a well documented severe case of marginal disassociation
keeps my belly warm during the winter

in the deepest snow we could find we buried all of our necessary accessories

i **** time by killing you
i operate machines with the same passion i ******* with

i lost it
all of it
and this time
i blew myself up
and ran my world with my blood and guts

an operation with the wrong instruments
a nod of the head
a turning of the shoulder

replace bones with kindling
exchange organs for red phosphorous tips
transfuse diesel instead of blood

like a dying dog on a cold night in the middle of the highway
laying down
waiting

i ran over more black cats on my way here
and shattered enough mirrors along the way
to justify all the truth and all the lies

could never find a way

drunk sitting shotgun
you're behind the wheel

don't let me disrupt your steering
don't give me control of the wheel

don't bring it back

and i promise i won't make you steer us into the oncoming lane
so i can end it

if you want me to help you
i have to hurt you first

give me something to chew on
while i sit this chair and
watch you nodding along

complex
serpentine in posture
unending
relentless

i cut my achilles' tendon
and ran for you like i never thought i could

the entire time
inching further from myself