she lives for the days when
she doesn’t mind
the wind through her hair
or when he was always
in the way

just a few nights
prior
he had twisted her wrist
& she’ll never recall
why

she would freeze this stage
with her heart if she
only could
just to find that tiny scratch
of leeway for
the missing nap
& untouched presentation

of where is my old motivation?

you are pretty with your
words, sir
but ugly with your touch
& tone

now hand me that feather-tip pen
& I’ll write you a
new one

She sewed her
Heart
On his sleeve
Though he never was
Quite aware
& she never knew
How often he
Wore it
She doesn't count
Days
& he always misplaces
Things
While she misplaces
Thoughts
& tries to understand him
A little better.

some distant barely dangling star
can pull you right from where you are
& there is where I stand amazed
that not so much can shake your gaze

so the over-captivated me
has climbed the very nearest tree
an arm outstretched to try and claim
the sky that made your spirit tame

& I fail at attempts to save
your insanity that I dearly crave
nothing more could draw me to
the darker side hidden from you

& save I could if clouds would stay
to starve you from the light of day
I'd tie an anchor to the rain
& swim we would with great disdain

I will you to become that night
where stars are not what make our plight
& tragedy is not so far
as keeping you from where you are

unnatural senses
& a shot to the
brain


we all make mistakes here
take smaller doses of
that courage before it feasts
upon your flesh


forget your belongings
but don't forget your
place


someday you'll see
Jupiter
when you least expected
her


your head is resting on
the high chair
& when you can learn how to
reach it
she'll learn how to shine
a little brighter


but until then you can
go stand
in the corner,
mister

his shouting at some game
woke the baby
woke her
fury

& hers is a silent type
latent and laced
with a promise that
it'll come back to him
someday




someday never comes




she wept into the porcelain
edge of the bathtub
believing she was at fault
for all her faulty
relations
who'd want such a
fragile mess
in the
first place?


she thought she heard his footsteps
& quickly wiped her
tired eyes



"its a bad night to be
alone



but that's the way it
goes"

the wind breathes
a balance
of lunacy and jubilance
& almost carries
my black hat
along
with it's grace


today I've learned
& earned more
love
& less desire to
save face





& you ought to see
this beautiful
place

"lady jupiter
sin to my dying flesh
a blessing to my spiritual life

I saw you first
wearing neptune blues
you called me closer
to keep pluto away
cracked out crust he was

you handle storms
tell the shadows screams
then your emblem strikes
acid rain of pain
falling on folly
strengthens terrorizing terry
which is your crust!

mr. mars, a gentle diamond
an aries you know
his fire, lady jupiter
misunderstood
a fire not red and orange
it is burning blues

how so to be
a brighter flame
like a sunlit snow
his flame a crust and core
evaporates lady jupiter's
acid rain
outshines
her shadow's screaming storms

tough enough to handle
her emblem's lightning strike."

learn to love & learn
to live, for this is the art
of how to forgive

contrary to popular
belief
we are the sun
& the moon
but our fates haven't
accepted us
in the finest of diners
& the stars
are shy with their
violins

come capture all I've
held in gold dollars
for you
& you alone

we would have made
the greatest outlaws
a red convertible as
our getaway car
& enough tequila to last us
'til August when the
war is in our
rearview mirror
& the sun is hot on
our tongues

I just hope you realize
that I miss you
when you ain't around

& I hope you start to see
things my lonesome
way
in pale blue scarves
& touch of kerosene for
the bonfire dreams that make up
all I dreamed of
for our never-ending
paths
that never cease
to cross

there exists in me
these reveries
that flutter ‘round
my bones
like the last time
you were in
my bed
& the first time we
were alone

your voice is
ripe
& it murmurs deep your
solemn sultry song;
it’s one I long to keep
before forever
turns too
long

I see your face
within his
smile
& your will within
his wit
he inherited your
heart of
gold
& being
a little ****

you find me in
your sunsets
in wisps of incense
smoke
you found me screaming
on the floor
the day I heard
you broke



I’ll love you in
your fire breaths
in creepy YouTube
videos
I’ll hold you deep
inside my chest
each Rick & Morty
episode

Davy will love
you in Pokemon
niche
& the Pikachu hat
that was saved
but the greatest thing
he’ll ever own
was the love for him
you gave

