mind's running like lab rats,
Or running like a black lab,
Crazy like that lab rat's mad hat,
Tell me, did you catch that?
If not, say "no nintendo"
I think that's spanish and it means "no comprehend, yo"..

Yo no comprendo either but how can I under stand?
When I'm sitting over sneakers,
Being loud, I'm never bland,
So let me expand, this man is too big for his own good,
My bark's bigger than my bite,
I got a tree with old-grown wood,
Strong as an oak tree, lil ol' me's never board.
I'm not a playwright but I write many plays on words
And here onwards I vow to always entertain,
I'm a poet, and I know it, that's my middle name.

But actually, it's not. Because I don't have one.

..Music is my inspiration,
It fuels my drive, my goals, and it is my motivation,
My determination, enduring and undying,
I could say that I don't need it but I know that I'd be lying.
Make it without trying, its everywhere you go,
inside everything you see, it's in everyone you know.
And what a thing to hear, go tell everyone that's near, both enemies and peers, have no fear,
Here's a cheer, even if you don't drink, grab a beer,
hear ye, hear ye, come, thee and listen,
Music is my medicine, to spread it is my mission.
And if I do succeed and infect a single soul,
I hope that it's contagious and the virus starts to grow,
And soon everyone will know, whether young or really old,
That time might heal all wounds but music's therapeutical,
So bask in all its greatness, relax and just embrace it,
Music's all around us, it's surrounding and amazing.

Music's such a blessing, don't you all agree?
Music is my armor when the world's attacking me,

Without it, I'd be crazy, how'd I ever get so lucky?
Me and music go together like a bath and rubber duckies.

To provide you with some sort of deeper mental stimulation.
From the Master, Uniquely Specializing In Creation

Cups of tequila,
Sitting by the window,
Thinkin suicidal,
thinkin bout the days when you were sitting in your bridal dress,
Everything about this has me stressed,
It's really hard to get this off my chest,
I just wish you had said yes..
But you never did,
Drinking till I'm sober,
Painting on my wrists,
What about the things you said, remember everything?
Pictured us together, happy, six or seven kids...
Guess it wasn't meant to be..
Wish I could erase this,
All these memories
It hurts to think that now, we're each others' enemies.
The day that I accept you left will be the end of me

You can mix this into water, and It'll taste great
Rubbing it on a fresh cut, you will hate,
I put it on my taco, guess what I just ate?

What a sight to see,
Poets, write some poetry.
Any kind of poetry, I read or write, is close to me.
Capture life in words,
What's to say what you'll convey?
... It can rain on your parade,
Erase the clouds on cloudy days.
Poetry in motion,
Poets create emotions
Deeper than the ocean,
Stronger than endorphins.
What a sight to see,
Poets write some poetry.
It feels so right to me,
A soothing remedy

The government oppression,
I am its opponent.
They control the people,
Fear, its main component.
Pry our eyes wide open,
In this very moment,
Seek the hidden truth,
I am a main proponent.
A lot of modern news,
is often misconstrued,
a lot of missing cues,
Most people missing clues,
Mind our P's and Q's?
Of course, that's nothing new.
What better way to keep us slaves to power-soaked abuse?

Let me start by saying that you always seem to make my day.
You've brought more warmth into my life than the hottest solar ray.
Your complexion is perfection, in the most literal sense,
If I'm crazy or justified, I'm sitting on the fence.
Should I talk about your lips, how I imagine fingertips, running over them, slowly, as if leaning in to take a sip,
Or how even the simplest text, makes my heart beat without rest,
So fast and hard, it feels like it'll jump out of my chest.
I could really keep on going all day long if I so wished,
I could write you novels based off a shortlist.
But the truth is that I like you. I really do, I like you.
Now tell me that I shouldn't but I really cannot help it, I kinda want you to myself, I know it's selfish, you I cherish,
But I like you, that much is clear.
And part of me wishes that your man would disappear.
I'm sorry, I really haven't slept much,
I'm not thinking straight.
But the truth is still the truth, am I really to blame?
I mean, how can I resist, thinking of your lips, the thought alone fills me with bliss.
That's some crazy ish, yea I made a wish, and well, no wishing well could grant me what I wish. I am just a fish,
Swimming, lost, captivated by precious pools of blue,
I wanna feel your soul, ever close and dive deep into you.

So, here's something, that I really thinks lame,
Put your blinker on if you're gonna turn or switch lanes.
And don't wait til the last second, that's just plain dumb.
Blinkers are pretty useful, and not just for fun.
Here's another, a crazy idea I propose.
If you're eating something, then chew it with your mouth closed.
Cuz I can see the food you're chewing, and that's just too gross.
That cow - grazing sound, makes me clench my toes.
Here's another thing, I see every **** day.
People littering when the can's a few feet away.
Is it too much work? Are you really that lazy?
The nerve of some people... I tell you, it's amazing.

My beauty queen, a vivid dream,
Fill me with peroxide.
Wash my sins, I'm looking in,
Stranded from the outside.
I beg and pray, what can I say?
Your frigid lips are still.
You didn't die, alone that night,
Both you and I were killed.

Life's a b-
Well you know what they say
Even the best laid plans,
often go astray.
But hey, even then
I think it's okay.
Cuz they say,
where there's a will, theres a way,
wait,
there's a whole lotta idioms,
from the good to the hideous,
Either it's highly perceptive,
or maybe they're just ramblings from an idiot

Shake away, reverberate and vibrate higher,
Rise until you reach the sun and through the cosmic fires.
Press on, keep on rising, just do not descend.
He who risks it all, lives off better in the end.
Some call me naive, others strong and brave.
But how can I not be that when I've felt death's cold embrace?
Laughed straight at its face?
Never feeling timid,
So close to feeling dead, but really feeling vivid.
Courage in my being,
Coursing through my veins.
Never have I ran away,
To do so is a shame.
To do so is insane,
To do so would be lame,
one way or another,
They'll remember my name.

In my possession is a notebook. A special notebook with the ability to **** anybody whose name is written in it. I've had this skill forever, and every **** remembered. I told myself I would use this skill responsibly. So I started putting names in the notebook only of people I thought deserved to be in there. Killers and rapists. Crooked cops and corporate thieves. I've done this so long, it's natural to me now. I've never had a great struggle with it. I always justified it by saying they deserved it. That the world is better off.
There's been a string of murders lately. Horrible, gruesome murders. To this date, the murders were the worst. And at the list of awful humans, this killer was the first, at the top, i wished he'd rot, he'd get caught by honest cops but I digress.
It's probably for the best because I'm justifying again. This killer was the worst.
One starry summer night, after hanging with the guys, my best friend and I were both sitting outside. Both drunk and incoherent, liquor lowered defense, my buddy with excuses, then off he went. He left behind his wallet. I picked it up and followed. It took me a while but I caught him. But the next scene was surprising. The tension kept on rising. My friend was standing over a corpse. Dark red liquid was slowly pouring out. Then suddenly it made sense. My friend was the killer. The one that I was after. Worst of all, the corpse, it was my lover. My rage was quickly growing. My ire surely showing. That's when I reached out for my notebook. But as I grabbed my pen and as I opened the pages...
I stopped and hesitated....