sometime
you might catch me
dreaming in the
day
that you whisper
into my
ear


I never know what
you'll say
but oh, darling
how I long
to
hear

basorexic beauty
truck limousines for hire
I use the rain to
drive away
& I still can't calm
the fire
nestled deep within
my sigh

let's sleep beneath
Louisiana sky

I'll sing to you in
French
as we walk down
Bourbon Street
we'll dance our way
into Metairie
until we cannot find
our feet
amongst the life
within the
night

& we'll rest underneath
warm Southern
starlight

sun stayed close
today
I thrive on the first
day of the year
I can wear shorts outside
though it came a bit early this year
& I won't cross my fingers
for it to stay

the front porch step
offers little else than the
neighbor
trash-talking
on the other neighbors

everywhere I go at least
one more person
has lost the power to love

I should start making fliers
spread a little hope

but I'm no good with promises
& the cigarette butts she
flicks on my lawn
make me love her a lot less
too

these apartments are
non-smoking

none of us follow the rules here

I let the sun bake my bare legs
a bit more
the babe is trying to eat
dead leaves

I wonder where you
really are

& when you're coming home

she forgot she
was at war
& just how much
was at stake
she swallowed the
bullet
but failed to find
just how easy
the shell was to
break

gunpowder turned
corrosive
eating through her
armored skin
--
the world turned
sanctimonious
& she became the
sin

but goddess is as
goddess does
with a promise she
takes to the
grave

"the torches they light
underneath
my feet
shall never burn
enough
to entice me to
cave."

in rare moments of
instance
I find myself longing
for paintbrush strokes
& ink lines
pressed far down the length
of my spine
your willing human
canvas
at the cost of a loosely
carried dress
I hope you didn't mind
inviting all of my
mess
if at all you could
forgive my
shadow hurricane
I'll grace you with the
weather
& you'll be the king
of all the
rain.

people "liked"
that I burnt my lunch





facebook is confusing

I caught her digging
graves
one night
suspended by
the chill
& all that was
haunting

she never knew I
was there
& if I gave a rough
breath she became
lost in the
fog

I didn't know who
or what
she was trying
to bury
but she laughed the
whole time
& sang songs about
the sea

she kept
reminding herself
to never drink
beer
before liquor

there are completely irrelevant
things in our lives
that we will remember until
the day we meet our
makers

her golden hair
in the South Carolina sunlight
the way that she smiled
that no still photograph could
ever replicate

we got married in a fever
it was a young and
wild summer
& I couldn't wait
to meet her
we were unlawfully
wedded
in the years
of our youth
& 'til death do us
part
is our god-given
truth

though miles apart
I could never imagine
being too far
from my dearest friend

the islands that call
bring us both
through our every
fall



for we know we'll reach the sea
in the very end

I want to taste
patience
from the palm of
your hand
& I would wrap
determination
around my finger to
remind me that
wherever the grass is
growing
won't always be
greener

& when you lock
your lips with
mine

I get this *****
urge to become
cleaner

she will force herself
to wake with
the day


& contemplate why
she has always
obeyed


she wanted to drink
until she was
numb


but the heart can't push
what the devil don't
shove

she was the
cold
cold
queen of the
warm
wild west

sunset hair in
heavy waves
acted as its own personal
masquerade ball
shading the town from her
sincere
countenance

oh, but she could drink even
the sturdiest men
under the table
though even
the sturdiest men
would rather have her
on top of them

rumor had it that she
kissed a boy
by the name of Billy Dorchester
with a pistol
in place of her saint-like
lips

you'd think with the way
she dances on those
tables
high above all the
greedy
& amorous folk
you could catch a glimpse
of the gun at her
thigh
but I ain't seen it once

I think all these
****** people
know how to do around here
is lie

she could burn this place
to the ground
& not do any harm

we all just got some
sort of fever

for the evil ones

Someday our hearts should
Crash like stars
On a fragile blue sea
You tend to
Condescend my
Questions
Turning me into the
Captain of the
Side streets
As I control the
Steering wheel with
Timid words
& beautiful exasperation
Your eyes looked
Reasonable
Enough to call them mine
For a few hours
Until the touch of air
Meant little to the
Passing minute
Call me your queen
& I'll tell you no
But my fingertips will
Dance
Because you asked me
First
I lock my answers in
A box that harbors a
Ballerina
& a lullaby
& I've forgotten where
I've hidden it
Over the years
When the answers
Are so much
More important
& we sit here at the
Crossroads
For hours because
You craved indecision
& I craved

