G’day and welcome to Kepler sports club and my name is bimmy jarnes my first song is this crazy dream

You see when I lay down to sleep last night my head got many thoughts, of tackling sleep apnea yes, what a ****** it was, you see I tried to sing flame trees, but I lost my train of thought and I hated my version of working class man, it sounded as if I was a bludger, you see I really like to party, drinking this lovely drink, maybe this Victoria bitter for a hard earned thirst, you see I tried a bit of surfing but got a attacked by a shark, I ran outside the water saying never ever again and I went back in, the shark was still there
So I went to the beach to relax on the surf and I tried drinking heavily but that never worked at all, because I sat down outside the police station and they said c’mon we’ll take you home
Then I went to the club and danced with the teens, I wasn’t being inappropriate just having a dance, but the barman threw me out, I told him to get lost, then he said, mate you have no right to do this and then I did a **** right on the front of the pub and he said I am keeping you and he rang the police, but when they came they just drove me home, giving me an lecture as they drove, then there was a drunken man who really needed a drink and I came into another and used his money to buy me a drink, we got ****** together and when we were totally drunk and he was plastered as hell, I took $300 from his cash to buy 4 cases of beer and I nicked off back home with the cash and beer but after I finished the last drink I regretted it a lot, but wait a minute, no I didn’t he might have been a phedaphile, you see you see, that is what I wanted to do

My next song is my version of g’day g’day

G’day g’dsy
Welcome to my world
It is make believe
And full of drinkers who
Want to bash you up
G’day g’day
You could be gullible
So I want to tell you this
Let’s try and understand
Just one little thing
If you as dinky die as an Aussie
You would drink him down to the ground
G’day G’day
Using a ****** to have *** with a model
And then we say to him
That this model isn’t as dinky die as a eculyptus
Tree bring planted right outside
You see mr Robert hughes
He was a real mate of mine
Untill he molested his youngest
On-screen daughter, a real stupid thing to do
I don’t want to look at Martin fucken Kelly
The name really scared me mate
But when I hear these simple words
Of
G’day G’day
He was an Aussie
You see that he was very dinky die
So I took him out the back
And I punched him
Knocked him senseless in the park
G’day g’day
I am a drunken *****
I was saying to this idiot
That what he did was unAustraliwj
And he said, how about I do it to you
I went over to the phone
And rang the police
He said, what are you doing
I am getting you off the streets
Kepler doesn’t need you
So I picked him up and threw
Him in the bin and said G’day
And he said G’day back
And said this one little thing
Just say G’day and go back where you belong

My next song is I can’t wake up

I can’t wake up
My head is getting clogged full of apnea
It is wrong to think you have it
Especially when people think you are crazy
But I say no mate, I am not crazy mate
I am just a man who can’t get up
Because I can hardly breathe
I can’t wake up
You see I wanna drink a few bourbons
And show you the Kepler night life
There are hookers and strippers
And religious figures who want
To see their religion getting a lot of cash
And I say you are a stupid mess
You see I like this place
There doesn’t seem to be any wars
But the war that goes on in the pubs and bars
My friend, is really really bad
I can’t wake up
From this stupid bed
Because I could feel that Kepler
Is the place for me
To rest my weary head
I just can’t wake up

Here is my next song called living off an all night hot dog

I had fun at the club
It was the single party night
At the labor club
And the time was 1-00am
You see I went with my best friends
4 of them, 3 found chicks
And the other one didn’t
Because he was so gay
Not that there is anything wrong with that
And we got onto the dance floor
And half my eye was on my date
And the other eye was on finding
A gay man to go out with my friend
You see one guy said, are you happy
With your sexuality mate
I see you are looking at this man
And I told her, yes I am straight but
I am here to find a lover
For my gay mate
She told me, waste of time
All the men just like girls
Not that there is anything wrong
With being gay my friend
But overall it is a nice gesture
To help find a friend for him
But Kepler has a gay bar
Two doors down
Do you should’ve taken him there
But I will help you, so I need a hotdog
Will you buy me one
And we can talk about your friend
Oh yeah party yeah
On a hot dog cooked at 1-00am
Oh yeah party yeah
Drinking at a place that drinkers go
To celebrate good tidings
Then we sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall
Till the lady said
Sing that song again my friend
Sing that song again
I will come up and knock you senseless
Then you will say to me
Those 99 bottles of beer my friend
Were putting curls in your hair
You see I went inside and a man was talking to my friend, I went over and said
Did you know this person was gay my friend
And he said, I am too, I came here cause I broke
Up, mate with a Kepler security guard

My next song is my friend Matilda

Once a pretty lady walked in a social club
Ready to drink a few ales with the boys
You see she got really hammered
And the man sitting at the bar said to her
It is fun to see if will work with her
You see my friend Matilda
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
She is a lady that I love
You see I talk to her
In a club up here on Kepler
I want to marry Matilda tonight
Matilda said I don’t marry
On first dates no way
I am a traditional man
Who marries the normal way
Who watches both of us get plastered
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
Loves to drink on our wedding day
You see she gets drunk
With everybody watching her
You see I can’t my friend Matilda doing this
You see Matilda went to Alcoholics Anonymous
To tell them she has a problem with the bottle
But they told her the problem wasn’t her drinking
It was the problem of her shacking up
My friend Matilda, my friend Matilda
AA wouldn’t help her
Because she wanted a relationship
With a nice man
With a nice man
With a nice man on the block like me

See you next time I hope you all enjoyed my show
Everybody cheered as he walked off stage

Every night Paul berenyi and Scott McDonald came into Brian Allan’s house to give him sleep apnea and force him not to breathe when he is in bed Brian says help help, Paul and scoff have got me I am trying to get out of here
I don’t want this problem with sleep apnea, I want to sleep on my bed and not on the chair
Help help help I can’t breathe what are you doing you see Paul and Scott wants Brian to
Come up and join them, Brian said, I don’t want to join you up here, but Paul said shut up or I’ll dig a drawing pin up your *** and Brian says, I have a mental illness and I want you get rid of your 80s style of bullying and understand that bullying is ever so wrong
Paul said neh, I won’t leave you alone Brian because you are a little shy boy, Brian said I am not a little shy boy, I could show what  you do up here and say you are so wrong for what you are doing and mate, the only way you will get Brian Allan is if I die and that will be ages
I might be big I might be big but I do love life
And Paul said you are fat you are fat and whether you love life or not you will die
Brian said I don’t want to die, leave me alone and I said again I might be big I might be big but I do love life
And Paul got really nervous but still wanted to keep giving me sleep apnea and Brian said
Help help help don’t make me die this way

High living is the place to be
The life of nanny is the life for me
Doing knitting watching tv, helping poor people by having fun with them
Going for walks to the shop
Or around the block
And cooking very good meals
For the family
Putting the tree up
Watching Christmas parades watching concerts on New Year’s Eve and staying up on nye as well
High living is the place to be
The life of nanny is the life for me
I love her beautiful way she went through life
Even when you were naughty you will be in strife
I liked her loving way of worrying
Especially when you are with the drunks
She would think you weren’t very good
High living high living high living
Is the place to be
The life of nanny is the life for me
Cause she was a life lover
Like me
The life of nanny is the is the for me

