You broke my heart over the course of a month.
I was on my knees and on the verge of tears
When I first realized we could not be saved but,
I endured it all in hopes that somehow, it would all work out in the end.
I pray,
Every day,
That the love of your life never makes you feel as unwanted and replaceable as you made it seem that I was, my love.
I wish someone had prayed for me, too.

Irreparably broken and utterly foolish heart of mine,
What have I done to deserve such losses?
Was she merely a feat too big to accomplish?

Why am I so emotional?
How..
How
How could she forget so easily?
She can have all her declarations of love back.
That way she can give them to her new lover.
All I ask of her is that she keep the ones I gave to her
Because like her I'll never love another.

I felt like what we had was the start of forever.
*Why didn't you feel the same?

Don't take it personally, my love,
But I want him to break your heart.
I want you to feel pain.
I want you to feel what I felt when you said you missed him.
I want you to feel lost.
I want you to feel brokenhearted.
I want you to feel clueless.
Because all you gave me were mixed messages of love, desire, and admiration.
Now I won't lie to you or myself.
I still have this unconditional love for you.
It's foundation blossoms from the pit of my stomach.
But I hate you so much.
And it kills me to see you hurting
Because I know you hurt enough already
And I wish I could take away all that hurts you.
I'm no superhero though, but I'm certainly not a villain either.
I'm just a bystander caught in the crossfire.
I wish you could stand in my shoes, at least once.
And be able to understand the rush of emotions that flows through my head whenever you fall into my line of vision.
The only way that will ever happen is if you hurt.
Hurt as passionately as I hurt for you.
I hate you almost as strongly as I hold love for you.
But please, don't take it personally.

You kissed me.
And it led to my whole world spiraling out of control.
My faith was restored, I vowed I would return the favor, and I found myself falling even more irreversibly in love with you.
It's like when you realize that those implausible but evidently hopeful wishes at exactly 11:11 p.m. really do work.
But I think way too much for my own good.
I think about things too in depth and then I just break my own heart.
Make bizarre and ignorant conclusions,
Like you're just playing around with me.
You don't mean it when you say you love me.
Or maybe I'm the one interpreting all those signals in all the wrong ways possible.
But how else would a fool in love interpret a kiss from the one they hold so close to their heart?
Maybe I just understand what it is my heart wants me to.
And I guess that's why I hate suffering through relapses such as this one.
Because I love too hard and too much, and I always end up hurting in the end.

Just for one moment, I wish you could see what it's like to love someone like you, because you rule
Everything around me.
And I'm sure that then you would understand how speechless I get when it comes to describing something I don't have a full understanding of.
Nothing I ever say will help me overcome this obstacle as long as my love for you perpetuates, and as far as I'm concerned my love is
Everlasting.
Two too many times, you've broken my heart, and it's a shame because you didn't even realize it. I know you didn't mean it, and it wasn't even your fault, but I swear that you're so provocative and
Tantalizing without trying. And I guess that's what makes you so special, so different from the rest. That is why I long to be
E**mancipated from this restriction of love.
You shall forever be carved into my memory,
And forever carved into all that I do.
Because not a moment goes by that you are not intruding in my most sacred and and inner thoughts.

Ever get that feeling where there's so much to say
But then you pick up your pen and bring out your notebook
And you just sit there, and fail to write what it is you even wanted to say?
That's how I feel whenever I write about you
And it's so discouraging because it seems that there is so much flowing through my mind whenever I fail to keep my thoughts anywhere else but you.
It's because she is everything
All that goes on in my head before writing even one line is simply just you
Those booming voices, blissful delusions, ignorant realizations, unwelcome ****** recollections of long-ago, humorous admiration,
It's because she is everything
Yes, you are everything.
Everything I think about, everything I dream about, everything I talk about, everything I write about, everything
And I really don't think that that's fair, my love.
That is why I strive to be your everything.
Yes, I want to be the one that creates those booming voices in your head
I want to be the one that makes you have those blissful delusions
I want to be the one that initiates you to make those ignorant realizations
I want to be the one that brings those unwelcome ****** recollections of long-ago
to you
And I can go on and on about everything that just the thought of you does to me
But I dare not waste your time any longer
Because the way I feel could be sufficiently expressed in any moment-no matter if I'm miserable, infuriated, ecstatic, or anything- by just two words.
You're everything
And I bet that that's the reason why at times it seems there's so much to say, when in reality there really isn't a need for it.

