My bleeding head

-is throbbing

my eyes are red

-not from sobbing

keep running to the loo

-insides robbing

Alcohol is my nemesis

causes my body too much stress

from now on I abstain

a mantra repeated again and again

i wonder what flies across
your mind as you lay and stare
at blank ceilings before the night
sweeps you under blankets and
pillows, and tugs your eyelids
closed with gravity's grace

i wonder if you see strange faces,
or maybe places that you've been,
but probably will never revisit,
i once read you can only dream
things you've seen before, but i
get the feeling your brain has a
way of inventing far away lands
that no one else will ever see

i wonder if you dream long drawn
out adventures or if you skip from
place to place, like an old film reel
with holes missing between frames

i wonder if you wake up scared and
sweating, or if you keep your eyes
closed as long as you can to savor
what's being swept away, or if you
sleep with a pen in your hand so
that you can scribble sacred records
of the remnants from the inbetween

i wish that i could shrink myself
and spend a night behind your eyelids,
witnessing whatever it is that unfolds

I always think about how you feel about me.
I'm probably wrong, it's no surprise.
You're always raving about your knights in rusty armour,
Emerging victorious from their battles to save you.
Slaying the dragons,
Dousing flames,
Or simply, serenely clutching you underneath your cotton fort.
It's all flowing through, garnishing my preemptive thoughts of your saviour.

It's alright though.
You, thinking you're some wretched old witch living in the dark depths of the forest,
Always told me that "love" is something that can be immersed in without your actual presence.
Striving to see that person smile and glow,
Even if you yourself are not really any part of it.
I've accepted that,
But I still don't know what this thing...this enigmatic entity, Love, quite is.

Your knight, however, seems to be fulfilling his duty.
Quite well, at that.
Good for him!
It makes me happy to see you both happy.
(I always laugh when those around me laugh, even if I have no idea what's going on...hahaha, it's great)
He always visits you in your dark cave,
Where you think nobody will find you,
And he surmounts the guardian of your threshold.
While I'm peering through the brush,
Making sure things go right.
Because I'm paranoid like that.

After all of your embracing in his arms,
And dousing all the flames of horror around you,
You seem to be in bliss.
That's good.
A shooting star glosses by, but you're too busy with him to notice.
Or maybe you did notice.

I'm getting sleepy, and you might be too.
So might he.
But being the knight he is, he'll probably wait for you to doze off,
Then adore your lovely face as you've faded off into the blackness.
How I wish to witness such a magical sight.
How luc-

Crack!
Oh dear, I've stepped on a stick.
How silly of me.

He's noticed and sets you down carefully.

I sit and wait patiently, as he takes hold of his sword and approaches the brush.
Should I break for it, or wait for his reaction?
Surely he values the protection of his loved one more than a random creature in the brush
That, of course, threatens the safety of the princess.

He's closer.

I slowly rise to my feet and walk out of the brush,
The canopy's shade couvering my identity.
The moonlight glistening upon his blade.

I stare into his eyes, for he only sees a black figure within the shaded area.
He has determination and a sense of loyalty in his eyes.
Good, I can check that off.

He lifts his sword, holding it firmly with both his hands.

Little does he know, that his loved one's guardian is standing before him.
Perhaps she hasn't accepted it, or even noticed,
But I'm still there.
Always...there.
On the sidelines, admiring the beauty and radiance of the fairy,
Being caressed by a seemingly brighter knight.

His sword is moving downwards...

I wounder if she'll ever notice.

...closer...

It's okay though.
I'm sure she'll be fine without me.

A smile made its way across my face, embracing my cheeks.

Whoosh.

A sound like a machete moving seamlessly through silk was made in the night.



She shivered mildly in her sleep.

You are a lovely poet
Don't you know that?
You are glamorous 
Sparkling so brilliant shine
Those tears of yours is like a crystal beam from the star
It forms a dust to silver
You are indeed beautiful
Bir or small
Your lovely writings makes
Everyone astonish same goes by the river
The ocean from within
The tidal waves that touches your skin
You are loved and respected by everyone
The ink of your pen
Is unique and different to everyone
Cause to your heart and soul
You are a lovely poet
Created by God
Don't be ashame 
You are talented
You are terrific
You are beautiful
And you are beauty by the art of the heaven.

