Lots of pain, he said,
I'm in lots of pain
I looked at him
and said
say that again,

pain
what does it mean?
was it
written into our biology
and brought into the
scheme of things?
is it what heartbreak brings?

I know that he'll never know
but I do.

Sunday night and the air is blue
cigarette smoke emanating from you
curling into a darkening sky
no wonder now
that you don't wonder why

but I do.

You look but don't see
that
the universe
and we
are one.

We're not getting there
because we're not going.

someone decides
no free rides
pay
or you get no say.

and we're stuck here in the mud
someone else shouts out good
I like mud

well
so did I
when I was five

grow up.

However bad things get
they could get worse,
you could be reading rhyming verse.

Down on your knees Mephistopheles
and beg for your life.

Where did that bomb come from?
Faust?
Proust?
I jest
they joust.

it's all Medieval
or Evel Knievel
it's
all just a stunt.

Saturday glee
so
how is it that we
are not smiling?

piling into the underground
only the tube rumbles
and
we make no sound.

Of course, we have to work
to pay our forty per cent in taxes
so
those lazy sods in Whitehall
can shirk.

I can't wait for the horse
so
I rock to and fro by myself

and what?
they'll come to lock me away?

Finally

I am bigger
than the triggers
that trigger me.

We could have kissed
but
I missed that boat.

If we ever get to the stars
and if anyone ever lives on Mars
it'll be a miracle

pipe dreams and cleaners
seen us trying in the dyeing
of the tapestries and
wove us into the woke.

So much in the news
Putin shootin' from the hip
Trump giving sane people the pip
and..
..and then
I slip into my subconscious
which is dangerous
even for me.

We used to play rounders at school and it always struck me as odd that the pitch we played on was square,
or maybe I was odd, 'not plumbed in' as the saying went,
Susan would say, 'not wired to the mains'
sadly
Sue's no longer here,
she's practising her ballet somewhere beyond the stars.

I spent too much time thinking about how much time dragged its feet when it wanted to and too little time thinking about how little time there was.

Not known
as the cleverest monkey in the cartload
but savvy enough to understand
that the road ahead
is a dead-end.

I ramble on
mostly to myself and find comfort
in the abstract.

The season is turning
and Spring is coming,
it usually does at this time
of the year,
I'm waiting for the Summer
which is waiting in the wings.

Still fighting against the war within
getting fatter where I used to be slim
but
it's six of one and a half dug plot against
me,
I am content.

They're up there,
in space,
looking for planets
we could live on

we can't even live on this one.

Night
and I toss and I turn
wake up cross
and I burn
with angst?

jeez
what am I,
fifteen years old?

someone once told me
something
but I forget what it was

the beauty of becoming ancient
is in the memories you cannot remember.

Eggs are in the pan
six minutes hard
soldiers standing
at attention
two of them on guard.

I like em runny 'gunny'
said the Yankee in the pack.

There's always one
and
sometimes more
who wonder why you toil
and
some who keep watch on the pan
waiting for the water to boil.

Random 03
A kaleidoscope of chaos
hidden away in all of us.

Madness is a colour too
revolving deep inside of you
probably red but could be blue
madness is a colour too.

Sunday and the bells ring out
within the steeples tall and stout
and people congregate to pray
but tomorrow
will still be Monday.

It's time for bed
oh ****!
am
I getting old? he said
to the bathroom mirror
and the mirror replied,
in my eyes, you died
years ago

but what do mirrors know?

They disappear
then reappear
the
meaning
made clear
as we
see right
through
them.

There may be inferences
because
we have differences
but not at all,
She
has her views and I have mine
She
respects my thoughts as
I
respect hers.

it's about the shared
the loving and the cared for
and
if I disagree
I can say that She is She
and entitled to her own
opinions.

Must go and do a few
hours
at work.

don't want to rust away.

When global becomes your back garden
where the parsnips are doing quite well
but the carrots need lifting
then there's the broccoli to consider
wither thou wilt
or wither thou grapes on the vine,

in the back garden,
there's time to
ponder.

