Waking up,
                    I realize I was only dreaming,
                                                       ­                Thank god
For, that was a horrible dream,
No, correction,
A horrible nightmare,

I was there, and you were there,
Then,
                           SNAP
You're gone,
                           BOOM
I'm dead,
                           it all fades black
The end.

You shattered my insides with something wicked.
I didn't know to expect this, but I got it
shoved down my throat at the last possible second,
a hurt I didn't think you were capable of administering.

You shattered my insides with something wicked.
I suppose I'll become a heap of organs in your closet
because my skeleton is just dust in the wind,
what more could it be, after the heat of the incinerator?

You shattered my insides with something wicked.
The thing is, I don't know what I expected.
Maybe I was dreaming of some happy ending,
but woke up to realize that reality always shines through.

You shattered my insides with something wicked.

Your voice. Your words.
Things that preach cacophonies
of glass shattering
waterfalls of broken things
never to be repaired
minds spiral into a fit
of uncontrollable laughter when
they hear you cry for help.
You are not the victim here,
nor were you, ever.
So stop the song and dance,
and don't quit your day job
for while you think you've changed,
and can fly higher now,
you'll go no where
weighed down by the things you've
gotten your heart tangled up in
transfixed on the idea of holding on.
But see that's the thing about
this world in which we're stuck
most of the things we think do us good,
are the things that slowly tear us down

Clouded with rage,
overloaded with hate,
yet I have no idea,
as to why I feel this way,
you say you don't know what to say,
maybe you should just realize,
I'm not okay,

Maybe its just all too much,
maybe I'm just not so tough,
but I have no idea,
as to why I feel this way,

I can't take the reoccuring drama,
like kids, the chatter fills my ears,
and weakens my heart,
but nothing I try to do can reverse,
the curse of depression, thats dwelling inside me.

Catch me while I'm weak,
and rip me apart,
tear me to pieces,
don't let a shred remain,

**** me quick,
and let me die,
I'll finally come to peace,
with this dark cloud,
hanging over me,

Why do I always feel like this?
like someone
ripped my heart,
straight out of my chest,
and watched me bleed,
to death,

It's not a nice feeling,
to be broken,
It's like having wings,
just for the sake of falling,
there isn't a piece of me,
that hasn't broken,

Sometimes I'm happy,
but not very much anymore,
not since you knocked on my door,
now my heart is hollow,
and theres no repair,
and just when I need someone,

Theres nobody there,

My life always seemed,
to work out that way,
right when someone is needed,
theres no one to be found,

and I'm just now finding out,
that the only place I can hide,
is a hole in the ground,
someonewhere no one is found.

Turnstiles tick
with the constancy of clock hands,
while I try to calculate the depth of a second
waiting and wondering
if you'll ever again grace me
with your presence.

He asked if he could kiss me,
and I told him no when I realized
it wouldn't be his face I saw
when I closed my eyes,
when I realized it would mean
hours of remembering, keeping me up
till morning light,
recounting the good times,
what I had, and what I lost.
When he asked if he could kiss me,
I somehow knew he wouldn't be able
to rekindle the fire in my eyes
I somehow knew he couldn't fix
what had been broken inside.
So when he asked if he could kiss me,
I turned away and told myself
that I couldn't be put in
the position to be hurt again,
couldn't experience love again
until the longing died.
Being needed, I'd decided, would
only make things worse.
So when he offered me his heart
to hold, I handed it back to him,
and told him not to be so trusting.

Let thoughts fly,
And stain like watercolors,
In your minds eye,

Let creativity spark,
And bring past memories,
Back to make you smile,

Let there be joy,
In a world,
Where there is a significant lack of,

Let this actually happen,
Instead of just dwelling in the back of the mind,
Of a true flower child.

And if I am blessed with one,
you'll be the story I tell my daughter one day,
when she can't get out of bed,
because the boy who gave her everything,
is now the thought that is comparable to bones breaking.
I'll tell her about the boy I sat next to in math class,
the boy who made me fall in love
in the first two weeks of the tenth grade.
I'll tell her that you taught me what love was,
and then after 6 perfect months,
you taught me heartbreak.
I'll tell her how I cried every night,
for nearly two months straight.
But I'll also tell her it didn't last forever.
I'll make sure she knows; new love will come.
The boy that left her stranded,
won't always have a place in her heart.
She won't always feel the need
to drown his memory in whiskey.

What I won't tell her is
that the sound of your name still
makes me cringe
and if I could have you back,
I would by now.