As a child you have no agenda set
you wake up every morning and don't know yet
what you're going to do
what or with who.
You let things come your way
some leave and some stay
but you always adjust how you live
you take or you give
without a second thought
you don't think whether or not
it's the best decision for you
you just do what you do
and you smile
and after a while
you start to age
your book of life writes a new page
day by day
soon your first hair will turn gray
when school is no longer fun
but just a task to be done
because responsibility is now yours
just like at home you have chores
that you now plan around
no longer at the playground
but now you're at home
sitting alone
instead of playing with friends
by yourself your day ends
unless you count the things on your bed
papers to write, books still to be read.
Your friendships fade away
but more begin day by day.
Schools pass by ever so fast
next thing you know you're in college at last.
But college isn't like on TV
it's not just a giant party.
It's hours of studying and work
and lots of stress likes to lurk
until it comes out of the blue
trying to destroy you.
You learn to fight this attack
by making friends who always have your back
at least that's what you think
until they find a weak link
which they then break apart
partially breaking your heart
because you honestly care
and would always be there
for them but they don't believe
it's an idea they cannot conceive.
For humans are born in sin
so we simply cannot begin
to believe things others say
without proof to lead us that way.
and it's sad that one little mistake
a solid friendship it can take
and break it like its fragile as glass
when you met in third grade class
and now after seven years
you no longer lend ears
and its slightly pathetic
only difference is education versus athletic
he chose one path and I chose another
so I lost a friend who was my first fake brother.
It's fine though because I've gotten close to more
men and women I would honestly die for.
But would they do the same?
This is why life is such a game,
we're all pieces in the real game of life
I'm aiming for a career, car, and wife.
At the same time though I want to make friends
ones that have no ends.
People I consider sisters and brothers
that I'll know when they become fathers and mothers.
I want my kids to be friends with theirs
and for us to have convos as we sit old in wheelchairs
because we're getting to that age where the games almost done
where we know we've all won
because of the friendships we've had
through the good and the bad.
I don't know if that's how things will turn out
but that's what I want my life to be about.
As I sit here at 20 I dream and wish
that this is a goal I can accomplish.
At the moment I let stress build, and decay
the goal that I live for each and every day.
School and work are tearing me down
but it seems like nobody notices how my eyes frown.
It's due to my positive outlook I know
because I find silver linings so my eyes can still glow.
I have some friends that help ease the burden a bit
enough to know that I would never quit.
But it'd be nice if more people I sacrifice for
would see that I'm not just holding open a door.
I'm lending my hand to them when they need
I'm not just trying to do a good deed.
I'm trying to show them I want them as friends
all the way until my game of life ends.
Due to these struggles with stress I have strife
as does every one else; so goes life.

You planted sunflowers in the regions of my body no other has dared to go
because you knew those were my favorite.
I picked the flowers daily, plucking at their petals,
mumbling,
“He loves me …  he loves me not.”
Well,
I am all out of flowers,
And you are all out of seeds.
You visited another garden today.
You told me that you like daisies better,
And you said that garden had daisies.
I watched you water that garden as mine turned to dandelions.
Your new garden has bloomed.
As I was sitting in my garden,
Someone came along and picked a dandelion.
I asked them why and they said,
“Dandelions are flowers too once you get to know them"

You left me alone with my thoughts again.

You left me alone to the hopelessness, the pain.

You left me alone with my thoughts & they're killing me.

I dreamt of you.
I'm infected by you.

sometimes I feel like all that's
left of me is a lingering headache,
like all I am is short periods of
consciousness punctured by long lots of
sleep,
floating static below the ice
whilst everyone else ambles on,
above.

sometimes I feel like I've never
even touched the air.

like I'm just pretending to
breathe.