Go lions go lions
You really put it on the swans
Go lions go lions
You piled on point by point
Go lions go lions
Ashcroft was your man
Go lions go lions
Daniher was good too
Go lions go lions
We are the team from Brisbane town
We wear the colours maroon blue and gold
And we always fight for victory
Like our destroyant bears of old
Go lions go lions
Winning their 4th cup
Go lions go lions
The best team in the year by far
Go lions go lions
The team played so well
Go the mighty lions

I love Christmas it makes me nice
I like thinking about eating chocolate icing
On a magnum so sweet
Very very nice
Some are wrong others are right
I like partying on Christmas
To every carol I know
Like rocking and the Christmas tree
Jingle bells and let it snow
It is a loving life day for the calendar to have
But sometimes if you want to
You could have a bartered sav
Come on Christmas
Really really good ya see
Then you go home and
Put up the Christmas tree
Aussie Aussie Aussie oi oi oi
You say it to celebrate an Aussie Xmas
To every girl and boy
Oh yeah it is to say
Have yourself a merry Christmas Day

Flip ya lid flip ya lid
Darling flip ya kid
Never wanted to flip ya lid
Ever in my life
You see it is mighty be hard to
Flip ya lid flip ya lid
Darling flip ya lid
It is mighty hard to flip ya lid
And blame it all on god
You see if I flip my lid
Like a marble
That is being flipped to
The other side of the room
Flip ya marble to the other
Side and feel happy about it
Flip ya lid flip ya lid
Darling flip ya lid
Never wanted to flip my lid
Ever in my life
Flip ya lid at Christmas
Flip ya lid at new years
Flip ya lid at Tamworth
Flip ya lid at Australia Day
Flip ya lid on Valentine’s Day
Just flip ya lid all over the place
Always filled with satin and lace
Just flip my lid, man

I love my teddy bear
You are my little bear
I love my teddy bear
You are my little bear
You give me cuddles when I want it
And you sit on my bed
Waiting for me to rest my weary head
You see I call my teddy bear
My cute teddy bear
You see I call my teddy bear
My cute teddy bear
I call him
Cuddly bear
Just like my girlfriend called me
I look like a bear
Who was after a cuddle
But my head was in a bit of a muddle
I might have been tired
So off I go to bed
To cuddle my beautiful wonderful topsy teddy bear from all over the world
You see I love my teddy bear
My cute little teddy bear
Really really cute shaking his derryiare
I love teddy he is so cute
I cuddle him so he is not on mute
I just love my teddy bear
Cause he supplies with cuddles
Just for me

In this area all you need to, mate is protect your area by walking up and down
And if anyone came into it you punch them, you buy yourself a six pack of beer and a few packs of smokes and play cool for all the yeah mate yeah kids (nerdy kids) and pounce on the kids who are too scared to go home, you see you wear your heavy metal t-shirt and old stone-wash jeans and protect your area so no fool enters and if they do you punch them and kick them and rob them for all their money and if anybody ****** with you, you give them a punch in the grind and if you bring it to the mall, the manager will kick you out and say, listen hrrr you little squirt the best thing to do is don’t mess with me. I am a big man, which means big muscles and big mind, I think I would like to bash you up, I am going to bash you up mainly because you came in my area and I don’t like when people come into my area I show them who’s boss, even the older men who came into my area because some of them are pardophiles I knock them out too and I have big mates or strong mates to help me protect my area in the way I want, and when we go to the footy we protect our area so we don’t get arrested by the cops and go to the pub to show people who is boss, whilst enjoying a beer and looking down on any **** who ******* with you and as I protect my area, if anybody tried to take me I will punch them so hard and whilst nothing is happening you walk up and down your area protecting it as you go, the mall, sports games, clubs, and protecting kids at schools and at home, come into any of these areas and I will knock ya flat and if I write this people who protect their areas with their big strong muscles say you aren’t protecting your area, I say yes I am
I am big I have big mates and I have big muscles
I just want to protect my area from **** bags like you, I am not shy, mate

When I was young
My friends used to talk
About kingswood country
One friend used to say
You can’t take the kingswood
I polished the dashboard
No I am taking the Datsun
And I felt part of a group
Laughing at that tv show
In 2005 my aunty gave me
Kingswood country for Christmas
And I watched it imagining I
Was mucking with my friend
You can’t take the kingswood
I am taking the Datsun
You see I was enjoying
Walking down memory lane
With Ted Thelma Bruno Craig
And I hear pat saying
‘ I am like Craig ‘
You see Bruno stuck up for himself
I showed my friend the show
That boosted my mojo back then
Even now
Mojo is good an adult word for being cool
I feel I have man’s kid foot
It is not a disease it is a boost of mojo
I enjoyed catching up on kingswood country
It was part of the eighties
In which I listened to every eighties thing on
Like def leopard and cheap trick and  all the boppy music too
The eighties rule
Let’s turn back time to revisit the eighties
Goodbye Ross Higgins
Judi Farr and lex marinos

Oh yeah mate
What a thrill what a thrill what a thrill
You see it is going to be great yeah
Working footy other sports and Christmas concerts and a lot of drinking adults
You see what we need to do is
Build a hospital here
We don’t need a footy stadium
We have enough of them
Mind you it could be great
But only liberals want that
Eating chocolate gives you good luck
Gives good luck
Good for your sweet tooth
Good to keep your sweet tooth activated
Creamy biscuits and up and go and potato crisps and many many more

Ommmmmmmmmmm
Goodbye to great lex marinos
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Was on ACP and aunty jack
Ommmmmmmmmmm
And he was on chopper squad as well
Ommmmmmmmmmm
He was known as the *** on
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Kingswood country
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Easy now teddles
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Pickle me grandmother a *** has died
Ommmmmmmmmmm
He helped a lot of people
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Bringing laughter to our faces
Ommmmmmmmmmm
See you later you great man of tv & radio
Ommmmmmmmmmm
You were a funny man
Ommmmmmmmmmm
R I P lex marinos may your next life be good
Ommmmmmmmmmm

Party on Saturn


Welcome and welcome to this great show


First song

Shot through the heart
Hang on yeah fool
I gave dad a real serve
You see I wanted to party
All day you see
Giving dad a real serve
Making dad a real fool
I know it’s hard
You see that is true
You promised dad heaven
But put him through hell
Your school friends wonder why
Because when you were young
You were shy
Dad said why don’t you hit me
I said no, I just wanted to make you
Feel like a real real fool
Shot through the heart
Hang on yeah fool
Yes I acted like a real tool, real tool
Dad hated me
It made him want to die
And come back to life
In his next life next life
You see I noticed a man like dad
Didn’t notice I was really really bad

Next song

I am the great troubled Briany
I party all the ****** night
I love my life
And I am ready to rock
You see I am a real party dude, that is briany
Can’t you hear Judas Priest
On the radio matey mate
1 for all and all for 1
As you see Briany
Enjoying every aspect of life oh yeah
You see I am the cool Briany
PARTY is my middle name
You see I drink down a champagne
As I toast my art
I will go back to the club
To dance to 80s tracks
1 for all and all for 1
Partying with Briany
Yes I am a party dude

Next song

Here comes the wallabies
Here comes the wallabies
The Aussie wallabies
The Aussie wallabies
Probably no hope in beating the all blacks
No more picnic
They won back in 1990
But the New Zealanders are the best team
Here comes the all blacks
Here comes the all blacks
Right with the money
Right with the money
We will beat Australia to the ground
Oh yeah mate, a picnic
Go the mighty all blacks

