Everything RED.

Red.
Like the blood flowing,
through my beaten,
yet still beating heart,

Yes, I'm alive,
half way to the bliss of death,
but alive,
you need a martyr, I'll be one,

Pray to the gods,
in seek of forgiveness,
for the sins, that in truth, will never be forgiven,
and the lies, that in truth, will never be forgotten,

Now,
I don't wanna feel a thing anymore,
I'm sick and tired of this game we all play,
thinking it'll get better,

Oh you better ******* guess again,

Terror begins,
in a wrist that won't bleed,
because matter of the fact is,
you've already died,
just on the inside,

Everything RED.

Oh god, seeing spots,
getting shakey are we?
maybe its time you're laid down to be set free,
because you haven't got a say anyway,

So dare me to jump off this Jersey Bridge,

Think it over,
and you'll realize,
oversleeping is no way to live,
and dying is a true gift,

So close your eyes, and rest in peace.

Sad but true,
Because of you,
Here I lay,
In pieces,
Broken.
Scattered every which way,
And theres nothing left to save,
This is what I get,
For telling you I was okay,
And now,
Here I lay,
Broken.

I.
Nicotine seems to replace air in my lungs.

II.
I have a mellow dramatic trying to reach me.

III.
He's armed with poetry and cruel words.

IV.
He also seems to think I don't notice he reeks of desperation

V.
And, he seems to think I care.

VI.
The one I love is too far away.

VII.
I need to bring him near.

VIII.
The scent of his skin won't leave my nostrils.

IX.
Depression is suffocating me,

X.
It knows I want it to stick around.

XI.
Depressions like leather. Dead but warm.

XII.
It feels like home.

XIII.
I don't ever want to go home.

XIV.
I'll turn 15 in less than a week.

XV.**
But yet I still won't have grown.

Where,
Please, show me the way out,
I don't see any shining lights,
Ofcourse,
I can't see much right now,
With the tears clouding my eyes,
You told me I have to find it,
I have to look for it on my own time,
And I will,
I'll do it,
Just like I found the ability to make these words rhyme,
I'll find a way out,
A way out of this brutal, heartbreaking life.

Everyday,
You make me feel,
Beautiful

The day passes by,
With one million smiles,
Because your there,

Making it,
All worthwhile,
To live like a child,
With her first love.

You and me,
Would go far,
If you would just
Realize,

That you are my muse,
My number one,
And I want you,
To love me too.

Forever and more.

Two hearts,
Melt together,
As one soul,
Together,

Forever and more.

So this is what it's like to feel alive
it's nice to finally meet this feeling again,
after months wrapped in a cocoon of self-loathing.
When he touches me, my skin shutters like a tsunami just
rolled onto the coast of Jersey,
shaking the whole **** state.
Heart pumping electricity into my veins,
leaving the ends of my hair sizzling,
and a smile on my face.
Awestruck by the way he says my name.
It sounds like poetry.
He is poetry.
Hands caressing hands and
lips touching gently,
I couldn't dream up a better piece of art
if I tried for years.

I feel like I'm thirteen again,
staring into that same pair of
amazing eyes.
He makes me feel euphoric.
His smile is a sunrise that I
want to see every single morning.
The feeling in the pit of my stomach
hasn't changed.
He is still my kryptonite,
even four years later.

You are like a soul,
that died, but never moved on,
left to linger in my doorway,
like a past season Christmas wreath,
that just never went away,
only because it knew, I enjoy it's company.

Brutally scarred, and barely standing,
Here I am and here I will stand,
Until I know
It's true,
Something I'll never want to believe,
And never begin to accept,
Acceptance is earned,
And this my darling,
Is not worthy of acceptance
Nor forgiveness,
I'll never look at you the same,
And I'll always hide behind the pain,
You'll never sketch your way into my life again,
Not with out fair warning of your arrival,
And by the time you arrive,
I'll have already said
Goodbye

It's funny, how we make it our life's work
to knock down trees, but still, all we see is green.
The American dream just isn't what it used to be.
The bible says love thy brother, and I'm not trying to preach
but it seems like all we care about is cashing checks
and making bread; gotta climb higher up that ladder.
Materialistic and sadistic;
it's ridiculous how much money is spent
on things we just don't need.
We've become less about helping others,
less thoughtful in general, more self centered.  

