That numbing feeling
scrolling
through Facebook,
but it took that
to make me relax
oh
and a bottle of wine.

Then I listened to
my heartbeat
to check that it
was still there,

work?
jeez it was tough today
no time to play
it was nose to the wheel
and I wondered
quite idly
what the **** am I doing this for?

Routine?
I need it
it feeds me,
She tries to lead me astray
and I say
not tonight darling
but then it is morning
and I have a smile on my face.

Eight of the clock
and I'm getting ready
for what?

Are you feeling or fuelling my appetite?

no!
just work
and it can be
gruelling.

It's
Sunday and no day to slack
no rest for the wicked and
no looking back
so it's
onwards
like those Christian soldiers
I wonder if they got dipped
in your eggs.

It's called the economy because we're always economising and we know that someone has their hand in the till getting their fill of our hard-earned,
in the end
they'll do away with cash
put it all on the credit card
tell me if you think life's hard,
oh, you do?
imagine that.

Saturday and I'm working
Sunday and I'm working
the taxman's out there lurking
rubbing his hands in glee.

But I'm good,
I have to be
or
She,
will give me that look.

I imagine, still,
racing the wind down the hill,
hair flying behind me
and ahead of me
waiting to catch me
Dad with a smile on his face.

Giving me a makeover?
yeah
poshing me up so they said,

I shook my head and replied
this ain't 'My Fair Lady' guv'
you can shove it.

Something in the distance and somehow coming closer,
I lock the door which leads into tomorrow and wonder if
but no, that can't be so
and so
I climb out of the skylight to reach out to the midnight which
is always there hiding in the background.

and if we remain the same the same cannot be said for the sounds around us constant in their change,

the blind man does not see that the beggar doesn't care and the beggar doesn't see that he too could be the blind man,

I think we have always been
suspects in the grand scheme
and who are we that we can deny
that may be so?

Although it's possible
that we could be
the man in the lineup
for all to see,

fingered
ouch
that's possible too
you'll say it's me
and I'll say it's not true
it's you.

but if under suspicion
is one more condition
we have to abide by
we may as well die
or
try to live with it.

I used to wear tight pants
now
I just pant and wear
Oxford Bags.

Sometimes
I think that a pair
of plus-fours
would be eight.

but that's me

I suppose as I usually do
that your first childhood has to go
before the second one kicks in,
I'll wait,
so what's new?

Fanciful perhaps,
but we all seem to be living in a time-lapse
or maybe it's just a memory that speeds on its way
through me.

I will not get tired of this,
the happy ending and I mean a happy ending,
but not that happy ending,
this is a message,
not a massage.

a wing and a prayer and
I'm betting you
that you'll buy it,

we know it's *******
and none of us will make it
but
we don't want to end it
and so we carry on.

worn threads and dead ends
peeks into the past,

dimples on your cheeks
and
cascades of waves when you
lifted your head.

Where land meets sea
She'll wait for me.

At times
sometimes
I dream
full to the brim
and swim in your eyes,

at times
sometimes
when
my mind's a blank screen
She,
comes to me in another dream.

Oh ***
u have me being an adult
like it's some form of
an occult
and I've not yet been in
love.

if this dream is
what defines me
dream on.

and we will be one
with the one who finds me.
I hope it is her.

and it was.

it's getting quite biblical out there,
those who pray have this to say,
haha we told you
here comes the rapture

but I'm a bit, Mother Shipton
in that, I keep my eyes on that shady crew
because
who'd ever believe that Jesus would save but a few and leave the rest to stew in their own juices?

The door knock
witches, wizards,
or a warlock?
the only way to find out
is to move out
from your comfort zone
which is
as we all know
behind the barricades
of the fortress
you call your home.

The light's on
the hamster's in the wheel
someone is at home
so tell me
how does that feel?

I slept heavy
and not because I'm putting on weight
it was
the dream that dragged me under
into that deeper dreaming state

and I woke up feeling drugged up
shrugged my shoulders and I got up
because that's the way it is.

If only I had started to do it when I knew it had to be done, and it would have been, should have been, could have been ready by
now, but you know how things go when you become a bit slow
and the years start their advance,

and yet, even now girls ask me to dance,
but only to their giddy tune,
my answer's
no chance.

now I have to do it
I have no more excuses to give
and you're wondering what?
if you're not, why not?
or is it
that you have to do it too?

In the army when you pass out they give you a parade,
when I do it at home they leave me on the sofa to sleep it off.

Ruminating,
how does that not sound like
I'm an old goat?

