It is difficult to operate machines on an empty stomach
Something about their piercing glare is so
Appetizing

I live for my next meal
That is to say I think I can afford it

empty hull
emptied corridors
empty nicotine stomach
coughing up animal fat

I remember drowning and that's it
Time runs backwards
Nonsense is produced

My bones scare me more than the concrete that shatters them
Am I here forever?
Because I've forgotten all of it

all of it is a lie
stop suffering for it

all of me is besides the point
all of me is dwindling
slow, ****** agony

we control our daily medicine
we dose ourselves

we open windows
only to jump out of
but never to look back

the storm has taken the pain away
but the storm will not last long enough

I want to search your cavities
I want to wash you free of your sins

I want to deconstruct you
I want to break you down
so let me inside of you

This is what you asked for
I will tell you what you want

Scars as gateways into my plastic heart
worn and beating out of time

When will you realize that you are out of time?

How does it feel to have reality dismantled
Even if it is subjective
It hurts

My emotions are flat
My head is open now more than ever

I love you so ******* much

Artistic imitation will get you everywhere in life

do not come into my home and tell me
what the truth is
i will
show you what truth is and
behind the truth
i will show you
another
grand ******* spectacle of a liar

When you've been in enough hospitals
You realize how important it is to abuse the catalyst

Time for an attraction
Time for a spectacle
Watch me cut myself open
to drown the sorrows out

My angel
It comes to me on broken wings
And it says to me
"They're here"

Why would I bow, for the sake of sadness?
What do you think this is?
Who do you really think I am?

He dosed himself accordingly
and there he stayed
no choice of his own
voids of safety and fragments of past

I'd make myself into a mannequin if I could
I would remove my flesh
I would cut my arms off
I would tear into my thighs
I would rip myself apart

for the sake of entertainment,
not art.

Drink more
Think less
We're conditioned into doing our best

Make money but never profit

Brass buttons
To fasten a cape made of everything false
To cloak me in feigned serenity through the night
To sing me to sleep
and turn me into someone like you

I can never stop crying although I want to rebuild my body

I am going to die
I don't know
I think I am going to die
I think I need to die

My owners taught me some new words today
Ones that won't allow me to kneel and pray
or take my medicine and pray

They let me out today
but not too far

My shadow engulfs me
I am what I am
and it reminds me

Dirt under my fingernails
Grind my teeth to dust
My stomach is surely made of glass

All of my evils
A raw nerve

Writing ****** screenplays and drinking tea with all of your chain smoking friends never got you anywhere
I make films with all of your friends
and I make their friends jealous

I want to eat your heart out of your body
I want to reconstruct you out of wicker and shards of pottery
The only time I'm free of it is when I'm not with myself

get home
before
your drug balloons
fall out of me

i loved you but i don't anymore

chipped off a piece of brain matter
earlier this morning
zipped it up for later
knew id need it to remember you by
even though i thought
id never forget

i need to die

My captain lived by the parkway
and he couldn't stand the sound of cars crashing at night
the roar and thunder triggered him
but he always loved having a front seat view

My parole officer is lost somewhere in Arkansas
They say Camel is the devil's brand
That's what my neighbor said
two days later
he was dead

Taking but not talking
Waking without walking
Refuse the abuse
and return it to
sender

the landscapers can hear it
the construction workers cat call it
even if they don't see

the laughing orator is drinking gasoline
the curtains have been drawn
I put on my hospital gown
and I do it

Take control of my limbs
Guide my useless appendages
I'll look at myself
only if you make me

I have a simple wish
I have one desire
To never be a part

with every knock I get closer between the floorboards is where you'll find me

I blow smoke in your face you ******* liar your lips sting with *****

This morning I woke up to
painted crucifixions on my door
and I think I know who they were for

There is no currency for this
You cannot hide, if only from yourself
You are the most difficult to outrun

I am held captive by myself and on my own terms
Please glue my pieces back together
Light the garage on fire and start over

Writhing on a cold white floor. contracted into proper condition. placed on the earth above.

If you talk to me, I'll transfer the burden of my life onto you.