Insistence.

wake up
get real
stop living in this cloud where you think
you don't have to clean
because you do
every day
yes, every single day

you are not your mother
you don't have to live in a hoard house
'cause life hasn't gone your way
yet

it will

but you have to demonstrate patience
& strength
as well as stability

& a girl who can't take care of
herself
isn't very **** or
impressionable

so get with it
clean your house
smile
get some sun
before the weather gets
cold


& remember how to be
alive

we give each other
very little
aside from passing glances
& beer

the night wears on
& you creep in
your arms become a vise
I have no breath

god, the work you do with your
hands alone is purely
unprecedented
sometimes I wonder...

but you laugh
I laugh
& the other guy leaves
We lose conversation
& talk about
the uncomfortable things

when I got in my car
he asked how the make-out session went


"that won't happen"

I used to wake up
& feel like my heart was
about to explode

I used to wear only
black

I try to recreate the
color of the sea
in all that I wear
yes
even my hair
I guess I just want to be
a little closer

I guess I just want the tide
to creep up to
my teal-painted toes

I guess I just want to feel loved

there's a tiny voice
scolding me

gotta learn to love yourself
first, girl

I take a deep breath
close black ash eyelids
its still not the same as when
you were there
even though you told me
to take care

I'll take care
if you take care

deal?




your eyes remind me of
water I've never
seen

a mildly disturbed mind
with a proper dose
of humor
draws her in
as the light of a fire
would to a trepidatious
moth


she can hear both sides
speak of the future
as if it were a
heaven

days in the mountains
days by the sea side
promised to her
as a medicinal solution
to her dead-set dark
& cynic prophesies

she sees no peace within it
'cause if all you got to
give is sanity
then she'll jump the
cliff
or she'll walk the
plank


just give a little
reality
& tell her there's
no hope
so let's drink and
sing all the good songs
until we
die

calmly stationed on
a pale blue sheet
I had laid out on the lawn
he paws
& tears at the grass
with his chubby fingers, though
they're thinning out into
crafty toddler hands
& he won't leave the blanket

at fourteen months, I'm beginning to
consider that he may already be
playing make-believe
our bedspread is our boat
& the wild unkempt grass is
the raging sea

I don't mind it
my allergies are going to
skyrocket when they finally mow it
I'd rather bask in its
lush glory
freshly grown in from
a very mild winter
thick with scent and color
Davy is growing accustomed to
it as well
heels digging into the soft soil
throwing tiny flowers every which way
& laughing


that boy's gonna need a bath

the air is like
heaven
today

if it weren't for the
deadly wind

but everything feels so
nice
almost like spring

I can stand in the
kitchen
& smile as I sip my
coffee

but even in these
instances
my heart still sinks
with invisible
misery
for no good reason

turn up the music
keep picking up the house
keep drinking coffee
keep smiling
rinse
repeat

please don't be afraid today

cheap whiskey slides
& collides
milky veins
forfeit of precedence
never thought I was any
better anyhow

I'm just here for the
ride
& for the taking
he can bet on his bones
that I'd love to leave
him shaking

his tongue to my
cheek
they'd say bravery was
for the meek
I'd give it a week
before those fingers start
aching


one more taste


oh, chérie...

I will not let you go to
waste

More compatible
With our drink
Of choice
Call me a martyr
& beg to greet
Thy mercy
With a taste
Of what we all
Think we deserve
To sing about

You never gave me
Much else to go
On and on
About other than
Your eyes
& the grace you
Played off
On each fingertip.

& all she wants
To do
Now is just
Burn
Burn
Burn
It all away
To every cinder.

Come pacify
Come eager
Come alone
Come to me
Come not at all

But if only to
Listen.

