you look at your watch to check your pulse
then glance at the phone to check the time

if that doesn't sound screwy
then I'm Louis Wain.

Why would anyone think of boating
in the channel where dead bodies float in
with the tide?

the real question is,
why are dead bodies floating in
or am I too wide of the mark?

Let's go to town on it
close everything down and it
won't be a nuisance, it won't
stop us from sleeping,

shut down the NHS
which is like BHS but
for sick people
and who remembers BHS now?

Sell off the railways
put the unions in Strangeways
let everyone buy a donkey or walk.

We've got our expense accounts,
our duck ponds, our stables,
our wine cellars full of French fizz
so
why should we care about
what goes on out there it's
got nowt to do with us.

I've been out and
was not impressed
due to
being improperly dressed
for this January
weather.

But it'll soon be July.

They say that there's snow on the way
if it's like the buses
it'll be a long time coming,

I've got my skis out
and I'm ready.

According to the radio
the rain is widespread
ha
and I'm spread out in bed
so
am I too widespread?

well,
I have put some weight on
but I blame that on the food.

The weekend sauntered in, took one look
and said, **** this, I'm off,
I'm off too but see no reason to swear about it.

like a Slinky it all changes
as my body re-arranges
when I get up to make a cuppa
and cuppa
makes me feel proper
British.

I never had a boyhood
I
just had a balaclava
which was made in
Sevastopol.

it was probably a knock-off
knocked out for a ruble or two
and
smuggled across the frontline
a thousand at a time
then
sold at the five and dime
at a healthy markup.

There are exquisite flavours in those far off places,
for some favours, faces that I want to see,

makes in my mind space for you and me.

ah
Darjeeling
hot and sweet
tea
brought in on blistered feet
and
that bitter aftertaste
time lays everything to waste
I lay me down to sleep.

When the lights lit out because I couldn't pay for the electricity.

funny how being in the dark makes you believe that you've been sidelined,

I wined her and dined her by moonlight
hoping that she'd want to stay for the night,
she said, not a chance,
but we danced to the sounds of a big band
until I saw the band on the finger of her left hand.

life is peculiar
or perhaps we are.

I realised that we had to economise
and so
dinner tonight was last night,
we shall dine on the memory.

The chance of me outrunning the wind is slim,
so, I had a word with myself and the
consensus was..
I am going to stay in and
definitely not going out to
get blown about.

Well,
that was the plan
but
if Clark Kent can
turn into Superman
I can turn up to work.

There we were
sitting on a chair
because we only had one,
later on
when we got richer
we bought a picture
to put on the wall,

as I said to her,
it'll give us something
to talk about.

Valentine's day is not far away
and
there'll be a flamin' massacre
if I don't get her
something,

a hoover upright
might not do the trick
I'll have to put some thought
into this and quick.

A big shout out to Wednesday,
but
please leave quietly
your neighbour may be sleeping.

My dream told the old me
that I was in the twentieth century
and younger than my years,
as usual
I rushed through it
never saw
it,

dreams tell me that the door
is not closed on it,

I still wake

It's coming up to that time when that time is now and now it is then,
the clock strangles me and yet why should I believe that I will pass into all understanding?
demanding an answer I get only the time to reflect on my question.

Too deep?
try the shallow end.

yes
we paddle against the hours
even when the hour is upon us.

temperatures rising
and almost as quick as
the prices, surprising?
Nah,
we're always being ripped off
by one or the other.

We'll all be going vegan
making raids on the vegetable plots
and there are  lots of those about
ha
imagine the scene in a courtroom,
the prisoner caught in possession
of a mushroom

not magic
more like tragic
but we can manage it
for now.

A lot of nothing going on and underneath that a familiar song about wrongs being righted, I’m delighted, easily pleased and they still give me tablets that bring me to my knees,
but do I pray.?
Ha,
I’ll sell my soul to old Nick before I pick a side because in this life they’ve tricked me and taken me for a ride.

