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May 2013 · 487
Breathe
Johnnie Rae May 2013
Breathe in,

Focus on the pitter patter of rain
Drops and the slap of your feet on wet
Pavement.

Breathe out.

Keep an even pace,
Don't let your heart start to race and
Ignore that aching in your feet.

Breathe in,

With every step you're closer to
Your final destination.
It gets easier with every breath taken.

Breathe out.
Nothing like a run in the rain.
May 2013 · 2.1k
Stargazing
Johnnie Rae May 2013
Laying in the grass,
you smelled of cologne and
were warm against the cold night air.
The sky was black, and laced with stars that shone like diamonds.
The music played, and you sung in a voice that made my head spin.
In a moment of perfection, I found myself wishing that the night would never end.
I'm finding it more and more difficult to write.
Johnnie Rae May 2013
Oh say can you see, by the dawns early light
that doesn't shine so bright anymore. For soldiers are walking blind into a battle from which they may not return. But they stand tall as they wipe the blood from their wounds, because they know that they're helping a cause greater than all of us.
May 2013 · 455
Midnight Rain
Johnnie Rae May 2013
Come to me, serenity,
In the form of midnight rain.

Where all we have to worry about,
Is the pitter-patter of rain drops,
And wet pavement against our bare feet.

Come to me, serenity,
In the form of midnight rain.
Nothing like dancing in the rain at midnight
May 2013 · 636
Whiskey is my Holy Water
Johnnie Rae May 2013
Whiskey to me,
is like holy water to the devil himself,
I know that now.
A hole in the cellar door,
and a shattered shot glass left on the ground.
My head is pounding,
and my thoughts are flying in all different directions.
I feel like I'm going to puke if I don't hear some real good country,
And turn all the god forsaken lights off.
Whiskey is holy water to the devil in me.
Especially when I'm hurting.
I've learned.
True story. Don't drink.
Johnnie Rae Apr 2013
This is our generation.
We will think we know everything,
About everything there is to know,
When in reality,
We have a lifetime to learn.
We are young and we are stupid,
But we will not admit to this.
We will fight until we feel we've won.
We will take charge,
Where no charge was needed.
We will argue until our opponent backs down.
And we will believe that we are better than everyone else,
And that everyone else is just stupid.

We will skin our knees,
And rip our jeans,
And cut and dye our hair,
Until we fear it may fall out.
We will turn the music up way too loud,
And scream along to a song we've never heard.
We will drown out everything around us with headphones,
And risk going deaf in the process.
We will make stupid decisions once,
And do it again,
After we swear we've learned.
We will make promises just to break them,
Find all the risks just to take them,
And try to learn to fly.
And shortly after, crash to the ground.
We will then have our hearts broken,
And stomped on.
We will think love doesn't exist,
To then only think we can't live without it.
We will think we can't live without someone else,
And then we will hate everyone.
Including ourselves.
There will be days where we want to die,
And days where we wonder why we ever thought that.
We will feel invisible.
We will feel numb.
We will be so depressed,
We just want it to end,
But we will know,
that if it doesn't get better,
It isn't over yet.  
And then we will even doubt that.
We will doubt everything, until we hate ourselves yet again.
And this will not change for a while.
But when it does, it will be amazing.

I wish I could tell you this is avoidable,
But we all share the same fate.
In a world of teens,
Is a world of dreams,
That we will break our backs trying to make reality.
And in a world of teens,
There is a world of parents,
That have a right to say no.
No matter how much you think otherwise.
We are the wise ones.
Or so we think.
Really, we are the idiots, just trying to belong,
And failing, mostly all the time.
There is nothing we can do to change this,
Except wait.
Wait until you know everything.
But let me tell you.
You don't know everything,
Until you've accepted that you truly know nothing,
And you've got a lifetime to learn.
When my boyfriend tries to apologize for being a **** up. I just told him, this is a generation of **** ups. We've got a lifetime to learn.
Apr 2013 · 1.3k
Bright Eyes
Johnnie Rae Apr 2013
Your eyes. They hypnotize me.
Perfect in a way I can't seem to describe.
Blue, speckled gold with green.
I can stare into them, and stare deep into your soul, it seems.
They tell me you've never felt this way about anything.
Or anyone.
Except me.

Have you ever tried to put together a puzzle,
But lost the last piece?
Well, I guess you could say I'm that last piece.
Finally found after endless searching.
And now, the puzzle is complete.
Every piece fits perfectly.
And it makes a very vivid image of your smile, and bright eyes.

