Counting sheep
always seems to keep
the wolves at
bay and
also keeps me
wide awake,
must make another
count
I think
I
missed one.

There's too many of them
and worth much more
than a penny for them.

if I was still
if I was even still
would that still
them

thoughts and older men.

One day
if I get elderly
perhaps they'll
leave me be,
still hoping
hopefully.

why is Wednesday
so hard?

I'm getting there though

My primary purpose is
to drag this carcass out
of here
get into gear and
get out of here

I repeat, but I
blame the radish
while you say
Kaddish
giving thanks.

I thank the banks
for giving me
insolvency.

Cap guns on the stair
fighting monsters everywhere,
undefeated
caps depleted
johnny goes to bed.

Later on
the monsters gone
and johnny got all grown
but the poor boy should have known
the monsters
always
return.

we're all going be wanting
someone to stick the knife in
when life in
the fast lane
slows down to a crawl.

Brawls on the sidewalks
drawls
like John Wayne talks
a
waste of a Kia Ora
on the back seats
of the Odeon.

A clove of garlic keeps vampires at bay
keeps a cold away
wish the lady would stay, but
she goes too.

I'd ban 'flu
man 'flu
nothing new there.

A pillow
to lay low
and under
the duvet, eyes closed
a rainbow of light.

I read Tolstoy
oh boy.....

,,,,spotting a Beano at the end
of the rainbow
I read that as well.

Garlic stinks don't ya think
I don't think at all
as I fall
asleep.

I'm not sure where the weekend went, but went it did, hid away now until next Friday, wow, a whole five days to wait.

it's somewhat depressing to get up on a Monday and start dressing for work when exhilaration is just a station on the Central and four stops on from the one that I want.

But being here among the living I'm going to give it my best,
test the waters, so to speak,

my body leaks out more minutes
than I can gather in,
I'm getting thin.

My brain cells got parole?
surely
some mistake,

Time for more coffee
which makes me come alive
somewhere and somehow
it's just before five.

That little creep..
..on the seat with his feet on the back..
..of the seat in front.

..and I'm standing here.

I want to tongue lash his ear.
I want to give him a bat around the head.
Get up you **** and give me a seat instead.

But I stay silent and smile..
..in a very short while the little tyke..
will be as old as me.
Then we'll see..
..how he likes to stand.
Not so bleedin' grand..is it..little ****.

He's got all his life and I'm at the end
I'd like to send the little sod away..
..into the tomorrow of what became my today.

But I stay silent and smile.
File his face into a secret place..
..and I won't forget.
I bet he's thinking of marbles and conkers
While I'm still standing going ever so slightly incredibly bonkers.
Didn't he get taught to give up his seat on the bus..
..to old folk like us?

Little ****..but in a bit he'll be me

Haha, I laugh because then we will see
Just how he likes it.
Little ****.

Before I go..just would like to you know..
..he got up and said,
"Would you like to sit here instead"
Such a nice young man.

It all appears to me to be
gobbledygook,
I look
try to see but
it means nothing to me.

Perhaps it's my age and
I can't see so clearly the
words on the page but I
have this idea that
all I can see here is..

..can't see to spell but this word certainly
smells ripe.

Work!
every day that you're in it
you look for a way to get
out of it
and if you're lucky and
if luck is with you
you'll break through to the
other side,

they tell me it's greener there
cleaner living
more fresh air
and
all electric?

There's a lot you can do
with a Wednesday
you don't have to waste it
or throw it away,

I keep them and reap the reward
and thinking about it
I never get bored
with a Wednesday.

Glasses help me to see
that this special day of the week
was made just for me

and I don't mean glasses of ***
although
that does sound like fun.

Do you hear me?
can you see me?
and if you do
would you listen like you used to do?

are you there with those painted hands
that run through your long and silky hair?
can you hear me now?

It's like the echo that reverberates
the longing for and how it aches
how long it takes

can you hear me?

the change of pitch,
the plaintive cries
the wideness of an ocean
that I see behind your eyes
and if I drown in them
what then?

You can put your suits in a suitcase
and if it tickles you, put your briefs
in a briefcase
in any case any case will do,
a hard case
a head case
a bad case of the flu'

and if that tickles you
I'd go back to the
headcase.

I present this case
just in case
there's a case to answer.

we used to make things in the kitchen from scratch,
no poly wotsit or monogluts, no additives from factories
that pump in E-numbers, just good wholesome organic
produce
which I am sure they now produce in a plastics distillery somewhere in Swansea.
'Come home to a real fire' made in China and run on gas piped in from Russia,
(do I look old in this poem?)

Changing the record which is no longer a record,
discs should be what you slip.

everything gives me the pip
except for
fruits which have been genetically
modified.

Expecting snow?
well
you weren't the only one to go
and buy a pair of skis,

I think the internet is to blame
for me waking up to rain.