I was singing in the 80s
Some really top radical songs
I was singing in the 90s
Oh Carolina and Macarena
I was singing in the naughties
Music that wasn’t in the charts
I preferring 80s music
I was singing in the tens
Music on the new young talent time
And some nights and we are young
Tim Minchin and I loved performing
In drama club and bing crosby and Kevin ****** Wilson with words that would not be liked nor
And Jenny talia Kevin’s daughter same thing
Slim dusty biggest disappointment and Duncan
And I sooner be a hasbeen than a never was at all
And in the 20s watching cool concerts
From all over the world Tim Minchin
Twisted sister saying seinfelds maistro plays the army mad dad it is true and Bon jovi with bad medicine and living on a prayer and watching and enjoying the Logies as well as sending Bert to his new life as a girl I watch YouTube family vlogs as well but I don’t give a toss what you think of me

You see I saw parents running on
The field saying
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
I know they are just protecting their kids
But mate this is rediculous
You see this old lady
Who looks like she is scoring
Comes running out
Pushing all the kids away
Saying
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
Get away from my son
WHAT A LOSER
She needs to just refrain
From doing that
Just say, what kind of people would do that
And I say, nobody in their right mind
Is dumb enough to do that
Big fight begins at the footy game
Totally stupid people
Never should do that yeah
Totally stupid people
Should take the stupid out of them
And not fight

I was walking down
The rusty road getting rust
On my rotten shoes
You see they were the kind of shoes
That wear in and out
You see lots of people
Who were those shoes
Rob from the Westfield shopping centre
It is awful how they do that
Really really bad
Were the worst thing they ever done
I will never do that
I am a cool kid, never urinate on fresh food
In a coles supermarket
He should be locked up
You see I should be locked in gaol
Or if there is any sign of mental illness
To the psych ward
You see why don’t the doctors and nurses
Take the cool kid out of them
And keep it in them
I always hated robbers robbing places
I will be scared if I had a home invasion
Because I was scared of Australia’s most wanted
So mate you need to stop committing crimes

I am too nice
For the psych ward
If you pick on me
It doesn’t worry me
Cause I am too nice
I would like to give a hotel
For the homeless to live in
Cause I am nice
I love to talk to people at the poetry slam
Because I am too nice
I am Ted bundy or Ed gein or even ned Kelly
Brcausr I am too nice
I like to party and have fun
I like to grin at the mgr
Cause I we nice
I like to have a clean-shaven face
It makes me look nice
I don’t think about bad things
Cause I am too nice

I am not messed up
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I believe I am George Washington
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I want to help the doctors
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I threw my stuff over my balcony
I am a cool kid
Who cares if I don’t do what everybody does
I am a cool kid
You see these screws at the psych watch don’t care they just throw you on your room
And keep you there till meal times
Who cares if I killed my cat in 2004
I am still a cool kid
Who cares if I chucked a wobbly
When I wasn’t allowed to leave the psych ward
I am still a cool kid
Who cares if I watered down my computer
I am still a cool kid
Who cares if I believe in funny things
I am a Buddhist, that is what they do
Who cares if the nurses push me down
I am still a cool kid
Who cares when every time my mate Patrick says I am a cool kid and the doctors and nurses laugh saying what are you treating him like a cool kid for, he isn’t like us, he is a crazy person
I am still a cool kid
That is what I am

I am not muddled up
I am very cool
So cool in fact I break the Catholic rule
You see I am the coolest dude
In the country, man
I have fun as well
You see I love dancing
I love working. But not every day though
I sit there watching the footy
And watch music concerts too
I party in the clubs
Nobody bashed me up yet
Or steal my shoes, touch wood
I go to the carols because I am Canberra’s Christmas man
I like to stay up New Year’s Eve
Cause I am a cool kid
People who don’t stay up aren’t cool
You see I have found a way to enjoy concerts
At home on YouTube
I am cool

Didn’t we have a wonderful time
The day rode the carousel
It was an overcast day
Took my lunch in a bag
Only about 11 bucks you know
One thing I hate is when street kids
Jump on the ride and shake up the horse
What fools aren’t they
You see try hard my friend
To keep the mgr afloat
And when people jump
You feel a bump
And the kids all get scared
You hear them cry
You will hear them cry anyhow
But when street kids jump on it
It is worst for everyone
You see I love my job at the merry go round
I do it twice a week
And I have a lot fun turning it on
Kids love it
Yeah they do
You see the mgr is fun
And very very cook

I am moving up
And moving down
Up and down
All around the town
Pulling everyone around
Reaching down to get your cool kid out
Come on down and win a prize
Doesn’t really matter what is the size
Just squeeze your body till the juice pours out
Shut up you great big ugly snout
You don’t understand why people don’t get
I am trying to be a cool kid on the block
You see I had fun
My head is a mess
Johnny brown and his wife Jess
You see the other day
I went to a party
Being real cool for a smarty
Sing songs like you shook me all night long
Nutbush city limits chicken dance Macarena
Too cool to mention
Putting your best friend on detention
Making him pick up *******
And write lines annoying thing to do
But the thing is
Don’t be naughty and you won’t need to do it
King Kong is an ape famous in the movies
Then you get some young person looking
Really groovy

Go the mighty st kilda
We beat the Geelong cats
By 107 to 89
We kicked geelong’s but
The saints go marching in
They can’t make it themselves
But cause trouble for the cats
What a great match
The saints have won
Beautiful match
Walking through a ground
With st kilda playing so beautiful
Too bad it ends next week
But beating the cats
Pushing them down
Is the best thing they could do
Go saints

Come on the mighty port Adelaide
We won the SA derby
It was a great match mate
About 80 to 58
The power are showing their style you see
But they are playing great
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
POWER
You see kicked some ****
It was a superb match
Power to win power to rule
It was a match of many measures
They played well they make 2 nd spot
To play Fremantle next week
Will they win
They should win
Blimie Charlie is there
So
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
POWER
It will be close Sydney gws power and lions
Knock Victoria out

I want port Adelaide
To beat the crows today
Hopefully they will make sure
They push up from where they are
But the crows are starting marking it
Hoping they will win
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
POWER
We need to get out of
The stupid stump where in
And get in front mate
Yes that’ll be really ace
They are showing style
Just scoring to get in front
But still got ages but I hope they win
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
Come on port Adelaide
POWER
Knock ‘em dead

Hi Brian
Hi Don
How are you going
What have you been up to
You see I have 5 hours before my next bus driving shift, so I decided to visit you
Were there any trouble makers on the bud
****** oathe there was
What are you watching
Raiders on the iPad and border security
On the television
I think border security should keep you in this country forever
It looks like I have to wait for my next life anyway
Yes you need to
But I am thinking of joining the police academy
Lock you in the psych ward and cuff him
Your not a cool kid
I am not a kid I am a man
Well, that is a matter of wrong or right
Did you hear black caviar died
I bet on him so many times
And won a tonne of money
Yes it is sad eh
Very sad
I am taking a few people to the Melbourne cup
This year and unless I am told otherwise I am going to play some of black caviars wins on the radio or I might hook a tv on the bus
It will be a great thing to do eh
Yes people will enjoy it
Raiders down 12-0 against cowboys
They should have won it in 2019
Well that is a matter for the umpires to decide
I have to go now
See ya
See you don