Grandma said
that the Germans dropped incendiary bombs on the green, during the war, but Grandad joined up and told her, I'll give 'em what for and off he went back bent from years in the pit and then the army went and straightened him up a bit,
he came back ramrod stiff
medals on his chest and
remembering the coal dust on his vest
he asked
do I have a change of clothing 'Pet'
'Pet' was a term of endearment

his demob suit was hung in the wardrobe
and his Homburg was retrieved from the closet

they closed the casket at the closing of his day
and Grandma's memories faded away as she faded too.

Trying to concentrate
but it is too late for that now,

She asks
how can you look so vacant when
your eyes are so blue?

the day moves along on the sidebar
the door has yet to become a jar.

he pads along the landing
opening door after door
stops now and then to wonder
what is he doing it for?

Long before being tired started trending
I was bending around sunbeams
making merry with my daydreams
and full of life

but hashtag #oldlag has a
certain something about it
and I need a shave,

old has nothing going for it, those
ancients moaning about how it used to be
groaning when they have to get up in the night
to ***
and me
full of vinegar
or *****
it all tastes the same
and I can't bend my knees

so bending around sunbeams
isn't going to happen anymore.

Energy prices are set to rise and I cannot
for the life of me believe my own eyes,
jeez, can't even afford to be gaslit
so it's candles and not four of them
only one that flickers.

The end is, Sigh,
administration crushing
taxes pushing you to the brink
still think you're lucky?
*** me
what will it take to open your eyes
to the lies that they peddle?

Too old for fighting
but the light in me
won't surrender that easily.

In ten years which is nothing
we'll have less than nothing
they'll still be fighting
I'll be much older but will
always carry the light in
my heart.

Watching the breakdown
which turns out to be
the societal takedown
so now
I'm guilty by association?

*** my luk
which is Icelandic
for have a good night

I think.

We think that we're all sitting in the theatre watching a show, but you know what, we are the show and we're not a good one, if things were normal we wouldn't have been put on at all.

We, the outcasts who think and even those who do not, know absolutely that we've all lost the plot and we're wandering aimlessly
wondering who we are and where we are going

it is definitely not the show in
the theatre that we're thinking,

sinking?
oh yea
titanically,
the band playing?
more than majestically

I'm not watching anymore.

Those with two faces
think they hold all the aces
forgetting that there are jokers
in the pack
and looking back
to see where you're going
never got anyone
anywhere.

Words of wisdom
or words from a fool
I
never went to school
read
Wisden's almanac
so I know about cricket
and little else.

In the closing
when the day reposes
against the pillow of
the night,
it is then that the dreams
see the light.

It's a nightmare
running around in
a dressing gown
when the country
is burning down
and that clown
in Downing street
says
that we're safe with him

oh yeah
******' grim and
getting grimmer
not a sausage for dinner
*** all for tea,
I
am so glad that we
are in this together.

Where the wind powers turbines and
old men still smoke Woodbine's
there is little to gain from any future
promises and pain is as plain as the
nose on your face.

Those who knew it
wonder now
what was done to it,
how did things go from
bad to worse?

You're still asleep
and I know it's Monday,
but that info' will keep.

Grammarly's on at me
to look in the dictionary
and take my cues from
the words set within.

What a malarkey
out in the dark he
looks for a sign and
can't see a thing.

When you've had that holiday when you needed a holiday to get over the tiredness that you needed a holiday for only to find that you need a holiday to get over the one you've just had.

sad?
I'm flamin' crying
back to work and trying
to look happy
and feeling grumpy
yeah old joke
Doc' says I'll get over it
or go under with it.

Keep on taking the tablets
and give Moses a break.

As foretold or so they tell
the stars imploded and then they fell,
I dwell in the hope that they will reappear
before December or early next year.

It rained today
or perhaps I cried.

Wandering off to the horizon waiting for morning to come, believing it'll be raining but hoping for sun
stood at the horizon waiting for morning to come.

Light
cuts sharply through the remains of the night and seems surprised to see me, so surprised in fact that it goes around me and bids me good day.

There are whispers here,
ghosts telling stories to the ghosts that still live, ghosts rustling through the ferns, everything turns about and at the end comes the roundabout and there's nothing we can do about that.

Again the horizon
here in the Amazon
where the marathon is
waiting
for the morning to come.