She drifts into something
Not so fulfilled with
Purpose
With the urge to
Disperse every word
That escapes from her
Lips like a
Whisper
As she stares
At the lightning clouds
Through mirror eyes
&
Imbalanced hope
Hurt by
Indiscretion
&
Ill-proposed compromise
You can have
Her heart
&
Break it, too
You could play
Off-tune
Just to catch
Her mood
But it kills when
You can't keep
Her warm
She has what you said
Were "beautiful words"
Wouldn't you know
They're all about
You?

all ******* in a
gaze of satin
my god, does he know
what's happened?
& the tide is
rushing in

am I the sea or
the one who
waits beside it?

hell and heaven both
know that I'd
rather be a siren
dancing with graves
& secondhand glances
as I sing him toward
my waves


perhaps I was not meant
to save


so to hell with the sea
it's his fire that
I crave

you could blend my blood
with the edge of your
lips
& watch our unspoken words
go to battle for a
sip

its the push and the pull
you could swear
I was full
but I haven't danced nearly
enough in such a
reckoning
mood
& my frail fingers have
yet to trace my
absence of
food

just as I'll never know
yours
you'll not ever grasp
the war within
my head
& above all else I shall
always ache for
your bed

no matter of the
weather
I could promise I'll get
better



but darling
some things are far
better
left unsaid

"Let's go to bed."

"I'm not going to bed yet."

"What the ****, that was the whole reason I said let's smoke and go to bed."

"I'm not tired though."

[scoffs, leaves room] "You complain about being tired every ******* day."



of you, dear.

there shouldn't be any
shame in it
we all get frustrated
stub our toes
scream at nothing

I scream a lot
but nobody hears
'cause I feel uncomfortable
when I'm loud so I'll wait
'til I'm in my car
alone

you take one step
in my half-open door
& I'm thrown into bewilderment
sneaking out through the
fire escape
before you can see who
really lives here

Cinderella story
only my feet had been bare
the entire time
& I'd left my glass heart
at the dance instead
& you could never figure out
who it belonged to

the only thing to do
with love
is to believe in it
but I live in this world
where so many things are
false
& you keep reminding me
of things that
aren't

drinking contests
midnight swimming
catching ourselves looking at
one another

that imaginary question
the screaming in my head






"Do you believe?"

my mother insists
that I'm the reincarnation
of her mother
Marilyn
who passed away
sometime in the
70s

she sounds incredible in
stories
so its hard for me to
believe
yet we both have opened
our hearts to
everyone
& we feel in all the best and
worst dreams

she worried herself to
death, I think
but the woman was
crazy
with a heart of
gold
& had love so passionate and
powerful
the gods themselves
would tremble
in its wake



I'd like to think I'm going
to find peace
with my bed of
insecurities


I've the body of a
Taurus
& like Marilyn I've
the spirit of a
Pisces


I'd like to think that
"star-crossed"
is a real
thing



& when you see those
darkening
clouds



that you will
think of
me

I sat back in the
chair
within the midst
of the thick Floridian
atmosphere
that clung to my
skin
& stole my breath
away

the woman at the
spa
cleverly eviscerated
my tension
I was told to breathe
& close my eyes
as she put the tiny cool
cloth pieces over
them

"think of the
beach
wind through your
hair
feet against the warm
sand...

...now think of who
you're with

husband, friend, family..."

& for a while I was
there
completely alone on
Cocoa Beach
staring at the vast ocean
someone walks up
behind me
but it isn't anyone she
said it would be

it was you

& the ****** clever woman
gave us one minute alone
on that sandy shore
while the sun was setting
I tried to think of
things for us to talk about
but nothing came to
imagination

we stood there hand
in hand
& watched the deep
dark horizon


I can't remember the last time
I had felt so
at peace




I presume it was the best
minute
I never truly
spent

your hand grips
mine
in the desert night
& I have to
count
how many times
you've led me
down this
line

the law need not
banish you,
love
as you, yourself
have done

but the fickle
rain
& this sordid game
can't wash what
has
become

oh, anything of nothing
first create

why must you scavenge
all my love
& pay me back with
hate?

the late season tortures
with cold breath
& kisses weary
bones

wherefore art thou,
cast to
hell's depth,
who slew my weakened
soul?


