Down  by the water

Ive been here so many times broken hearts and many old wounds that never heal.
It's so hard to admit when you hate the person you are.
When catch that dream to relize its a nightmare by design.

Why cant I just break through it why cant I just get past the demons of dessire and cleanse
myself of the sin inwhich I seem to thrive?
Honestly suicide looks better by the second.

Im losing it yet still i linger like some sad prize fighter who's
taken one to many a blow.
I yern to destroy who ive become only to find who I could actully be.
Im a man who cant seem to think past vice.
A wornout joker who's fallen this time for good.
**** this nightmare please help  ive lost befor I even began.

Burn the memory till it scars my thought **** please stop this !
Im losing yet ive grown to jaded to care.

Old friend and familar demon can I offer you a drink?

Watch the fire fade in winters decay and **** all hope filled tought's.

Does the fall find you empty as my jaded soul?



Another round ?

Will you stay to see me erase all that used to be who does stand's befor you now?

Will you vanish like friends who get a glimpse of the dark that is masked in light?

So many questions to many vacant thoughts and a fires crackle is it cold being on the outside

most all your life.



A homeless sense and a stranger in every crowd.

You served me well but times coming for us to part.

This road i can't take you as so many times befor.



Empty bottle and erased reason im a driffter in endless times of nothing true.

Maybe this time i'll rid myself of the misery ive often so embraced.

Old dog's seldom run far unless to keep you from a death's view.



Sometime's you just cant pull it togather anymore.



Headlights give a view ive called life for far to long

Im tired  but always no matter how far I run

I cant escape you.



I drink one last and toast the emptyness ive become

A spark although bright must always fade.

Life but a season and time a slow count to sure end.



It seems this time the jokes on me.

From the boardwalk I cast a view from weather beaten rail.
To ocean erased shore.
In a vision of two lovers often we can't recall.

A time's past in a more forward view.
Im at the end.
A chairs stance and a rope's hold to neck.

Smoke ring's the night's in my failures I've bled my sorrow's
dry.

Saltwater  from eye's a overview from a scrapbook's
hell.
This prison I created harbour's my wall's of minds design.

Like a beggar most choose to ignore.

I wish if only you to care without touch but of spark.
And mother natures soul.

Sand of glass frayed the edges of a weathertorn manuscript
of what never was.

Let me die in memories eternal embrace.
No hand outstreched.
Rejection of existance so often home I've come
to reconize as this  place.

The room was filled with burnout nuts who looked half crazy dear lord what was someone as normal as me doing here.
Yeah dont laugh im being serious or however ya spell it.

The group slash cult leader approached the mic.
Hello im Dan .
Hello Dan.

Dear lord these people were some brainwashed hampsters almost as bad
as that voodoo priestest Taylor Swift yeah Her new song sounds just like her last okay.
the only people who like her are kids and perverts that reminds me gotta put that video on mute when i
watch it it really messes up the mood what!
Im talking bout when im writting ya perves haha no im not.

Enough with the foreplay kids.
The man went into his speech how he used to snort lines that went from here to texas
picked up hookers drank till he passed out.
Hey No wonder this man was a leader he was soon becoming my hero.

But then I hit rock bottem and stopped found Jesus once honestly i didnt know he was lost.
Now he hadnt had a dam bit of fun in four years i couldnt contain my laughter
what a ***** huh?
I said to the old drunk beside me.

Hey what you got in that cup there grandpa.
He just looked at me in a strange manner must be on a hell of a trip lucky *******.
He spoke slow in a ***** old seductive kinda scared shitless by me manner
It's Koolaide.

Yeah weird mixer what ya trying to pick up kids ya nut what else is in it?
This oldman was playing a game yeah  sure dont share you old ***** hound
my flask was nearly empty and my patience was fading with every sober ***** that took the stage Jesus people it was listening to Jeff Foxworthy it's great if your ******* but honestly its one step above a ******* puppet.

The group of lame areses was almost done when they looked at me hey there friend feel like sharing?
It was something I should fight but a mic and stage was as tempting as a
wild turkey and college keg party.

Why not.

Hey Kids Im Gonzo!
Hey Gonzo jesus it was like dealing with a human parrot or Brittney Spears really
you've  seen one mindless drone ya seem em all.

I took a deep sip from my coffee with a little something extra cup
mmm acid and folgers it goes togather like teens and ****** reallity  shows ******* MTV!

Well Im Gonzo , Hello Gonzo.
Look meeting of the living braindead it's funny the first time okay.
Okay jesus these people were bad as a boy band dam three tenors yeah your all
hot and can sing opera but wants to party to that ****.

Look here  Ive been drinking since 12  umm commited alotta fun crimes
Once paid the babysitter to show me her *******  yeah I know winning.
Ive been in 20  car crashes some of em not just other peoples cars  like I can afford one.

Ive done every drug known to man and some that arent made by people named skull and eightball.
dated strippers snorted coke off of more than just a table  get your mind outta the
gutter cause if ya dont your gonna end up like me serious!

My wife is full of life and strung out on pills that reminds me
i gotta pick her up after cheerleading practice.
Ive been in the iron bar hotel many a night yeah that ****** but he hairy guys are great to cuddle with
like big teddy bears who'll **** you yeah that ****** so ive herd well yeah.

The group was silent till DR Downer spoke up but when did you hit bottom.
Sir thats my personal life okay and besides i not that hung okay.
But you stopped right.