But, ha,
I but a lot of times
but it's allowable
here in my citadel.

Tuesday and I warm my toes
because heaven knows it's
getting colder.

Chaotic or Quixotic?
aren't they the same?

Wind turbines are in
and usually the way.

What's for dinner?
I asked,
whatever you're cooking
She said,
and everything connects
but
maybe not on this timeline.

tilt and we all will
then reset
back to nil.

One needs to look no further than the nose that juts from your face, that which you seek you will find and you’ll find it in the same place,

because I remembered that I forgot but then forgot what I’d remembered,

It could be that or it might be this, She says, never mind dear, and gives me a kiss,
some things I never forget to remember.

Keeping things tight
letting the light out
a little at a time
but we all shine
don’t we?

And we all vibrate
we are a song on
some celestial soundtrack.

In trying to justify
the means to an end
I tend to prevaricate
bluster and obfuscate
and then
there is no answer.

Me,
I can't think about the water that's gone under the bridge, on the edge of my being I know I was swimming away.

Those thoughts are put away and one day they will melt into me and everything that I've ever felt.

She mops my brow and I wonder how she manages to cope
I hope and I always will
that she will still
this beating heart.

after this is done
when our tears are dried
and we cry no more
there will be time to
have fun,

patiently just in case she
might change her mind
I wait.

...and when you thought you knew it all
they showed you that you knew ****** all
and that’s all there is to it,

Feel like ****?
been on the binge?
I expect nothing less
than you wanting to
whinge.

I’ve seen all of that and more  
walked through the open door
into a brick wall
yes
I’ve certainly seen it all,
but
I still know ****** all.

05:20
plenty of time to get ready for nine
but I’m leaving at seven,

Everything is mathematics
add this
subtract and divide
provide the answer
miss the deadline
plenty of time
to work it out again.

I went fell walking on the fells
and I never fell once

but I’ve fallen and risen and fallen
and I believe that
track records are there to be broken
so it’ll be more rising
surprising for me because I’m a tad lazy.

No one is out there
apart from the soothsayer
and she’s saying a prayer
for what has not yet been.

Cheese and wine’s fine for them that like to show off,
but a ploughman’s lunch and a pint of ale
is the holy grail for us
and just who are us you may ask,

well
pin back thee ears and I’ll tell ya
we are the bricks that built the bridges
the picks that cut the canals
the Tommy’s that went to war
and
the bodies that never came back

Off the beaten track?
and I may well be
but I have a ploughman’s
and a tin of ale
and
a host of tales to tell.

Scroll down
roll your eyes
scroll again
repeat as and when necessary,

if you feel the need
read your Facebook feed
and believe.

Before Facebook,
to know
we had to look and see
or sometimes go to the
library
and now
it all appears as if by magic

and that’s the trickery
we
are ****** in and blown out
into the vacuum
and when the vacuum’s full
Facebook’ll pull another one out from
its hat.

If the world spun a bit faster and we run a bit faster it might get a lot lighter earlier, but if that doesn’t work I can always eat carrots, Dad always said that  eating carrots helps you to see in the dark, Mum contended that eating fish gave you brains, neither one did it for me.

Friday and the jury’s out
probably on the ****
and we have to slave away?

something amiss in the state
of Denmark
( Shakespeare nailed it and I just failed it)

Sepia seeping in
and thinking
I don’t want to go
back to begin again
to go against the grain again
or to feel that crushing pain again
so
I paint the walls in red
the ceiling cyan blue
the doors, I leave as they are,
ajar,

the colours might do the trick
and stop me
from picking at scabs.

Only the windows still rattle
which has nothing to do with
drugs.

Their voice bangin’ on in my head
and believe me when I say that I’m
hangin’ on by the thread that’s
attached to the last of my sanity.

Noisy dreams are the worst
eyes poppin’ out of the bed
blood vessels ready to burst
but now I’m awake,

Today
I’ll take the pink pill
because I’m not ill
the green pill is for when
I am ill
or maybe today will be
special
it could be different
I might even be social and
talk

I’ll see how I feel a bit later.

You
no longer
show up in my history
what happened to
you and me?

,

We lose friends
and the older we get
it never seems to end
and
those friends
are in short supply
I hope that the rest
of my friends
never die,

Instead of taking a crack at it
you wonder as you look back at it
could I have done that?
We all know when the time is ripe
but time escapes you every time,
so have a go
you never know
you
might surprise yourself.

Voice.