She took your angry clash of chords
& put them on the shelf
In cabinets that aren't as empty
But you could never tell
She ends the day with scattered laundry
& eyes that aren't quite clear
She'll dream that she's a different soul
With a different boat and pier
The words of long ago
Have let you seem
You're only as tall as the door
Will let you be
The touch of one hand could
Change your future
So why won't you
Let her?
She caught you when your
Guard was down
& failed to believe in
Tell-tale sounds
That sang your name
To her so sweetly
In the midst of her world
So greedily
She forgave herself for your good graces
& peace of mind
While you swore to understand
The meaning behind
Every unabashed lingering
Whisper
That spoke to you in pure
Remembrance of her.

the river made the air
so much colder as she stood
on the bridge
the kind of cold you need
when you are

this numb

there exists an ethereal beauty
sewn into the bleak canvas
of the winters here

but she's spent so much time
in this place
that the place has spent her
with it

& she's misplaced all the
colors she needs to
add life


she clutches to black
as it seeps into
her palm

& says "not yet, death...


'tis the storm
before the
calm."

the day was spent
posting old, neglected
poetry
& ******* around on
tumblr

listening to eisley
sing about
never growing up

the babe is rocking himself
in the big yellow chair
grinning at me
its so frightening to be someone's
pure guidance
every
day

the husband is cursing at
modern warfare 3
unpoetic
harsh
rude
I'll never understand why
he calls me childish

we don't sleep around here
& when we do
no one is there to hear it

I have bad words on my
tongue tonight
& nowhere to put them
but in songs
no one listens to when I post
them on facebook

I'm addicted to this exhibitionism.

I can't help but to
lend a bit of
laughter
to the things that try
to ****;
the things that try
to deliver
me to my maker in
bows
& ribbons

little do they know
for thirteen years I've
competed heavily against
them

& I always aim to
win

but still they come, the
trials and the errors
lilting one by two
by four
by twelve

they wait for me when I
am weak
& my demon takes
the helm

I can never escape
the swell

the raging, burning tide
she laughs now,
edging towards the
shore

& all that aches inside
my blood
could never sate her
more

and I pray and I pray
and I pray and I pray
and I pray
just to get up
from this *******
floor

I don't talk
you don't talk
we don't talk
they don't talk
he
she
it
doesn't talk


too much space to fill into
the gaps this evening
& I've too little
concern
for it
but I'm lying


I want your words
plastered on my front door
smeared in the blood from your hand
when you smashed the bottle
on the lock
to see if it would break


give me your word


you are too far
too unknown
& I can't reach past these
city limits

I'm too sober to make
any sense right
now


& you're not talking
nobody's talking




I thought I was the quiet one

she wrote you down
a little note
& tied it to a little boat
sent it out to sea

the wind it
craves
the moon it
slaves
over the taste of
salt
in the deep



the magic lies
like the
sand in her
hair


but she can never
quite get it out
of her head






you were always so inviting

I remember reading Bukowski writing through his own writer's block.


that's the kind of talent
I hope to achieve but any true writer knows the hell that this state
really is.

a concatenation of phrases roll
around in my head
& I can't put them together.
I cannot make them
flow.


were they
overwatered
or are they just failing to
thrive?

someone will be tired
one before the
other
that's just the way
it is

I wait for impatience
in my lighthouse of uncertainty
& doubt is diverted
through sunlight-kissed waves
nearly the precise hue
of his eyes

someone will be tired

how could you love anyone
with such a hidden
temper?
the kind who stalks herself
through the night
never fully satisfied with
destination or
decision

she wakes, inadequate
& improperly
rested
the day is a haze of
unpaid bills
empty cabinets
& her rebellious toddler

don't be her

don't be tired

don't say a word

the imaginary harbor of hurt
shall subside with the
rush of
tomorrow's tide

& she'll still wonder when he'll tire

the cobwebs in the
moonlight
snatched her up while she
was sleeping
we didn't see her for
months

she fed on dust
& old photographs
when she rose she looked
more beautiful than
she ever
had


bathed in silver
& memory


she never forgot her place
in the line of
the earth
& every whimper kept me
tethered to her tears


in the winter she was lost
again




this time it's been for
years

Ribbon-wrought
A package brought
Greater interest to her stairs

Such little luck
Curiousity struck
When she saw its nameless flair

The package bore a pair of eyes
To better see the sunny skies
& the window-perched man glancing down

The latter, who, unnoticed knew
How harsh her nearsight quickly grew
As his sunny eyes met hers of brown

Curiousity killed Miss Catherine Ryde
As struck by a car, she instantly died
With thankful eyes locked to the windowsill

Of a man whose heart so deeply wept
Crossing the street, love's life was swept
& her farsight kept forever still
To the window-perched man upon the sill.