Sad to see homelessness running ramped through our streets,
but we can't spare a cent because we're more interested
in feeding our own unnecessary habits, or just
keeping the cash in our pockets
instead of giving to someone who truly needs.
we've become corrupted by our own dreams.

Get an education, go to college, they say,
but when it comes time to pay
they can't help you, so you sacrifice an arm and a leg
break the bank and your own back
for a piece of paper that won't really help you get a job anyway.
and I'm not saying don't invest in your own future, I'm just sayin
work to help others along the way.
Why not work to change, rearrange, make tomorrow a better day,
if not for ourselves then for the next ones to come around

are you picking up what i'm putting down?
because it doesn't seem all too complex to me,
live simpler, stop worrying about getting
a bigger bang for your buck  and help a brother out.
So caught up in getting rich quick we turn a blind eye
to the guy that doesn't have a dollar to begin with.
They say you gotta spend money to make it,
so pay it forward, instead of hoarding for your own benefit.

We've got politicians lying through perfect teeth,
but how did they get them so white and clean?
You guessed it, your tax money,
and now we're following in their footsteps,
led like sheep, buying things just because
we were told to by an ad on the TV,
and calling it freedom.

We're becoming exactly what we said we'd never be
and I don't think I could make it any easier to see,
can't rhyme my way through all the idiocy.
We strive to be more everyday, its the american way,
but for every step we take in the right direction
we're skewed off course by another unreliable source,
they say the illuminati's just a conspiracy theory,
but look try and look past what they want you to see.
We're puppets, dangling on the strings we chose to sew
through our own skin,
because we'd thought it would take us higher
than hard work and dedication.
21st century, and still living in a world where people
have the color of their skin held against them,
still living in a world where love is believed to be gender-specific,
but we're not prejudiced. We're not biased.
Won't admit we've got our heads in our *****.

I mean, come on. I know it's hard to admit when wrong,
but it's about **** time we wise up, isn't it?
About time to open the eyes that have been
glued shut by our oppressors
and see that we're an abomination in the making,
we should have been raised to do more giving than taking,
but somewhere along the line the script was flipped
and now those with good hearts are made a mockery of
for having a different perspective.

We've gone from land of the free, to a place I don't wanna be,
and so far, we aren't doing too much to change it.

I've been gnawing off my nails
faster than I learned to chew as a child..

I don't bleed as heavily as I used to,
thick callus has replaced the skin
that's been opened time and time again

after each lashing of your tongue
I was stronger than before.

I choke on the word victim
like strong alcohol spit it up in the bathroom sink
and set aflame like a molotov cocktail; it feels like war in my chest.  

I picture her as something unknown to most;
something you run from in nightmares.

In the open, she was nothing to fear,
harmless in front of the eyes of another:
behind closed doors she was a titlewave and

I was always facing the wrong direction..
not a surprise, but I was never expecting.

Filled with bones,
made for breaking.
Filled with blood,
made for circulating but is instead used for bleeding.
Given a heart made to beat,
but yet my pulse is slowly fading
I am dying. Just on the inside.

Some people can't handle a girl,
with hurt in her soul and scars on her skin.

For this reasoning, I lock myself up.
Heart and soul in a lockbox,
and I've thrown away the key,
leaving nothing but what you see.
A lock with no key,
and a heart left to bleed.
So no one can see this mess inside of me.

As for the scars,
I wear bracelets, and long sleeves.

Now, I congratulate you,
for you've met a girl,
who is very good at hiding.

She's been beaten,
She's been bruised,
Physically and verbally abused,
She felt like nothing,
Every little problem was dealt with,
With a few little cuts,
But her ways have changed,
She no longer resorts to pain,
She no longer has hiding places,
For razorblades.

I am not well,
I am not okay,
Right now i'm smiling,
But thats only for today,
My hearts beating reductantly
My visions shaded gray,
The feelings i once had
Known
Have now gone away
And I'm ready to begin,
Another round with a long time friend,
A sin,
It's hard not to give in,
I am not well,
I am not okay,
And if my wrists look perfect,
Thats only for today

We fell apart,
Lets make a new start,
A new beginning,
No lies, No fights, and no cries,
I'm done with the never ending feud,
It seems thats all there is to it,
One big feud,
I don't care how it started,
I just want it to end,
To go back to the way it used to be,
Although I'll never be perfect,
I can try,
If you can forget all the lies,
I'm willing to do this
For you,
For me,
For us,
What will it take,
To go back to the way it used to be.
I'd give anything.