They remind me of an ocean,
With the sun peaking just over the horizon,
Making the water sparkle gold,
And completely beautiful.
They remind me of summer time,
Where grass is green and the sun shines bright.
They remind me of happiness. The happiness you provide me.

A bright eyed boy, that made a stormy eyed girl step out of the shadows,
And remember the good things in life.
She's no longer tempted to bring razor blades to her wrist,
Instead, she'll pick up a paintbrush and paint on a canvas that isn't her skin,
And share with the world, the art that this bright eyed boy inspires.
Example one, being,
This poem, about him.
Wow, I feel like I haven't written in a long time. Forgive me if this is a bit sloppy. I'm just a little out of touch.
Mar 2013 · 904
Running Free
Johnnie Rae Mar 2013
I like this.
This freeing feeling.
Being away from you,
Has somehow let me,
Become new.

Now, I'm realizing,
That you were a crutch.
Enabling me,
My pain.

Because when there was a "we"
There wasn't..
It was you,
And me,
Two people,
Tangled in thorn bushes of distrust.

I'm not saying I didn't love you.
I'm not saying I don't now.
I'm just thinking,
Maybe it was leaning,
More towards infatuation.
Which led to strangulation.
Suffocation.
No breathing.
Wire ties, tied so tight,
They cut the skin,
And left us wounded,
Openly bleeding.

Maybe we were meant for seperation.
A trial, meant for error,
Maybe we were meant to hurt,
Feel the pain we caused eachother,
And learn,
Then make better choices based on the lesson,
And so on.

Maybe being together,
Taught us its better that we're apart.
And also, that after awhile,
The pain stops coming back,
And we learn to move on,
Like I'm finally starting to.
Because let's face it,
I said I was fine,
But I was practically dead for a while,
Faking a smile for your benefit,
And crying behind the comfort of closed doors.
Turning up the radio way too loud,
And screaming until my throat was raw.

Why do you think I wouldn't sing for you?
Even after I promised to.
Not only the nervousness,
But, also being scared that you'd notice,
Notice the difference in my voice,
When I try to hit the higher notes.
I've screamed myself sick so many times,
My voice has changed,
There's a certain aspect to it,
The over all raspy tone,
And it would have killed me for you to notice.

For the longest time,
I was so afraid of you peeling back the layers,
And seeing the reckless hatred for myself,
But now, I honestly don't care.
I will cry and scream, and just let it go from now on.
Because I can no longer live in hiding.
I'm done.
And not just hiding from you, either.
Everyone.

I will roll my sleeves up,
And take these ******* bracelets off.
I will no longer be ashamed of these marks I've created.
They do not define me.
I am not that girl anymore.
She was never me.
And I will never again become her.
You know why?
Because for the first time,
In a long time,
I'm ******* free.
All because of a little bit of seperation,
And mental disconnection.
Mar 2013 · 771
Mother, Have I Sinned?
Johnnie Rae Mar 2013
Mother, have I sinned?
Are you now ashamed to see the one,
you once called your baby girl?
Does it hurt to look,
and see pain staring back at you?

Mother, have I sinned?
Will you ever be able to forgive me?
Or will you spend the rest of your days,
wondering what has happened to your baby?
Well mommy, this pains me.

Mother, have I sinned?
Are your Christian bones aching?
Do you long for the day,
that I accept The Lord as my savior?

Well mommy, I hate to tell you,
but this god you speak of,
is not the god I wish to pray to,
so tell me mother, if I've sinned,
because I'll most likely continue to.
My mother and her religious views. I have no problem with Christianity, I just wish she wouldn't push it on me.
Mar 2013 · 501
Proving New Theories
Johnnie Rae Mar 2013
They say,
you can't hold the whole world at once,
but, once he's in my arms,
that fact becomes myth.
Feb 2013 · 875
Immaculate Misconception
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
You are the master of deception,
and you haven't learned yet,
that girls are not to be messed with.

Am I seriously being played?

I am not a musical instrument,
I was not meant to be played,
Nor am I a toy,
I can't just be replaced anytime you find something better,
But don't be mistaken,
This doesn't put me in any sort of distress.

I'm just gonna move on,
because obviously,
to you I'm not worth it.
2.22.13
Feb 2013 · 976
Hiding
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Filled with bones,
made for breaking.
Filled with blood,
made for circulating but is instead used for bleeding.
Given a heart made to beat,
but yet my pulse is slowly fading
I am dying. Just on the inside.

Some people can't handle a girl,
with hurt in her soul and scars on her skin.