I'll keep your
grip
as you keep mine
along our sullied
stroll


but I've half a
mind
to prove how
time
can truly take its
toll

most people worry when the
lump hits their
throat


I'm the one who feels
the knot in her
chest first

'cause it's all I can do
before things get
much worse

& the waves just keep crashing
in the devil's churn of
this ******
curse


you've blended in with
the woods again
& I still don't know the
next time I'll get
to touch your
skin


but what a beautiful sin
to wait for


the airport is quiet in the back
of concourse e
& I still see your face
as you said
goodbye to me


the edibles and mimosas
could never be as
sweet


so I'll hide the taste beneath
my tongue

until yet again
we meet




tá mé i ngrá leat

the drugs wore off;
the tears came and they
won't stop
& I have to hold my stomach in
or it sears in pain with
every sob


what apt timing to be
left in the dust

what apt timing for you to
do what you believe
you must


never thought I'd have
to search for
how much ativan and norcos
I can take before I'm
on the floor

but here we are
& here I am

as you stare at that beautiful ocean


& I try to keep these
stitches from bleeding into
my hands.

sunlight lips
haven't brushed her skin
as harsh today
& the valley behind corporate
America
doesn't smell as vile

she longs to pick wildflowers
& gentle silence from this
green shelf
& take them home to her
sweet boys

if only the rush of autumn
were enough to quell
trouble

the insects still greet
her skin
with urgency
& she still greets
her days far too late and
lazy for comfort
we call her
The Midsummer's Lass
the one who'd be grand if
she'd get off her--

well, you get the picture
where the paint is still dripping
& she only has the energy
to dab a few spots

in a comparative sense
all is grand
when pinned beside last year's
endeavors:
an unhappy heart
a verbally broken home
& an unrequited pining that
seemed painfully
permanent

it was around then that
The Wild Blue Yonder-Eyed Boy
emerged from the garish
sun-stricken sky
to stake his claim in
Mother Earth's
weary embrace for
eternity

his breath continues
to thwart away drought
& death
his skin is her
lullaby
their hearts will always carry
a heaviness of sorts,
for such are their dreamy spirits,
forever in search of a better
land instead of the
mundane
& nerve-aching

but their love
oh, love

is
a season all of its own

She's been fixed on
The drastic fall
The magnificent ease
Of unraveling
To this anxious episode

They see it coming
But she swore to surprise
& if she can't turn heads
By God, she'll turn her own
& in a few years the world
Will wonder why
They never looked past
Their curtains
So brushed with
Uncertainty


But they never did put
The warrant out
For the stars in her eyes

once upon a time
I used to stay awake all night
reading
watching television
occupying myself with some
seemingly important task
only to find myself observing
the subtle changes
in the room

the walls would lighten from
black to dark blue
sparkling
only because Mom threw glitter paint
on it once they moved in
I would crawl out onto the balcony
& feel the cool morning breeze
summertime in Kansas can get wicked hot
but the mornings feel heavenly



it is so quiet


I feel like I'm the only one in the world
who's awake
but then a cattle truck will
drive by
& you can hear all the people
start to shuffle in their
beds
wakened by the slightest
inclement of impending chaos
that drives their will
to live
in this tiny, economically
forsaken town




I don't stay up all night anymore
it brings out the evil
in me

Tomorrow could have been another sunrise
Tomorrow eagerly placed beneath her subtle languid breath
Tomorrow could shake the moon in her eyes

To save her from such a wondrous depth
To keep him in her favor until the end of this
To catch up to his adoration, though ages apart

She never planned adornments or bliss
She never planned such devotion and art
She never planned presumptuous regard

In any other instance, she might have kept color
In any other dream, she might have been marred
In any other life, there wouldn’t be a lover

He met her in a cold December, changing her dress
& if he hadn’t said he loved her, they wouldn’t be in this mess.

What now, starlight?
What say you to these never-ending
Elegies of long and lonely
Dreaming
Fueled by your fingertips
That have circled every lock of her
Midnight hair
That failed to glisten in all
The right ways
To keep your guilty
Conscience
At bay?
She could cut your tongue
For all the misleading
Love it spent
& you would still sing
Of nothing but
The sweet
& very, very
Low.

there are so many
horrid
ways for the
kind
loving
& innocent
to die



& all of which
I wonder
is




why
why
why

a kind of
vibrant, violent
wave
hits the thick atmosphere
with puzzling
poise
& divine undertones

she tries not to drink from
the many glasses
offered to
her
but his had such a
taste of rose
& she'd forgotten she
didn't care for
floral gifts



she'd prefer the drink
instead.

something about how the day
hovered above
& around; it
perched
upon her shoulder


jaded comes as jaded grows
much more so when
you're older, the
vultures ever
closer
than she could be
to his breast

god, why can't she
put this ****
to rest?!


this sick sick
sad sad thing
living deep inside
her chest

perhaps I was
always seeing it
in dreams;

in perpetual motion;
in the color of her
cheeks as she told me
goodbye.