Sunday and the
burning bush?
my mind boggles.

We should call the cops in
to investigate
online shops in
cyberspace.

Raining, lightning and thunder
it
feels like I'm going under
again.

summer takes a break from being summer to leave us looking like a
dogs dinner.

she's back on the make up, taking a fix just to catch up and the girl next to her wearing a head scarf, I
larf
like some demented cockney, but look at me
a drowned rat, handsome *******, but for all that
still a drowned rat.

Lost to the calling of angels
no sanctuary
for such
as we
cast in the guises of demons
for us
there is no
victory.

We wander the darkness
in blindness
we dress in the finest of rags
we steal when we need it and
when we feel like it
steal it.

Who rings the bells on the sabbath
when the dead do not rise until nine
who rings the bells in this sadness
when this darkness shall last for all time.

What do you want from me?
a suicidal tendency?
a regimental history?
or do you
pity me
in the city me,
as I sit and look at you?

do you see the leaning towards
self destruct?
****** if I can.
but
it hides well
and
bodes ill.

I could **** for a lager
something larger
a litre?
then I meet her and
I'm sober

that's me
all over,

wishes on a star
with his head in the sand.

We
are not meant to live
They
are building robots
which will give
Them
the excuse
( and when we're no longer of use )
to turn out
Our
lights.

I stopped the clock
no more tick tock
time stands still

but
it's a bitter pill to swallow to find your victory is hollow
and the other clocks in London tick tock on.

Monday and my lazer needs rewiring
it's going bang but it's not firing.

a common problem I am told
for those who may be getting old

I'm just getting dressed
because
I have to go to work.

The silver tips of arrows and whips
this cross that I must bear
the golden anchor of sweet lips
and
I will be with her.

Sapphires on a zephyr
diamonds in the breeze
rubies that I cling to
and she's
oasis that I drink from
a palm to shelter me,
an abbey in the moonlight
to which
I have the key.

And the kaleidoscope
if hope is one
turns on
another
wheel.

I steal a moment
take a look
feed a memory
to the book
of days.

The silence of violence
piston knocks
absorbing shocks
not a whimper,word is heard
third time this week
tomorrow she'll seek
a safer place
save her face.

Her black eyes don't cry even she wonders why she put up with it for so long,how could love be so hurtful,
how could she have got it so wrong.

What choice?
no voice
no seat on the board.

How to applaud something you never said,
ill-bred and dragged through the mire?
I
just mime in the choir and the
Angel gets the credit,
been there and done it
wrote and reread it and
the Angel still gets the credit.

My allowance is due and it's time to renew
the acquaintance with those I once flew with,
if life gives me a second and one more second chance
I might dance in Trafalgar
the tango with Elgar
or
with my arms wrapped around,
she,
who brings sound to my ears.

We become the sunset we're seeing
and when we take that step to the other side
we become again as we watch a new sunrise.

no great shakes
I've been awake before
but I slept for almost an ever
which is two points adrift of
a forever.

There are forty two cracks
in the ceiling
not counting the ones I'm
unsure of,
sometimes there are shadows
like lovers in the back rows
of cinemas from long ago,
mainly memories.

but another twenty hours to midnight,
sleep tight they said and
then they let me fall,

being awake
feels like drowning
without the water unless it's
raining
which it isn't.

Oh isn't it hot?
yes mate, got something to do with the sun,
see
can't trust anything or anyone
especially if the thing is hot and it's hot,
next thing you know you'll be live on a police five show
which is like on the beach Hawaii Five-0 style
but without the chick
oh god, did I just write chick?

pick a dinosaur any dinosaur.

anyway
you probably don't even remember Jack Lord.

Think I'm melting
and
belting hot or not
that Sun
has a soft spot for me

haven't felt in
this frame of mind
since Winter came
and went.

hanging loose?
well all men do
ha.

Now I'm drooping
well all men do
another ha.

But I am melting.

Ice cream might assist me
and as it's a medical emergency
I should call an ambulance
that'd be a performance
unpaid
because of my amateur status

weightless now,
I am melted away
left it too late and
ain't that
always the way?

wishing I had gone fishing
instead of splish splashing
getting a rash in
an awkward place

always the case isn't it?
complaints about the heat
complaints when it's cold
complaints about most things
especially getting old.

Sunset soon
can't wait for the moonlight
it might
cool me down.

The Victoria.
A circuitous route to get me there where the Central line should be.

"we apologise for any delay, there is a good service operating on all other routes"

Circuitous where the two of us go round in circles and not on the Circle line,
Yes,
travel in London and you'll have a fine old time.

This has been a twenty minute rhyme on the Victoria line, Greenwich mean time.