For this reasoning, I lock myself up.
Heart and soul in a lockbox,
and I've thrown away the key,
leaving nothing but what you see.
A lock with no key,
and a heart left to bleed.
So no one can see this mess inside of me.

As for the scars,
I wear bracelets, and long sleeves.

Now, I congratulate you,
for you've met a girl,
who is very good at hiding.
Feb 2013 · 1.8k
Craving
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
I remember,
Burying my face in your neck,
As your fingers traced paths down my sides,
And clutched me, in a way that was so wrong,
But oh so right,

I wanted so desperately to be wanted.
So I let you bite my neck,
And leave marks for the memory,
Because you knew I'd wanna remember.

And even after all the trouble it's caused,
I can't lie, I have to say,
More than anything,
I want that feeling again.

I want your teeth to leave impressions on my neck,
And your scent to linger on my clothes,
And the taste of your lips on mine
You are now a craving I won't give up.
It's been almost three weeks.. I want that feeling back.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
I yearn,
To feel the blade against my skin.
I need that metallic feel,
But I know I mustn't give in.
Because after all I've fought for,
It just wouldn't be worth it.

I wish,
I could just give it one more go.
Draw one more dark red line,
On the canvas that is my pale wrist.
But I won't succumb to temptation,
Because its gotten me nowhere in the past,
And it's also part of my current problem.
Plus, short term relief is a one way train to addiction.
And I don't need that.

Desires aren't always healthy,
That lessons been learned and reviewed.
Why on earth would I want to forget?
Feb 2013 · 1.1k
She Was Meant To Be Alone
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
A flower does not simply die.
it is killed, by the very same thing that created it.
Soil. Though now, much less nutrient.

Its honestly quite ironic,
how the things that create you,
are also capable of destroying you,
like nothing.

I mention irony,
in terms of my mother,
whom is now using her bony fingers,
as knitting needles,
to bind my eyelashes together,
as if to blind me from the obvious.

She wasn't meant to be a mother.

No, definitely not a mother.
maybe a toddler,
whom spends her days nursing a bottle,
and then occasionally falling,
flat on her face,
whether its up the street,
or down the stairs,
her face has to leave blood stains somewhere.

She was meant to be alone.

Alone, so she couldn't,
**** the life out of anything that came near,
like she decided she would do to any ***** bottle,
that crossed her path,
dumping me on a road to destruction as she went,
and never came back to save me from myself.

Honestly, I don't know what she could've been.

I just know she gave up everything,
for a bottle and a good time.
shes the flower that sprouted early,
and died in the cold.
Feb 2013 · 563
Digging Graves
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Has anyone ever noticed,
As time goes by,
We not only grow older,
And wiser,
Matter of the fact is,
We get closer to the sky,

Or being put in the ground.
"I've been having this dream where we can fly, so maybe if we never wake up, we can see the sky"
Bulls In The Bronx - Pierce The Veil

^the line that inspired the poem.
Feb 2013 · 894
Hot Water
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Hot water,
immerse me.
rid me of any and all impurities,
replace them with tranquility.

Give me the strength to pick up a razor,
without the temptation of,
disassembling it,
and sinking a blade into my skin.

Help me,
give me the strength,
that is needed for me,
to help myself.

Hot water,
I beg of you,
please,
save me tonight.
Hot showers have the power to save lives.
Feb 2013 · 497
Me.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Me.
Insane,
is one word I could use to describe myself,
as well as,
Utterly compulsive,
you know, about everything that doesn't matter anyway,
Beautifully flawed,
in my own, wonderful way,
Emotional,
in the worst of ways,
Neurotic,
about absolutely everything,
Fast paced,
so fast you can't keep up with me, physically, or emotionally,
and finally,
Completely unsure,
you know, of myself,
and who I'm supposed to be.
Feb 2013 · 638
Run
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Run
Run.
Don't stop.
That feeling you get is called adrenaline.
What a rush.

Ignore that aching feeling in your chest,
Eventually,
It will go numb.
Just run.

Feeling energized yet?
Good. It's working.
That's the endorphins kicking in.
Ever heard the phrase 'natural high'?
Well guess what,
You've got it.

Happiness floods.
You've never felt better.
God, who knew drugs had an alternative?
And all you have to do is run.
Feb 2013 · 395
It Won't Be Worth It.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
I know a girl who pours her heart out to a razor blade.
And a sweet faced boy who lives life with glassy eyes.
As if living life sober,
Is like putting pins in his eyes.

In these two people,
I see nothing but a call for help.
For someone to reach out and let them know,
That life is something more than one long ride through hell,
That eventually, there'll be something to look forward to.