3 rd the song

Oh yeah baby oh yeah baby
Bow bow bow
Bow bow bow
Party right through to Saturday night
The 14 th September oh yeah
Getting down with a bottle of beer
As well as a bottle scotch on the rocks mate
You see sometimes mate
We should try
A bourbon and a tasty Coca Cola
You see getting drunk is somewhat wrong
Unless you do it right
You see I have a strange *** drive
That I don’t like

Next song

I want a man to talk about my problems to
You see each problem is a dime a dozen
Going to a restaurant to eat a pudding
Like a cat of a late friend
Yes, and sir, she is in the crowd
I hear her anxiety pumping really hard
You see liked heavy metal
And shows like the Simpsons and Becker
And watching her weekday fix
Like Jake and the fat man and many more
Staying up is another thing
Never ever go to bed
She was certainly on her last legs
She is daxton now in her next life
Her smoking and drinking gave
Her a few problems
But there are few positives
That is the key
It is rad, just wait and see

Next song

1,  2,  3 o’clock 4 o’clock speed
Party all day with a need to greed
I want to see what happens next
I think what happens is you get a
Broken head
Going to the cricket to watch Travis head
Hit a 6 & 4 & a 2
Fun for me and also for you
I was diagnosed with mental illness
A lot in fact and it ain’t cool
Seeing dancing coke bottles dance
And if they met a tab can
It is time for romance
You see tab was known as a lady’s drink
Going to the footy
To cook for the players
The hungry ****** herds
Drinking a wine
Feeling divine
With your son wife and in the club with nerds
On NYE open a bottle of
Your finest champagne
Then on a skateboard came
Your best friend Bruce ****** Wayne

Next one

Hi everybody
Hi dr Brian
Today everybody you are going to meet my family and how they are nice to me
And my niece is coming to show off
Her baby bump with my other niece who
Loved to hang around
My brother is there to celebrate the moment and I wanted to be with Pat
But I thought I was being a normal
Person who loved being with friends
But my dad said no, you are none of those
I yelled at him, saying you are a fool
You are certainly a person
To break no rule
Everybody was doing what they do
Untill one day I yelled at my family
I told them all to go to hell
Maybe I said, oh well
And the next day, I thought
They would forgive and forget
But after a family meeting
My brother just quit
He said I don’t have to put up with this
He took his wife and my two nieces too
Faraway from you
And my mum said yes
He didn’t surprise me there
He takes no **** from nobody
And my friend was known as
A man who is teasing
Even if you had the measles, goodbye

You see I want a replacement for coke
And I am having trouble finding it
Till I saw in the supermarket
A 6 pack of fruit juice
It does have sugar in it
But it has vitamin C
And it helps me with mobility
Drink drink drink that fruit drink
Make sure that you don’t really stink
You see I don’t want to get to the golden gate
God will have to wait
Till I drink drink that fruit juice
You don’t understand but juice is refreshing
And tasty as well
Better than coke better than drugs
You see I want to understand that
Drinking juice is great
You have to drink that 6 pack of juice
I know it has sugar but it has vitamin C
And that is really important
It gets my hormones moving quick
I want to understand
That I am too young to die
But in a way I have found the
Ability to live again
Because I drank drank drank
That 6 pack of juice
I drank it down like a long neck goose
You see really hate the golden gate
Meeting St Peter and god and our lord
And I just need another juice
Oh yeah mate

When I walk around outer space
I see aliens and robots too
I love my life my legs are better now
I feel better oh ****** yeah
I remember getting drunk
And eating doughnuts in the mall
I used to have blood on my bottom
And I felt really bad
I know I feel better
I feel as tough as a critter
I preferred tea back then but not
Coffee it was too ****** bitter
I feel ***** in the *****
Where I have to scrub every day
I was in hospital 2 times
I still had problems with my legs
It was a yucky brown mess
Stuck on my legs
I feel young again
I have problems with my bladder
I can’t avoid wetting the bed
I want my brain to force me to
Go to the toilet
When I need to and don’t let it out in bed

I was feeling fat and totally ugly
And I need a drug to knock me out
Get rid of my desire to eat a lot
And that a drug is ozempic
At first it didn’t do much
But that is because I have always
Been an overeater
And it took a long time
To get a hang of this not eating thing
You see I liked chocolate Coca-Cola
And doughnuts and chocolate chip muffins and juices and lemonade
As well as egg and bacon rolls and hamburgers too and fatty toasted sandwiches as well as cheesecake and vanilla slices and I could feel the injection of ozempic to stop this whole mess
I will get rid of it all now, stop eating those morning yoghurts that make me bloat
I feel like eating it but it won’t be good for me, I wanted to be fat because my legs were weeping, it’s gone and hopefully o can get rid of the gut

What does Canberra really need
A new northside hospital
Or a 30-000 seat in the ANU
A hospital will help a lot of people
Get better
I had celluitis on my leg
I am wearing a compression stocking for lymphedrmia
And I have a mental illness
I also have kayo
To watch sport at home
So I don’t really think we need a new stadium just upgrade Manuka oval
For AFL GIO stadium for rugby league and rugby union and soccer and improve mackellar park and hawker softball field
Make sure this hospital has a great psychiatric facility and a good service to help people with lymphedemia and celluitis and better hospital beds
Those beds were uncomfortable
Sit back and say do we need a new hospital or new 30-000 stadium in Canberra

Today kye Bandit went out and
Was waiting for a bus and then
A group of kids grabbed him and
Took him hostage by tying him up
To a chair and videoed it
Every minute of the day they stopped
And looked at him struggling
To get free from the chair
One of the kids texted him and said
Are you having a great time tied to the
Chair and when do we show your girlfriend because ky, you will never escape for what you said about bullies
Kye was screaming so loud till the kids said
SHUT UP you are still like us, we aren’t phedaphiles, we are younger than you,then if you say we are, I will get one to
Feel you all over and ky said HELP
I have been abducted by a bunch of kids
I need to get out of here, I personally think they should ban you taking part of any form of social media and the kids said
SHUT UP don’t try and reform us
And besides which I can’t live without
Facebook and tik tok and ky said now it is my turn to say SHUT UP because you kids
Are addicts and each kid said, SHUT UP back to him because every old person who loved you sing will turn off you FOREVER and you will be hated and kye said you guys are a pack of fools and the kids said, perhaps we will **** you mate, then you will never see this world again  heh heh heh heh and ky broke free and ran off with the kids following him but they couldn’t catch him.

