I’m not sure if it’s a suicide attempt.
It seems all too plausible that my organs are trying to commit
They jump up, far too high, and cut off my breathing
Then fall down
Gathering their weight to slam themselves into the pit of my being
And up again to crush once more down
Up, down, up, down
My heart increases its beating to catch up
My fists clench
My fingernails dig into my skin
My hair stands on end
Surely you were sent to destroy.

Always saying I love you, baby.
But they’ve only been together a day.
Captivated by the way the
Darkness of each other’s pupils grow
Every time they touch.
Forcing the kind of relationships, but more of the
Groping, that they saw in the movies.
Heated make out sessions in the church youth room, with
Intensity that could make strippers blush.
Juxtaposing every inch of their bodies.
Knowing what to do only because of what they
Learned in health class. Trying to
Master the art of *** and what they call love,
Not caring who knows. Living off each
Other’s breaths. Fabricating
Plans and stories for their parents when they’re caught
Quietly sneaking back into their
Rooms at four in the morning,
Shutting their doors and their eyelids,
Tracing remnant goose bumps.
Until the sun shines into their windows,
Violating their dreams of Cinderella and Prince Charming,
Washing the night from their skin, and shoving their
******* memories to the back and hiding them in a drawer.
Yearning to be touched again, by whom ever the next
Zephyr can blow into their neighborhood.

It seemed like a good idea at the time
Clear liquid with a scorpion, asleep
At the bottom of the bottle
But oh how those feelings creep
Up, blurred and spun
As people turn to ghosts
And shadows start to run
Towards the music, loud, so loud
And I lose faith in my feet
Swept up in the crowd
Mouths and bodies meet
And sweat drips down, down
My neck and I’m dizzy and twisting
By the records, by the fire
And inside I’m not missing
That loss of desire
For once, a mental break
The one-night vacation
I needed to take

We are just pawns in an over sized game of chess.
          We shall be played repeatedly, but I digress.
                    For even a small man must play his part.
                              In this land of War and Art.

sprinkles splatter on
tight clad legs in december,
and it should be snow, but
the clouds are thinking
of committing suicide
and haven't got anything
to spill but tears

i'm smoking bowl after
bowl, trying to ease a mind
full of manic mutations
and masterfully marred
optimism

geminis have a strange
way of guessing the words
that will slip out of lips
of ones like themselves,
and tonight i've found a
human who entered this
world just a week
before me

it's almost like a secret club,
but the secrecy is terrifying
in an electric way, and i'm
plugged into an outlet
ready to be fried as i
spill broken heart after
broken heart to a man
that understands me
all too well

he tells me that he
knows not why i ask
for advice, because
the truth is i'm stubborn
and stuck and i know
what i want, i'm just
wasting away with pride,
posture, and predictability
every moment that i don't
go and get it

You don’t know what it’s like, to live in the world I live in
One where a simple smile can be seen by millions in a matter of minutes
One where the pressure to succeed exceeds the pressure to be yourself
One where sitting in silence is better than standing and speaking for what you believe in
One where material things are used to veneer true beauty
One where talking face to face means Facetiming from two different places
One where having a simple family dinner has nearly disappeared
One where meaningful relationships mean “I can’t take this ****!”
One where you walk around with headphones in because you dread those who say hi on the street
One where money is said to buy happiness
One where doing what you love means putting others down so you can rise above…
You don’t know what it’s like…

How can you expect us to be successful when doing so is so incredibly stressful
To live in the world I live in, its cooler to live like the stars we envy than it is to do well in school or live like a leader who believes in something
While technology  has its beneficial assets, like making communicating easier
It also has its artificial backsets….
I can go on facebook and create a phony profile and become a petty ******* who attracts many women and sometimes even a child… and no one would even notice
Our generation is beings deluded by the truth
And its easy to believe a deluded truth if you don’t stand for something.

You don’t know what its like, to live in the world I live in
One where time is everywhere and it flies right by you
One where its easier to sit and complain about something in vein than it is to get up and make a change, I’m just saying
One where asking for help when you need it really means letting your voice become squelched
One where girls flaunt their body just for some attention
And guys act hard to show their worth instead of acting real and showing when they hurt
One where having games doesn’t mean you’re athletic, it means you’re good at hooking up with random girls… and honestly, I find that pathetic
One where looking like a stick means thinking you’re fat, even if you’re just a bit thick
One where it takes 3 weeks to say “I love you” and two weeks to dump you
One where the ones who love you aren’t the ones you trust, and the ones you trust aren’t the ones who love you
One where having 1000 friends online is more important than having 2 true friends who want to see you shine
One where going to a social event means getting wasted out of your mind is having a good time
One where a belief in the end of humanity is creating insanity, and quite frankly, THAT’S whats going to cause this calamity

I’m not trying to seem to pessimistic here
I’m just saying, it’s not as easy growing up in this world as you think
While there are a plethora of things that make this world better
There are just as many things we can do better to make the place we live great
You cant take all the evil in the world at one time and defeat it, you just gotta see theres room for change, look in the mirror, and believe you can be it