Stopped what are you high on crack Bobby Brown?  
First off amigo its cheap second I aint stopping till im dead yeah i could work out have no
fun and spend the rest of my life speaking in front of nuts who used to be cool
Like you Irene hey personally i wish i had seen you in the ******* cause you seem
like a nice lady and really easy to get into bed okay yeah im
sensative I always pay after that's manners.

The crowd was filled with something what was this place Jonestown
Look at what ya all become eating cookies and drinking **** I wouldnt even
drink when i was ******* five okay.

And you ****** Dave well okay it's kinda weird ya hung out in park restrooms
But if only you had met George Micheal maybe then he'd still be making good  records but ya gotta have faith im just saying.

Sure you can be nice live good yeah then one day ya cross the street and some *******
spoiled brat   teenager  who just got his license runs over your *** cause he's texting sally
asking to see her **** to share e with the rest of the football team okay.

Hey whatever happend to *** drugs and rock n roll kids.
**** living forever.
Lets party now and ***** tommorow cheers I kicked back the last
of the wild turkey hitting that liver like a sledge

The group was silent yet again **** I had crossed the line yet again ahh someone needs a spanking
but enough bout lady gaga.

Sir there leader said leave now!
Just then like something off of saturday night pro wrestling.
A folding chair hit the
hugging preachy nut over the head.

***** this guy the old drunk exclaimed lets go get trashed my life ***** lets get some ***** drugs and
Irene crank the music.

And like something outta a stupid wholsome after school special my heart grew
okay aybe thats a bit much .

We were off like fellow addicts set lose in a world as ******* up as us
And everything was as messed up as us we partyed laughed made some movies of are own that probaly wont be seen on tv anytime soon.

And we lived in the moment cause its all we ever have.
And this perves gonna make sure his is
******* fun stay crazy and avoid the clap love always
Gonzo

Take this hand.

May I guide you within the depths?

So traggic to view her this way.

White in a doll of china's mask of death.



Tormented did a candles light cast doubt's with no hand to grasp

a wrist bled slow.



Tea leaves and incense.

Masked air of rosemary the record scratched and was inturn

left unherd.



Thoose eye's captured want yet

never could clasp a heart or lockets match.



Was it as planned?



A slow regression into a blackend fade.

A cloth over lamp.

It dimmed the light but never the flawed beauthy.

that I knew well.



Sleep in a life none would yern to awake.

My heart did linger in a thought as overcast skies blue eye's

did paint my thought's gray.



Cold was perfection a raindrop viewed from inside.



I kissed you last as first I bid farewell.

That night you took from many yet only thought as one.



A tormented love a single rose.

So tender you were stained of many.

But a portraiht to me.



Your words a soon to be epitapth of my pain cast memory.

Thank you for never seeing me as so many befor.



Many works of art are cast in pain.

Dove's of life often cry a tear when met to dirt.



I held you close once apon a empty floor only not tight enough.

Music that  cast a passion lights so dim often gliow with soul.



I see you now and think of that time.

Tender in a stone that is a chamber I call my heart.



I wish I could have brushed away the pain.

As I did a hair that night from your face.

Thoose eyes a void of passion life often does ****.



If you had taken that hand would we have found ourselves?

Or simpley lost it togather in a vague chance at bliss?



I remember you still.

A painting of a woman known to many but who's heart

was shared only with me.



That moment apon the bar's empty floor  forever fill's my

thought's

She yerned for more as the traces shown clear.
Yet another always seems to follow the last in the fire that leaves you numb.
And in that lost emotion is when she yerns for it most and the flesh is but a vessel left to bargain.

Track mark tragedy in a clear junkies view.
Pushed in vein taken from time often we exist only to fade from light.
The beauty now a trainwreck of what could no longer be.

In *** she travels from self only to drown in thought.
Maybe this time just for the fix.
Soiled thoughts the picture never paints a suicides face.

A addict was created a scar is past.
Futures dim lit regression ****** left in shadows still remain.

That feeling none can explain for how is it to understand death in lifes last thought?
Two lips togather leaves one ina dope sick splendor to thrive.
In the depths of a adiction is when to me love is least alive.

She ask's for more blood does glisten from arm.
It's gone a liars need must reply.
Why fade when you can catch a fix slumbed lifeless in a stall.

In the shadows we consume the shallow means to still linger.
touch of gold a dust of reapers skelton finger.

She cries to as a empty soul filled in a addicts thought.
Will it fade in sadness a broken thought is but a dreams half *** reprize.

It started so diffrent from what it is now.
A small group of outcasts and people who had become fed up with the ******* of other sites.
We started strangers we became a sort of ****** up family.

For me I found my true voice so in that respect im greatful.
I made people laugh got in plenty of trouble but altogather I loved my time here.
this place was my exit and my home from the **** life handed me it was something you cant really
explain.

But it was most of all fun it was a close group that was very loyal.
Something like that is rare and to a degree ive always wondered when people love something
as is why change it?

To suit a small group of people seems to me like a total disregard to the one's who make your site great.
Cause when it comes down to it ,
Its the people that make the site not the site itself.

But sometimes people are blind to all but themselves it's a sad case either way.
I want to thank the creators of this place for the fun I had  it was really something special.
But without the soul of what made things whole you just have a empty shell.

The site was the vessel and we were the gears.
Togather it runs apart it's just a space maybe others will make it whole again.
But one things for sure it'll never be the same  for either side.

Either way good luck to all and goodbye.

Stay Crazy Forever Gonzo