Today me and my father and mother
Went to Windsor to visit my aunty then to Maitland to visit mums mum and broadmeadow to visit dads mum
And dad used to love to have a beer
With my cousin which made my
Nanna mad and then went to a motel
And watched basketball and on nye
And a naked crazy person knocked on
My door asking for money and clothes and because my nanna just died I told the crazy person to get lost clown so I can watch nye events, I was smoking like a chimney that day, and a friend rang me to ask me if I want to go to Adelaide as opposed to staying at the oldies yelling at them, you see my schizophrenic was playing up, I wanted to be cool with my
Parents, I said come on dad drive me to
The airport so I can get on a plane to Adelaide and they said no and I yelled
Ya f..n c..t who do you think you are, I want to go to Adelaide to watch Barnesy
At Alberton oval but instead I watched it
On TV and I said come on dad be cool and dad said I don’t want to be cool and
I said, oh really oh my god you are such a **** dad, why don’t you want to be cool
Being cool is the no most important thing in the world and dad said bah be off with you, we should’ve left you at home, and I said yes, I much rather be in Adelaide rather than visit the olds and dad said after all I do for you, you ungrateful coward and I said what have you really done for me fool, you tried to get me in the special Olympics when it isn’t as good as the Paralympic’s because you don’t get paid, so think about it dad that is not a good idea but I am sorry and dad said no your not, your a fool, I said hang on yeah fool go home mate and then I said I like family holidays rather than parties because you can go to the shops and the footy but you dad, you aren’t cool, you just want to make sure nobody sits in your chair you big baby and my schizophrenia was making me get worked up but I just disagree with people dominating chairs it is just silly, I know they work and they ned a seat but they have seats everywhere but to dads view I was a real slob, when I was eating and then I acted out my problem I had with my parents and despite what I said they thought they were right and you see I can’t see the point with
Saying which chair is which, why can’t I felt like getting the chair and knocking it over dads head like Bart did with Homer
All I wanted to be is be cool, ya know sit anywhere not worry that ya dad will crack a phat about you sitting in his chair, what would happen if a fire came and blew up the chair and the whole house, well you have insurance but it would make you
Think dad wouldn’t budge and dad said, mate
There is no fire and I said bequiet there could be a fire, and all you care about saving your chair rather than your children
But I regret the way I acted because so I took my medication every night which made me turn into a mentally ill man but
It’s releasing verbal ***** which is basically what I was doing with dad. You see dad just wanted to be perfect and sit in his favourite seat for dinner and TV time
That is why bought foxtel so I can watch live baseball from the US but dad was worried nothing was getting me cheesed off, I just wanted to be a boys boy, a man’s man so to speak, I dominated the conversation with mums friends and mum got mad, I was trying to make new friends and he went to see me in my theatre performance and then he died just after my dad, and it was schizophrenia that made me hassle dad even if he used to say poor Briany and my illness was making me lash out at dad,

Concert on Jupiter



Hi everyone and welcome to Jupiter
For this great concert of great stuff

I was walking down the street ya know
Talking to all the girls ya know
Feeling in love with everyone ya met
Then I went to a party, dude
To say I was a party dude
I like to party everywhere
And make myself very happy too
You see life isn’t a bed of roses
People do have stresses ya know
But if you take those stresses
To make them less stressing
It will be fun oh yeah
Then you get a dollar
And spend it on something great
It is like counting your dollars
From 1-000 right up to eight
Come on dude come on mate
Let’s go out till really late
Maybe a night club
Maybe a casino
You can feel as cool as Al Pacino
One o’clock two o’clock
Your are a **** rock
Go out go out by the clock
And c’mon dudes let’s party

Next one

Hooray hooray
And see ya
Never want to meet up with you again
But if we must
It’ll be at a party
Where the limelight will hide your ugly face
Hooray hooray
To a paper which has a lot of news
From raiders getting cheered
For winning and if they lose they get booed
This is australia
Lucky land
But if you  believe that your insane
But it that in the land of the crazy drunks
Even if the girls all call them hunks
Just look them right in the eye and say
Hooray
Hooray hooray
Mate you understand
Nothing new to me
There are lots of phedaphilea
Going on and just one simple word
Instead of meeting them you say hooray
Hooray hooray
And goodbye
To my favourite life time friends
That this time will never end
Just say into their mighty eyes
And say hooray
Oh yeah, c’mon mate

Next one

It’s the badass christian devil
Who hates everyone who hates the word evil
You see he originally tried to
Bring music to heaven
But got kicked out for doing people wrong
So what you do
Is get rid of him
His future will be made to look so dim
He is badass, mate
And I don’t feel for him being kicked out of holy land
You need to get reformed mr devil
But people say that is an impossible thing
Reforming the devil is hard to do
Even if he says I am ready to change
You see this crazy faith
Believes in looking after our fellow man
But says the devil is unwelcome there
Oh yeah the devil said
I am here to change again
You let everyone out if they could change
But me oh me you leave me here
I am the devil and the devils advocate
And I want to say this
If you let out a man for
Killing his kids
Why don’t you let me out
For bringing music into heaven
The devil doesn’t bring bad things around
That is just looking for someone to blame

Next one

My my my Jesus
I want to become the messiah oh yeah
But if you understand this
That the messiah is a person
Jesus hates that idea
You see the messiah is Jewish
And are Christian man
You believe you are better
As you write me a letter
To become close to your father
And believe in the latter
You see when you are called
To build a temple in Israel mate
And walking through the golden gate
You bring people you hate with you mate
That will tempt your fate
You see he says he believes in peace
But he likes the way people ****
Some say he is the messiah
Others say he is a dill
And he needs a pill
Or two or three or four, maybe more
You see he isn’t very friendly
Except for the people he likes
He will buy heaps of shoes
Like new balance and our very own Nike
I am the Jewish messiah
And I believe in fighting the other
Faiths who ruin the Jews

You see a great philosophia
Once told me
If you want to get rid of your mental illness
Just run up to the tip of the mountain
And yell out WHT
And last night my bully trainer
Got up there and made me stay up
There all day and night for 7 days
Yelling WHY
First he said use your brain first
Then cut down on saturated fats in food
Then give yourself a thorough clean
And then yell out the big WHY
At the top of the mountain
We are climbing the tallest mountain
With nothing but a mars bar and
A few other snacks to get rid of mental illness
We all climbed up the mountain
To beat the illness
Singing rising up back on the street
Got my times and my chances
We sang more of the song
Till we reached the first stop
We ate a few banana chips
But I wasn’t allowed to eat
Because of the sugar content in it
And he said if you feel hungry
Just yell WHY
And I snuck a few chips
Like when my trainer told me not to eat
I ate a handful of grapes because I like them
We went up the hill
Singing and walking along
We eventually got to the top
And together we yelled WHY
And they all went down after a lunch in
Which the only way I could eat
Is by cheating as I go
I was good at that
So we went home
And relaxed and we still have mental illness

Bimmy jarnes performs again on Kepler


G’day and welcome to my show
The first one shows my love of teddies

Little cute teddy bear
Running around without a care
Cuddling everybody there
Little teddy bear
You see with this teddy bear of mine
Eats his honey, so divine
I think everybody’s fine
Little teddy bear
I drink this smoothie full of methane
A cows **** is what it is
And my bear sits on my bed
Waiting to give me a very good dream
What do you what do you
What do you mean
Teddy was put through the washing
Became nice and clean
Little teddy bear
I love my little teddy bear
Running around kissing and cuddling you
Yes everyone loved you near
Little teddy bear

Next song party in the land of Kepler

You see drinking and smoking
Not worrying about the side effects
Oh yeah bow bow
Every day you meet
Going off to the pub
Seeing people looking very smug
Giving a dime to the homeless
Saying drinking and smoking
Is healthy up here
My mum said it is healthy nowhere
Maybe she is right
But there is nothing wrong with
Giving it a go
Oh yeah bow bow

Sydney Sydney Sydney
Going to win this week
I personally think the giants are weak
Go the mighty swannies
Win oh yeah mate yeah
As we see them score many goals
Show em Sydney
Show em your the swans
Be the 2024 winners
Carn the mighty swans
Let’s win the premiership
And pour some champagne
Into the cup
And drink the whole thing down
Show em Sydney
Knock ‘em till next week
Where they will have problems mate
And we will have the cup
Oh yeah bow bow

Standing on the inside looking out
Standing on the inside looking out
Of the psych ward trying to get reformed
You see I am having fun in my house
When I should as quiet as a mouse
Drinking a Coca Cola down my friend
That is what I like to do
Everybody wants to party with me
Even the crew from the famous ED
They say you are the ones to party with me
Yeah yeah yeah
Standing on the inside looking out
Standing on the inside looking out
Of the psych ward trying to get reformed
You see back in Covid day
People were running on the beach
When they shouldn’t be, hey
And they take all the toilet paper ya see
And the hand soap as well
You see we had to stay inside
Like we were trying to hide
I hated it, I like doing things oh yeah
And PARTY is one of them
I was
Standing on the inside looking out
Standing on the inside looking out
With Covid trying to get better
With Covid in the psych ward
Trying to get better and get reformed
Oh yeah bow bow

