He recalls one particular night,
When a phantom slithered into his infant dream,
And he awoke, alone, in a clouded darkness,
Broken only by a single hall-light beam.

With tears pouring from his little eyes,
He slipped out of bed and found his feet on the cold floor.
He made his way toward the source of the light,
Until he stood before his parents, at their bedroom door.

His mother picked him up into her loving arms,
And ran her fingers through his hair, like a comb.
As he slipped away soundly back to sleep,
She couldn't imagine her little boy ever leaving home.

In the school yard, at only ten years of ages,
He spotted his little brother
Assessing the blood drops that were falling to his feet,
And the bullies pointed and laughed with one another.

He ran as fast as he could to reach him,
With his arms widely outstretched,
Crying out his name in panic,
Until their eyes eventually met.

He set out to protect his brother through out his life,
Though, with him, he always felt alone.
I guess his brother may have taken him for granted,
As he thought he would never leave home.

In his teenage years, he met a girl,
With eyes the same colour as the oceans deep.
Her voice still echoes in the silence,
And her eyes still meet his in his sleep.

He remembers her face the day she left him.
How she told him she found his heart of gold,
But all she could see when she looked into his eyes,
Was that his life was already sold.

Although he couldn't bear the thought of losing her,
Somewhere inside he understood why she had gone.
But he loved her enough to hold onto her forever,
Even long after he had left home.

At the age of eighteen, it was time to move out.
He found himself a job, to get some money flowing.
He bought a small apartment in the centre of town.
And found a few new friends to keep himself going.

Though he did miss home, he was an adult now,
And he wished to be the best man he could be.
He kept in touch with his family and friends,
But he began to feel he could not live normally.

One night he was out with his closest friend,
When, in an instant, the place they had went to was mobbed.
And despite his attempts to protect him from the attackers,
Before his eyes, his best friend's life was robbed.

He watched as they lay his body to rest,
Into the darkness, beneath the frost.
All the light inside of him went out,
And in the darkness he got lost.

He forgot the warmth of his mother's arms.
And could no longer picture his best friend's face.
He lost his job, and went into debt,
And felt he no longer had a place.

It was then he decided to join the force,
And live the rest of his life behind a gun.
All he wanted was to be a good man,
And make up for all the harm he had ever done.

It was only in the darkness he realised,
The phantom still lingered within his soul.
It ****** out all the light he ever had in him,
And left his heart as black as coal.

He now dreams of that phantom every night,
And awakens suddenly in a cold sweat.
He steps off his bunker onto the cold floor,
And is reminded of a night he can never forget.

The night when the phantom first slithered into his infant dream,
And he was lifted into his mother's arms, out of the cold.
He remembers her soothing voice, and her fingers through his hair.
But most of all he misses her solid heart of gold.

It's then he thinks about the love of his life,
And how she had once loved his heart of gold.
And it's only then, as he takes a look around him,
He realised what she meant when she said his life was sold.

He sees now, he made a big mistake,
When he stepped into the darkness away from the light.
He could not protect his brother from the bullies,
And he lost his best friend to an attacker in that fight.

Were brought to question why he let the phantom take over,
And lead him into a life out in the unknown.
What was it that was so attractive in the darkness
That ever made him want to leave home?

She keeps the remnants of your relationship in a box,
Which is left hidden away, under her bed, on the floor.
She used to take it out and look at its contents in nostalgia..
But not any more.

There's just something about your last moments that stop her.
Her love for you suddenly turns into hate.
All the plans she set out for the future vanish,
And she's left to believe loneliness is her fate.

She remembers how she met you in the Autumn,
When the leaves were turning from green.
And the way your eyes lit up against the orange backdrop;
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen..

She told me how she felt about you:
How you took a hold on her soul,
And how she left you alone in springtime,
When the world took back control.

She told me how dark the sun shone upon her,
And how she found herself lost in another.
How she avoided the overwhelming thought of losing you,
In fear that she would smother.

I knew not of her battles,
Until she made them quite clear.
She regretted ever leaving your loving arms,
So she never wanted you near.

She told me that I could never understand her.
I could never truly know why.
Because of the 13 layers of irony,
She hides deep down inside.

The darkness took over,
Once she lost site of your eyes.
Cause, although she doesn't know when it happened,
She remembers you saying your goodbyes.

You were the wind to her wind chimes.
The sea to her shore.
You were the roof to her four walls.
To her heart, you were the door.

She told me how she used to wake up every morning,
And she felt a happiness deep within.
How automatically a smile would appear on her face,
Even before her day would begin.

She described the many colours the skies took.
And how she loved the feel of the atmosphere with so many voices.
She said she felt she had a place in the world.
And she had made many good choices.

She said you showed her that she was capable of loving,
And that you proved the rest of the world was wrong.
She said you were the rock that kept her solid.
You were the strength that kept her strong.

She told me how she poured her heart out to you..
How she missed you a little more each day.
How she's wasted so much time away from you.
And if she could go back, she'd tell herself to stay.