I'm here to tell you,
That things could change.
But I can't do it for you, because well,
I'm not sure my fingertips can balance the weight of your mistakes.
And I hope you realize, that you've got a long ride on the road to recovery.

And not every part of it will be pretty,
You'll see things that will make you want to go back where you started.
But please whatever you do,
Stay away from the razor blade,
And don't even so much as pick up a joint,
Because after all you'll have worked for,
It won't be worth giving in.
I kinda like this. Comments?
Feb 2013 · 693
Always
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
I've just had an epiphany, that solves everything.
Maybe not the way we'd like it to be,
But it's better for both of us I promise,

Long distance relationships.
I hate to say this,
But they can be damaging.
That ever present longing,
To be with that one person,
That you know can't even get close to,
That's beyond hurt.

I really hate to end it. I do.
But I'm coming to find out, it's necessary.
For both of us to be okay.
And because of this,
From the bottom of my heart,
I'm sorry.

Just know that doesn't change how much I love you.
That will never change.
You're a part of me now.
One that won't go away.
And even though we're no longer what we were,
I hope I can still be considered your bestfriend.

Because that's always gonna be what you are to me.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Relationships are meant for two,
But there's me.
And then there's you.
And then theres that raging blue ocean that killed us.

No. I killed us.
I plunged a knife through your newly mended heart.

I always knew I'd be the one to hurt you.
No. Not because of the distance.
Because I love you. And love hurts.
Strange analogy I know,
But it makes sense in my head.

****. No it doesn't.
I'm horrible.
I lied to you and now,
I'm sitting here lying to myself.
I knew I wasn't good for you,
Even though you were more than good for me.

I still say you were the one who taught me how to live again,
How to love again,
How to realize that there is good,
Somewhere in this ****** up world,
And that if I look hard enough,
I'll realize it was staring at me, straight faced, the whole ******* time.

But I gave it up.
Because I thought I could get something better.

Hell. Not better.
Closer.
What is the definition of better,
When you were the best I ever had?
I gave up my everything, for a single sensation.
A stupid temptation,
Created by drugs, and feelings.
But I swear it was something real,
Or.. Was it?

God ******.
To whoever's reading this. I'm sorry.
I know this must make no sense.
And if that's what you're thinking,
You're right. It doesn't. Not even to me.
All I know, is I'm severely confused,
And openly bleeding.

I do know one thing.
One thing that stands clear in my mind.
I love you. And despite what I told you,
I don't think I ever stopped.
I love you so much it's killing me to say otherwise.

But there's a second element in the mix,
And you know exactly what(who) it is.
I'm really sorry. But that's something I won't lie about.
I won't deny having the slightest bit of feelings for him.
Because I've done you enough wrong.
And I won't let you live on thinking that  everything is resolved.

Because its not.
There's still a mess in my head.
Next to the one that was already existent.
This ones freshly formed, and still growing.
**** like this is just flooding my mind.
No wonder I'm half past crazy,
And the meter is still climbing.

But back to the point.
I'm sorry.

I can't tell you I have all this figured out.
And I can't tell you I will anytime soon,
But I know one thing.
I really do still love you.
And despite all of this,
I'm really glad you love me too.
Okay. I wrote this to find answers. I found none.
Feb 2013 · 839
Angry At Myself.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
I told you I wasn't angry with you,
And that's true.
In a way, I'm angry at myself.
But I won't say that to you.
In a way I wish I could take it back,
But I won't ask to,
Because I know the answer already,
And I don't want to hear it,
Its stated through you.
The way you talk to me,
That's how I know, I put a knife through your heart one too many times.
And this, is the reason, I am angry at myself.
Feb 2013 · 845
You Make Me Want To..
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
I am a,
completely insane,
ranting,
mess,

All because of what you said,

Today,
in math class,
when you went from,
innocently happy,
to crazy *****,
in a matter,
of seconds.

I swear to god, you make me want to cut myself,
just with your attitude,

The way you speak to me,
******* makes me crazy,
I thought we were friends *****,
but don't worry,
now I see,
that you're nothing more than the others are,
Nor will you ever be.