I love goosey Brucey
Funny little goose
Enjoying every moment
Of being a goose
Running around playing up
You see he will drink water
From a famous goose cup
Wanting to be with goosey Lucy
But sometimes it is hard you see
Watching the swans play the bombers
Hoping your team wins
Don’t want it to be a ******
Goosey Brucey is saying to me
I hope Sydney win it will be a weird one
I hope I have Jessie’s girl
I really want a girl like that
Tapping my foot to YouTube tunes
In the dark side of the moon
And I wanna rock and roll all night
And party on every day
Goosey brucey likes barnesy
And Acca Dacca will play their hits
I love goosey brucey he is great
Better than a crazy ape

I drink a Coca Cola mate
It makes me feel great
It might rot my teeth
And put dentures in my mouth
You see I like to drink a Coca Cola
To the music queen
And sing we are the champions
And we will rock you
Party with Coca Cola
And sing a wonderful song from
Noiseworks as you sing take me back
You squirt your Coca Cola all over the place
I want to squirt my Coca Cola at americas got talent and drink it down oh yeah
Lose your teeth but enjoy your coke
Party party party makes the world go round
Coca Cola makes your teeth go brown
Coke and cola music
Getting down we’ll use it
Down the rotten area you’ll use it
Coke and cola music
Rock coke rock coke rock coke rock
Drink it down dudes

You see I am cool
But I just noticed my legs swelling up
I put epiderm on it to stop it
And hopefully it will work
Can I go for a walk to get it down
Can I do sit to stands to get it down
Can I relax and let Athena get it down
I put quite a lot of cream on it
Because my legs got bad because
I didn’t put cream on it
This time I am putting cream on it
I get nervous in hospital
Because they keep on testing you
It is annoying I know they are helping
It is just annoying
But I could sleep with my legs pushed in
Need to stretch them out
Watching cool shows like agt
Yes, help me not go back to hospital

I like doing crossstitch
It is fun and you could
Put a picture on it which is cool
You don’t do it all day and night
You do have to sleep
And you have to make sure the
Art is being done
I don’t want to be a crazy adult
Who finishes it for the night
And gets up again
Do the crossstitch
Go to bed
Do the crossstich
Go to bed
You will end up looking like a drongo
If you did that
And you will be a crazy adult
I want to do everything I do
Just then I watched a concert and
I did crossstitch while watching
My life with the Walters on Netflix
And then go to bed
Do crossstitch the next day
And besides which there is a party
On Jupiter
Ready to party

I am a one man band
That is what I am
I am not one person
But a one man band
I sing songs which are cool
And also close to my heart
I bop my way through drama club
Cause i am that cool
Yeah mate yesh
I am no fool
Pretty woman walking my way
I say hey what do you say
How about we party, one man band
You see we party to
AC/DC and jimmy barnes and ol’ 55 yes how radical it is
Slim dusty and Rick Springfield
Go to the Simpson house
And have a mad party
You can party to songs on YouTube
Like this rad band I am watching now
He is Scott cole get down and boogie
You could party with Ed Sheeran and maybe lady Gaga too
Party when your team is close to
Picking up a grand final
Yes that is for you
Yes, I am the one man band
Around this ******* house
Party with me idiot
Don’t be a stupid louse

When I was a little baby
I came out of my mother
And I probably cried
I remember being a happy baby
I used to love water
My mums dad gave me tea in a saucer
And he hosed me down
And I used to love it
I loved my little cuddly dog
And my lovely blue car
I washed it, my daddy washed the main car
When my mummy washed the dog
I didn’t want it, which was amazing
Seeing I have a lot of teddy bears now
I used to love sitting with my friends and family because I was a family baby
And when my brother was born
I was very excited
Untill my brother cried
And I started to wonder why he would cry
But I do know that is what babies do
I loved to play on the videos my dads dad
Did for us
Me my brother and my cousin
Playing around it was fun
Looking at us

In the 1970s we celebrated Christmas 3 times in 2 days
On Christmas Eve
We went to mum’s mums place for a Christmas Eve dinner and present opening for mums side of the family and there were a lot of people there and we played Christmas carols around the piano and talked to each other about our lives
I don’t really remember what was our presents but my grandma loved it, it was her chance to be with all of her in-laws and grandkids, one Christmas there I got little kermit the frog and my brother got a dog, grandma cooked a nice roast dinner and I handed out the presents on Christmas Eve and then at 11-00 my dad took us home and on the way home dad said can you hear the Christmas bells, it means Santa’s on his way and drop presents if you are good and go to bed and when we got home we left beer and *** ***** out for Santa and went to bed, most of the time we got up before mum and dad except for the year my aunty sue and Dennis came and both me and my brother didn’t get out of bed and some years we got a trampoline and other years a swimming pool no protection we should’ve had it if it was now but back then you didn’t think about it and we opened all of our presents every year and we had bacon and eggs for breakfast and then we went to church and play with our presents and then we went my dads mothers house for the night party with all of dads family and there we were given lots of gifts as well like army suits and caravans and car racing kits and many more, and my cousin Alan was the man who gave out the presents at that party
Then we went outside to play with our presents, having a tonne of fun while my dads mother was looking the Christmas roast and when it was ready mum yelled out dinners ready and we all went up to have a Christmas dinner and then we all talked and played and then went down the street to have a look at the Christmas lights, there was a street near dads mother which had every house decorated for Christmas and I loved it. Even till today
And then we went home and my dad and mum decided to take us home and me and my brother called our grandfather
Dotty pa and mum hated us doing that and we went home watched a movie and went to bed
MERRY CHRISTMAS.

When I became an adult in the 90s
I remember having a big party on the evening of Christmas Eve, when I had foxtel I used to get into the Christmas spirit by watching muppet family Christmas from 1987 and usually took 45 minutes and then when that was finished I sat outside to wait for dad to start the bbq to get it ready for our visitors to come for dinner and present opening and each year we used to have different foods on the bbq and mum made these delicious salads to have with them after her storytelling session at the church and when she got home it was before the visitors because they were usually late but when they eventually arrived we all sat down to eat talking about how our year went and dad got out this new wine for parents because I drank too much and then when dinner was made mum got out the pavlova and trifle and we all ate it up and then we opened presents and talked to each other and I needed a break because of my anxiety and I put on the carols by candlelight from Melbourne and dad used to comment how annoying the kids music was with the teenage girls who were there, and then they went into the other room to show everyone their new games or new music computer programs
And every year dad was excited about showing them and then at 11-00 the guests left and mum went to Christmas mass I didn’t go cause I am a Buddhist
It was a great Christmas with family

