The movement is so swift and natural, a drop of blood
A dark crimson splatter, the feelings subside.

I must move quickly
I must ebb the flow
it's gushing and flowing with such speed
such ferocity
I feel slowed.

But then I awaken
a horrid dream
it seems my sleep
is ruined again

No amount of pills will seem
to send me into graceful dreams
I hallucinate, while my living nightmares
glide about my room

Back to sleep I want to go!
I need to dream again!
I don't need someone to understand
I don't need someone to hold my hand
I don't have space for another in my heart
I don't need that pain again!
I don't need love again

Am I feeling better now?
Estranged and Deranged, not a single person sitting there to call my name

Am I feeling better now?
Alone in my chest, in my home, in my art, I express from the bottom of my heart, there's a draught letting in the emotional winds

Feeling any better now?
Not much else left to say as  I spill it all out with the pen on the page, chronically feeling on the edge, if this is a window I've jumped off the ledge.

Feel much better now, now it's all vented out, all I've ranted about, no time for self-doubt. I've got a life to live and too much to give to give out, on a single whim.

I guess that's the thing, behind the façade,  I'm still him, still that guy, still the one, still the same, still the same... As the guy I was when we first dated, when we first kissed, hoping that we'll come back from this.

Guess I still have to grow up..

If a poem I were to write
and make it so divine
would you listen to it all
and smile line by line?

Words are what I give you
in a very silly way
while emotions are what you give back
sheltering me from the rain
and onslaught of my loneliness
you break the chains of sorrow
and every time I go to sleep
you make me wake in the morrow.

You say I'm special to you  
but I don't understand why
you hug me when you see me
and raise me up so high
upon the clouds of heaven
I sit with you hand in hand
and listen to the heavenly angels
play harps on our demands.

So I give you all of my love
and you give me all yours too
that's all I could ever hope for
when I'm so in love with you

Here I lay beneath the pen
Motionless, pale, pasty, dead.

Here I lay beneath the pen
You haven't spared a thought for me yet, but why would you when you threw away so many other just like me before.

Here I lay beneath the pen
I may be a little rough around the edges, but that's the texture! I can be what you want just give me a chance!

Here I lay beneath the pen
So now you've used and abused me, you're just going to throw me away, like a useless piece of garbage.

Here I lay beneath the pen
Defiled and disrespected, you crunch me up and throw me away without a second thought, but here's a thought, I started out pristine condition just like the others, that pen passed across me so quickly and you deemed me unworthy.

What was I?

Stop living to love and start loving to live
Stop giving it out and start taking it in.

The pressure from the air crackles with ferocity
Stand up and breathe deep from the animosity.

Humanity is frail and weak
Act like a leaf and fall free from the tree.

float in the wind, until the fall comes
and after the fall
get right back up.

Nothing is sweeter than that which is earned
Nothing cuts deeper than the pen or the sword.

The weapon you choose, it defines who you are
So slice up the paper or write something down
the action you choose, will build up your ground

Meru, sparkling eyed
Meru, I stand beside
Meru, Meru, why deny
You know you're a great person
Inside.

Hair so fair, and perfect length
Fragrance so sweet and loving yet, you deny
that you're the best, a friend that always must detest
the greatness and the elegance with which you know you hold
So must I make a move so bold
and write a poem, so you'll be told
Smile a little, you're not yet old
Youth is still within, and maybe you're self loathing yes.
But happiness derives from it, i'll free you from the life
that you so freely would give up!

A body that's above the rest
Skin that's not quite pale
In height you're not the tallest
but that's a minor detail
because your heart is how we measure you
and you're as tall as any
and if I had to choose my friends
I wouldn't choose very many
But you'd be on my special list
At number 1 or 2!
So i'll ask you kindly now
are these words getting through

Is it clear that you're very cool
and very beautiful
and although you are a fool for love
you're not a fool at all
You're a little too impulsive,
a quality I have too... But is it such a bad thing to do what the heart
tells
you
to.

Surrounded with laughter
Surrounded with friends
Surrounded with smiles
Still I lament.

Poems that you'll never read
with emotions forced in lines
why do I bother writing them?
Filled with enjambment and rhymes
should I just stop writing then?
Am I merely wasting time?

A creative outlet for my emotions
they build up throughout my day
filling me up with tears and pain
and words just waiting
waiting to be set free from the confines
of my decimated soul.

Another four verse symphony created in my head
yet the trophy that is awarded feels like broken glass
dripping from my hands
a warm familiar fluid
the colours fade and my fluid visions change to red
The final line of the final verse
ends with a bullet in my head.