It has come to my attention
That the heart ache you give me is my inspiration
To write
And write
And write
I am oblivious to the fact that whenever you find it in your cold heart to grant me access to your addicting love
My senses just seem to shut down, and I exist for only you
But you're just toying with me, while on the other hand my love shall forever be perpetual
And that is why I sit here once again.

Press your lips to the side of my cheek
Like you once did before
I only grimace because it makes me ache with desire for more
Let your eyes bore into mine, see the sights of where my eyes have roamed all over your tantalizing figure
I'll lay my hands upon your waist
I'll pull you closer with selfish haste
Anticipation for the events that have played in my mind over and over again
Have reached heights that I cannot seem to constrain
I breathe you in with every breath I take
Tasting the unmistakable essence of your sweet aroma
As tenderly as I can muster
I press my lips to your forehead, I see the beads of sweat cluster
From your lips escape the words Love me again
All that I've come to feel in this moment is more than what words can describe
Both our complexions change different shades of red
Feeling like a fool, I bring myself to break the silence embedded in the air around us
*Who says I ever stopped?

The biggest illusion in this world is love
Love fades with time
And then you're left with an emptiness
Weighing down on your soul
With every passing step
With every passing moment
The burden keeps on growing, growing
Leaving one feeling heavy hearted, yet at the same time so weak one could be knocked over by the wind that's blowing
Reminiscing on past moments shared in love
And on what could have been, and on the undreamed of
Then love ripens into hate
Hate for loving so much, leaving one with distaste
The fruit of one's love
Falls to the earth
Left to rot
And just for a moment
One is left with a feeling of freedom
Having the joy to breathe again
No thoughts to provoke the tears that saturate the seed
That must grow again
One day, one day my friend
One will have to pick up that load again
One's heart will grow heavy with pain and strain
Yet feel so empty inside
And one day, my friend
Love will glow so brightly again.

Look at her
Just do it, and marvel at this wondrous exhibition of glamour
She could be all yours, ya know?
She's so beautiful
You love all her lovely little perks
Her nose, ears, and especially her lazy eye
How love can make someone seem so imperfectly perfect, you don't know how or why

Wait, what?
Stop your gawking
Ha! You didn't even notice you weren't breathing
Look at her, she'll never be yours
So get that silly little notion outta here
Stop fooling around
Go ahead and look down
Don't waste your time fantasizing, my dear
Just carry on with your fear

Shut up, you
Always talking out of the blue
Let me gawk if I want to!
How do you know I'm afraid?
I'm not!
Am I?
Should I really stop?
Will she really never be mine?
Probably, how could I be so blind?!

Distraught and broken, filled with unbearable pain
While my thoughts dance and jump with wicked schadenfreude, having prevailed yet again.

Your eyes
So deep, mysterious, left me mesmerized
I could get lost within their dark depths
I try to breathe, but they leave me without breath
I was so young, still had yet to know of the expedition
That my heart, so youthful, would soon partake in

I wish I'd never looked at you
Or, into you
For whatever reason, your whole being captivated me
Such grace, such splendor, such beauty
So oblivious to reality whenever my eyes wandered idlelessly to your own
So robotic, the feelings always left me blown

I was so scared of the love I felt
Scared to show it
Afraid to be close to you, no matter how much my heart yearned for the comfort of your aura
Afraid that with one innocent touch of our elbows from the rocking of our school desks
Love would be unleashed, it's selfish wrath suffocating, latched on like a pest

To do this day, I'm still afraid
I hope, to God, that she'll never change
All though, I know, my love will never change
And to this day
She leaves me in awe, with her perfection, yet my thoughts leave me in dismay
I'll never admit to her, that she's the reason I cry everyday
She's the reason I breathe, yet she's the one who seems to ****** it out of my lungs
She's the reason I want to live, and she's the reason I want to die
I hate her.
But I love everything about her.

Stand by
And let these flowers grow high
Then bask in its wonderful scent
Without fear, without regret, without repent

Moments like this don't last forever
So hold my hand, let us be together
Let the sunlight dance over the fallen rain
Let our symbol shine, so high and mighty
You can hurt us, but not it, for it feels no pain

We are happy, just let us be
We no longer assimilate to what society thinks love should be
Leave it alone, you've failed to destroy us
We carry scars beneath these smiling faces
But we will not let you recreate us into phases
Phases in history of wrong
Of mistakes
Of immorality
Because we are the new reality

So just stand by
And let these flowers grow high