Having fun with my granny and nanny
It is a lot of fun
Going to the circus
Talking while watching television
Trying to get her off the phone so you could watch Mickey Mouse club
Playing tv shows in the back yard
Hoping dogs don’t come and interupped them playing cricket on the cricket pitch and watching hockey and cricket from their house
Going to the local show
Getting showbags
Going on rides
Going to the movies
Watching movies at home on ****** vision
Catching the bus to the city to have lunch or to shop
Walking to the local supermarket
Catching the bus to Charlestown Westfield and having lunch and shop
Going to k mart
Having henny penny for lunch and dinner
Having KFC and MacDonalds for lunch and dinner
Having hamburgers for lunch and dinner
All with chips
Picking mushrooms off the green
Gotta be careful with doing that now
Cooking nice meals
Watching days of our lives and young and the restless together
Staying up on new years to see it in
HAPPY NEW YEAR
I still do that in memory
It was fun

Every once in a while
Me and my mum and her friend
Get together for lunch and Yahtzee
And we also have goosey
My mums puppet goose
To give us all good luck
We play two games
And a dessert between each game
You see there is nothing wrong
With the lunch and Yahtzee
Because we get to have a bit of fun
At birthdays we go to the Jamison
Southern cross club for lunch
And then back home for dessert and Yahtzee
We also used to go to Canberra carols
Near stage 88 now we go to mums house
To watch carols from Shepparton on YouTube and my mums friend buys fish
And chips and we eat drink and watch and sing along to the carols
And on Christmas Day we play Yahtzee
Have a Christmas roast and dessert and we each tell a story we either wrote or learnt and last year I sang the grizzly Adams tune ‘maybe’ and it was fun
Lunch and Yahtzee is fun

When I was young moving
On to being an adult
I wanted to go to the skate park
Despite me not having a skate board
I went there to talk to the skaters
And enjoy them skating
I met a few rough skaters
Like the Nash brothers
Who went to the park
For the same reason as me
Looking back at it
I wished I were a skate boarder
So I would have a lot more friends
But I basically went there so
I could avoid the fighters at the mall
Because I don’t understand why
They want to fight me
Because I am such a happy and bubbly person
You see there was someone up there
Who wanted to see me get fought
Because my stomach was looking like when the guy got me when I was greame Thorne
I also ate a hamburger and a drink
From the take away cart
You see I stayed at the park till 4-00am
But the problem was one of the Nash brothers
Wanted to fight me so I tried to take any part of my life that made me look like a family person
He told him I owed him money
Which I didn’t
He took my chicken chips dinner
And ate it while I watched
All in the way so he can fight me
But I am so happy and bubbly
I felt scared of this guy
Especially when he came to all
The places where I felt happy and bubbly at
I went to the gym at kippax
And on the way home someone asked
Me to buy him a pack smokes
But now I wouldn’t because it could cause
A problem in his business
He could me a *****
I felt the Nash brothers tease
When he asked me to do that
I wanted to be a man who loved life
Enjoying watching the skaters
At the park
Then when I went with my friend to
Lighthouse pub
A bikie came in saying
Let’s bash these 2 up
And I was thinking
Why me, I am happy and bubbly
Unfortunately you can’t avoid fighters and teasers
But the best thing to do is not provoke them
Just remain happy and bubbly
Because if kids look at you
As being an easy target
If you buy a case of coke
Sooner or later the kids
Will be breaking down your door
To have a coke
And Patrick and jonithan said
I might have one of Brian’s cokes
And I smoked and people were asking
Me for cigarettes every time I went
Even old friends and Brendan
I wanted to Brendan into trouble
So I gave it to him
But I look at that, and it was wrong
I could’ve got fought and by a few
People I did get fought
A man yelled at me telling me
To leave his kid alone
But I was laughing as if I was happy and bubbly
And one of my other friends Bridgett yelled at me in the city
Maybe I deserved that I don’t know
But I am unsure because I am a happy and bubbly guy
And one kid rode his skateboard past me
Saying you know nothing about this world
You are still getting teased
And I said it is better to getting teased
Than fought untill I learnt teasing was fighting and I want neither just want to watch concerts and sport and entertaining and I prefer drama club
Than a fight or teasing club

Patrick Enright was my best friend at school and I came to his house to muck with him and listen to my music and his heavy metal music like Judas Priest and I thought of Judas Priest and **** priest as a little cool kid, but then Patrick told me not to hang with him anymore, I felt bad and this made me muck around on the street and then everyone was teasing me and Patrick was a bit worried of how the friendship turned out so he started to look after his 5 year old nephew jonithan who was his brother Martins kid and as I was going to the pub and the mall and the gym and to the sports events when I was coming home from those things and I heard Patrick teasing me with jonithan and I was saying very hurtful things to him
As I walked up the hill and then as I entered my home I said cool kids do what I do yeah only yeah mate yeah kids do you what you do Patrick and then I played basketball outside in my yard and pat was teasing me with jonithan saying to him imagine what this ******* will do next and then said Brian what are you going to do for us now, do your housework write a story go to bed play a show and make sure it is a kids show so I can watch it with jonithan, Patrick say like a man with a frown and jonithan was smiling like a kid would if I was famous and he went yeah mate then Patrick at the end of the show said to jonithan let’s put barnesy on for a party and jonithan was doing the little 5 year old head banging routine which looked so cute, I mean kid cute, not **** cute, he was too young for that and then Patrick walked down the road with jonithan the same way he walked with me singing we’re not going to take it with his stereo and stopped off at the service station to buy a packet of chips and munched and said to jonithan little cool dude, you are a cool dude don’t deny it
And then the bullies who called me a Woosey came into his house and said to him, don’t muck with Brian, he is a woos
And I understand why you treated Brian like a normal young dude, but he was a **** or a woos, and Patrick was mucking with him saying here is $30, so you can buy yourself a meal and leave Brian alone
And this happened every time Brian went out because his dad was very violently disappointed in him and mum wasn’t happy either and jonithan said look at this ******* and Patrick said, yes I know but don’t tell him, you are too young, then Brian saw jonithan at the mall looking in the music shop but when I left about 2 minutes later so did jonithan and said he is a fat **** and pat said fat **** fat ****
You are a fat **** and I said leave me alone patty watty and pat pushed his legs through the kitchen and cooked veges and chicken with his family at his house
Jonithan loved it so much, in the pub he said, you are not ever going to be like me and Jonny and jonithan said yeah mate yeah

Have a party
Have a party
Open a can of beer and party yeah
Also go to a club
Play on the pokies
Eat a meal
Have a few beers
And have a party
Listen to a band singing
living on a prayer
Mr brightside
G’day g’day
Lay down sally
Mustang sally
Queen of hearts
And we all get on
The dance floor and have a party
Sing clap clap here comes Charlie
The great old blimie Charlie
While watching Charlie Dixon
Score a goal for port Adelaide
Drink a tooheys for Isaac Heeney
Have a Carlton for Charlie curnow
Another Blimie Charlie to think about
Go for
Sydney Sydney Sydney
To win the flag for 2024
Party party party till next year
Have a party have a party
Celebrate your footy team
Whether it is Carlton or Sydney
Or maybe port Adelaide
Yes yes yes
Party all night, NEVER stop