It’s a cuddly daddy
Lovely mummy
I can’t believe I lost my daddy
I think of him
As he
walk about
I called him a great big ugly snout
I didn’t want to
Because I really loved him
I just thought he was trying to be like me
As I tried to be like a man who called me  that
You see what really happened he hated me
A real man who thought I was wee
But I miss dad
I miss him so
He was nothing like Homer Simpson saying doh
Oh yeah dad was a man that I loved showing
Me how to live having fun tickling me
Very ******* the belly
I was laughing and really cracking up
After dad stop tickling me
He made a coffee with a cup
Stop stop stop please stop
Stop tickling me
Ok

Today, Brian Allan and his friend Brendan were walking along the street, a phedaphile grabbed Brendan and said. Don’t move Brian for you will be next but Brian ran off to tell the police saying there is this evil man, he has my friend Brendan and I said, I am trying to be normal and they are chasing after me, will you save me, put me on witness protection or something but the police said, we wanted you to SHUT UP and let us arrest you for being a phedaphile Brian said
**** your see you ***** later, you aren’t getting me, you see I am itchy all over, and I feel I will suffer like a dog who is being put down after they attacked someone the police grabbed Brian and hung him by the neck hopefully soon to die
Brian said you can’t **** me ******* I am a tough kid, you will die do we will never be found out to be phedaphiles ok, Brian jumped out of the cell and bashed up the police and ran up the road to rescue Brendan and went home and the spirit of Patrick saying I want you be itchy all over and Brian said why do you hassle me, I was good today and Patrick said still not good and sat down on a white chair saying I will die soon but I said I don’t want to die, I want my body always to be ALIVE so my voice will last forever and i will not silenced and the phrdsphile let Brendan go saying don’t you and Brian cross me again because I can’t silence you too

I say I am a happy drunk
Mum says I am not
But what does she know
I feel like a happy drunk
I drink champagne
You see it is ever so strange
I am not like pop
I am a happy drunk
I am a family punk
I love life every day
I sit with other families
And talk to them
I tell them I am a happy drunk
Mum says no
What the bell does she know
She’s a brick and I want to throw it
You see I had a calm drink with
A friend of mine
He said don’t tell people
But he was a millionaire
Mum said I was angry
I am happy I am happy
I am a happy drunk
Mum says no
I remember drinking a lot
Rocking in a cot
Saying what a happy drunk
A family punk an I
I like alcohol
Mum is just worried because her dad
Drank a lot
I am a happy drunk
Mum says no
I am a family punk
Mum says no
What would she know
Happy drunk family punk
Is what I am DUDES

I hate my hands
I hate my legs
And I hate my brain back then
I bullied people
Grabbing people on the mouth
Chasing people around the shops
Telling my dad I will stab him
With no knife
I let the garage on his head
I punched him at the front door
I didn’t want to do all this
It was my previous life’s kidnapper
In my body
I threw cricket stumps at my brother
I hit him in the pool
I teased him by saying
What is wrong little chrissie
Did I hit you too hard
I hate my hands
I hate my mouth
I tied myself up
And gagged myself too
I played tv shows in my room
My brother thought I was dumb
So my hands would pinch him
I hate my hands
I hate my mouth
I hate my feet
I hate my brain
My brain is making me do all this
To my family
I wanted to put my hand across this person
He told his mum
I copped an ear bashing
I saw people getting into a big cage in the shops
I felt like locking them in
Stupid brain.
My lifeline is leaving my hand
Getting itchy
I hate my hands
And my brain
I didn’t lock them in
But did worst things
I hate my hands
My brain
My body
But deep down I have got over it

Why would anyone throw hot water on a baby
That is terrible awful dispickablr cowardly
You see the poor parents will be sad
Vary sad and I can tell you this man
Should be locked up for a long time
Where he will get his justice there
You see that poor little mite
Is a defenceless little human being
He needs to be in Gaol
And sent away from the world as it is
Gaol is his world
He is too stupid to be a normal person
Please mate protect women and children
Don’t give in to your stupid brain
Telling you to do something stupid
You see he wants to do something bad to you
And no matter how hard it is
He will give in the devil
And do something to the little
You see he is a stupid ****
Who wants to hurt the little
Wants to hurt the young
You see he is no better than the liberal party
You see he harms the little
Liberals harms the little guys finances
Lock him up
Throw away the key
Poor hot water on him
To see how he feels
He needs to suffer
Suffering is bad
But sometimes people need to suffer
What they put people through
POOR BABY

After a busy year of playing footy
It was time for the annual football awards
And this year they wanted me to tag along
To give me a shield
We went through all the teams
And the managers and the coaches
And then finally the helpers
Like in canteen and filling up the water
You see I quit in 2019
And nobody seemed happy to see me here
But overall when I got my award
They all congratulated me
Saying there he is
Big big Brian
The toughest man overall
He will bbq our meat and never burn it
Just like it was as tasty as a lolly god **** it
You see meat is easy to cook right
If you do it right
You see I even got my photo taken
With the team oh what a thrill
Then we partied on the dance floor
Open up the stupid door
Party on dudes

The reason why I fall
The reason why I fall, mate
The reason why I fall
The reason why I fall, mate
You see you don’t concentrate
On things around you
You just walk right in front
Who cares what people say
You see you will go
Head over turkey
Some falls could be cool
Some could be quirkey
The reason why you fall
The reason why you fall, mate
You could trip over cement
*** over head
Crash into someone walking
Their dog down the street
You see it’s crazy to fall that way
Just go home to eat your curbs and weigh
You see you could crash into a man
Whose 320 kg
You try to say sorry
But he said the first word
The first word said watch it, mate
The reason why you fall
The reason why you fall, mate
Pick a good girl to go on a date
The reason why you fall
The reason why you fall, mate
You fall because you are unfit
And you need to push those carbs

Ommmmmmmmmm
Congratulations to Caitlin Allan my neice
Ommmmmmmmmm
She is pregnant with her first baby
Ommmmmmmmmm
We don’t know the gender
Ommmmmmmmmm
I do Know the previous life
Ommmmmmmmmm
It was Olivia Newton John
Ommmmmmmmmm
She announced it on Instagram
Ommmmmmmmmm
I still remember when she was knee high to a grasshopper
Ommmmmmmmmm
I remember her first Christmas
Ommmmmmmmmm
Now she has her own bundle of joy
Ommmmmmmmmm
My brother will be a granddad for the first time
Ommmmmmmmmm
This Christmas will be her first Christmas whilst pregnant
Ommmmmmmmmm
Olivia Newton John will be happy to be her son/daughter
Ommmmmmmmmm
Congratulations to Caitlin and jimmy
Ommmmmmmmmm
For expecting a baby in 2025
CONGRATS