She told me she was heartless,
That's what the whole world thought.
But, out of everyone that could have told her otherwise,
It was you who told her she was not.

She told me she had no secrets:
Yet no one knew how she felt about you.
She said she never told any lies;
But when anyone asked, she said the feelings weren't true.

She told me if she could go back,
She wouldn't remake the same mistake.
But no matter what chances she has got,
Second best is all she would take.

She fought to fix a broken world,
And no one ever asked her why.
She told me nothing broken can ever truly be mended,
But there would be no harm to try.

She said no one ever asked her what her motives were,
Because they never heeded a word she said.
So she needed to get out there and take action,
As there was no use staying in bed.

She never expected me to say what I said next,
She analysed the words I had spoken.
Her face, so beautiful, dropped suddenly then,
As I told her we are all broken.

I said I wake up in the middle of the night,
Tears streaming down my face.
Awakening from a dream I had just had,
Of a better, brighter place.

I told her she may believe she's happy now,
But I can tell even from a single thought,
It's obvious inside she's far from it,
In comparison to the happiness you brought.

She told me it was too late to fix things,
That you both had already said your goodbyes,
That you faded with the seasons since she left you,
And now she can't remember the colour of your eyes.

She said the silence has not been altered by her wind chimes,
As no wind has blown since you've been gone.
She said she felt uncomfortable in the quiet,
Without you there, everything felt wrong.

She told me that the sea parted from the shoreline,
And left behind nothing but drought.
The roof detached from her four walls,
And the flame inside went out.

She said the moment she opens the lid from the box,
That she hides away on the floor, under her bed,
Every memory she has of you comes flooding back to her,
And she mourns for you as if you're dead.

She said she hates you because that's all she can do now.
It hurts too much to continue to love you.
And she's stopped by your last moments together,
Because it was those moments that made it so true.

She found love for you in the Winter.
And brought it with her through every other season.
I asked her why she has never told you how she really feels,
But she wouldn't give me a proper reason.

Instead she denied her feelings,
And told me what she tells just anyone,
Callously, detached she pretends;
"It's too late now. You're long gone."

She said you put a wall up in defence,
And she understands perfectly why.
She thinks its best to move on and live her life without you.
A part of her has already said goodbye.

She didn't know just how beautiful she was.
It was a shame her words weren't truly heard.
She gave her all to a fight she knew she would never win,
Until her voice was silenced by the world..

The one I know, but never knew, that went away all too soon.
Up to join old Orion, and to sit alongside the moon.
The five days they got with you, so many things unsaid.
Time I got not to spend with you, though footsteps that you led.
The one week, your two eyes, the three days and four,
The fives days, your whole life. The breath in you, 'till it was no more.

One; like the date of the day that you were born.
One; like the week they received before they had to mourn.
One, the first of summer, the sun that shone so dark.
One, like the sound of nature all around. Trees with the early bark.
One hundred and fifty five minutes distance from here to there.
One, like the feeling so deep, the one I live to bare.
One; the smile, I'll never quite get to see.
One; the person, you'll never really be.
One single hug that I'll never get to feel.
This little talk that I share with you whilst I kneel.
One simple blink before you were to leave me be.
But every single day since, from Heaven you were to guide me.

Two were the little shoes, you never got to wear.
Two perfect angel eyes they were lucky to get to share.
Two tiny hands you had, that they never got to hold.
Two, like the normal second day, within the story that's told.
Two tiny heart beats before you were to leave me be.
But every single day since, from Heaven you were to guide me.

Three were your names, never added to.
Three, like my position, next child down from you.
Three like the third day you joined the Christian church.
Three days that came, to leave their lives besmirched.
Four, the next to follow, awaiting the final day.
Four fifths of your life, near to the whole way.
The third or fourth thought upon you, before you were to leave me be.
But every single day since, from Heaven you were to guide me.

Five days seems small to be a whole life time.
But the days after yours were ones only left to mime.
Five days to teach a shadow not yet born to take the trail.
The disrupted peace of Cliffoney, on this road I stride alone to wail.
I try to reach you, but you're too far above.
No way to let you feel my deeper, inner love.
For Ben Bulben is the highest I have ever really got.
My tears the Trawalua waves had reached out and caught.

A rhythm of words, too short to tell it all.
This holy gesture, act of God that took you there, leaves only my childlike call.
A call that seizes every heart rendering beat,
And helps me to feel your presence above from beneath.
No matter where I go in life, any place I will be,
I know you'll give me directions, hope and always make me happy.
You're my home I know so well. A sense of place so sure.
I know I only have to look up, when I feel you're here no more.
For you give me position, in a place I don't know, or perhaps do.
Lost is something, I found myself, when I found, I had lost you.
The one week, your two eyes, the three days and four,
The fives days, your whole life, the breath in you, 'till it was no more.

You had a real bad day,
The first of many that would follow.
You were made redundant from your job,
And had no idea how you would get through tomorrow.
Your boss was an arrogant bully,
Who gave you less credit than you earned.
And when you told your fellow colleagues,
Not a single one of them was concerned.