C’mon guys let’s gather around
And tease the shyperson
But he isn’t a shy person
He is like us
And then he grabbed him by the *****
Creating an itch
Saying tease him dudes and hit him on the head
And hit him in the grind
We need to make him shy
He hasn’t any super powers
And then he reached down again into his ***** creating another itch
Saying I am teasing you
And then he said I am no longer a man
I am too shy to talk to your father
Hide in your house
You are getting robbed now mate
Just sit there and let me rob you
I might need a gun
Or a pocket knife
And then he reached down into my *****
And creating another itch
And if you keep reaching into my *****
I cut your hand off with my pocket knife
And he said I am teasing you
Hit you buddy in the head
If you want to young man, listen
To what I say as I am reaching
Into you creating an itch

You see dad, you are a loser
You kept saying you weren’t a young dude
And you don’t want to be cool
But I made you a little girl
You ain’t a man anymore dad
I know I said I will get you in strife
Just go to bed with your wife
But you were an army man
And an old fogie to boot
You have reincarnated as a little girl
And you have a twin brother
And an older brother
You need to understand that men
Don’t really yell at their kids
They be nice and thoughtful
So your dad is David Campbell
Your grandfather is Jimmy barnes
I took the man out of you dad
So if you have a problem with that
Just be a kid, be a kid
A little girl
I know I hit you dad
But that is why you tried to be a man
My old mate pat is saying
Your daddy isn’t around anymore
Well you aren’t but your spirit
And your new earth body is
And I see a bit of you in her, dad
Ok, but I was being a cowboy
Shooting at the rich *****
You used to play war games
And go on the stock markets
You said we will watch the cricket
With my brother
He didn’t want to
So you watched the bill
You said there will be free television streams
WHAT A JOKE
You told me to live in the present
Instead of living in the past
So why is pat living in the past
He is a *******
But dad
I am sorry I hit you
But I was drunk
A drunken *****
I didn’t mean to get into strife
Oh yeah what a life

Buddhist Christian Jews Muslims catholics hindus seeks and more
Watching carols on the lawn near a stage at a park going to concerts and the movies as well as too mini golf and throw an axe in the city and ride the merry go round and get an ice cream go to the theatre as well as to an art show and go to fireworks with music on our gorgeous lake go to the museum to play with the things there and climbing a mountain to get really fit and go to friends houses to play games board or action and may I remind you that ****** in the dark is fun going to Aussie rules games as well rugby league union and soccer cheer for your favourite team with a flag and a sign or maybe basketball cricket tennis and baseball enjoy those games going to bed to dream a lot and cook dinner which is nice going for a walk and some a run to get your body into gear
Sometimes it is hard to so you become a couch potato watching tv and YouTube and the streaming services because free to air totally suxalotsky there is only a news reading and a few shows as well as talent shows you could see different shows on catch up tv but don’t watch shows about ******, unless you want to
Or you need to keep up to date but that might make you go to bed late taking medication to make you feel better as well as have an imagination as well buy tablets to get rid of toothaches so Athena can heal your teeth, please god don’t let bad guys ****** me, a horrible way to die
I am a family person to do things with dignity and have a lot of fun

A school kid thinks about
Homework scholarship detention expelling
Boy friend girl friend gay partner lesbians too teasing issues bullying issues and start time 9-00 finish time 3-00 soccer training Aussie rules training fighting in the schoolyard skateboards rollerblades theatre theatre sports dance class break dancing weight training personal trainers life coach anxiety
That is what kids do
And it is said as they enter the bus
When a real ******* enters the bus
You feel like teasing that guy with the kids
Laughing at him
Making him unhappy
About his likes and dislikes
He does things his parents do
While you still do what kids like to do
Or better still forced to do
when he enters the bus with you
And the kids you say
What are you looking at
He says what do you mean it is something from the zoo
Then each kids laugh at him
Saying what a LOSER
With the Ls in their hands
I also said I do things like the kids
You just stay being an adult
While we muck around making
You feel unusual
Television radio snap chat Instagram Facebook tik tok
Just be careful that kids are happy with this
******* idiot so we can muck around

You see you hit little patty on the head
You can bash him senseless
And knock him dead
But overall it can be fun
To hit patty on the head
You see this dude teases me heavily
Making me feel very bad
I find that patty should really change his ways
Cause he is a heavy teaser
Hit little patty on the head
Patty tries to stick his heart with mine
By making the part of my body stick bad
I feel like crying because he is supposed to be my friend
Just hit patty on the head
Please pat don’t bully me
I really hate you because you don’t seem to care
You put itches in my hair
I really want to concentrate on things
But you put itchy powder on my head
So I
Hit little patty on the head
So he will be better off dead
Making sure before honey put butter on his break
Hit little Patty on the head
I want to go to the ***** patty
And with the ***
I hit little patty on the head

You’re not a man
I am going to hassle you at work
You’re not a man
Tease you when you go to bed
You’re not a man
I will tease you like a kid forever
You’re not a man
I will steal all of your music clothing
You’re not a man
I will try and run you down with my car
You’re not a man
I will make you give all your money to me
You’re not a man
I will tease you if you don’t muck with us
You’re not a man
I will tell the families you are a hooligan
You’re not a man
Every time you sing I will tease you as if you don’t know how to sing
You’re not a man
I will use all your money to thrash you at pool
You’re not a man
I will give you my disgusting left over meals I started to eat
You’re not a man
You stay out all night in the city going to clubs but when someone fights you, you act scared
You’re not a man
Don’t let him sit at the computer
You’re not a man
No, you are still getting bullied, you’re not a man

My breath tastes like egg
A nice plate of scrambled eggs
It happens every time I burp
You see it’s rotten I don’t know
I want the egg to leave my breath
The yolk the white under the shell
And despite whether I eat eggs or not
I still get egg breath
Also I get egg breath when I feel to cut
My thumbs
Instead of blood I have the egg
I hardly eat it but it comes right out
Yes the thing is egg breath
I’ll boil an egg, hard if I like
I’ll poach or fry and egg to have an
Egg & bacon roll
I will scramble and egg like an egg stir-fry
Tomato mushroom and bacon too
I get egg breath it drives me crazy
I don’t like it
When you give me egg breath
I hate it it makes me wanna *****
Egg breath egg breath
It isn’t pleasant

My brother used to party
To party to party
My brother used to party
And I used to join him
You see we danced to the top 50
Back in the 80s
Partying to all the songs
That made the 80s grand
My brother played an Olympic game
Olympic game Olympic game
I used to join him
My brother played a soccer game
Soccer game soccer game
Its name was the boss
I used to join him join him join him
I used to join him the team was really good
My brother made up a name of a sport
A sport a sport and it’s name was handle ball
I like ball games ball games ball games
Like footy and NRL and super 15
My brother used to argue about the umpire The umpire the umpire
I used to hate it hate it hate it
Because the umpire is just doing his job for the sport
My brother goes for Carlton Carlton Carlton
And I love Sydney and Adelaide
I love the raiders the raiders the raiders
Even if they ****
My brother likes the Beatles the Beatles the Beatles
He likes the Beatles
I love racey and beach boys oh yeah
My brother likes coke like coke likes coke
Even if it rots his teeth
I gave it up Judy stick to lemonade dude