One day in a fictional town of claxton hill lived a lovely community with 3 farms and local bar and a school and a milk bar and 7/11 store and there was no hospital in claxton hill, just two RFDS doctors Peter Wilson and Wayne wardmen who are the official doctors of claxton hill and if anyone needs a doctor or needs a hospital they send them via the RFDS chopper, and today the vets office who is run by Esme Tobin who is very unorganised for a vet, but fortunately the new vet (Mark Sargent) is driving in his car and at present 20 minutes away from claxton hill, he loves heavy metal music as he rides down the road with AC/DC on his radio the song is heatseeker, and mark is booping along to it as he drives down the road meanwhile back in his office robbo markson is helping esme clean the vets office and Esme played in the mood whilst cleaning and Robbo said how about when we finish the cleaning we go to the pub to have a counter lunch and a bourbon and coke while we wait for the vet and while thru were cleaning farmer harriett came in to get the new vet to look at Brutus her pig
Because he isn’t eating much lately and she feels there is something wrong with him and mark had thunderstruck on as he enters the milk bar to get a caramel milkshake and the owner (Brad Tillett)
Said g’day what do you want, Just a caramel milkshake please and a large hot chips with salt and vinegar and mark waited for 20 minutes and then after that went over to the vets office and Esme and Robbo were finishing up cleaning and mark turned up saying hello I am your new local vet Mark Sargent and Tommy roe bought his dog to be checked by the new vet and introduced himself and mark said he looks fine and grabbed a cup of coffee and then said is my assistant Esme here and she said here I am, what do you want me to do, well I need you here to guide me through what I need and esme said farmer harriett wants to see if you can take care of butch her pig because his appetite isn’t very good but first I have to find the pub where I will be staying and Robbo said I will show you where it is, I am their regular customer and then he said how about ee order a counter lunch with me and Esme and Esme gave mark the list of the 3 farms so he knows where they are
First he visited the roe farm Just to get his bearings and had a cuppa there and after that he went to the yolksman farm and he has 14 sheep and 15 chickens and 4 cows  and he had a coke there and then went to the soosement farm to look at her pig and it seems the pig has a ****** problem and that makes him not much hungry and then he went back to the vets office dropped off his bag and drove to the pub and met the owner (Tom butler) and he dropped his luggage of a tv and a computer and clothes in his room and went down to have a coke in ice and started to get to know the locals and mark shared the same music interest as John Kenneth who owned the 7/11, mind you the first day was tiring for mark getting to know everyone as he does but he went to bed and relaxed

Hi dudes

This is Johnny here and I am about to
Start the first Wednesday night live
How about the AFL with Carlton who at the
Start of the year Carlton were testing the AFL ladder being on top with Sydney and seeing swans are still on top Carlton went to 8th spot and they must win to make it in the finals, they had injuries but still they could’ve tried a bit harder because now it looks like a port-Sydney grand final or an all Sydney grand final or could be port - giants or port - Geelong but I will be going for Geelong to drop out and let Brisbane in
Because the cats aren’t really that impressive but what about footscray they won in 2016 from outside the 4, is it possible for them to do that again but I am hoping Sydney can reverse that result, Collingwood need a 200 game to make finals and need Carlton and hawthorn to lose
Their games even though I personally think Carlton and hawthorn  will just make up the numbers, but it does look like 2016, I really hope not now my tips Melbourne over Collingwood
Cats over eagles only because of eagles position
Suns v tigers I would like to see sims win in a nothing match north v hawks, I say hawks To make up the numbers lions to beat the bombers at the Gabba and I say Sydney can beat Adelaide position and real, I say it will be close between giants and footscray, Osage giants in a close one Carlton and st kilda both teams are coming off a win and saints won against Geelong
But I will say Carlton in a close one and port to beat dockers because dockets have more to lose but the loss of that player who attacked the crows player I say port still in a close one and now the NRL with wests and sea eagles I say eagles and warriors and bulldogs well bulldogs will be to hungry so I say the dogs and a close one but hopefully parramatta to beat Brisbane
Panthers to beat raiders but raiders will be hungry but I can’t go past panthers and I want dolphins to beat storm but not going to happen so I go for storm souths and knights both sides are a problem, I say bunnies at home I hope titans to beat roosters but again never going to happen and I will go for sharks to beat dragons but it could be close, and now the voice, I liked a few singers tonight and wasn’t it amazing Matt Rogers brother auditioned but didn’t get in, all judges are determined to get the artist they want
And now here is a song to celebrate the swans being there, it will be hard for them to win but they will try, here is show en Sydney
We read about tigers the bulldogs and the blues we read about the bombers saints and kangaroos
But in this competition the top spot has the best
Melbourne you have seen nothing now Sydney has the best
Show en Sydney show em your the swans
Show em your the winners kicking *** today
Ok goodbye from  Wednesday night live
Bye

You see I get up in the morning
At about 5 am, I send my kids off
To school with the line we’ll get you
Kids now off to school, don’t forget to
Follow the rules and dad I said to dad
As he csme out do you think the raiders will win today and then dad went off to work at a school
I said, make sure no kids break the rules
And cousin alan said I think I might spew I think I might spew I think I might spew on you boo yer and the macgregor men’s kids said as I sat down to watch Agro, they said don’t watch agro, man watch cheeze tv, it is really really cool, I said I prefer Agro he is funny, and I am the little cool kid of the families and when dad started at school, he said as he was standing at the blackboard what that’s Brian and then pulled his leg back together with the kids, he did that 4 times to stop mr from watching daytime TV but
I wanted to watch the midday show, and I jumped up in the kitchen and said ******* dad
And then I played the brown morning with Johnny and Micheal brown with Mike mutra and sue longways as reporters, then when that was over I played AAA today with Micheal brown
And then I went to the pub to buy 3 beers and
A man was sitting in the bar, *******, you fucken ****, who do you think you are you fucken ****, but I am the little cool kid of the family and at the moment I am Johnny brown having 3 beers before he does the sport on the 6 o’clock news in the evening and then Johnny’s son came home and teased his dad on the computer, what’s that Johnny what are you doing you stupid **** and at 10-30 it was AAA tonight with Johnny brown and I played it every day and one day Patrick was frowning at me from his house but I am the little cool kid of the families I can handle it, and this happened every day and Stephen Gallagher came over to have a through beers and smokes with the little cool kid of the families (me) and we went to every pub
Ginninderra heights and nine wide world of sports and Las Vegas
All of these clubs were in Belconnen and we played pool, Stephen said to me, the little cool kid to the families (funny little kid) you are really a funny little kid and I visited Lyle yo remember old times when I started being the little cool kid to the families but he bullied me and punched me, so I said as the little cool kid to the families
******* squirt, I am the little cool kid to the families and I will never come here again
I told Steve that Lyle said he was a trouble maker
And Steve wanted to go there to bash him
But that was weird and also as the little cool kid to the families went to the raiders in Sydney and cowra to commentate as Johnny brown and party
With a few ales
I am the little cool kid to the families
Dad said stay with the families Brian

Bah bah black sheep
Do you stock any wool
Oh yeah mr farmer man
We need to give to your manna for knitting
You see as we party
At the club tonight
Have a chicken parmigiana mate
To fill out tummies good
Then you buy a hot ***
Made with hot chilli mate
You see a seafood basket
The most expensive thing on the menu
Moo moo brown cow
Have ya any milk
You see you could drink it
From a glass made of silk
Then you get some chocolate
And some thickened cream
Then you get some sour cream
And give to John Howard
Cluck cluck yellow chicken
Have ya any eggs
Mum wants an omelette
Dad wants an egg in a nest
My brother wants scrambled eggs
And I want it boiled or poached or fried
Bark bark little dog
Are you having fun
Yes sir yes sir
Eating mums old rubber thong