Like, seriously *****.
get off your ******* period.
Just a rant. Sorry for all the profanity.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Can we forget the heart wrenching memory,
Of the day I came out and said you weren't good for me,
The day I set out to change my destiny,
By deciding you were no longer a part of me,
That was what my head was saying anyway,
My heart was singing a completely different melody,
But it was high time we said goodbye,
For it was only getting harder for me,
But I'm still really sorry,
I had to be the one to deliver the heartbreak.
I'm gonna be posting a lot of random "farewell relationship" poems for the next couple days. Don't mind my tragedy. I'm okay. I promise.
Feb 2013 · 624
Life, and All Its Tangents
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
Past;

When this girl cries,
She doesn't pour her heart out to a diary,
She opens her wrists and bleeds the night away,
Never thinking of what were to happen,
If she were to cut too deep,

Present;

Things have changed a bit,
She's trying to stay clean now,
Staying away from the blade,
As well as the *** she craves,
But she thinks it will all stay the same,
As if she can't quit her pessimistic nature,

Future;

Well to be honest I don't know where she's headed,
That chapter in the book has not yet been written,
But when it finally is written,
I'm hoping its gonna work out on her end.
I have no idea guys.
Feb 2013 · 1.5k
Black Lilies, and Diamonds.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
This situation reminds of two things,
The first thing being, black lilies.
Sad like a funeral.
Making tears run like waterfalls.
And memories hit me like a tidal wave.

The second being,
Diamonds.

For that is what you were to me,
You lit up my whole life.
Made me forget about day to day life.
And the worries that came with it.
But, we grew apart.

Or, I did.
I don't really know.

Either way, I want you to know,
That you were the diamonds in my life.
Diamonds, next to a bunch of fools gold.
But no matter what we used to be,
I think it's better, we stay apart.
I dont really know. I think I just had to get this out.
Feb 2013 · 677
A Day In The Woods
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
A day in bliss.
I couldn't be much happier than this.

We're walking through trails,
Fingers intertwined as we roam about paradise,

But.
The bliss soon comes to an end.

Someone grabs me from behind,
And a blade is pressed against my neck,

I analyze the situation,
And as a tear slips down my cheek,

I whisper,

Leave me. Let him have me. He'll only **** us both,
I don't need us both to die,

I managed to choke out with what was my last breath

The unidentified predator slit my throat,
As I watched you walk away.
A dream I had. I woke up crying.
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Rain falls like pain splattered teardrops,
on what resembles a half broken heart,
worn on a sleeve for far too long,
but is only frosted pavement,
iced over by the harshness of winter,

Soon to be covered by one too many snowfalls,
erasing the memory of what was once rains canvas
to create art of actual feeling,
without hidden complexities,

Making the once crystal clear image,
to become clouded with confusing imagery,
of things even the most intellegent minds,
cannot grasp,

Which is why I find the world these days,
to be nothing less than perplexing,
the simplicity of everything is gone,
it's no longer cool to be original,
everything now has to be in riddles,

A tragic story you'd rather not let unfold,
a character you wouldn't take the time to name,
and a scene made for heartbreak,
and desperation.
Written last night, I couldn't sleep, (1.28.13)
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
You are like a soul,
that died, but never moved on,
left to linger in my doorway,
like a past season Christmas wreath,
that just never went away,
only because it knew, I enjoy it's company.
Jan 2013 · 285
You(10W)
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
You are,
the wind beneath my wings,
keeping me alive.
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Tell me I'm pretty,
just for me to take days to decide,
if you're lying,

Tell me I'm worth it,
just for me to analyze,
all the reasons I do(n't) have to keep trying,

Tell me it'll all get better,
just for me to cry for hours,
wondering when,

Try to change my perspective,
only to fail,
and make it look hopeless ,

Because this,
is what imperfection sounds like,
from a shattered perspective.
Written in art class, after I drew a picture of a mirror, with the word "imperfection" made to look like cracks in the glass. I'm creative.
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
What is life? Is there a cause? A meaning of some sort? Do we all just wake up to not know whether we live or die? Because that's what it seems like. Do I even matter? Does my life make an impact, on anyone, anything? Or am I just a waste of space, meant to fade into the background and be another nothing..? Was I ever a something ?
In the past 10 minutes, I've faced the questions I never knew I thought about. The worst part is, I don't have an answer. To any of them. Nor do I know if I ever will. My next question is.. Should I just end it now?
Would it even matter? Would anyone care? Would they even realize that I no longer exist? Did I ever really exist? Was I ever loved? If so, what did I miss? Was I ever truly happy? Because I know Im not now.
All these questions I'm asking, I never knew I thought about. But I know now, that they were always in the back of my mind, just waiting to be triggered. Just waiting to come out.
Was waking up this morning even worth it? Yesterday I was happy, yesterday I wanted to see today, but now, I want nothing. I am nothing. I've always been nothing. Right now, I know I'm alive, but, I'm wondering.. What reason do I have to stay that way?
Written 1.19.13.. At one of my lowest points I've been in, in like, forever. But, my wrists remain clean, and I'm better.
Jan 2013 · 586
Over Time
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Sleep eludes me,
so I stay up all night,
and think,

