Denial lies in these walls
When I tried to hide

From your screams of pain
This life will soon make me go insane,

I can't hide from you today
You can't change the choices you made

Lets end the fight
Once and for all,

Lets end it,
Tonight.

I'm hoping your home...
        
          Because I'm feeling so alone..*
                          
                           *Tonight

A deaf and homeless lady asks me for a cigarette and a light.
I don’t have either and cry on the inside.
Her speaking is broken and so is my heart.
No matter where you go you always glimpse some sort of suffering.
Always make yourself thankful.
She is thankful anyway.
She tries hard to read my lips and ask me for a single dollar. I do not have this and I am a slave to the debit card.
She is thankful anyway.
She rolls away and tells me to have a great day.

A homeless man with a sign on the side of the highway. I give him maybe my last 80 cents. I do not fret. I do not need it more than him and I impede traffic to give.
30 seconds to help someone will give you hours of life to live.

A security guard stands by my side as I cry out over a dead battery.
AAA is on route only 3 hours away.
My phone is on 30 percent, but I am thankful anyway.
Thank for breath and safe parking garages.
Thankful for the man with the cables and the woman with the GMC. she tried through broken English to understand me, and spoke to her mother in Latin blooded tongue. I assume she was her mother. The wrinkles around her tired eyes suggest she has more than one child. She has seen more than I have or probably ever will.

I am blessed and I am grateful.
Highways blur as the tears fill my eyes.
Thank god I’ve learned to cry and drive.

There is seven dollar wine at grocery stores and pharmacy.
Something I thought I’d never see.

These mismatch events passed by my eyes so quickly, I forgot to ask names.
I pray for every soul that helped me along the way.
The maxed out credit cards can be fixed. The in-laws will give me time and patience.

Fear is a four letter word that is finding its way out of my vocabulary.
The angst is slowly being replaced with light in my soul.
There are good people out there and I try my damndest to be one of them.
Rain leads to rainbows and I’ve found the golden *** at the other side.
My riches are not material they are beings which I believe to be reincarnated souls of angels, who will never let me fall from this tight rope.
I am blessed and so are you.

North Carolina changed me in ways jersey never could
Perfect strangers and twang accents
State plates from as far as 700 miles. Plane ticket vouchers for 1000.
Crisp air and crap coffee
A 9 hour drive gave me just enough time to love life and all it’s mini tragedies.
Like a tv show series with static that cuts right before the last lines.
A birdcage in my chest, it’s door swings back and forth waiting for a worthy inhabitant. I have found him. And Him.
My hero’s don’t wear capes and my angels don’t have wings

From the moment you stop growing you are dying so live life like there’s a heat seeking missile everywhere you go. Cells divide and replace. Slowly. Ever so slowly.
Oxygen gets replaced by carbon and you breathe deeply like you may never again.
Taking pictures of everything and nothing.
At. The.  Same.  Time.

There’s no jet lag but the corners of my eyes have become bloodshot with gratitude and faith.
30 dollar full tanks and barbecue dreams.
If I could find a place to settle I’d never leave.

There are angels.
There’s the man who offers you a jump in a parking garage after you’ve tried two sets of cables and cried.
There’s the parking garage security that offers you a charge and a drink.
There are your in-laws that would give you the literal shirt off their backs, every time. No questions.
This doesn’t rhyme because it doesn’t have to.
The world works in mysterious ways that don’t always line up with time.
There are particles in your eyes that don’t always make you cry but when they do the shore breaks somewhere off in the distant line of sun. There is crisp air and apple pies. There is wine.
There are times where the street lights illuminate more than the sun ever could.
There is more to be thankful for than you’ll ever really see. Hotel coffee and the love of your short life.
They took way too many mistakes and too much time to find.
It never stops. It always stops.
Your heart beats backwards at twilight. Your bed is your home and your comfort.
A cold beer is better in warm hands and houses.
A drive is better on a dirt road with twang in the background.
A mental breakdown is to start anew.
I’ve spent all this time with so many questions and ponderings.
God is good and *** is better.
Chin up chest out and **** em to high heaven. Every single time.

First time I’ve written anything in years. Enjoy it and go with god. He’s out there.

Wine blurs the chaotic mind,
for all the answers I can't find.
Anxiety on top of anxiety,
sleep is the only escape this time.

I used to be able to write,
but my mind is haywire,
flashing pictures I can't describe.


No excuses for being sad this time.
Everything is fine.
Happy family, bills paid on time.
Car drives, despite the check engine light.