You see it is fun to tease a man at work
Especially when they work on the lords day
You see back in 2014 I went to a school to sing carols with everyone
And as I was waiting for the bbq
A little kid called be a little scaredy cat
But Patrick will never come to the city
For the Mgr and he is the person ones
Who is scared of poor people
Because I am not scared of poor people
I like them
But patrick is so scared they travel
Close to them
I know Tuggeranong is where the
Working class live
But Patrick is scared of civic
Because the men are swearing
And using rotten bad language
But pat will never come to civic
And he is scared
But I ain’t afraid to go to city
Because I am SMART
So calling me a little scaredy-cat
When I ain’t is wrong

I want to relax
Watch the sport
Watch the concerts
And the vlogs
Read a blog
Watch the news
I don’t understand why you are stopping me because
You wanted me to do this recently
But you didn’t
You see I want to lose my sleep apnea
And feel great when I get out of bed
I want to have fun
And lose my painful arms
I don’t understand why you are stopping me because
You wanted me to do this recently
But you didn’t want to this recently
I want to lose my headache
And toothache etc etc
I want to relax without losing my breath
You see it is annoying how you
Don’t want me better
I want my muscles to stop a cracking
Please take away my stiff man’s syndrome
Please make me stop arguing with people
I don’t understand why you are stopping me because
You wanted me to do this recently
But you didn’t want to do this recently
I just want it to freaking stop
Stop this anxiety
Make me relax oh yeah
Stop this anxiety
You wanted me to do this recently
But you didn’t

There’s a big big sound
Down Sydney way
With the swans and the giants
They won both games
Different names
Of the goal kickers
Both came from behind
But still they won
Isn’t it a beaut
We are the swans and the giants
We’ll surprise the others this year
Cheer cheer the red and the white
And we will never surrender
Both will fight till the end
It is a great game for both

We are having a family party
With my brother and Jane
Me and pat
And mum and dad
Yes it was rad
Dad was thinking about computer games
To play if it got boring
Me and pat played his computer
He had fun pretending
To drive the car around the track
And whilst we were doing that
Mum came down with the vacuum cleaner
And said we are having a party tonight
Your brother is coming and so is Jane
Me and pat said fine and kept playing
well we have only 2 hours
Mum took an hour
Me and pat were really having fun
Jane arrived at the same time as my brother
They ran up the road to see the neighbours
To include them in
And stayed there for half an hour
Pat played more and dad came in
With some discipline for me and pat
And pat said, don’t listen to him Briany
Just enjoy the game
And then my brother and Jane
Came back to play in the pool
And me and pat played some pool in the shed and dad was saying help with
The preparation kids
The work isn’t just for the adults
Pat kept playing because most parents
Say let your kids be kids
And pat and Brian went back to play computer games
Mum was in there finishing cleaning
Saying kids are treated like royalty
These days, saying sarcastically let kids be kids, pat said what is wrong with that
My brother and Jane went in and joined in
On me and pat
Dad made some egg in a nest
And brought them doen for us
Pat myself my brother and Jane gutsed it down and mum and dad watched tv while we were acting like kids
Then after a while they brought pavlova down and we gutsed that down too
Dad said you are just a pack of disgusting slobs and the party went to 2.00 am then we went home buying beer as we left
Cool man

I was missing Julia because she left me
And a new girl came close to me
From bowling it was rad
The best girl I ever had
We went to bowl
Had red rooster it was tasty
Then we went to bowling
At Belconnen yeah
Then after that she went back to my house
And I showed her my own private bowling alley
Which was just a computer game on
A 90s computer
We played lots and lots of games
Right into the night
Listening to 2CA on the radio
She liked all the songs I liked
She told me I wasn’t weird
Which is what I wanted to hear
You see we also went out dancing
On a Saturday night
We stayed on the dance floor all night
I wanted to know the footy score
But she wanted me to think of her
But I found it fun back then
A lot of fun
It was dinner and dancing
So radical dude
We also stayed at the bowling alley all night till 6 am
My eyes were really tired
But I had fun doing all this every weekend
As we bowled most of the nights
With all the pro bowlers
I got on well with everyone
We also filled in our days playing
On my own private bowling alley
Yes she was nice and to her I was nice
And I loved playing pool with both girls
One at school and one at club
Rad matey
And I loved being her tenpin bowling doubles partner with some guys as well

A little teddy bear and I love her
A little teddy bear and I love her lots
He is cuddly and cute
Like a little cute bird
Like something you never heard
And you are my cuddly bear
I will name you after my school crush
Julia Clarke as she was sent to border town
Because she hated school and Canberra
But when I look at my teddy bear
I think of her the pretty good looking girl
Because
She is a little teddy bear and I love her
A little teddy bear and I love her lots
I think of all the times she teased
Cause she was a bad girl
Bad girl bad girl nothing but a bad girl
She rode at the back of the bus with me
Oh yeah she is a little teddy bear
And I love her lots love her lots lots lots
Little teddy bear and I love her lots  
Then played pool with me
We would’ve married
But she was a teddy bear that I love her
Little teddy bear and she loves me lots
Pretty girl teddy bear
And I love her lots
You see I was prepared to get teased with her
Cause I love her
You see if I saw her again I will live with her
Julia is a sweet beautiful teddy bear
And I am her cuddly bear
Cause she is a little teddy bear and I love her
Little teddy bear and I love her lots
Little bear ever so cute
Julia Clarke is a teddy bear I really love lots

The coopers family - David has diabetes


After all the nights with a large coke bottle in his hand and a hand in a lot of Christmas cakes, David developed diabetes after having itches in all parts of his body and each itch was very sticky, but this didn’t stop him from eating sugar but Ron hated him doing it and most of the time hid the sugary foods in his house but he wondered if it worked or not, he told don and raeleen to help him through it but David was very moody about it, like nobody will make him do anything he doesn’t want to do but every time he done that he scratched every diabetic itch on his body and began to hate himself because he fought his family about his sugar intake and this made his family wonder why he became a doctor but they kept on with the reason doctors make the worst patients, raeleen was really worried when he bought a packet of dairy milk fruit and nut and ate it all up in 5 minutes and then bought another pack which he was ready to eat it in another 5 minutes and then went to work to look after his diabetic patient as if this was going to help him get through it but this such patient never did a withdraw and David just accepted the fact that he was the same but after preaching when he talked about sugary foods, David went to the 7/11 to buy a bottle of coke and 8 packs of fruit and nut in which he eat straight away and his body was very itchy with a POISON itch, well that is what it felt like to David and David was too scared to give up sugar but everyone was saying, if you don’t give up, you will get the bad itch of DEATH and David was trapped into believing that sugar was helping him get on this world so he prescribed him some metaformin because he couldn’t afford ozempic even if he was thinking of taking the money out of the holiday fund even if raeleen has been bugging him about his diabetes, it wouldn’t be what raeleen wants him to do David thought, so he went back to buy a large bottle of coke from the 7/11 and drank it in the park where his family can’t bother him and the itch started to feel like ants biting him from within and David took a metaformin with a glug of coke which wasn’t the best thing to do because suddenly David put on 30 kg and it could go up even higher and the sugar levels will go up which isn’t really good and raeleen thought let’s get rid of all the sugary foods from the house so David can get help, but David still got itchy sensations but he tried to give up
But it wasn’t easy for him