Back in 1991 after a few mistakes I wanted to keep quiet, so I tried to be like my friend Patrick
Because I mucked eith the young dudes and got drunk with them, I wanted to change my life, so I put on my screaming jets t-shirt and my blur rugger shorts, which looked like shorty shorts and went to civic to play at happy days, and I spent $15 and I bought a can of coke and chips from chicken gourmet and bought an album from impact records, including a jimmy barnes video then I went home to listen to my brothers music and talk to him when he got played tennis against the kitchen wall and after that I cleaned my house very clean and then I watched the jimmy barnes video and I sang each song as I was imagining pat was jimmy barnes petter was diesel and I was John Farnham and then I worked and air guitared jimmy barnes and guns and roses and John Farnham music to my brother and I also crossed my legs playing a Nintendo game underneath my brother as he was playing music I liked his music, and I am sure he liked my air guitar movements and then I watched the kids game show which was on back in those days and I imagined Patrick as the man who hosted it and then the next day I went to the mall to get my pay out of the bank and I bought a trolley load of groceries where I was pushing them around the mall all day as I wanted something to eat while I partied, that was my best way to party, and Patrick said I need to party more if I want to be like us, kids were running by saying I am cool, you are still like your friend and then I wanted to watch a good movie, so I went into civic and watched mosquito coast, I enjoyed that and I bought popcorn and a cup of coke, I walked very secretly around and on other days I went to glebe park ala carte when it was a food court and had 1 meal and a few cokes at the bar watching the band, as I was tapping my fingers on the table
I can’t explain how I looked Patrick but I did
And I went to *** black pool hall to play video games for a while during the night and I had fun
Doing that, I bought a lot of albums as pat and I spent money at *** black like pat I did everything right like pat, I cleaned my house like pat, but I still fought my family like pat used to argue with his, my brother and dad left and refused to stay down there while mum calmed me down but when I was trying to be like Patrick there were no consequences and when I went to bed early the young people came over to ask me for money or to watch ****** like Patrick and we went to st Matthew’s Catholic school and threw our beer cans on the roof of the school and
Pats friend petter was walking past and looked worried, I was like pat with me but my family were different to his, my friends were more like pats brothers to me, I didn’t like how they mucked around messing my house like Patrick
I was like Patrick
Dad told me to just be myself
And I did

You are being very noisy today outside
That is because I am a hooligan, dad
A hoodlum, you really want to be a hoodlum
The word is hooligan you great big ugly snout
You are a coward and you are a fool
You have all these noisy louts over your house
You have no idea of what you are doing
I am a hooligan mate and I want to drink beer
You aren’t a man
No, mate no I am a hooligan, dad
I am going for a walk
I shouldn’t have to cope with this much abuse
I think you are a great big ugly snout for life
Just go to bed with your wife
I feel like drinking so I will have a beer
So I will go up beyond dads liking
And smoke cigarettes whilst playing
A computer game
And dad said you are a hoodlum
Dad. I think the word is hooligan
I will go to pubs like the city club
And I laughed with a kid
And the man said you leave my kid alone
You fool, and I said you should respect me
I have been thinking only fools go to pubs
To drink, cool men like me drink at home
And he said, next time I see you
I will bash you up
And then I was kicked out of the city club
And then I went to the private bin
Where two kids teased me as I was drinking at the window
How are you going ***** they said
And then I went to Pandora’s
To dance with the women
And o called out to dad
See dad, I ain’t too shy to be a man
I am a young man, dad and I party hey
And you are an old fogie dad go away
And now dad, I am dancing with the women
At Pandora’s having fun
You see this is called fun dad
Have you ever heard of fun
It’s what I have when I leave the house
Without you
Then I decided to go to the labor club
In Belconnen and danced to the band there
And I drank 8 beers, thank god
I never got my license hey
And I yelled when I hit my home drunk
Very very drunk
And I said I am a hooligan
Dads an old fogie
I am a hooligan and dads an old fogie
And dad looked down at me
With the look that my brother have me
When he called my brin
Then I put the radio on
With mustang sally and some girls from racey
Which is a band I liked as a kid
I said to dad
You are a great big ugly snout for life
Go to bed with your wife
Then I collapsed on the couch after a good night
Teasing my old man and partying
I am a hooligan, but only to dad
But a family person is what I was being
A real cool family person guys

Ok shy person what are you doing
We give you money
You spend it all
You see Brian you are a bit of a slob
Ha ha ha ha ha he he he
You are still a shy person
Your too shy to be like us
You have no guts to be like us
You are too shy to be like me and mummy mate
Mate what are you doing
I am cool
You, cool, I don’t think so
Ha ha ha ha ha ha he he he he
You know what I hate
Swearing i find swearing repulsive you know
But cool people swear
But you cool, I don’t think so
You are still a shy person Brian,
Ha ha ha ha ha he he he he he
You just muck around in yeah man to mummy
But I am a young dude
And a cool one of that
I will open this can of coke on you
HA HA HA
You are suffering under us cool people
No I am not suffering coward
You are you are a coward
I am cool you are a coward
You haven’t a cool bone in your body
But I haven’t either
I don’t want to be cool
Well, don’t you can get lost
HA HA HA
You spend too much money
You eat too much junk food
I am cool very very cool
You, cool why do you want to be cool for
Because being cool is what young people are
But you, cool
NEVER
Ha ha ha ha ha ha he he he he he
*******
Don’t swear to me, go to your room
You aren’t very cool mate
I don’t want to be cool and either do you
So go to your room right now

We had a lovely cat
And his name was lucky
Beautiful little ***** cat
Smarter than the average rat
You see when he wants food
He will scratch my dad
Till his legs were blood
Didn’t we have a lovely goose
And her name his Lucy
Every time we play Yahtzee
Lucy’s there it give us good luck
And when we do well
We pat his head
What a silly goose
Didn’t we have a lovely Ted
His name was white teddy
He is as cuddly as can be
When you sleep he gives us a good feeling
We had a beautiful cat
His name was snoopy
Snoopy poopy sngeloopy
Looking after his property and his rubber bands
He used to eat twisties
Didn’t we have a lovely cat
And her name was fluffy
Cute little ***** car
Smarter than any rat
You see she used to like mummy
And also loved potato chips
You see she was a lovely cat
Cute dear fluffy

School camps were good
We went to lots of camps
Camp sturt, with the YMCA
And me and my brother
Were the only kids who had
Their parents with them
Hiking, canoeing, indoor activities, abseiling and rock climbing which me and my brother
Weren’t interested in doing it
We did skits where we showed our creative side
Arts and crafts as well as learning
How to skin a snake
We learnt how to pump water from the river
Because river water was unsafe to drink
And we went to birtisgai where we did
All sorts of fun stuff and it was fun
We also went to innebarnya we we learnt more about survival and we went to mount Kosciusko where we went for trips around the snowy
And I did the d of e award scheme where
We did meals on wheels, where we delivered meals to the old people in Canberra we also went hiking in Michelago with the Marist boys run by brother Kevin  st Clare’s and Miricci girls and the Woden school as well, which was my school
And we cooked on the open fire and slept on the hard wooden floor and we sang songs in the truck and the main song was eye of the tiger
By survivor I got teased by Peter roe as well as Rosa and Jennifer who were jealous my family
And I really wanted to love my life in the country side