You came home to an unstable household,
With an absentee husband there,
Who would control your every move,
But pull away when you got near.
He drank more than recommended,
And stayed out late with God knows who.
At times you thought he was being unfaithful,
But then you assured yourself that he chose you.

You got up early every morning,
To prepare your little boy for his day.
You'd put on a brave face in front of him,
Pretending to be okay.
You thought he would think you were weak,
If he seen his Mummy cry.
But I think you taught him a lesson,
When you opened up and let him inside.

He didn't need to know all the details
About why your day was so bad.
He just needed to know that even adults,
Sometimes feel a little sad.
You squatted to his level,
And looked into his innocent eyes.
His little eyes set on yours,
As he asks you why his Mummy cries.

You know you can't ignore him,
This is something he needs to know.
You consider things for a moment,
Your job is gone, and your husband needs to go.
You sit down beside him, on the floor,
And look him in the face.
Your tears still stream down your soft cheeks,
As your little boy sinks into your embrace.

You just say you had a bad day,
That everyone has them in the world,
We all cry for our own reasons,
Every boy and every girl.
Your little boy pulled away after you said this,
And took a curious look around.
He stood up and got a tissue,
Then sat back down on the ground.

On handing you the tissue,
He gave you a little smile.
That smile that shows you you've been victorious,
Through all your defeats, all the while.
It was in that moment, you taught your child,
How to be a human: loving and true.
And it's because of that single moment,
That I'm acknowledging that it was you.

You're the one who taught him that lesson.
You're the person who showed him how painful reality can be.
So even though I'm just a stranger, having a bad day,
Your son still cares for me.
I don’t have the severity of problems, like you do,
As I’m younger by many years.
But your little boy remembers that we all cry for our own reasons,
As he hands me a tissue to dry my tears.

I remember putting on a show for you,
Hoping to make you laugh, from above.
I hoped you would never get bored of me,
And always be there to feel my love.

When we made mud pies in our pretend house,
I would imagine you lined up beside me,
Suggesting what other ingredients we could use,
From all the plants around us that you could see.

When Mum would take photographs,
I always felt your absence, wishing you were there,
And I always wanted you to know that,
So I would say it out loud for you to hear.

I always thought you could grant wishes.
Or somehow help me on my way.
I viewed you as some sort of super hero,
That was always waiting by to save the day.

Sometimes at night, before I went to sleep,
I would whisper you a prayer, and tell you about things.
Like about the day I had had that day,
Or what I hoped tomorrow brings.

I never felt a hint of loneliness,
No matter how much I was on my own,
Because I felt you by my side, at all times.
You were the best friend I had ever known.

You handed away your boots,
And gave me the spare key,
So I could find someone to give them to,
In the hope of making me happy.

I kept them safe, the best I could,
Ready to ****** them back at any time.
Because there's something a little unsettling,
About handing away something that isn't mine.

I made a promise to you, a very long time ago,
That you would always be my number one.
And I swear to keep that promise to you,
No matter who else ever comes along.

I haven't spoken to you in quite a while now,
And that's why I thought I'd jot you down a few lines.
Just to tell you, I still miss you dearly,
And that I think, despite everything, I'm doing just fine.

I'm, only now, building the foundation of my future.
Nothing is set in stone, as of yet.
I have my eyes on my many hopes and dreams.
But my childhood is something I'll never forget.

All that time, I only thought of myself.
I never thought of the hurt you must have felt in your heart.
To see us all down here, growing up together,
Knowing you will never get to take part.

That's why I would like you to know this now,
So you can keep it forever in your mind.
No matter how absent you were, in body,
None of us ever left you behind.

We celebrated all of your birthdays,
And introduced you to all the friends we made.
You were with us on every trip we took,
And thought about in everything we've ever said.

You're a piece of all of us,
That we keep wrapped up, safe, inside.
Some days it hits us harder than others.
Some days it's just too difficult to hide.

Today's just like any other day.
I'm not thinking of you any more or any less.
It's just that I've found the time to talk to you,
And there's something I must confess:

I miss those days when we made mud pies in our pretend house.
And I absolutely love all the photographs Mum took.
I miss having a best friend always watching my back,
And having a hero save the day. (I have awful luck!)

I'm very sorry I never considered your feelings,
And that I was so caught up in my own before.
I hope you found yourself a home in the Kingdom,
And you're not worrying about me anymore.

Some people consider me to be a negative person,
Because I'm less lively than I once used to be.
But I greatly object to that consideration,
As there's something inside, they'll just never see.

I see the bright side to everything,
And death is the last thing that I fear.
Because I love my life, and I hope there's a long road in front of me,
But if there's not, at least I'll get to join you up there.

I'm a little lonelier these days,
And I'm not particularly sure why.
I think perhaps it's because I'm just too busy each day,
To get a chance to look up to the sky.

For that reason, I want you to know I still think about the old days;
Us all there, making mud pies and playing outdoors.
That's how I'll choose to remember you, always.
Despite the fact that my eyes have never once met yours.