I try and try and try again
I don't know why I do!
I know that some things never change
Because some things never do

Romance and passion and love in my words
Unconvinced you I will get in return.
I'm trying to tell you, I'm trying to say
But you just won't listen, heart is blocking your brain
You like someone bad for you
You know that I'm good
You know that I tell you
I'm not misunderstood, but you just won't change it
Your vision and views! they're crowded with irrelevance and nonsense and too many feelings that you don't really have! You don't love someone else, you're just feeling bad, and lonely, and confused

I know how you feel, To be used like this
I don't know why it appeals, he's being ruthless
Not sparing a thought, he's in it for fun, if he'd change his ways, I'd feel better for one, for seconds I'd stop because you'd be happy, and I still think that this love **** is sappy and silly because you just need a hug
I'm not conceited but it's me you would love.

You want some romance, I'll be there for you
I'll give you flowers and hugs and kisses too
I'd be the best and caring and sweet, and when the mood is right
I'd sweep you off your feet.

You've never known someone as amazing as me, I'm sweeter than sugar
But don't put me in tea, I'm stuck in a sea of worries and doubts, my brain is on fire, my tears are putting it out.
I think rationally the way to explain, you're walking on thin ice
you're in the devils domain, come closer to heaven
come closer to me
We don't need to die to be together silly.
We could be living and happy as anyone
Just give me a chance, all i'm asking is one
Maybe a week and then you'll realise
That I may be short
but my heart opens wide and i'll increase in size
personality-wise
to be just what you need
all of the time

Do what you will
I'll wait anyway
Hopefully soon
I'll get my day
When it's my chance to woo you
And soothe you, so sweetly
and give you what you want, need,  and desire completely...

I don't mean to drone on, this poem ain't sappy
I'm saying what I'm saying because I'll make you happy
It wouldn't be a problem if he could too
I have your best interests in mind, not mine
For you, are more important to me than myself.

Hidden thorns
On a rose
You were my flower
Now I stand alone.

Could I see those sharp thorns? If I had, would I have dared
dared to go head first and unbridled into the passion we shared!
Would I dare to love you, the simple elegant beautiful rose.

On the surface you're unique
Then I found what lies beneath
Covered with so many thorns
No longer unique, but just like everyone else before you.

A little *****
A drop of blood
A little kiss
You stole my love
I wish to have it back again, my elegance and poise
I need to have it back again, my happiness and joy
You won't give it back to me, my heart, my mind, my all.

You covet the stolen feelings you possess
A dark ebony rose.

First place ribbon
An example of exquisite quality
The petals only hide what I now see
The sharp, hateful thorns...
Awaiting me to be exposed again, unrelenting.

Hidden thorns, on a rose
A little *****
Now i'm home

have I told you just how much you mean to me

How special I want to make you feel and the feelings I hope you see

And even a few months from now I hope that we can be

Together and as happy as you are now with me

Love at first sight
Stricken straight away
Whisked away into delight
And washed away the pain

I don't think you were sad alone but you're happier when you're
with me, by that I mean you're elevated, like an angel, I give you wings
And of course you may have noticed you do the same to me. That's why I
can't help but be happy when we're cuddling and watching movies.

I love the little giggles, the little smiles and our moods, the world
is so uplifted when I am around you, not that I'm not happy when I'm
left on my own, I can cope just fine without you, but who wants to be
alone. Why would I just put up with that when I could be so gleeful by
walking with you hand in hand from place to place meeting people.

I don't mean to be so long-winded but I gotta get it through, darling
will you tell me how much I mean to you.

The more i think of you, the more unreal it seems.
That of everybody in the world you'd choose someone like me.
You could of chosen anyone, but you picked me instead
And now I’ve got these thoughts of you,
Swimming through my head
You're the sweetest person to talk to me
and surely the prettiest too
I know that i sound mushy,
but I’ve fallen in love with you.
You have a flawless complexion,
and eyes so bright and wide.
I'll treat you very special and give you all my time.
You already mean the world to me and that's saying alot.
So i'll write some little poems, and tell you not to stop x.
Keep giving me the love you do and my hearty will open wide.
I'll give all my love to you and hope that yours complies.

Goodbye wasted evenings, i talk to you instead. So instead of living in the past, I’ll start looking straight ahead.

Repetition, follows life
Repetition, what does it mean
Repetition, the exact same thing
Repetition? Here we go
Repetition! Over and over

The events of the past stand over us so tall
But the events of my past
All feel so small
Life is short
So you have to dream big
Yet why do I feel like I’ve not accomplished.