I shall forever fear the
fiends
that would dare to tear
apart your
ribcage
if you failed to lend them
their desires
for I've a heart that
can ache for
miles

as it often has for you

et tu,
wild blue yonder?
I've not been
fonder
of another

you sink into me
as thunder


an echo


& a quake

every so often I must
disconnect
from nearly all communication
when I find that I am not only
unhappy with myself
but also filled to the brim with
resentment
of the happiness I see in
the ones I love
sometimes
no news
can be the best news


did you know in some
studies
solitary confinement
was found to ease the worst
cases of depression?


I'm just kidding
I made that up
I don't really know


but I'd rather be alone
than read another
word
of your perfect
picket fence
life

I am lucky
for a few days'
lucidity
before my newfound "normal"
overcast


I am lucky
for the ability to
laugh
with barbed wire
in my chest


I am lucky
for the home I
fought
with primal screams
through jagged teeth
for


I am lucky
for being loved
by others
while the sensation
feels so foreign to
me now


I am lucky
for the voice i have
waited

so, so long

to sing of all these
sorrows

music
daydreaming
summertime
sappy romance
liquor
chocolate
& the occasional
good laugh

are what command me

put your hands on the wheel
& your heart at this helm
--
we'll see where we

*end

who would have thought

as star-like cinders
fell into the
river
the broken bridge would
at last one day
die?

& all the recollection
circling through
her mind
was her own hand
clutching the
can of gasoline
as a desperate prisoner
clutches cellhouse
bars

she didn't know why.

"it was already in flames
before you arrived,"
they would tell
her

she didn't know why.

she watched stoic
as it all collapsed into
the water
the last iron beam
that fell
ripped out a piece of
her soul
& took it under with
the wreckage

she now wanders the
weathered country roads
bare feet kissing gravel
the only affection
for miles

the vernal moon
begins to rise
& she harbors no offering,
no plea, no barter
not one word
to the unmerciful cosmos


but the bridge that
was her dying
heart

it's the boss battle
& the world has left me
ill-equipped

another Saturday Syndrome
where I chase a bottle
to quiet the brain
but I can't stir the silence
in my own domain
& it's so deafening I cannot
breathe

is this what it's like to be
punished and free?
is this what it's like to
sit chained before the sea?


I promised myself


I wear my headphones
in the bar
but I can still hear the desperation
in the voices from afar

we are all low on ammunition
& I've got no spare cash for
the right kind of
ambition


I promised myself


I'm just crossing fingers
& wishing on spilled
eyelashes

that maybe, just
maybe
I'll be far *******
past this



I promised myself it wouldn't
be me

the shifting season engineers
my essence
sighing becomes more
articulate
& less derived from
aching

our rugged hearts
still manage to
sail above
the cresting waves
& the spice of laughter
at dusk
fuels our late lit
flames


I could ask for nothing
more

touch your tongue
to my
inner monologue


if only it paid
to feel so at
home
in the crook of your
elbow
'cause all I got left are
pennies
yet I'm still not very
worried
& its a mystery to
me




the grey cloud days
will always come
& go
but when I rise back to
the surface
I rise with a wiser
glow

Come to me
Gentle tyrant
Your lips orchestrate
Wars
Battling for the
Kiss
That never was

Come to me
Bright summer morning
Your colors are
Harsh
But I could afford to go
Blind
For some warmth

Come to me
Bottled poetry
Your taste can ignite
The fires of my perpetual
Fever
& set the whole-wide, aching world
Free