Don’t ask me as if I knew the answer
make a transfer charge call to the pilot
he knows it all.

I’m going
to bed
heading off there to keep
the dogs from the door
and hopefully to sleep.

When it gets light
when the monsters of the night disappear
and I can see her through the sleep in my eyes
that is what makes my day.

There's a grittiness
an itty bitterness
something more than less
and I confess
I feel it too when the memories
fall down through me
but
wait and see
I rise again and
feel no pain

the meds are working

The threadbare beat of men walking upright down a street when the street has no ending and the slapping of many miles on your heels feels like a throwback to some medieval torture,
going on even further
and here's the rub,
we're heading back to the swamp
where we'll all set up camp
making soup made from fish.
no alphabet
not a car or a jet
just the sound of a beast
in the distance.

Your DNA is MIA
could be
the vaccine killed you will you
fade away?

on slides?
we'll all take those microscopic rides
and be flushed out,

or we'll become stronger
last forever or at the least
last for longer.

The time right now has gone
but I'm still here.
I am going on
not sleeping
just keeping
going.

Sunday or Sundae?
both can be sweet.

unrelated flower pots.

Is it the season of goodwill still?
said Bill to Ben when they met
not sure said Ben who was doing
**** again,

I never watched that with my mother.

well
they'll either baptise me or drown me
though the shore's just a stone's throw away
Galilee looks like a lovely place
but not as nice as Morecambe Bay.

The final words.

revelations
shown on televisions
advertised in magazines
watched and read by
millions
and now
a word from our
sponsors.

When they've got a bead on you,
they'll capture
and
put a lead on you
then they'll
read you your rights
which you no longer own
because they've stolen them.

There's a hole in my bucket list
( and there's a song in there somewhere )

The wind and rain rush past
sounding like a freight train.

January, what's new?

How was it for you?
objection,
leading question,
oops
thought this was a bedroom
not a courtroom.

sorry 'bout the confusion
it's too early in the morning
gotta get my brain into gear.

yes, dear, She says,
She says that quite a lot.

this time last year
I was wondering
if this time next year
I'd be thinking of
that time last year
and the answer is
yes.

Now it's getting dark
no sign of the lark
sleeping in the park
I expect.

also,
although somewhat on a different tack
it's nearly time to eat
and I have Thai Green Curry
which isn't green,
unless I'm colourblind
and
didn't come from Thailand
but from Sainsbury's

that's not to say it won't be nice,
a little bit of spice
does us all good
probably.

..and now we're back here
a different number
a newer year
but we're still back here,

doesn't it always seem to be Monday
when you want to stay in bed.

Lucky me
I
woke at three
but had
dreamt it was later,
the day will go on
I may not.

so,
Omicron is not a transformer toy,
glad I never got it for Christmas.

This year will be a record
my head's already spinning
haha.

Back to the mountain lake
where my reflection takes me under
and the ripples spread the wonder of it all.

Been here before
sat silently
or swore
now
I surrender to serenity
but
what a war it was.

For what we are about to receive
may the good gawd make us
truly thankful.

Oh, fireworks,
well we know it does, don't we
burnt yourself lately?

and bangers are not just old cars.

don't get excited
we're not there yet
a couple more hours
and then
I bet
the new year
will be
the best for you
and not too shabby for me.

Another Facebook dinner
winner
loser
choose a gift
who got what
(and what's not third base)
ha
another line for the Yankees.

Saturday
should be a keeper,
saved and put away
for when we get older,
but we'll spend it on frivolities
we always do.

Sue,
made a spicy tomato soup
and very nice it was too,
(we never had spices when we were kids)
the bowl was magic
one minute it was full and the next
it was empty,
I looked for a hat but only saw a saucepan.

Darts
One of the highlights of the year
playing darts in a blind doubles against
Dave Chisnall
he's like a superstar on the circuit
I blew a fuse and lost
then laughed and brother bought me a beer.

oh no, not again
what a bleedin' pain
another flamin' year
in the rearview

feels like I'm just passing through
do you
feel that way too?