I've been scratching at my
wrists in my sleep lately as if
to let something
out

May the river run red with my offering
I watch as the river bed overflows
The wind blows cold and strong

Seasons change
People change, sometimes

I can feel the cold
like liquid steel through my veins
popping out of my neck
as if to escape

I see the red and I let it take me over

the men in the walls are laughing
the faucet is dripping with the blood of our mothers
the names of all of the saints are alive in our mouths
and we want to spit them out

the earth is cold

and this path
brought me to a milky, ashen, unforgiving sunrise
and i thought of you once,  but
without pictures i forgot you

fall off a cliff kissing me
******
let me show you what i can do for you

I am not just a *******
At least I have some sort of control
I am ****, in a bag
I am contained
Throw me out after you finish walking the dog

He's not dead
He doesn't come up for air anymore

He's not dead
He couldn't figure it out in time

He's not dead
He's right where you left him, and he can't move on his own

He's not dead
He is pulling the skin off his fingers like string

He's not dead
He is drunk and he is laughing

He's not dead
He's coughing up feathers

He's not dead
He's pulled out all of his teeth

He's not dead
He's not dead

There's
so
much
more

Don't
doubt
me

There
will be
no
more

there is a man on the side of the parkway with a plan and a gun
I fall off bridges I thought I'd burned

Every night I sleep with a stranger
One whose shadow I dwell in every day
When I wake I cannot see them anymore

Just as much obscurity as will make me noticeable
It is hard to be proud when every prosthetic is better than you

I am reduced to nothing but what am I reduced to

warm blood and black ice

LACK OF CONSISTENCY WILL NOT PROVIDE THE PROPER OUTLET FOR THE ABUSER

abuse is arduous under certain circumstances
but i don't think you'd know too much about it
because you're always on the unwilling, but receiving end

hit
dead impact
flattening of the cortex

your hands, acting as cages
brought your ribs back between muscle
and layered you to the sky

a gift upwards
a single flight
and nothing more

a gift upwards
a flight for one better occupied by two because life exists upside down
and nothing
more

i took
all my parking tickets
along with all your books
piled it up in the middle of the highway
and torched it

i cannot be conditioned to care any less

every year is getting longer
every night is feeling colder and
biting at my bones
and eating at my sinuses

this house
i made it
from bricks and twigs and pieces of animals from the woods
so
then i knew i would
have a place to call home

every year is getting longer
every night is feeling colder and
biting at my bones
and eating at my sinuses

this house
i made it
from bricks and twigs and pieces of animals from the woods
so
then i knew i would
have a place to call home

flourish from blood
blossom from vessels
gather materials
walk the land until
it crumbles underneath you

notions are not as smooth without schedule
and proper timing
you will be made to forget all that you should remember
if you do not etch it deeply enough into your forearm

imitating sleep
hallucinating underwater
delusions of grandeur
fold into my trachea

at long last
the sun is born
at long last
we can last, again
at long last
we'll try to go to sleep, again, and again, and again

in killing all the natives of what i
declared my
homeland
i felt
a lot better
about myself and
everyone else around me

i sat in the forest and tore myself apart
i threw myself a party and then i threw up my dinner
and then i spent the rest of the night in a bathroom i made

entering here, i have
realized that
never will i leave

i strung myself up by the throat between the trees at night
and hoisted myself to final mental victory
this is it
i've done it this time
this is it
and i am sure
there will be no more

razorblades broken off in glass
three cigarette burns on my forearm
and five cuts to the neck
proved nothing to me
but only to remind me that
i had finished

blank stare
balancing on spinal columns
tripwire produced by mitochondria
four million breaks

i have the answers to the world carved into my torso

there is a person living in your skin and we can all see it
there is a human animal trapped inside of you and we can all see it
just because you try to do away with the idea that it cannot exist
does not mean it does not

on this day i realized this
on this day

i bit through my fingers
i ate my fingers down to the knuckles
bone has a rough texture and
my teeth cannot break through to plentiful marrow

i clenched the exposed knuckles and made a fist in an attempt to vaguely hit who i thought
was bound to be there
but no one was there
so i spat blood as i hit myself in the face for an hour

sometimes horses can be used for therapy
and sometimes they cannot be utilized if they break their legs