i'm holding on to Hope
because Hope never let go.

finding the best in you
brought the worst in me

i was a captive
who was locked
behind bars
that were forged
by guilt and shame.
my limbs were shackled
to a doomed destiny
which was
securely linked.
my arms and legs ached
as they dragged these
past faults;
my sins and flaws
made a heavy chain
that i brought around
everywhere.

the four walls
that enclosed me
had eyes
that witnessed
my sufferings
and ears
that heard
my stifled sobs.
each wall
cried out in pain
whenever i carved a line
on their skins
to mark the passing
of each dragging day.
i kept asking the wind,
“how much longer
until I am released
of these burdens?”

there i lay
waiting for death
because slumber
was the best memory I had;
i believed
anything was better
than what i underwent
in that living hell.
i yearned
for my last breathe
to make its way to me
so that maybe
i would have the chance
to finally be able
to rest my weary eyes
and slip into a trance
of nothingness.

then
suddenly,
You came,
and everything
changed.

a bright light
leaked through the bars
and shone
hallowed warmth
on my shame stricken face.
the weighty chains
that bound
my hands and feet
snapped like twigs,
and the markings
on the walls
that signified
how long i spent
in that forsaken prison
no longer bothered me.

i cannot wrap
my head around why
You
did such a thing
for a criminal like me,
a criminal
who was guilty
of all accusations
and is responsible
of more hidden offenses.
what did i do
to deserve
such grace?
You,
Perfection,
paid gave an exchange
to save
an abandoned
and foolish inmate
who built
her own prison
and locked
herself away
behind its barriers.
You paid
the precious price
of Your blood
to set me free and
allowed this jailbird
to break away
from my *******.

(THE BEST POEM EVER)**

i’m like that one spare tire
that people only use in times that are dire.
parang like a gulong is what i feel
kasi i’m also a constant third wheel,
but it’s k kasi when i remember cool ang tricycle,
i don’t feel as cold as an icicle.

i am nobody’s somebody,
and i feel the warmth of no body.
“do you have a boyfriend?”……no
pero k lang kasi boys smell like b.o
no, i’m kidding. that was really sexist.
(reminder: don’t generalize genders) k added that to my checklist.

so anyway, when my friends have stuff to do
i realize i have a lame social life…croo.
plus i always see my pals have “heart to heart” talks together
tapos ako hanggang small talk lang parang,  “hi hows the weather”
i mean i know we don’t always hang out
but it’s fun when we do naman e. #NoDoubt

in all seriousness, i’ll still be here for you all.
even if in the catwalk of buhay, you accidentally fall.
when “friends” only like you when you’re happy,  i’ll be a shoulder to cry on
but please, when you sob, wipe first your sipon.
at the end of the day i’ll be like The Giving Tree
and like when the tree was a stump, you can always sit on me. (wait, what)

i lost you.

well, i haven't lost you yet,
but i am losing you,
in this game of tug of war
between me and
late night papers
new friends,
fully booked calendars,
miles of road between us,
and nights of isolation.

i'm losing you, but i believe
that you cannot lose
what you've never had.
so am i really losing you
because i'm not sure
if i ever even had you.
oh, the idea of ownership
is such an obscure one.

a good friend once told me
that drifting away
from someone
is just a sign from God
that you've learned
all you can learn
from that person.
in that case
i dream to never stop learning
from you.

whenever i remember
that time when
the rays of the sun
hit you in a way
that emphasized
how you are golden,
i will keep in mind
that you truly are golden.
gold does not rust nor tarnish,
and so you
will not as well.

when these moments
will become just memories,
and the sands of time
will bury what we have,
i just want you to know
that you will live on
in my dreams
and whenever
i  visit museums,
draw on walls,
pass by thrift shops,
tune my guitar,
read poetry,
and get caught in traffic.
i will look back into the
treasures of my memory
remembering you,
as my sweetest one.