As time passes,
I begin to examine my wrists,
and discover something quite remarkable,

In the places,
where marks from past mistakes once laid,
now only ivory skin remains,

Now, as I wait for the sun to come up,
it hits me,
scars do fade, just over time.
Proudly written at 3 in the morning!
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
I had a dream that you could fly,
with clipped wings,

Despite your disadvantage,
you soared effortlessly,

And at heights,
not even the bravest could fathom,

And this my dear,
is why I truly believe,

That you are an angel,
dressed in the devils clothing.
Ehh.
Jan 2013 · 924
Sex Is An Equation
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
One plus one,
equals two pelvic bones,
working together,

Add the desired amount of force,
and a rising amount of speed,
to reach physical ecstasy.
I always knew I liked math. Hehe.
Jan 2013 · 852
Skin Deep
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
You look in the mirror,
and hate what stares back at you,
so you throw a fist in blinded rage,
and the glass breaks and cuts you,
but you don't feel a thing past your misery,

You swear again and again,
that you're not worth it,
that you were never anything more than a person,
alone in a crowded room,
with nothing more to look forward to,
than a tear stained pillow case,
and the full moon,

But you're so much more,
so much more than you think you'll ever amount to,
you can be anything if you don't let anyone,
stand in the way,
and one day, you'll find that special someone,
who believes in you,
and you'll fall in love,
and nothing in the world will matter more,

And one day, you'll walk down the aisle,
and from then on be known as bride and groom,
husband and wife,
soul mates,
together until fate seperates you,
and even then you'll still love each other,
just from two different worlds,

So girls,
forget the makeup,
and remember that it's okay to wear your hair up,
and that walking around in sweatpants,
instead of skin tight jeans,
does not under any circumstances make you ugly,

For beauty isn't skin deep,
it's all about what lays underneath the exterior,
hiding from view,
and if a guy doesn't take the time,
to get to know the real you,
then he isn't worth the suffering,
so forget the ones who obsess,
over what's on the outside,
and find someone who'll take the time,
to make you a little less miserable,
and who lives to see you smile.
Because beauty isn't skin deep. It's so much more than being pretty. Because a beautiful girl with an ugly heart is nothing.
Jan 2013 · 595
BAC. (10W)
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
I wonder,
If you're still drowning your blood
In alcohol.
BAC- blood alcohol content, for any of you who didn't know.
And dedicated to my mother, whom is most likely still drowning.
Jan 2013 · 690
All Of Me
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Pluck a few strings to induce happiness,
for what's life without melody?
The way you play brings back memories,
memories of the simple things,
back when my life wasn't labeled with tragedy,

Back when I believed things weren't so bad,
and even thought they might get better,
if I fought for what I believed,
so play me a melody, bring me back to those days,

The days that were care free,
golden hair and evidence of sunny days on freckled cheeks,
and blue eyes that sparkled like diamonds,
Instead of radiating darkness,

I'd give anything to relive those days,
where the most I had to worry about,
was going to school during the day,
didn't have to worry about coming home to misery,
day after day after spiritbreaking day,
To crawl into bed at night and wish to die,

But I guess those days are gone,
so I'll put on a smile and move on,
like things have never been better,
and the only ones that will know how I'm really feeling,
are the acoustic, and you,
because now, you've seen all of me.
Spend a night jamming out with a friend of your uncles, and then get into a conversation about your problems, and you'll end up pouring your heart out, just like I did tonight.
Jan 2013 · 1.2k
Seaside Prison
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Watch as the waves break on the shore,
Letting water drift back out to sea,
And only foam to remain on your seaside prison,
The only thing to keep you company,

The sun fades red,
And then is no longer present,
Replaced by your long time friend,
The moon, that shines bright,
To remind you of the darkness,
And the stars that speak to you,
To remind you of the ever present silence,

You are alone where you stand,
And the sound of the waves crashing in the distance threatens to swallow you whole,
Then your mind goes else where,
And you're not completely sure how you got there,

All noise is gone,
And as the silence settles,
You realize this is worse that before,
The sound of your heart fills your ears,
And you hear your feet move as you pace the floor,
But all feeling is gone,
You are numb, but very aware,

Everything is louder, to the point where it's deafening,
And the taste of salt is thick in the air,
The world is spinning,
Mind racing,
Heart beating out of control,
Goodbye seaside prison,
I've finally lost you,
Farewell my lovely,
I'm sure I won't miss you..