I don’t know what the original problem is
I haven’t got a problem
I never robbed a bank
I never stole a car
I never bashed anyone
I blame you for my being sick in 2004
I wanted to live in a fantasy world
I wanted you to give me the internet
I didn’t know what I was doing
I though I would I like to water
Down the computer to grow a money tree
And click on the fertiliser about 50 times
To make the tree grow
The computer was a ****** up computer
And I was thinking that watering the
Computer will actually make it better
And I did this every day
I went to the mall to buy
A large bottle of coke
To tell everybody what I saw on tv
In my opinion
And I drank the 2 litre coke down fast
And I walked around the lake
Noticing the sky looking cosmic
And I never knew what was wrong
I was walking faster than normal
And I was visioning people
Trying to kidnap me
Once I got off the bus
But I was running away from then
I was scared and timid
I felt he was chasing me
Or trying to rob me
This happened a lot throughout the day
Coke walk coke computer money tree
Every bluming day
Then eventually I had an episode
Where I was getting phone calls
From people thinking they were old
Mates wondering how I was
I killed my family cat
I don’t know why, I was sick
The police came over
To stand over me and then
I was thrown into the paddy wagon
And I yelled out help I am being kidnapped
And I was given a shot of medication
When I entered the psych ward
And I pushed through every time
My parents visited me
But I felt I was entering the gates of heaven and I was becoming a Buddhist
Seeing god fixing people off to
Their next lives
But I was eating all the soup
And I was missing the computer
But I still thought my parents were
Overreacting
And I was let out and
I still wanted to water down the computer
So the money tree can grow
But I was given a strong medication (risperidal) which was a bad one which started a series of look ups  which was worst than me when I was sick
Then in 2009 I was taken off those drugs and put on  seroquel to stop the look ups but I wasn’t off the medication I swear but
I was sick again and I was feeling I was pushing my apartment up into the air into outer space but I through a lot of stuff outside the door and off to the psych ward and I got out in time for Christmas and I watched the Christmas carols and I yelled with pat saying it is Christmas Brian
The second time I wanted to be an artist and writer and YouTube entertainer and I hated how my family were getting in the way

I am sitting all alone
On a park bench
Waiting for the buskers
To play our songs
Whether they come out quickly
Or take so long
They should be enjoyable
*** *** *** whack him on the ***
Say to each other why don’t you hum
But then after that
The first busker came out
And sang American pie to the crowd
Each verse was sang very well
The last was all so loud
Then they sang joy to the world
By three dog night
And sang out loud being heard right
Into the night
They partied right and all through the night
Never worried what will happen
When the crowd will come out and fight
Then the second busker came
His name was don hoy
And sang on the road again
Thinking about the coach he drove
All over the country
Travelled from Sydney right through
To Perth city
Don hoys version of the song took a while
As he dropped into sale
To pick up Lyle
And take him around the country
They got on well
Being loud, can’t you tell
But Lyle wanted a hot cuppa mate
It isn’t too late
To be with your mate
But I miss my mum and dad
The second song don hoy sang
Was I am Australian by the seekers
You see he missed Judith Durham
And wanted to see her dead body
Through a peeper
When he was supposed to say
We share a dream don said drink
Because that is what the Aussies do
The third song was looking for an echo
And he sounded like ole 55
So as he sang the song
People put money in his hat
The echo was played and
The buskers all went home

I talk too much
About playing football
And doing art like a **** stirring old man
And I talk about partying in the street
And how I can have fun
Doing what I want to do
I talk about baseball and cricket
And who will really win
I talk about my favourite bands
And what I think they should play
Play rock and roll
Blues and a tad of jazz
And kids music Christmas carols
Songs about the Easter bunny
And anthems about 4th Of July
As well as scary music of Halloween
I just love to talk mate
And if you keep on talking Briany
It will be a fun day for all
I talk about fun days
About superheroes nightclubs children playing oh yeah I feel good
I also talk about rugby league
Rugby union Aussie rules and basketball
And I talk about my favourite team
Canberra Penrith parramatta and Newcastle and the New South Wales blues, they won ‘yay’
And I go for brumbies wallabies even 1 from New Zealand and Carlton Sydney port Adelaide and Fremantle and Brisbane  and the GWS giants from aerial ping pong
But I like it a lot
I like to talk and
If you keep on talking briany
It will be a fun day for all
I talk about hot pants cold potato chips
Going you are a cool dude don’t deny it
I talk about KFC Kingsley’s Lido cherry bean they have really good food
I talk about house parties club parties park parties where the music is pretty rad
I like 50s 60s 70s and 80s
And 90s as well
I hate rap hip hop ****** love songs wild hogs no dogs
But I am starting to get used to them
I talk while we play Yahtzee and being artzie and watching a tv show
I talk to mum I talk to my other mum I talk to my brother cousins aunties and uncles
And to Buddha who knows where the dead are when they move to next lives
I talk all the time
But if you keep on talking briany
It will be a fun day for all
I talk to Christians about why they choose heaven and Muslims on why they want to **** and catholics why they go after the young and I like Jews and Buddhists
Yes I love to talk
I say yo it’s Brian and I am  here to say
Talking is the fun thing I do all day
Even politicians get a mention
Like the left wing likes the poor
And the right wing don’t give a toss
Put right wing on detention
And boy love to talk about myself
Yes I get a mention
And if you keep on talking briany
Everyone has fun with you

I want to party I want I want to party
With women and wine and a piece of
Roast Swine and then I get down with
A bourbon and coke and scream out
It can’t be done it can’t be done oh yeah
I party up and party down
Through one place into the ground
Come on Aussies win the Olympics
And make me a happy man
But despite America having better
Gymnasts and basketballers as well as golf
They never win other things except for track and field
And after they win
They head off to the pub and party on
And then you see a lot of kids
The future of the world
Taking up gymnastics in America
As well as golf
Look out for Parker ballinger gym
And Ryan Donnelly golf
It will be interesting
To see them become good sportsman
Despite them being catholics
Change your name to something
Less Catholic
And party on dudes
Right till the end
I feel close to vlogs but not in a strange way
1 2 3 o clock 4 o clock rock
Every day I do things by the clock
Watching music concerts on YouTube
And watching footy on kayo
It is the most radical think I can do
If you want to know my secret
Athena she works on my teeth
Through ibuprofen which helps
Athena help them
Party on matey

Two shy people met in a lane
Bowed most politely
Bowed once again
Saying I don’t get pushed
By other people
I just do what you do
You see shy people sit in their house
Pretending they are too shy to be like the crowd
Nobody likes them
They are too shy
Nobody likes them at all
You see these cool people saw
Two shy people playing in the park
Sometimes basketball
Sometimes footy
But if a woman walked past
They don’t think of ***
Because they are too shy
You see sometimes it is good to be
Two shy people in the street
One eats potato chips
One squeezes down drain pipes
And because he is shy
A man walks out and toasts
Him with a nice cold beer
Two shy people walked in the city
Looking at everything there
They look at the people
Lining up for the clubs
And walk past dangerous flats
But nothing will happen
Nothing will happen
Cause you are so shy
Two shy people went to the family concert
To see you what bands were playing
There was this band
Playing in civic the babies are dancing
Boy they are so cute
Two shy people went to glebe park
To have beer and listen to the band
And have a meal in the food court
It was great to come out of my shell
Two shy people saw jimmy barnes
Singing along to all of his wonderful hits
Cheered very loudly
People were staring
But who gives a toss about that
Two shy people danced on the dance floor
One just danced the other attracting attention
If they got teased
By people who were just jealous
Party on shy
Party on shy
There is nothing wrong with being shy
We are just learning