‘cause I never
caught it in the lines
that curved around her
brows when she
told me what
hurt

& where

& when

& why



maybe it was somewhere
written in the
sky

or coded in her
fingertips
as she brushes the
hair from my
eyes


I wondered if she could
tell that I was
high


& that all of this dream
within a dream
would soon be ours in

𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒅𝒖𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆

lady luck deleted
& blocked me
like all the others
& I can't see her posts
any longer
we'd become distant
for some time
now

I find my comfort
in dimly lit
spaces
& bottles of hard
liquor
with occasional love
affairs with
men
who can't be bothered
to be held
down
they all float down
here
in the land of all
the disillusioned
& unenchanted
it's a rough go of it,
Georgie
& it ain't getting better
from here

I'd be Edward Elric
give an arm
& leg
to pull you from
the grave
& ask why you
went away
but it wouldn't be
the same
they only come back
when the audience
least expects
never when you
beg and beg
when you claw your
nails into the
carpet where you last
embraced
every time you start
to lose your
head

because you said we
were going to do
this together
& I didn't *******
believe you

clumsy fingers
sliding across piano keys

I haven't touched this
thing in nearly two years

so I spent all evenin'
teaching myself a sad song

frustrated with my
clumsy fingers

but relieved at my inability
to think of much else

for my thoughts need not be wanderin'
any place else but my songs

& I'll play them as loud as I can
for those who can't hear it

the room with the
big oak table
is filled with windows
& she always keeps them
open to borrow a
breeze
from the warm countryside

the house always smells like
a summer rain
& he always kisses her
neck
when she sits on the
kitchen counter

the music is always
just low enough
to quietly swell the love she keeps
deep within her
bones

oh
he makes her feel
like home

where the city can't
cast enough
color


& the stars aren't so
alone

I stole a sliver of
your breath
& tucked it underneath
my pillow
for safe-keeping

you know, sometimes I think
I'd like to watch you
as you're sleeping

so I could acquaint myself with
the arch of your
brow

& know there are times
when you're as
scared
as me now


my dream was that with
each kiss
you transform -
cold and unforgiving


thus my lips brushed upon
your frozen hand

to assure myself you were
still living

a beacon shone onto the
cold stone steps
like an escape stripped of
human consequence

she felt the warmth
but dared not tread upon it

he could breathe life into anything
he touched
& she prayed they'd never
have to shake
hands



though she still sang into
the kitchen sink
if only to remember
that she
could still carry
a tune

your sense of self control
is seductive
I long to dance in your
imagination
& drink with your
wit

you can place as many
cards as you want
in front
of me, baby
but I ain't ever played
the game
& I can never tell if
you're bluffing


its only when your skin
touches mine
that your walls seem
to fall


so let us seize the
moment
& pour ourselves
into the last
call

allow me to spill into your
fire-fed circle
like dust amidst our heap

let me live within
your deep

may your soul breathe full
against my brine
a fortress carelessly built
along the edges
of my spine
& may every touch I taste
coalesce
with blood and wine

may your eyes be my
beckoning
until all kingdoms come

& may all your
whispers
beneath my skin seep
through
& come undone


ik houd van u



you are my
truth

Caught.
Trapped again in the
Rotten, ******
Hellfire
Of those hard gazes
& subtle longing
"When did you stop burning
Bridges?"
But she knew it wasn't
A "when"
as much as
A "why"
& they can't remember
How they had never
Lived like this
Before
With such coexisting
Qualities
While the wine always
Tastes
Just as sad and wanting
As ever before.

I was careless enough
to leave him in
the garden
alone

he carved himself
out through his
own skin
& bone

I know now to keep
a weather eye on
that clever
boy

all the plants have been
eaten away

& all
the bloodied roses
destroyed