(And the world fades black...)
What happens when I'm really bored in class.. Enjoy.
Jan 2013 · 2.1k
Nicknames
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
It came in the form of a memory,
Of all the sweet things you've ever said to me,
Keeping me deep within the dream I've been living,

And you know something babydoll?
(Yes, I've decided to call you babydoll, for it satisfies the southern in me)
You're the drug I could never stop taking,
The rule I could never stop breaking,
And the hunger I could never satisfy,
(For I never get enough, you see)

And something else, cutie pie,
That I could never stop telling you,
Is that without you, my heart would stop beating,
It would simply forget to function without your love guiding me,

And something else I can't help but mention,
That you my love, are the sun to my shine,
The words that I make rhyme,
And my only reason left to smile,

Yes you, my dearest darling,
My Prince Charming,
The one who swept me off my feet,
When I was sure I had fallen,
Unable to get up,

For you, my sweethearted lover,
The only one I'd trust talking to my mother,
Without subtle guidance,
You said you wanted a nickname,
So don't take just one,
Take a million, I've got an endless supply to give,
For that is how much you mean to me,

And maybe, just maybe, one day,
When we're old and grey,
Sitting on a park bench feeding birds,
Who carelessly fly away,
Maybe I'll hand you this poem,
And a list of nicknames,

The paper will be yellow and faded,
And crumbled every which way,
And that's how you'll know I've been adding on for decades,
And once in a while I'll ask for it back,
To add on the ones I've thought of as time passed,

And I'll tell you this now, my sweet,
That paper will be filled,
And pages apon pages will be added,
For there are not enough nicknames in the world,
To tell you what you mean to me,
For that, there aren't enough nicknames in the galaxy,

Just like there aren't enough stars in the universe,
To tell you how bright you make my life,
But if you look hard enough,
You may just see it in my eyes,
Past the constant worries of day to day life,

Freddie Mercury once wrote,
"Can anybody find me, somebody to love?"
Well I'll be the one to write,
Hey, I've found somebody, and boy, is he something,
No, scratch that, he's not just something,
He is my everything,
And without him,
I'd be nothing.
Comments?
Jan 2013 · 554
Escape Routes
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Here I am again,
mixed up again,
stuck in the same old situation,
                                                                I,
don't know how I ended up here,
sure don't know how I plan to
get out,  
                                                               Continuously,
I wonder what it would take to escape,
this retched place,
from where all my troubles began,
                                                               Want,
more knowledge on the subject,
but have no clue where to look,
or who to ask,
                                                                To
be educated is merely worthless,
to a world of pure insanity,
where we are all lucky if we dont
                                                              Die
Jan 2013 · 474
Mommy Dearest
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
I stand in a pit of my own despair,
my mother close by,
the very person who made the problems arise,
yes, she gave me life,
one I didn't ask for,
one I've many times asked to end,

But I live on,
fighting every second, everyday,
to keep the crimson lines from reappearing,
afraid that one day, I may give in,
to the suduction,
of a blade so sharp, it calls my name,
the way it says my name is metallic against my ears,

But no,
I mustn't give in,
This is a battle most won't fight,
but I fight it to win,
maybe be beaten and battered in the end,
but standing just the same, wrists clean,

Whom do I have to blame?
for my reoccuring depression,
Built for blame (but doesn't take it well)
Laced with shame (but puts on a smile for show)
maybe its because I was born drunk,
and probably damaged,
yes, alcohol syndrome was my chosen fate,

Thanks Mommy Dearest. You're the greatest.
1.3.13
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
*****.
and how it smelled on your breath,
it was a miracle if the scent didnt linger,
within closed walls,
tight spaces,
they scare me to this very day,
all because of how you became,

Fights,
fought to near death,
I remember you with a knife in your hand,
threatening to end it for yourself,
as well as him,
there was anger in your voice,
behind your drunken slur,

All I could do was watch,
helpless and scared,
I was only 5 at the time,
No Wait! Younger
I was no more than 3 and a half or 4, yet, the memories, they don't leave me,

There was no mommy to run to,
she was the one creating all the fuss,
and, daddy...
well, he was already gone,
kicked out for my mothers selfish reasons,
she claims he hit her,
but my dad? no,  he would never,
(despite his tempter)

People are quick to wonder,
why I am the way I am,
Always forgives,
but extremely hesitant to trust,
ever again...
It has always been a problem I've had,
never thought to solve it,