Even the verses go back and forth,
As if they show failure
Retorting
To what they once were
Getting smaller and smaller
Time is running out, and all I find is repetition.

Discovery is what we thrive for, innovative ideas
Something to be remembered
Something new and fresh
Something big
Not small
To leave a legacy
That will thrive and grow
And make us feel like we’ve accomplished.

The best way
Is to break the mould that’s been set
Think outside the box
Change the lines
And leave not only ideas
But a new way of seeing things
Without sight, without rationality
Look at things with meaning
Emotions
Passion.

I stand tall, a revolutionary!! A recognizable figure
I stand out
I stand proud

Shifting like a gentle breeze
Slowly side to side
Splashing up against the rocks
Hope you enjoy the ride

The wind is flying through my hair
The water in my hands
Nature surrounds me closely here
My private little land

I can express my emotions openly
No one can criticise
I'm safe when i'm inside here
Because it's called my mind

You could visit mountains
And go to the sea side
But that is still not comparable
To what's inside my mind

A private little island
A place where i can be me
Some where, where anything is possible
Some place not watched by society

No one looks down on you in here
No you can't get in my head
If you want peace and quiet
Then visit yours instead

A torrent of emotion floods over me whenever I am given the time
Alone
to contemplate that which resides eternally within my mind
and the doubts within mine heart.

From minute to minute my ambivalent feelings sway
from day to day they remain unchanged.
Prospects of happiness seemingly within my grasp, but I'm far too weak
just to get a grip on it
with these weakened hands of mine
this shattered mind of mine
this broken heart of mine.

No strength to pull myself from this abyssal sadness, yet
my mind retains the power to clasp and hold onto those memories
those memories of you.

My nights are filled with all but sleep and awake I must lie
feeling just as a knight would, when his princess no longer awaits him
she wills for no rescue and thus I am useless, as I have lost her
to the darkest, deepest corners of my mind.

Hours slither by and I reach for the precious few minutes to fuel me for another day, a day I do not deserve.

Do not pity me, I don't deserve even that! As to live for love is just the folly of a weak, immature, child..

I drift listlessy through the murky waters and think, not about life
and the menial and trivial diffficulties that we all face. I think not
about the struggles and battles that some fight everyday. It does not
even cross my mind that some must fight to survive in a war against
not just nature but humanity aswell. No! As I slowly float further and
further away from the rivers shore, as does my mind from the problem
of the shore dwellers and towards that which means the most to me. My
possessions? Replaceable. My friends? Expendable. My feelings? Ever-
changing. Everchanging that is aside from one, a feeling of a
connection, a bond, a pure unbridled passionate presence that
overwhelms the senses and turns rationality into a mere subconscious
annoyance, like the nagging feeling that a light has been left on in
the back room.

It's this love feeling, inexplicable, indescribable,
unbelieveable yet here it is, staring me right in the eyes with it's
huge hazel orbs telling me that nothing is important but this one
feeling and that this feeling must be cherished and protected, cuddled
close to the heart and fresh in the mind constantly. It's there when I
sleep, converting my once nightmarish visions of half sleeping
delusions into something much more blissful, with a soothing Voice it
lulls me into that state of sweet inebriation

This feeling cradles me, and reminds me constantly that it is to be
preserved and you know what, when I look at it, into the huge hazel
orbs, the mystifying shapes take hold of a much more feminine human
shape and gains the voice of an angel. And when that feeling takes the
perfect form it speaks to me. She speaks to me and I don't have to ask
what to call her.

I can already feel the perfect name. I call her emma
and she means to me, more than the plight of the world, more to me
than the shades of my nightmares. More to me than anything else. And
she's my one and only.

I won't call you perfect
nobody's close to that
I'm not gonna drown you in affection
I won't resort to that
but when you stand in front of me
It'd be hard not to notice
You're fragrance is amazing constantly
your eyes sparkle like jewels
your hair is glossy, perfect even in a mess
you stand there seemingly so blessed
others simply can't contest


I'm not saying you're an angel
however angelic is quite close
not a better word that I could find
I'm looking, searching, lost
then I find my closest friend
I like her quite a bit
I'm not sure how she will react to all this sweet and sappy stuff
I'm sure she'll like the compliments
they are what she deserves
even though she leaves me
emotionally perturbed
this part is probably the worst
most just call it the end
meaning that there's no more words
to describe
The
        Pultrichude
                          Of
                                My
­                                        Friend
                                                         <3

A surge of adrenaline shoots through me
I push harder, using the newfound strength!
I'm going further than ever before and it all seems so easy
it's practically effortless!

