Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Joe Cole Jul 2014
This work is based on a scientific study carried out over many years


When I awoke this morning I looked in stunned delight
For a bright and colourful mushroom had sprung up overnight
And as the day grew longer more mushrooms did appear
Mushrooms of every colour mushrooms of every size
And it soon became apparent that there were fairy folk inside
Now I thought I knew my mushrooms,  which were good, which were bad
But the ones I see before me now are driving me quite mad
Some are short and dumpy some are fat and wide
Over there some white ones reaching to the sky
And so the fields now covered, a multy coloured sight
I used to love my mushrooms but this has put me off for life

NOTE: No dogs, cats, birds, humans, bushes, trees, public toilets,  houses, cars, waterways, mice, roads or pathways were hurt or damaged in anyway during the production of this inspirational work of absolute stupidity
Joe Cole Jul 2014
Just sitting there last night by the fire watching the sunset over the trees
Another pleasant evening,  a cool breeze, peaceful.  Or was it?
A few dark clouds overhead,  they'll come to nothing
But then....Patter patter patter down came the rain
So what, I've experienced worse
So into my shelter snug and warm, a little rain will cause no harm
But then came the wind, not just any wind but a tearing screaming gale blasting the rain with the force of a bullet.  Tearing at the skin, numbing the flesh
My firepit now a pool of ***** grey sludge,  cooking kit scattered far and wide
OK, drop the sides so I'm watertight,  one last warming scotch then I'm in for the night
Close my ears to that wild banshee screaming out there in the dark
0545am
The wind has lessened but still the rain is pouring down,  a muddy swamp where was once hard ground
The gentle stream where I keep my beers cold now a raging torrent of ***** brown water
(I never lost my beers though)
I have a routine I rarely miss, a hot mug of tea after taking a ****
And I won't be beaten by a small summer storm
So into a dry bag where I keep some stuff,  a few bits of wood and tumble dryer fluff
Between the roots of a tree a fire soon takes hold, on goes a *** and soon steam arose
On goes a pan with some bacon and beans

And then, out came the sun

To be caught in a storm like that isn't much fun but it's all part of the wild camping game
Joe Cole Jul 2014
Oh!! So why do you find the word Christmas offensive?

Because it's not a festival I believe in and therefore I consider it to be an insult

I see, so if I lived in your country and said I didn't like the name of one of your festivals what would happen?

You would be punished for insulting our country and our beliefs

So perhaps you should be punished for saying what you said

No of course not, you have freedom of speech in your country so I can say what I like

You live in that big house with the expensive car on the drive don't you? You must have a very good job

I do not work, your government pays for everything I have

I see, and do you think that's right

Of course it's right

What would happen to me if I asked for the same things in your country?

You would be classed as a beggar, if you couldn't support yourself then you would have nowhere to live, that's how it should be
Joe Cole Jul 2014
Would I want to be anywhere else right now?
No, probably not
The title says it all. Serenity
Sat here on a little wooden bench, just me
Oh, and ducks, geese, squirrels,  countless birds
The real beauty is that they don't curse, yell, hurl abuse
Yeah, I see the odd squabble over something as trivial as a piece of pond ****
But nothing malicious in it, it's just their way
It's not just the birds and animals here
It's the peace, the chance when for a few minutes, an hour maybe you can shut out the world and all its problems
This is how it should be
How it should always have been
Bird songs, the wind rustling in the leaves
What composer dead or alive could have written music so beautiful
As the afternoon sun filters through the canopy of green
The rustling moving leaves paint an ever changing picture
A picture that will never see a gallery nor grace the wall of a stately home
But still a picture with grace and flow in shades of gold and green
Yes truly this is
Serenity
Joe Cole Jul 2014
I sit here in this sunlit glade beneath the southern downs
I gaze upon the beauty not yet destroyed by man
On six sides are bushes, trees of every shade of green
But sadly in this blighted land such scenes  now are rarely seen
Over there an aspen with leaves of silver grey
They shimmer in the gentle breeze like a shoal of fish at play
Close to me a stand of oaks so mighty and so strong
Their leaves so dark and sombre green abound with natures songs
There stands a tree bereft of leaves branches stark bare against the sky
I know not if it sufffered or why it had to die
Soon it will be the time to put a match to the fire
Then smell the fragrant wood smoke as it ascends into the sky
I'll sit quietly,  cook my food, drink a beer. Maybe a scotch
Sit and watch the westering sun, watch the moon and stars come out
Once more I'll wake up with the sun and a glorious choir is heard
No human intervention
Just a choir of singing birds
Just had a few good days in the woods
Joe Cole Jun 2014
Yes you might be fourty or yet still in your teens
But still my children who carry forth my dreams
We gather here my children, 'tis here we pen the words
That talk of love,  of passion and fairy stories read
But still I read of bitterness among my children here
Read the words of hatred wrote with the vitriolic knib
I weep for you who pen the words, words I cant control
All I ask is that you stop and think, look inside your soul
You may not like the words I write, I might not like those of yours
But at least give understanding and never close the door
Joe Cole Jun 2014
Cast it off you temptress, cast off that lacy thong
******* must be made of cotton
thick and white and long
They must reach above the navel
Descend below the knee
The bra, oh yes the bra designed to assault mans eye
Yes it has a purpose but should not **** thoughts inspire
It should be thick and full of cup enough to give support
To hold the ******* in comfort but it
should not push them up
Just joking on my part but i actually saw this on a protest web site where this man condemmed everything **** and feminine
Next page