*but you always leave me wanting more

I helped your mom
clean out your
apartment today
I thought I'd be
reliving
a nightmare
but baby, your blood
is all over this
city
& I can barely
breathe
in it

days, they melt
& mold and
settle
into weeks from
the night
we sat outside on
your front step
& you told me how
strong I was
but you were so
scared
that I was too
forgiving

you said you wanted to
take me and Davy
& get the hell away from
here

I laughed and said you
wouldn't last a day
with me
& my "crazy"
but you didn't believe
me, baby

guess I didn't realize
other peoples'
demons
are stronger than our
own

guess I didn't realize
I'd be doing this
alone

guess I didn't realize
some days are
better
& some days are
skin and bone

I'd like to be indefinite


a bird that sails
on its own
wings


I'd like to fall asleep
& never wake
again


it creates the sort of
illusion
that I may cradle
myself
into the arms of
eternity
& never consider the
consequence


it creates the illusion that
I might truly be
blessed


& to hell with all of
the other
mess




I'd like to think you could
see me



fly





& lament that you
never really
tried

careful
the bull has not yet
been fed
& the bright red on
your bare skin
is making her thirsty

its the way you take
those long, deep
drags
the smoke halos
floating in the air
that make me believe that
forever is never farther
than the depths
of your lungs
& yours
could go on for years
I could live on your
breath
for years

but your tone
sets me off course
my compass shattered

eyes fixed at the
tear in my shirt
my hand fixed at
my throat

lay by me for
15 seconds
& I'll tell you
everything I know
about the
sharpened steel blade
of too much understanding

but its all I'll ever ask for





bend and break with me

she could sense it in the cool
November night
in the tiny red dots
that gave the horizon
its ominous light

it was something like
burning
it reminded her
of him
& it reminded her of
yearning

the turbines
grow closer with
the glow of
ambition
we grow amongst
ourselves
but with fear of
God's perdition

& it's something like
burning
it reminds us of
them
& it reminds us of
yearning

"you promised, you
promised!"
the child cried in
despair
& it bled from his
eyes into
his tired mother's
hair

someday he will learn, she
would tell herself
despite
the fact that paths, they
must be altered
when there's bridges to
ignite

& mama it's something like
burning
he reminds you so
much of
him
& he reminds you of
that yearning

I'm sorry that you
suffered
from the weight of this
sick earth
I'm sorry that a
bullet
was the way to end
your curse

I'll miss you every
moment
through minutes
through hours
through days

I'll see you in the forest
trees
through sunsets
through storms
& through gray

& baby

it's something like a
burn
it'll always remind me
of you
& the reason why
I yearn.

time
like a record
with moments of harmony
within the ridges. there are gaps within them that make you feel as if the silence
has come to claim you,
but before you pull the needle, you start to hear the music again.

wait.

create your own patience
if you must,
my dear.


your new song has yet to
reach you.
but it will soon,
so you must fall in love
with the stillness
until then.

let us give up something worth getting
in the first place

you remember things that
never make sense
& she writes elegies for
the living
before they even consider their
deaths

you are not the wrong
remedy
& she would dare to spend
the rest of her life
proving it
by taking far much more
than she owes
& holding it all in her
open palm

on a windy day

quick -- hand me your
clinical nest
so easily disguised
in the form of
beautiful
white tears that
glisten with hints of
subtle blue

they tend to find easy
refuge
on the edge of
my lips
when they see the
leaves
are falling

honey, don't you know
if you keep the
window open
eventually I'm going to



fly away?



we can't count our
courtesies
as often as our
conflicts
& you were never there
to know
the difference

one day you'll stop trying
to predict my
wings


& I'll stop trying to
remember
how well you
could

born under a spring moon
one might be quite surprised
that his sun sings an aries tune
‘cause you can’t see it in his eyes

& his hands are far too gentle
for such a raging fire sign
his voice too sentimental
to be temperamentally aligned

he speaks about the years to come
as if Scripture had set it in stone
yet I’d always felt life’s beating drum
persuade me to just die alone

I suppose the future will speak for its own
if the stubborn miss jupiter can be overthrown

she lured him into
longing
she had him paint
her feet
it was all a ruse
she crafted to ensure
her ends would
meet

but this male-form
Cinderella -- built strong
& Southern sweet
held her slippers as
she stumbled drunk into
the street

he held her close those
****** nights
when she'd lost all
her teeth
he picked up all her
broken parts
& turned them into
wreaths

"we each have our
own path,"
he said on acid
at the lake
so she dug a trail
in the sand
& lent her hand for him
to take

oh, what passion
left within their
wake
enough for the gods
to tremble and
shake
as they sigh and
they moan
& they bend and
they break
may the earth dance
in tremors
from the love that
they make