I feel my foot connect with the floor as i set in motion
a great movement
throwing me forward with yet another boost!
I've never felt so alive. I'm invincible!
I don't hunger for anything, aside from more power!
Who said that there's a bad side to this!


Suddenly a connection is made, my senses have caught me
full force the neurotransmitters surge with a rush of information!
You're tired now. You're exhuasted now. You're. Human. Now.


Lethargy, deadening my senses.
All the power, all the energy escapes
as if the floodgates have opened
I feel the mortal weakness, I feel like a human again.

I pushed too hard, I felt it, the rush
It was too good and I went over my own limits
I have to feel it again! that rush!
And so another magic little moment enters my mouth
promising me another rush, another shot at immortality.
I'll never see the down coming.

My passion make you fearful
my love has made you hide
my kisses are rejected
my hugs are all denied
I shake with a self-hatred because I've caused myself
to
feel
so
alone.

I'm fearful you'll leave me
because I know I would
Love has become a futile word
between my scarlet lips.

You act just like my last
and could it be
I've gone back in time
exactly the same
a repetition of my past.

No more depressing poems
that's exactly what you've said
but how can I listen to you
when all you say
goes
to
my
head.

Dazzled, frazzled,  surprised, and scared
are words that do describe
how I feel when you're near me
when we hug and our lips touch
you see the real me
I'm childish and I'm nervous
I often get very jealous
and I blush quite frequently
I'm in love with you, with all my heart
While you simply. Lust. For. Me

We've shared such tender moments
I sometimes think you care
the slightest bit about me
While my fingers run through your hair

But then we've separated, once I felt so close
and to my surprise I feel my hearts demise
while the memories haunt me like ghosts.
because we both said forever, only I had meant
forever I will love you and strongly I'll lament
and if I could change a single thing
the only thing I'd say, to experience your love again
is worth suffering this pain

Wind stricken, my ****** features aged prematurely
How long have I traversed this desert looking for you
seconds? Days? Years? Time is an illusion in this barren wasteland
empty shells surround me, meandering around aimlessly as their lives pass before them
Not I. I seek the solace of your arms once more, but it's been so long
since you've gone how long has it been! seconds? Days? Years? I am timeless without you
And I seatch endlessly to find you again, hoping you'll fall into my arms
as you once did
and we'd hug as i gave deeply into those infinite eyes, the time would not seem wasted
The stars would shine upon us and my life flashes before my eyes.

but it's only been minutes since you left me. and it feels like an eternity

Sitting here, aimless still
Not sure what I'm supposed to feel.

full of tension
raising altercations
the way I approach this is exacerbation

I make it worse
by thinking of you
but if I want a heartbreak
I know what to do

just stop for a moment
and clearly think
just how much I've lost
and I'll clearly sink
into the depths
of a sea made of sadness
and my mind drops into a well of madness

Writing is an expression of self
Working is an expansion of wealth
Medicine is just an extension of health

Why does life feel like destruction of self
that ends either when you've run out of wealth
or when you're sick or extending your health
by denying your feelings an end they deserve
writing is really the end of yourself.

Melancholy monotony
ridiculous repetition
like the tides of the sea
back and forth I'm swept

Warm and kindly
a gripping embrace
your arms around me
face to face

I stare into your eyes
you stare into mine
I see you heart
you destroy mine

Metallic, this bitter taste
it's the same for us all
this cold and hating
gripping embrace
crushing our emotions
I'm no longer as innocent as I had once thought.

they were next to nothing
you're the next
you're the best
the past
I forget
the other ones
all regrets
so place another bet
on a heartbreak
like a test
I'll ace it
but a good grade
leaves a bad taste
i'm impaled with
this feeling
it's amazing
so great in a sense
but it's gonna be so
de-abilitating
when it rains
it pours
so open them doors
those heart shaped cages
deranged is
to think
I'm to blame
and I think
it's insane
yet again
i'ma fall into love
like a game
but the things at stake
leaving me feeling awake
in the morning when i'm left feeling
so fake and so bleak
i'm so pale
the next one will fail
the next is the best
and the past are details
of what is to follow
my own fools folly
how it played it out
is exactly tomorrow
until you pass me this time
i'll make one more rhyme
when you've left me for dead
i'll be laying here living
but feeling like i've died