Twenty-twenty?
there's
lots of twenty twenties
and we're at number three,
could be worse
because it could be
that
we lost the seven-year war
back in seventeen sixty-three,

that verse for the Americans.

anyhow
the last day
a cast your mind back day
remembering the way
it was.

I hear the rain and seriously hope that it's washing 2022 down the drain,
what a year this is, that was and not just because of Covid.

She says,
hold on tight my dear,
I
don't need telling twice.

Shops
and prices rise
quicker than me when I see the look in your eyes,

relative, but to what?
Einstein's got
some explaining to do,

Freud will have to wait.

The new year's creeping up on me
and very, very stealthily,
I think it wants its way with me,

not a flamin' chance.

I've seen them come and
seen them go
so
one more doesn't worry me.

There you are again
far away again.

we are on the edge of becoming
something greater

and I wait here.

I forgot to look at my Facebook memories,
will that become a memory too?

ah
those things we did and do not do
won't **** us.

Intermission.

who would true Calor be
all gas and gaiters.

There's a wind blowing in,
bringing in something,
probably
not the sheaves
of corn,

but hymn or her
because
She'll always be there
we'll be warm.

Fifty percent sale,

buy now and somehow
you'll find the space to store
what you bought in the store
and yet all you went out for
was a walk.

Talk about one being born every day!

why not buy everything and put
everything away?

Well?
I
could be and
that's as read
but I've
got a clear head
so
not a bad start.

Seagulls across the bay
on their way to breakfast
which reminds me
that I'm hungry.

She
tells me to be patient
and if
I am
virtue will surely follow on

at my age an adage
is worth hanging around for

At three
Santa whizzed past me
dropped me a yo
but no ** **,

Rudolph
dropped
something too
but
I can use that in
the garden.

Dancing around the obvious
can be
somewhat dangerous,
so
tell it as it is.

Christmas,
and every time I close my eyes
She comes to me with a surprise
last night She brought me
ten mince pies,
always unexpected.

Anyway
I'm planning to stay sober
see out December and
walk into January
with a clear head.

ah
the best plans are always made in bed
at the beginning of each day.

Today came
just like we hoped it would
because these days
one never knows.

and it's curiously warm,

I was on the balcony at
twenty after three
having a look-see
because
I'm nosey

now
I'm having a coffee.

Them Christians going to go off on one
what with Christmas and God's only son
when all I want is a bottle of ***

pirates come and go.

I've seen Santa Claus
in
a hundred and one
bargain stores
and the people shopping
stopping to stare
at the threadbare suit
he is wearing,

times are tough
and getting tougher
I'm not surprised that
he looks a bit rough
I'd look rougher too
if I had to do all
that he has to do.

The season's greetings are meeting up with some resistance, world disorder being one of them, the merry flamin' gentlemen in Westminster being another, I'm not even sure I should bother singing carols when dirges seem more appropriate,
oh
you are a misery they said to me,
and with good reason said I,

can't bury your head in the sand to those who seek but a helping hand
and yet?

Oscar
'A handbag '
Scrooge,
humbug.

Sod it
I can manage it
once a year.

I could have been a glowworm
but didn't want to go burn
my ***.

looking on the bright side,
wherever we're getting to
we're yet to get there
it's still all to play for

Do you ever wonder about the wonders that are out there
did you bear witness to the grass dancing at dawn
have you seen deer giving birth
felt the rhythm of the earth
did you ever wonder what would happen if the wonders weren't there
or
are you like me and take these things for granted?

Monday
and I climbed out of a deep sleep
too,

aw well
I'd better rise and put a primer on
and look my best
this day is always long,

maybe it's a punishment
sent to me by some
disgruntled deity
but
probably not.

This post-Covid cold
is hanging on and
on and
hey
it's a bit like me.

*******.

This is one of these days
that'll be one of those days,
a day to laze.