I love this
the reminiscing
almost but not merely
missing the past
not getting the last
of that
grape on the vine
remembering
kissing
that girl
who became
the one.

Not bright
Not dull
but the pull inbetween
that serene thing and
the sorbet and cream thing,

deck chair
no deck
only
the garden
grass being cut
and
shakefork being shook.

Old fashioned is the
'New Jerusalem'

Saw a Robin too
it saw me and
flew away.

The owl was early and I was late, it couldn't wait and screeched away into the coming of the day and I, reborn to another dawn drank coffee and looked at the moon.

In the snap of my fingers and the crack of my bones the tones from my body tell me to take care, everything will still be there however slow I become.

Time told me the truth in the rush of my youth
I have no need for the clock anymore.

Stars and there are lots of them and there are men who'd give all for them, live and then die for them.

I lost count of the countless, tried again, almost died again then lost count again.

Stars are not for the counting when a hundred million or more can fit in to an iris.

What rules there are to bend and
don't we all have a friend who'll bend them?

My imaginary friends won't invite me to the party they're throwing and so I'm throwing them out and finding new friends, tough decisions like those have to be made or where would it end?

Yeah!
around the bend
and don't we all have a friend who is already  there?

There's no mystery,
you know
that the history they feed you
is the thing that you need to
believe in,
and believing is a part of
the fantasy,

get me or not
it's a part of the plot
that we face.

Drugs that pull
drugs that lull you
into a false sense of security,
you
can be sure he'll try them
buy them and fry his brains
with them,

some men do
women too.

I'm eating roast chicken
no drugs in that
well
maybe not that I know
what they feed livestock,
or fowl
before they're in the crockpot
cooking slow.

each to their thing,
my thing's clean living
and
it's been a long time coming.

99% accurate
but
if you're the one it didn't work on
it becomes 100% inaccurate.

giving it a rating of six on the chaos scale
and six for me in anything is an automatic fail.

Happy Monday said glumly at twenty minutes to six
and six factors in quite readily when you're thinking
about next Friday.

If you can
so can I
said the weird guy,
the girl looked
shook her head
wondering
what was wrong with him

not sure what that's about
anyway
I do know
we're all about something,
what that something might be
is
up to you as it is up to me.

Sunday
did you pray for me
again?

I want now what's for offer
in the evermore
but
quite sure
I won't get it.

Looking forward to Monday?
yes me too.

They'll have a ceremony and that'll be the end of me and then they'll forget me and go about their business.

They're all the same
they put your name on the payroll
and think you'll roll over,

pull over and stop the world
I'm getting out and then they'll
have a ceremony
do you get the gist?

you'll be missed until a new employee arrives
but that lot will survive whatever happens

and whatever happens, is not my concern
I work, I earn
and when they play me out of the game
I'll still be here or somewhere else.

I tried to seal the crack of dawn,
but it didn't work
unlike me who has to work
if only to keep the algorithm alive,

being in time doesn't matter when
you're almost out of time
when the clock wants to knock you out
but you come back fighting

and the light floods in.

Those restless limbs
torn
by future talk of psalms and hymns

they crooned and sighed
then crucified

Neighbours talking over the garden gate
headscarves high
late sixties on the council estate.

I'm going shopping
said Mum
and off she'd run to
catch the bus
which came at twenty past and twenty to
the hour.
I miss her.

If you have not received a card
don't be sad
please don't take it hard
after all it's just a card

the referee's got more.

Oh Fauntelroy you annoy me take the images only you see
cast them in the bright sunlight
and me in the midnight of my dream.

you never really knew me as I, never knew my identity but your camera sees right through me, apparition that I am,

She gives me love quite freely
Oh really?
YES
quite freely
someone up there deals me
an ace of hearts

So many tears
Sears and Roebuck
were my contemporaries,
Methuselah was my secretary
so many years ago.

..and here we go again
him
bleating out more pain
it
makes me sick.

These are trying times
if you're not doing lines
or smoking some 'horse'
but of course we have
shouldered those blames
smouldered then burst
back into flames.

It's a chess game
knight take bishop
pawn checks King
and the Queen is in
the counting house
bathing in inheritance.

I try,
tried, died a few times
and not doing lines
of course that rhymes
but mostly it's true.