I started my young years
Watching right on on television
Keeping up to date on my fave music
I thought I was the only one who loved music
But then I found out the real music fans
Loved young talent time and countdown
And I was watching them a bit
And I bought an album called CHOC-A-BLOCK which was a bit like the chocolate ice cream named choc-block really tasty
Then I watched the local soccer match where the local boys Lakes United were playing after feeling fit and tired running in a church carnival, and each this morning we watched the breakfast club, which was a children’s morning cartoon show they had in Newcastle with Art Ryan who had a Nick name ‘poppa’ and each morning when they delivered the orange juice my brother and I went to the door to collect it and banged our heads on the wall as I was thinking the song the Judas Priest song get arrested for breaking the law as we banged our heads on the wall and we used to tape tv shows like mork and mindy on cassette from tv and you could hear the background noise and when robin williams said at the end see you next week, my brother on the last show said, hey it isn’t on next week, I was walking to the shops to buy to buy lollies I came home and my dad and my brother were watching the cricket and then banana splits and in other room mum was watching bellbird which in some episodes me and my brother talked through it so she couldn’t hear it and then the underarm ball happened in the cricket with Greg Chappell asking his brother Trevor to bowl an underarm bowl to stop the 11th place batsman from hitting a six and this was outrageous because he wasn’t capable of hitting a six like that
They only needed six to win and we went to my nannas house and me and my nanny watched 70s rock music concert and everyone on everybody gave me a rock music concert cassette and it got me closer with my brother who fought constantly like all brothers when we knew nothing about each other and nanny used to hold Christmas every Christmas night while granny used to do Christmas Eve and my cousin Alan played Santa and nanny’s do and I used to count the dongs on granny’s clock and when it struck seven I got up to watch the breakfast club
This was every weekday morning and every afternoon I loved the Mickey Mouse club but granny loved talking on the phone and someone rang about 5 minutes before the Mickey Mouse club started and I had to lip read it for a while and every Saturday morning we watched SOUNDS with Donnie Sutherland and me and my brother said daddy Summerville as a joke against daddy’s age and I was bullied in a taxi with the only good thing about it that we got off at the oak factory to buy a fresh ice cream, we loved to listen to our fave music, I liked the beach boys and my brother liked the Beatles and my dad loved jazz and mum loved the soaps back then but not now, when I moved to Canberra I found out about Australian rules football where we all went for Carlton and my brother and I played Aussie rules competitions in the front yard and occasions a few of my school friends walked past teasing me because they were jealous of my great imagination playing footy in the front yard, what is he thinking and I had a rough friend who bowled like Harold larwood and a strong league tackler and at that time he was a good friend along with Brett and Brian and Carla and frank as I invited them to birthdays where we had donut eating contests where we hung donuts on the clothes line and we tried to eat the donut off the line before it fell off the line to it’s timely death and because we loved to camp as a family in a tent, I wanted to put the tent up in the backyard and we all had slumber parties in the tent pretending we were camping with family, our stuffed animals were the kids, when we played front yard footy we used to go to the squash court to play squash and I played racquet ball and I was pretending to be the footy player unwinding after a long day of playing footy, and afterwards we went to the Yass footy club for dinner and I made rissoles, orange pork chops, and other things and we all pretended to be in a restaurant ordering the same music
I used to play bus routes where I pretended our drive way was the Belconnen bus interchange and I drove all the buses in and I developed a few new bus numbers like the 666 Which went from kippax to Belconnen to Dickson to city to the airport to Manuka to deakin to Woden to Cooleman court to the cotter and finished in Tuggeranong and I used to collect toy cars and smurfs and bus timetables and I was the go-to man when my parents wanted to catch the bus, I used to play tv shows in my room on my granny and nanny’s front torch with people telling me to be quiet all the time
I watched rage and I sang all the songs reading the words from the cassette cover and sometimes when I sang music with my cousins my uncles and aunts were wanting me to stop because I dragging their kids down the wrong way and I played with two cousins in the pool having a lot of fun and I was letting the kids do anything, mate I was just a kid and a mate jumped on and off the pool ladder going the big ummmmmm
I was scared and sat there thinking of all the fun I had as a kid, who cared if I got teased I had fun
Ya know fun, it is what people did before computers took over
I was a normal child

I am not an alcoholic
I just want to drink
But everybody is pushing me not to drink
I know that I said I was an alcoholic
But I didn’t want to be as evil as I looked
But the natural fact is I am not like
Those other alcoholics
Because they fight I don’t fight
Because I am a nice person
I just was trying to express myself
But people kept wondering what is wrong
With me
I was trying to say I am fine
And there was nothing wrong with me
But I fought my dad
Why not, he believed in strong discipline
That I didn’t like it
I loved to party with the guys
Over at Belconnen high school
And going to pubs
And playing pool and dancing to all the
Greatest songs that I grew up liking
I was nothing like my fucken dad
I know he was nice but
I just didn’t understand why he hated
Me being like my school friends
Which I liked because they respected me
And drank with me but one stole from me
But mate I cut down because I wanted him to leave me alone and not because I was an alcoholic
You see I loved drinking with some friends
They made me feel cool
But what about the friends who rob from me
Who call me Woosey
Who try and run me down
Who try and bash me up in the club
Who tease me as they walk past me
Sitting in the pub
I just wanted to party
Get down and boogie
But everybody thinks they were in the right
But I was alright
I was fine
I know I was a tad violent
But that wasn’t the alcohol
That was other people
I gave up alcohol and tried Coca Cola and chocolate and it made me hypoactive
And I could drink it at family events
But I should’ve stuck with beer
Because of the toothaches
And being judged for doing that
I ain’t an alcoholic
I am a nice man who wants a drink from time to time
I am only having a champagne to toast my good times at art
But I am not an alcoholic
It is other people who hassled me
Over nothing that is important
I am Brian Allan and I ain’t an alcoholic
It is just other people hassling me
How would you feel if you felt you couldn’t explain yourself to people you love
About who is to blame the alcohol or the
People
The people is my vote
They just wouldn’t leave me alone
Drinking was my friend
Not like other people
I was being teased it was horrible
Woosey being run down by a car
And being yelled at of being nice to a kid
Laughed at inside a club
Money stolen by stretching it out
I HATED IT ALL
I am no alcohol
It is those people who need to change not me
I couldn’t even my mum saying I wasn’t like happy drunks
But she had to deal with an alcoholic father it isn’t her fault
I was like the younger friends
I even drank at the sports events
I had fun there nobody hassled me
But one player hated my comment
So I thought I won’t do that
But I am no alcoholic just a man
Who needed a break