I do,
Two words,
I'd love to say to you,
The most beautiful two words in history,
Besides these three,
I love you,
Which I always tell you,
I always love it,
When you say you love me too,
It's the most wonderful feeling,

She once expressed the feeling,
of blood pouring from her skin.
Self infliction. Something held dear,
to those who don't realize,
they have the potential to heal.

She once told me, she didn't know how to feel,
so she coaxed the feeling from her bones,
in the form of blades, until her skin itched,
from all the unneeded attention.
Cracked, and bleeding,
hurt pouring from her overly expressive eyes,
she masked the pain, walked among us,
as just another misunderstood,
stargazing child.

Her name became stitched into constellations,
for her eyes never left the sky,
unless to stare down at her tiring feet,
and hope to be transparent in her depression,
to people standing on street corners,
seemingly inviting her to join them.

She knew she'd someday board a bus, and consciously leap into the unknown.

Her minds limitations would no longer hold her down.

It's 2:30 AM,
and I'm sitting at this **** table again,

Searching for a reason,
reason for the changing of the seasons,
along with the changing of the wind,
it blows in every direction,
searching for the time of day,

But who really cares anyway?

We're just wasting away with every passing phase,
Ticking away at the moments of the ever so dull day,

Someone, please, take me away!

If you would've known then,
What I know now,
You wouldn't wonder why I cry so much,

If you knew then,
What I know now,
You wouldn't have wondered why I wanted to die, just so ******* much,

Because the world is heavier than it looks,
And I can't carry this weight forever,
One day, i'm going to break down again, because you know what they say,
Never say never,

So please remember, go easy on me when im down,
This is more than just a simple sadness,
It hurts to the core,

So now that you know,
You don't have to wonder anymore,
Because if you knew then, what I know now,
You'd be depressed for sure.

Music blares,
Thoughts race,
And in this place,
I'm freed,
From all stress,
In this place,
I'm free to be,
Me,
The only person,
I want to be...

Cooler than a winter breeze
Hotter than a summers eve
You and me are truly ment to be
Love has finally set me free
From the darkness hanging over me
Its better now that I can finally think
Without anger clouding over me
Its like a weight has been lifted
Its a gift from you to me
You are truly the one
The one that set me free.

I can't do this anymore,
I did you wrong,
I understand that completely,
I apologize,
A million times,
I tell you I never intended to hurt you,
Or do the wrong thing,
You don't care,
You live to hurt me,
That puts a smile on your face,
Oh, well
Can't you let it end,
Lets be friends,
All you do,
Is make my heart shatter,
Like glass,
Flying everywhere,
And I'm slowly dying inside,
You **** me,
Emotionally,
Drama is all you do,
And all I can say is,
Let it end,
Lets be friends

Wanting to break free,
But the prisoner is me,
My emotions are the enemy,
Tears fall,
Hopelessly,
With no control at all,
For miles it seems,
Like a never ending stream,
Of broken dreams,
hopelessly,
I hit the ground,
Waiting for new tragities to be found,

Dawn produces light,
Dusk produces night,
Words dreamt come to life,
They cut like a knife,
You don't know all the pain I have to hide,
Tears sting my eyes,
Thinking about all the pain,
I've permanetly locked inside,

Solve problems with a razorblade,
nope thats the old life,
find another way to keep the pain away,
because always having to hide your wrists,
is no way to live life,

Listen to the beat of a heart,
not completely broken,
just bruised on the outside,
Making moods change like kalidescope eyes,
never knowing what comes next,
makes life one big suprise,

Try to change the things you can; don't let the things you can't drive you crazy,
Accept it: *just keep going

Cataclysmic soundwaves
reverberate their way through
my tired brain.

The sun shines through the window pane,
but all I see is grey.
What other medications can I take?
Would a bath with a toaster
make me feel more awake?
Sleep is the only escape,
but how long do I keep wasting life away?

I cracked the glass,
one too many times,
the mirror shattered,
along with my heart,

mirrors, its true,
they dont lie,
but the person,
can only see,
what they want to believe,

That has given you something to think about,
hasn't it?

Pain pills
are not
your friends.
they will not
take away
regret.

Emotionally I'm ******,
Physically out of line,
I've been called every name,
I'm done with this stupid little game,
You seem to like to play,
With every living thing,
The tears roll down my cheeks,
I hate the way they sting,
My eyes burn,
And you need to be taught a lesson,
You really need to learn,
I hate the way,
Everything you say,
Is obviously untrue,
But everyone believes you!