Grandma said,
'they dropped incendiary bombs',
as I sat on her knee,
at the beach in Whitley bay
from
South Shields
on
a fine young
yesterday.

She'd talked before about the war
which made no sense to me
I had ice cream for a nice dream
and a paddle in the sea.

It was ten hours in when I opened my eyes to watch Christmas begin,
Santa had been with presents galore
he had come down the chimney
and not in through the door.

And it was fun being there watching as Santa and sleigh flew here and away,
It was Christmas
I knew it would come.

..and some think that their failure is the be-all and end-all when it's actually sod all and nothing to fret about, it's
just education for the next time you trip over the success you'll become.

The church bell rings out,
clanging.
Sunday seems to bring out the best in folks,
she,
pokes me in the chest,
says,
'it might be for the best, if you tried to sleep'
I do,
but keep my ears peeled,eyes closed,lips sealed,
reach out to touch,
love her so much
and she,
responds dramatically,using words ungrammatically and then quite unilaterally decides to take the lead.
I feed her need as she feeds mine,unaware that each and every time the bonds become those hills and peaks we climb together.

Later when we're drinking tea and thinking that the church bell rung for me,I ask her,
'did it ring for you?'
she takes my hand again and shows me one more time just what to do,
Moaning quietly the words,
'I so love you'
I love her too.

They're cancelling us out
and
this is what this is about,
the cancelling out,
wiping the slate clean
and what does that mean?

Erasure?

when it's all gone
the socialising,
the eating pies in Greggs
the pint in the pub
sometimes with pub grub,
what will we remember of anything
other than what we've been fed.

I wanna strike up conversations with strangers in stations, watch stars from the hilltops, drink in bars until the dawn drops in and the sun sings songs of summer.

In the cellar, it's always cooler and the light shines a little slower, my eyes take time to follow where my feet are sometimes treading.

These are introspective drawings and knowing where I think I'm going makes the waiting so much brighter.

Lots to do and not much time left when the right time stayed behind me, but I always felt its shadow and her hands reached out to touch upon the one who never knew her,

that has passed now, four o-clock now and the ticket office closed at three
and only me with one old suitcase, writing lines along this old face,
waiting for the conversations to arrive.

After the floodlight had poured me into the rain and the sound of the neighbours who were at it again
diminished,
I finished fishing around for the dog ends I'd dropped
and in the abscess of needs where the postulate reads on her own
I lit up a smoke and as the air curled about me
I knew that
not one would doubt me, no one would shout out and call me the traitor.

Was it fair wind or fate that had blown me?
too late for me now,
but once I stood proud at the prow of my ship,
the Master
who all would obey.

The story's an old one
and too often an old often told one,
one to frighten the children and
will them to sleep.

My heart isn't in it no more
I set my eyes to the tide
switch on the lamp at my side and
begin a new chapter.

Does action man have a pension plan?
does he look that far ahead?

He plays with Barbie
I ignore Ken.

Does Sindy have a boyfriend?

It's a make believe thing when you don't
have anything,
Ken rings a taxi to take action man home
and once more I am all alone.

Like

Corkscrews in the jugular
and wine sat there in front
of you,
cheese and pickle on the sofa
so far and it's so good.

But then the morning comes
to frisk you
and empty glasses all around you
when they find the blood
it won't look good for you.

Make excuses
leave the party,
if you must then leave
without me
I'll see you across
the other side
tomorrow.

The mirror says that there are two of me
the mirror behind says there's more
the man in between them is split between
three men
and three men go out of the door.

The looking glass tells me that Alice is here
I peer in to look but can't see
the second man takes a look too and
the third man says 'here let me'

It gets crowded but I don't complain
I let one of the three men explain that
it's just a condition like dandruff exploding
and really I'm here on my own

in the looking glass
Alice has still not arrived
and I'm getting worried
I hope she's survived
her adventure.

Throw them a lifeline tied to a landmine,
pull on and let's watch them blow.

if it seems like a good deal, too good to be true,
hold on to your breath and I'll watch you turn blue,

nothing's for nothing
we pay in the end
even for those who palm it off
on their
'flexible friend.

never regret if you end up in debt
as long as you had a good time.

One hour later
no brighter.

No one wears spats
sports cravats
they all dress in black.

Hi
it's me and I'm back.

I rebel by wearing red socks
and pink shorts.

Lady sat next to me is
writing carefully
in a diary
I'm looking on
surreptitiously.

Blue lipstick
and he looks good in it.

Someone has a hacking cough
or it could be a jacket.

His Thermos flask
acts like a mask
hiding his face
keeping him cool.

Inscrutability is also a mask and
oriental lady wears it well.

I'm well on the way to that
faraway place
I have no mask
I face the day head on.

She's now picking her nose
I wonder if she'll put that in
her diary
and I think why me?
why do I see?
and then I think
why not me?