Thats what happens,
when you grow up too quickly,
surrounded by violence and promises,
that only turned into lies,
as time  went by,

No babygirl,
mommy hasn't been drinking,
she's just tired,

Yeah Right
Wasn't that what you said the last time,
I caught you in a lie,
when I found the liquor bottles,
stashed in the cabinets,
you said you wanted to change,
For me
For Family
For Everybody
But I find it impossible to leave,
as I sit with my recollection of childhood memories
*worth forgetting
1.1.13
Jan 2013 · 348
Just Keep Going
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Solve problems with a razorblade,
nope thats the old life,
find another way to keep the pain away,
because always having to hide your wrists,
is no way to live life,

Listen to the beat of a heart,
not completely broken,
just bruised on the outside,
Making moods change like kalidescope eyes,
never knowing what comes next,
makes life one big suprise,

Try to change the things you can; don't let the things you can't drive you crazy,
Accept it: *just keep going
12.30.12
Dec 2012 · 412
Untitled
Johnnie Rae Dec 2012
Words so passionate,
they belong on billboards,
to warm the the hearts of people in passing cars,
and remind them, that there are sweeter things,
than improper goodbyes on guilted paper,

Eyes that give way to your deepest desires,
only for peoples bad energies,
to turn that fire into dying embers,
and then for only ash to remain,
and vanish in the wind,

A mind of a poet and a realist,
smashed into one,
to make words sound like master pieces,
slid off the tounge,
liked by some,
and treasured by many,
these are the feelings you bring to me,
and I wouldn't change it for anything,
for you are the reason this heart is still beating,
and the reason my wrists will soon be clean,
forever,
no clue.
Title Please?
Dec 2012 · 360
The Mind Of A Flower Child.
Johnnie Rae Dec 2012
Let thoughts fly,
And stain like watercolors,
In your minds eye,

Let creativity spark,
And bring past memories,
Back to make you smile,

Let there be joy,
In a world,
Where there is a significant lack of,

Let this actually happen,
Instead of just dwelling in the back of the mind,
Of a true flower child.
Dec 2012 · 380
For Love
Johnnie Rae Dec 2012
What have we become?
Sometimes just talking,
For minutes at a time,
If that,

And when we do exchange pleasantries,
I almost always have to leave too suddenly,
Leaving proper goodbyes in the dust,
And me to feel guilty until the next time we speak,
And the cycle repeats,

But set aside the sudden moments,
And broken goodbyes,
There is hope,

Hope that I may one day,
Get to lay in your arms,
With nothing to fear,
Just getting to feel your warmth,
And maybe one day,
It will all be perfect,
And we'll have our happy ending,

But until then,
Short, choppy conversations,
And improper goodbyes,
Are the price we have to pay,
For love.
Dec 2012 · 963
Even The Darkest Minds.
Johnnie Rae Dec 2012
Blood stains like ink,
So I'll fill this pen, and write your name,
Not like it isn't written all over my heart anyway.

What is the definition of forget?
It's something I simply can't wrap my head around,
I was lost before you found me,
And held me tight,
Just to provide false hope,
And watch as I fall,

What is a good way to move on?
To pretend that all is well,
That nothing was wrong in the first place?
Well my dear, that is a one way ticket,
On a crazy train toward denial,
Followed by...
Followed by thoughts that would scare even the darkest minds
Its been a minute, since I've had any inspiration. So forgive me, for this mess, I'm calling poetry.
Johnnie Rae Dec 2012
Have you ever dreamt of taking the plunge,
I'll tell you, every fire escape I see,
I can see my self jump off of,
I've wondered how it would feel,
Just for the blade to graze my wrists
The slightest bit of pain would,
More than likely end this,

This never ending depression,
That everyone's been building on,
Making me wonder if I even belong here,
Or if I should have died,
In my mothers careless arms,
Instead of moving on to a world,
That would only build me up,
To watch me tumble and fall,
And build these scars that lay on my arms,

Reminding me that I am no better than I make myself out to be,
No better than the foolish people around me,
No better than the one who created me
The one who to this day,
Believes she is okay,
Instead of facing reality,
And realizing that by hurting herself,
She's hurting me,

But oh, that's the *** calling the kettle black, now isn't it?
Because by hurting myself I'd be hurting her,
And everyone around me,
And I honestly don't want that you see,
The last thing I want is for people to be in pain, because of me,
No I'd rather it all get better, you see,
But no,
Because I'm the only one with such visions of happy endings and merry making.
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