I need to finally be freed,
From this level of emotional greeving,
It won't get better unless I start believing,
It's possible.

no one ever told me,
that the butterflies in your stomach,
could stab at you like knives.

Emotions tell all,
         So please open up to me,
                    Don't let the wound *bleed

I'd rather be in the way than out of the picture,

So go on, tell me I'm in the way,
That doesn't mean I'll move,

I fly with the wind, where ever it wants to take me, I go,

So if I ever just pop up somewhere,
Don't ask me what I'm doing there,
Because not even I know,
Life is a wild ride,
So hold on tight and prepare yourself,
Because life is all about the unknown,

Always and forever,
We will be together,

Your slightest words,
Bring me to tears,

Because all I want,
Is for you, to be here,

Your words, they cloud my mind,
I think about you all the time,

You must believe me when I say,
You never escape my mind,

Because I've never loved anyone,
As much as I love you.

My heart was blackened,
by practice,
so don't ask me,
why I'm like this,
for it was all you're doing to me,

You're the reason for my situation,
and why my whole life,
has turned to hell,

Somebody grant me a wish,

Or cast a spell,

Because I'm gonna need magic,
to survive this tragedy,
known as my home,

It's also known as,
My Hell.

We'll all die,
but I'll live before I do.

Back to the place where it all began,
where the tears first ran,
down my cheeks,
in a stream,
of pure emotion,

                                    why
                               does
                             it
                     have
                  to
              be
        this
   way?
Does the world hate me?
Why
     can't  
           I
            go,
               one
                    day,
                          with a
                                     smile,
                                              on my face?
I'm so sick of this,
I just want to be okay.!

if we believe
we can achieve...

the lowest depths of insanity:
the very height of the losing streak

gambling is a dangerous game
not because of the money,
but the repetition of negativity
that can actually hold the brain captive.
it clanks a mug against the metaphorical
prison bars of the psyche.

so stuck in the chase that you present
the inability to hold out for even mere minutes
because there's "hands to be dealt" and
"stakes to be raised."

the recklessness you allow yourself to continue
until you're at your wits end
wondering why you haven't stopped yet,
or perhaps, why you even started to begin with?

it's not a game of skill or wit,
it's rigged to make the player feel superior

but only until they've got
nothing left.

Love is a four letter word that sweeps my soul into oblivion.
Oblivion is nicer than you might think.
There are willow trees and hummingbirds perched on branches along highways with glowing exit signs.
God has found me and brought me back into the righteous light of faith.
I do not care that I sound like a bible thumper and a southern belle dixie chick hick.
I do not care that this accent may be permanent.
I sound distinguished and full of love.
I sound like I’d pull over if I saw you broke down.
Offer you a ride to the nearest town.
I do not care that some have tried to banish my faith both in god and in humanity. I will remain strong as bulls in a bull pen awaiting their next victim.
I will remain grateful for all that I am given. I will get back up, every time I am knocked down.
I will extend my deepest faiths to you my dear
All off pearl teeth and gusto.
Coffe stains and unbrushed because you can only take care of yourself so much without the beast of burden leaking through.
All 16 hour drives straight through.
Pumping your own gas is dangerous. But I will power through.
The horizon line will become hazy as I approach my home. My head will spin. My heart will ache.
My ***** are on fire like never before
This lust for life.
My heart shakes with every fiber of me.
Like a permanent twang beat on rt 77 or 895.
Location means nothing if your heart is full. And mine is full.
If I should have a daughter, I will teach her birdcage heart to shut around the things it needs most. To grasp like hawk talons and never let go. To love even if it means to lose. To give whenever and where ever the wind blows.
I will teach her that men are like shark mouths. Every thing is safe until they close their mouths. Bear teeth. Huff and puff and blow their houses down.

Sitting here, in a cold sweat,
The words you said, I'll never forget,
Even if I tried, there are the forever remembering lines I drew,
To try to keep from focusing on you,

Now the scars aren't letting me erase,
All the memories I'd rather forget
Now, I lay here in shame, because of all the words you've said,
The words, that replay again and again
In my head,
These words, I'll never forget.

Blade breaks skin,
Out comes all the pain I've so desperately tried to  hold in,
Now the question remains still,
How deep can I go,
Before I know its real.

accusations fly like throwing knives
and all the while, this war you wage
originates in your brain...

"if I had no one to scream at,
I'd scream at myself"

the words leave your lips
like smoke pours from windows
in a house, full blaze.

I've spent my whole life fighting,
so all this smoke doesn't scare me away.
it simply leaves me wondering

whether I can conquer this
or end up just another casualty
along the way.