I hear many things,
the rustle of silk as she opens her wings,
the sweetness of nectar she brings.
I hear the falling of night,
the slight whisper of winds,
her breathing beside me,
with words she will guide me
I hear all this inside me,
such a cacophony of
sound.

Here's to you all out there
calling to those out there,
you are the one
who will go on.

A question
take your position
sink
or think
the pain will never
leave,

grief
like leaves from a tree
fall
and
I call again
to those out there
you
can bear it
  ·

Yeah
I am the latest thing
in fashion accessories
a necessity
a bit like a dictionary
when you can't find the words.

At present I am,
Sometimes I am past,
what is the future
in the runes, I have cast?

Charlatans everywhere
sharing their lies
and like Simple Simon
I buy their pies.

not sure which chicken crossed what road and don't even care,
but
It ended up in the ***

did you get
what I got?

no, you never
because I got the Wishbone

breaking news,
chicken wishbones do not work
which is like our
Parliament
and when I say our Parliament
I mean, their Parliament
because once that shower get in
we're put on hold
until we become important to them
which is sometimes never.

I wish they'd cross the road.

And what does this have to do with chickens?
well
they're all a load of cluckers
like those in Parliament.

She steals in from the room next door
sits on the nursing chair
tapping her feet on the floor,
it is the music she knows I adore
and I ask her
to tap me some more.

It was on a day like this day far away
when once upon a time began.

I thought they were fireworks
but
they were just police cars
with flashing lights
and sirens,
not the sirens
I'd have chosen
not the ones
in the southern seas

hard to please
that's me.

bedtime
en Angleterre
so glad
that She's there
beside me.

Everything went in the cup
and surely it would have runneth over
if only I'd remembered to put the water in.

Life's a bit similar to a board game,
at times we get bored with it
but play it just the same.

She,
the best half of me
gave me a gift when I got home which is
a place where the sun always shines,

unexpected,
the loveliest things always are
and are better by far for that.

Life's like that too
we never know when or with who
we'll be happy
until we find the one
or the one finds us
until then
we're only living.

In the most unlikely of places
in weather-beaten faces
in old battered leather suitcases
and sometimes we don't have to look
sometimes it's just there,
inside
waiting for us to realise
and to accept it.

Today is the first day of the rest of it
so
I am preparing myself to make the best of it.

Difficult when you're cynical but not impossible.

Let the night be gone
and so it was,
I switched the light on
and there I am
the man I was
and because it's Monday
I'll have some cream in my coffee.

If only the day could be microwaved
and I could do
eight hours of work in seven minutes
at four hundred watts, but
it can't.

see!
technology is not that advanced.

That was us then
using the pen
accusing the world.

Look at us now,
nib less and clawless
and then there's
lNibbles the cat that
can't catch a mouse.

Because we're tired?
yes
put it down to tiredness.

Sunday and I worked like a Trojan
not the registered trademark one
but a man from Troy,
oh
boy do I have to explain everything?

I see no ships as She slips into the bath.

on the perimeter I shall swim with her
we shall laugh and dive into where
it all began.

Once again I woke
though
not sure if I'm awake,
my head aches
my legs ache
She says
take a cure-all
by that
She means
Panadol,

I take a minute to think
did I drink last night?
no!
that's right,
I was working til ten
got home,
bellyflopped onto the bed
dead to the world.

..and more of the same today.

..but not all doom and gloom
I left some room to swing the cat
( not a euphemism )

They opened me up to take a look and to understand what made me tick, I saw it all on the cameras and boy did it make me feel sick, they prodded and poked and one of them joked, he looks like a slab of pork, I looked at him with his triple chin and thought, Mister, you should talk, you look like a field full of pork.

But they got me fixed and sent me on my way
back to the battle and into the fray.

Woke up feeling drunk
bouncing around
thinking Kerplunk,
it's a game,

but I never touched a drop
work wouldn't stop
so
I had to keep going
knowing that eventually
the chefs would see sense
and be still and
we all could leave.

jeez us and please let us rest,

Sold down the Suwannee
prepackaged if only
we'd listened
to prophets and seers
but we were deaf in
both ears and blind to the
signs that were shown

ah,
that wild blackwater
we rode it to Mexico
and
passed out on Mezcal.

We had to try
if not to live
then to die
as men.

Down in Harlem, no one dares to question
hands up? no problem,
something going on and definitely wrong
down there.

Durango!
eureka, I got it, not Fandango but Durango
and not Eureka that's East of the Pecos
or it might be one of the other three directions.

so where's Fandango then?