My thoughts are slow
My words are stale
But I continue to write
These words don't rhyme
These lines don't fit
But I continue to write
These metaphors are used
These feelings aren't unique
Yet I continue to write

I always feel bad about myself,
I always mess things up,
I do ten things and fail eleven times,
and I end up blaming others
of all the **** that's happening to me.

I cry to myself at night,
I keep all the pain inside
until I physically feel the pain
stabbing right through my heart.

then lately I realized,
maybe it's all my fault.
no, not maybe,
it really is my fault,
and instead of complaining,
why not take another step
and move on.

if I'll fail,
I'll fail better this time,
I'll fail
           and fail
                        and fail
until I'll have that sweet success.

it may not be an easy road,
but so what?
I might fall hard,
                  with face first,
but that would only mean I'm walking forward.

I want you to stay, because you want to
     and not because you promise me to
say “I love you” because really do
     and not because you’re oblige to
I’d be your best friend if I need to
     wait until you say what are you up to
if you feel like you got nothing to hold unto
     it’ll be painful for me — *but I’ll let go of you

funny how someone
made you believe
that there is “forever”

then one wrong move
or anything that displease them,
it’s **“over”

someday I can inspire others through my stories
someday I'll get a letter from a stranger, wishing me a good day
someday I'll be someone whom my parents would be proud of
someday I'll be someone whom others would look up to
someday...
someday

it breaks my heart knowing that my future seems a bit gloomy and dull
I always feel hopeless. like everything I do makes no sense
do I deserve that life I dream of? I feel like I don't
I feel like I'm going nowhere. it's hopeless.
I'm hopeless. I'm always hopeless.

she got all the things I have to live without
I don't get it why people look up to her
saying "she's so tough", inspired by what she've been through
the struggles she had were no more than half of mine
I'm five years younger. she's a mom, and so am I
I am a teenage mom, and my boyfriend left me
I only had myself for that nine months
while her on the other hand is a mistress who got pregnant
and people still look up to her. and no, I don't hate her
I like her, I sent her letters, and I always got no response
I'm not mad, I don't hate her
I'm just wondering, why is it so hard for me to gain love?
is there something wrong with me?
why am I always left unnoticed? and worse -- rejected?
why? am I that hard to be adored?