you never though I would bother telling you when to brace yourself
but now you need to duck down

you have no options left
and my foot is in the door

of extended anguish and habits
clever but never correct

to all of those quiet in fear
take no solace in knowing that I'm not here
to all those
reduced to shallow gasping
crawling among the lepers with a hand to God
take pride in knowing that I am worse than you
to those on rooftops much taller than you or me
know that we have all been there
or, at least, I am

hurt quantified by time constraint
to anyone, ever
to you maybe
or someone else

look over your shoulder
but do not stare

and you had to be kidding
when you said you'd done this before

and I tend to be missing
lost the keys to my car

so why don't you hold me
pull the vice tighter

and you won't help me
you were no good anyway

covered in disdain
and inorganic temporary euphoria
and a jaded sense of self

face meets concrete

if it can be said to be too early
then it can be said to be too late

I would dig holes to get closer to you
dig deeper
deeper still

you know it

everyday
I accept that my body is an inside-out candle a little bit more
that my organs may serve as coal
and my skin begins to evaporate
and it is my only escape
and it is condemning me to
a hierarchy of disease