You see when my brother was born
I didn’t like him crying
I thought there was something wrong with
Him
But despite all that after my terrible ordeals in
The 60s, Cronus made me an intellectual disabled man, but I felt normal
I liked the morning cartoons
And play school and Sesame Street as well as romper room
It took me a while sorr out my bowel movement
Anul leakage, that was very embarrassing for me and mu brother, just being a kid played with my games with his mates and I wasn’t playing it, I liked watching my fave television shows just like a normal kid, my brother tried to break my Batman mask after I broke something of his
We fought a lot when we had the same room, both of us needed our own space and I used to try and kiss all the boys but I only kissed 1, who was David turner, and when I wanted to watch the right on music program, my brother turned the tv over to the banana splits, which wasn’t too bad, another show we liked was the Mickey Mouse club, despite me and my brother watching, we bought the showbsg of it and all, we also bought the CHiPS, which was a show about two motor cycle club, and they had fake radios and I told the family I was talking to
The motorcyclists on the track and my brother no
Your not and me and my brother had two Fonzie jackets and I said Fonzie had a disguise and my
Brother said no he doesn’t and my dad said this Fonzie does and when mr and my
Brother were trying to get out of the pool,
My brother got out and when he couldn’t make it he pushed the thunder tube into me to make me not get out too, I had a friend Lyle who did things with our family, I played cricket with him and we went on a train and every time Lyle went to the toilet, he couldn’t figure out how to get
Out and I had to guide him out of the toilet because was my friend and I was having problems at the YMCA, because there I was my
Brothers brother, all the boys liked my brother more than me, it might be because I pooed my pants, but I couldn’t help it, I grew up and developed schittzophrenia

You see I went out in Kepler mate
To try and have some fun
And besides having a skate park
Ice skating rink and roller skating room
And bmx track there wasn’t much to do
So I went to the ice skating rink
And I had a bit of a skate
But the ice was slippery
And my feet were becoming sore
As the skates really hurt
But eventually I got the hang of it
And I skated around the rink
I know how to avoid hitting the wall
As I skidded right into it
I saw Kylie a friend of mine
Teaching the kids to skate
Each kid had their own little style
So I asked for some advice
Please show my friend how to skate
As good as me
You see when he did it
He fell on his ***
Which scarred him for life
You see it easy to do nothing
But that is the most negative **** to think
What you should do
Is enjoy what you do
Have a skate have a hot chocolate
Then walk around the place
You see it is a shame Kepler hasn’t got much to do
Because it is good to be happy and gay
You see I know there are many
Games that we can all play
You see then I found some snow
Where we can do a bit of skiing
Up the lift down the hill
I nearly slipped right over
You see I am not shy to try this sport
Who knows I might be good
And then I can skate to my daddy
To buy some Kepler food
I enjoyed the skiing and I try roller skates
Next, where I beat the champion at it
But Kepler is the place
That you could skate till your hearts content

G’day and welcome to Kepler sports club and my name is bimmy jarnes my first song is this crazy dream

You see when I lay down to sleep last night my head got many thoughts, of tackling sleep apnea yes, what a ****** it was, you see I tried to sing flame trees, but I lost my train of thought and I hated my version of working class man, it sounded as if I was a bludger, you see I really like to party, drinking this lovely drink, maybe this Victoria bitter for a hard earned thirst, you see I tried a bit of surfing but got a attacked by a shark, I ran outside the water saying never ever again and I went back in, the shark was still there
So I went to the beach to relax on the surf and I tried drinking heavily but that never worked at all, because I sat down outside the police station and they said c’mon we’ll take you home
Then I went to the club and danced with the teens, I wasn’t being inappropriate just having a dance, but the barman threw me out, I told him to get lost, then he said, mate you have no right to do this and then I did a **** right on the front of the pub and he said I am keeping you and he rang the police, but when they came they just drove me home, giving me an lecture as they drove, then there was a drunken man who really needed a drink and I came into another and used his money to buy me a drink, we got ****** together and when we were totally drunk and he was plastered as hell, I took $300 from his cash to buy 4 cases of beer and I nicked off back home with the cash and beer but after I finished the last drink I regretted it a lot, but wait a minute, no I didn’t he might have been a phedaphile, you see you see, that is what I wanted to do

My next song is my version of g’day g’day

G’day g’dsy
Welcome to my world
It is make believe
And full of drinkers who
Want to bash you up
G’day g’day
You could be gullible
So I want to tell you this
Let’s try and understand
Just one little thing
If you as dinky die as an Aussie
You would drink him down to the ground
G’day G’day
Using a ****** to have *** with a model
And then we say to him
That this model isn’t as dinky die as a eculyptus
Tree bring planted right outside
You see mr Robert hughes
He was a real mate of mine
Untill he molested his youngest
On-screen daughter, a real stupid thing to do
I don’t want to look at Martin fucken Kelly
The name really scared me mate
But when I hear these simple words
Of
G’day G’day
He was an Aussie
You see that he was very dinky die
So I took him out the back
And I punched him
Knocked him senseless in the park
G’day g’day
I am a drunken *****
I was saying to this idiot
That what he did was unAustraliwj
And he said, how about I do it to you
I went over to the phone
And rang the police
He said, what are you doing
I am getting you off the streets
Kepler doesn’t need you
So I picked him up and threw
Him in the bin and said G’day
And he said G’day back
And said this one little thing
Just say G’day and go back where you belong

My next song is I can’t wake up

I can’t wake up
My head is getting clogged full of apnea
It is wrong to think you have it
Especially when people think you are crazy
But I say no mate, I am not crazy mate
I am just a man who can’t get up
Because I can hardly breathe
I can’t wake up
You see I wanna drink a few bourbons
And show you the Kepler night life
There are hookers and strippers
And religious figures who want
To see their religion getting a lot of cash
And I say you are a stupid mess
You see I like this place
There doesn’t seem to be any wars
But the war that goes on in the pubs and bars
My friend, is really really bad
I can’t wake up
From this stupid bed
Because I could feel that Kepler
Is the place for me
To rest my weary head
I just can’t wake up

Here is my next song called living off an all night hot dog

I had fun at the club
It was the single party night
At the labor club
And the time was 1-00am
You see I went with my best friends
4 of them, 3 found chicks
And the other one didn’t
Because he was so gay
Not that there is anything wrong with that
And we got onto the dance floor
And half my eye was on my date
And the other eye was on finding
A gay man to go out with my friend
You see one guy said, are you happy
With your sexuality mate
I see you are looking at this man
And I told her, yes I am straight but
I am here to find a lover
For my gay mate
She told me, waste of time
All the men just like girls
Not that there is anything wrong
With being gay my friend
But overall it is a nice gesture
To help find a friend for him
But Kepler has a gay bar
Two doors down
Do you should’ve taken him there
But I will help you, so I need a hotdog
Will you buy me one
And we can talk about your friend
Oh yeah party yeah
On a hot dog cooked at 1-00am
Oh yeah party yeah
Drinking at a place that drinkers go
To celebrate good tidings
Then we sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall
Till the lady said
Sing that song again my friend
Sing that song again
I will come up and knock you senseless
Then you will say to me
Those 99 bottles of beer my friend
Were putting curls in your hair
You see I went inside and a man was talking to my friend, I went over and said
Did you know this person was gay my friend
And he said, I am too, I came here cause I broke
Up, mate with a Kepler security guard

My next song is my friend Matilda

Once a pretty lady walked in a social club
Ready to drink a few ales with the boys
You see she got really hammered
And the man sitting at the bar said to her
It is fun to see if will work with her
You see my friend Matilda
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
She is a lady that I love
You see I talk to her
In a club up here on Kepler
I want to marry Matilda tonight
Matilda said I don’t marry
On first dates no way
I am a traditional man
Who marries the normal way
Who watches both of us get plastered
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
Loves to drink on our wedding day
You see she gets drunk
With everybody watching her
You see I can’t my friend Matilda doing this
You see Matilda went to Alcoholics Anonymous
To tell them she has a problem with the bottle
But they told her the problem wasn’t her drinking
It was the problem of her shacking up
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
AA wouldn’t help her
Because she wanted a relationship
With a nice man
With a nice man
With a nice man on the block like me

See you next time I hope you all enjoyed my show
Everybody cheered as he walked off stage

