dead leaves turn the forest to rust
we all go there in the end
everyone loves you when you're dead

we got together in the snow this year and
when i say we i mean me and everyone beside me

we showed each other all of our stitches
we replaced all of our gravemarkers with each other's heads so as to
always be looked down on

I want to search your cavities
I want to wash you free of your sins

I want to deconstruct you
I want to break you down
so let me inside of you

if you want me to help you
i have to hurt you first

give me something to chew on
while i sit this chair and
watch you nodding along

drawing pictures of our house on fire to pass some time
i want you to dance nowhere but next to me
you need to let me have you
you are mine

your whispers are so sweet
but they're all falling on deaf ears tonight

i took
all my parking tickets
along with all your books
piled it up in the middle of the highway
and torched it

i cannot be conditioned to care any less

am so worthless
I see you in my dreams and I
want you out of them

Coiling and hissing
Pounding and screaming
"We've all been there before"

i **** time by killing you
i operate machines with the same passion i ******* with

i lost it
all of it
and this time
i blew myself up
and ran my world with my blood and guts

of extended anguish and habits
clever but never correct

to all of those quiet in fear
take no solace in knowing that I'm not here
to all those
reduced to shallow gasping
crawling among the lepers with a hand to God
take pride in knowing that I am worse than you
to those on rooftops much taller than you or me
know that we have all been there
or, at least, I am

Can you not see
Could you not tell

I could use some good medicine
For my headaches
For me to take before I call my therapist
For me to pretend I'm not sick

My relationship with you is what carrion is to a vulture
I am hungry and I am cold but I can never sleep
It seems that everything programmed to defeat me has fallen through this time

Taking but not talking
Waking without walking
Refuse the abuse
and return it to
sender

we control our daily medicine
we dose ourselves

we open windows
only to jump out of
but never to look back

the storm has taken the pain away
but the storm will not last long enough

if it was my choice to say
i probably wouldn't tell you

if it was my part to speak on
i could fill you in but not now

the table is set
but no one is home
this is why our Christmas decorations have been around for so long
we're all gone

there is a person living in your skin and we can all see it
there is a human animal trapped inside of you and we can all see it
just because you try to do away with the idea that it cannot exist
does not mean it does not

on this day i realized this
on this day

All of it is an advertisement for your death

Lately I've been glancing through the haze
to ensure your last of days was that and only that

Drink more
Think less
We're conditioned into doing our best

Make money but never profit

How does it feel to have reality dismantled
Even if it is subjective
It hurts

My emotions are flat
My head is open now more than ever

I love you so ******* much

the medicine helped for a while but
i can't have it anymore

it's not there
it never was

this isn't the safest move but i wasn't aiming for first place

looking for a part of myself to call alive
in the face of this

There's
so
much
more

Don't
doubt
me

There
will be
no
more

and you had to be kidding
when you said you'd done this before

and I tend to be missing
lost the keys to my car

so why don't you hold me
pull the vice tighter

and you won't help me
you were no good anyway

screaming and tearing
coming down
falling in three
myself and you

or none of the above.

i am nobody
if i am myself
i am nothing
when i have it all
i am empty
when the cup is full

stay the same forever
but don't tell me who you think i am

When I'm gone, I don't want much to happen, as that would have been how it was regardless
I ask for one last glance towards the horizon over the water
I feel as if that's all I need

the otherwise lost five percent
when the margin was too thin to fit them in

if you want it dead
you should inspect the teeth

all of it is a lie
stop suffering for it

all of me is besides the point
all of me is dwindling
slow, ****** agony

If someone loves you
They love you

Artistic imitation will get you everywhere in life

she drowned herself
at three in the morning
in the pond behind your house

you had to repaint your house
after that night
she smeared her blood too deeply into the walls

I am going to die
I don't know
I think I am going to die
I think I need to die

Give up once you can feel it
Go to sleep when it cries for you

Sometimes it is better not to worry
Sometimes it is better not to own guns
But, what can I say

My heart doesn't work
but I still have machines
to help "me" survive

chambers
doors with no handles

only way to go is out
but there is no out
only in

life is never fair
that's why people invented games

I'm telling you that what you did to me is not and will never be right

apparitions of my condition
fragments of my sanity
plunged deep beneath

but why now?
what good can you do?

I remember drowning and that's it
Time runs backwards
Nonsense is produced

My bones scare me more than the concrete that shatters them
Am I here forever?
Because I've forgotten all of it

I can sense you from miles away
I can feel your touch in passing tides
I can see you in my dreams but I don't want you there

I wish you'd have asked first
I wish you'd have hung the phone up and gone to bed

if it was my choice to say
i probably wouldn't tell you

if it was my part to speak on
i could fill you in but not now

dreams of echoes and silence
night sweats and the fan that blew much too coldly that night

i remember waking up and that's almost it
almost

all I know is how to take my pills and how to be alone

that's what was said
that's what I thought

I was wrong
so wrong

i sleep with my hands over my face
i won't see it
i can't see it
i won't touch it
i won't feel it

it is these times
when i feel it the most
it is these times
when i need it the least
it is these times
that i am nothing at all

this is one I might have been meaning to get off my chest for a while
but I have allowed my body to abandon me
to leave me cold and vulnerable

the way they beat you must feel nice
you think I'm cool?
you're wrong