& the seasoned girl
smiles
with her shiny new
grin
at the boy who had
lured her
into loving once
again

she was sickened by the fire
burrowed deep under your skin
you called her to the circus
& you begged her to come in

the calm before the storm
the sweat beneath her brow
the way she danced beneath the moon
& you never quite knew how

she graced the ground
you tore her dress
my god, my dear
it was so effortless

the reluctant grin of defeat
blushed lips and collarbone
the twisting and turning of exposed limbs
never left well enough alone

she feared the dawn
like an owl in flight
for when the sun met your eyes
you swore against the lustful night

so she left to dig
her shallow grave
& prayed never again
your soul could be saved

some days I dream this
place vacant
so there's room for us
to waltz

some days I can't help
but feel that I'm
at fault

for more than what
I gave you in
a look

honey, you read
me by the
book

& I'm too lonely to let go
of all I know in time
will turn to
ashes

but we're much too
far gone past
this

so I'll dream
& you'll dream and
we'll both never
sleep

& maybe someday you'll
find me there
just in
time


to swim with me in
the deep

sometimes I wonder
what might happen
if the night sky
turns red

sometimes I wonder
how much better
I'd write
if I weren't on
my meds

circumstances
& slight of sanity
may perpetually
prevent it

but you can make
the damnedest
certain
the flames in those fields
will finally be
lit

maybe the storms
will awaken
what within me
is dead

& sometimes I wonder
what might happen
if the night sky
turns red

she thinks its a bad idea
to ever be online
after a few pulls on her
whiskey friend
but we'll give her some
slack
just this one time
because we're dying to hear
her speak

give me everything you are
& leave nothing behind
except your love for
another
don't forget your
guitar
I'll remember your
good graces
every ******* day of the
week
if you just play me a
song
that speaks of nothing more
than sorrow
'cause that's all I ever call
home
in this hungry heart

a few more drinks
& I might be bold enough
to tell you
you're an *******
but I'll always love you
no matter
what
the sick season is

if you witnessed the Earth
dry up beneath
your feet
with every step
& all that you breathed

would you will your body
to become
a permanent post

or risk the heavy drought
of all that was
your worldly host

praying that the vague
& volatile sea
would grant you at least
a bit of reprieve?



you never seem to leave

& honey
it worries me
the way your tone beckons
for my company




then falls into ashes
whenever
I come clean

she woke up by the water one day
porcelain fingers
no feeling in her feet

she saw you on the other side
she could swear you were singing

you just kept dancing around in your
blanket of sunshine
she could never understand
why you kept it
so close

in a drunken stupor
you casually kissed her neck
the fragile borderline
between your world
& hers
wine spilling into
bread
now the ants will come
& steal the supper

the tide was flowing through her hair

she'll never lose you here



but she'll never keep you near

I love his little bursts
of excitement
the sound of delight
resonating
in the back of his
throat

the languor of love
that lingers
on his tongue
like a slow-spun record
on a hot humid
day
when all there is to do
is just
dance without
clothing
& listen without
loathing

'cause
for hate we've not any
vacancy
in our third-story
palace of
peace

I want to breathe
fire
& watch it ignite
all it collides
with

I want to deal
damage
& walk away
unscathed
& unburdened

I think I deserve
that much
but a compassionate
soul
is forever a tortured one

I want to
love
& actually be
loved
in return

eventually you’ll see
the side
of taking scissors to
conversation

lovely languages of
instance
& small talk you won’t
ever recall

no need for such
concern;
she’s no longer bitter
but she can’t help
a smile
at just how very unhappy
he must be

strangers give embrace to
her intuition
& she’d prefer to stay on
the same page
but only for this day

if he takes time to talk
to her wings
perhaps they might
grow

but only under his clever
guidance
& unmasked, ruthless
tongue

when will they learn to
love with their unbridled,
innate charm?

he’s a cannibal of
his own colors
& she’s just a renegade
paramour

they lived on the corner of
Honest
& Shameful


their days were spent
gathering pennies
for food


& then at night she
would
have herself a bottle
then sink into his
left pocket
lips patiently resting
upon his
collarbone


he never asked her
what for
& she never asked him
what for
so they lived happily
ever after
even if she lost temper
one day
or he left his things in the
wrong **** place
again


they lived
& they lived
but this was a dream
invented in a few
minutes


reality


the many
words she won't
ever say
about skin on skin





& how you never leave
her heart
as soon as you
waltz in