Every night Paul berenyi and Scott McDonald came into Brian Allan’s house to give him sleep apnea and force him not to breathe when he is in bed Brian says help help, Paul and scoff have got me I am trying to get out of here
I don’t want this problem with sleep apnea, I want to sleep on my bed and not on the chair
Help help help I can’t breathe what are you doing you see Paul and Scott wants Brian to
Come up and join them, Brian said, I don’t want to join you up here, but Paul said shut up or I’ll dig a drawing pin up your *** and Brian says, I have a mental illness and I want you get rid of your 80s style of bullying and understand that bullying is ever so wrong
Paul said neh, I won’t leave you alone Brian because you are a little shy boy, Brian said I am not a little shy boy, I could show what  you do up here and say you are so wrong for what you are doing and mate, the only way you will get Brian Allan is if I die and that will be ages
I might be big I might be big but I do love life
And Paul said you are fat you are fat and whether you love life or not you will die
Brian said I don’t want to die, leave me alone and I said again I might be big I might be big but I do love life
And Paul got really nervous but still wanted to keep giving me sleep apnea and Brian said
Help help help don’t make me die this way

High living is the place to be
The life of nanny is the life for me
Doing knitting watching tv, helping poor people by having fun with them
Going for walks to the shop
Or around the block
And cooking very good meals
For the family
Putting the tree up
Watching Christmas parades watching concerts on New Year’s Eve and staying up on nye as well
High living is the place to be
The life of nanny is the life for me
I love her beautiful way she went through life
Even when you were naughty you will be in strife
I liked her loving way of worrying
Especially when you are with the drunks
She would think you weren’t very good
High living high living high living
Is the place to be
The life of nanny is the life for me
Cause she was a life lover
Like me
The life of nanny is the is the for me

I was singing in the 80s
Some really top radical songs
I was singing in the 90s
Oh Carolina and Macarena
I was singing in the naughties
Music that wasn’t in the charts
I preferring 80s music
I was singing in the tens
Music on the new young talent time
And some nights and we are young
Tim Minchin and I loved performing
In drama club and bing crosby and Kevin ****** Wilson with words that would not be liked nor
And Jenny talia Kevin’s daughter same thing
Slim dusty biggest disappointment and Duncan
And I sooner be a hasbeen than a never was at all
And in the 20s watching cool concerts
From all over the world Tim Minchin
Twisted sister saying seinfelds maistro plays the army mad dad it is true and Bon jovi with bad medicine and living on a prayer and watching and enjoying the Logies as well as sending Bert to his new life as a girl I watch YouTube family vlogs as well but I don’t give a toss what you think of me

You see I saw parents running on
The field saying
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
I know they are just protecting their kids
But mate this is rediculous
You see this old lady
Who looks like she is scoring
Comes running out
Pushing all the kids away
Saying
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
WHAT A LOSER
She needs to just refrain
From doing that
Just say, what kind of people would do that
And I say, nobody in their right mind
Is dumb enough to do that
Big fight begins at the footy game
Totally stupid people
Never should do that yeah
Totally stupid people
Should take the stupid out of them
And not fight

I was walking down
The rusty road getting rust
On my rotten shoes
You see they were the kind of shoes
That wear in and out
You see lots of people
Who were those shoes
Rob from the Westfield shopping centre
It is awful how they do that
Really really bad
Were the worst thing they ever done
I will never do that
I am a cool kid, never urinate on fresh food
In a coles supermarket
He should be locked up
You see I should be locked in gaol
Or if there is any sign of mental illness
To the psych ward
You see why don’t the doctors and nurses
Take the cool kid out of them
And keep it in them
I always hated robbers robbing places
I will be scared if I had a home invasion
Because I was scared of Australia’s most wanted
So mate you need to stop committing crimes

I am too nice
For the psych ward
If you pick on me
It doesn’t worry me
Cause I am too nice
I would like to give a hotel
For the homeless to live in
Cause I am nice
I love to talk to people at the poetry slam
Because I am too nice
I am Ted bundy or Ed gein or even ned Kelly
Brcausr I am too nice
I like to party and have fun
I like to grin at the mgr
Cause I we nice
I like to have a clean-shaven face
It makes me look nice
I don’t think about bad things
Cause I am too nice

I am not messed up
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I believe I am George Washington
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I want to help the doctors
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I threw my stuff over my balcony
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I don’t do what everybody does
I am a cool kid
You see these screws at the psych watch don’t care they just throw you on your room
And keep you there till meal times
Who cares if I killed my cat in 2004
I am still a cool kid
Who cares if I chucked a wobbly
When I wasn’t allowed to leave the psych ward
I am still a cool kid
Who cares if I watered down my computer
I am still a cool kid
Who cares if I believe in funny things
I am a Buddhist, that is what they do
Who cares if the nurses push me down
I am still a cool kid
Who cares when every time my mate Patrick says I am a cool kid and the doctors and nurses laugh saying what are you treating him like a cool kid for, he isn’t like us, he is a crazy person
I am still a cool kid
That is what I am

I am not muddled up
I am very cool
So cool in fact I break the Catholic rule
You see I am the coolest dude
In the country, man
I have fun as well
You see I love dancing
I love working. But not every day though
I sit there watching the footy
And watch music concerts too
I party in the clubs
Nobody bashed me up yet
Or steal my shoes, touch wood
I go to the carols because I am Canberra’s Christmas man
I like to stay up New Year’s Eve
Cause I am a cool kid
People who don’t stay up aren’t cool
You see I have found a way to enjoy concerts
At home on YouTube
I am cool

Didn’t we have a wonderful time
The day rode the carousel
It was an overcast day
Took my lunch in a bag
Only about 11 bucks you know
One thing I hate is when street kids
Jump on the ride and shake up the horse
What fools aren’t they
You see try hard my friend
To keep the mgr afloat
And when people jump
You feel a bump
And the kids all get scared
You hear them cry
You will hear them cry anyhow
But when street kids jump on it
It is worst for everyone
You see I love my job at the merry go round
I do it twice a week
And I have a lot fun turning it on
Kids love it
Yeah they do
You see the mgr is fun
And very very cook

I am moving up
And moving down
Up and down
All around the town
Pulling everyone around
Reaching down to get your cool kid out
Come on down and win a prize
Doesn’t really matter what is the size
Just squeeze your body till the juice pours out
Shut up you great big ugly snout
You don’t understand why people don’t get
I am trying to be a cool kid on the block
You see I had fun
My head is a mess
Johnny brown and his wife Jess
You see the other day
I went to a party
Being real cool for a smarty
Sing songs like you shook me all night long
Nutbush city limits chicken dance Macarena
Too cool to mention
Putting your best friend on detention
Making him pick up *******
And write lines annoying thing to do
But the thing is
Don’t be naughty and you won’t need to do it
King Kong is an ape famous in the movies
Then you get some young person looking
Really groovy

Go the mighty st kilda
We beat the Geelong cats
By 107 to 89
We kicked geelong’s but
The saints go marching in
They can’t make it themselves
But cause trouble for the cats
What a great match
The saints have won
Beautiful match
Walking through a ground
With st kilda playing so beautiful
Too bad it ends next week
But beating the cats
Pushing them down
Is the best thing they could do
Go saints

Come on the mighty port Adelaide
We won the SA derby
It was a great match mate
About 80 to 58
The power are showing their style you see
But they are playing great
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
POWER
You see kicked some ****
It was a superb match
Power to win power to rule
It was a match of many measures
They played well they make 2 nd spot
To play Fremantle next week
Will they win
They should win
Blimie Charlie is there
So
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
POWER
It will be close Sydney gws power and lions
Knock Victoria out