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 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
To be a passing thought or to know what it is your thinking
To be that person you think of first when you’re ready to start drinking
Or to be that call you make in the middle of the night
When you’re feeling so alone and you just can’t see the light
To hear that joke you heard today and it’s killing you not to share
To be that one you think to text when you think no one else is there
I’d wish to be all these things a thousand times and more.
But my time is short, my Queen is dead, and love is just folk lore.
So instead I’ll wish for you all the happiness that I never had.
And if that should be the case my friend then your life won’t be too bad.
 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
There’s a cat staring at me, the internet’s out, and I guess it’s time to start drinking.
If I thought that it mattered or thought that you cared, I’d tell you what it is that I’m thinking.
But since you’re not here, and I’m all alone, I might as well forget your name.
We could stare at the moon, from under our lovers, hoping the song is the same.
Or I could light up the sky with a thousand house fires so that you could find your way.
You could sit on my porch with me as we listen while the fires turn night into day.
You’ll smile at me, I’ll laugh out loud, and then we could pull out your hair.
You’d wake up to ruins, rub your bald head, and smile because I’m still there.
Another drunken daydream, another moment where I bask in the sun.
Before that demon sobriety finds me, and reminds me I’m not the one.
Disclaimer. Please note. I don’t actually go around hitting things. It’s a quote from the Simpsons that makes me laugh. Perhaps you should try thinking of something that makes you laugh. Or don’t. I don’t care. I’m going to make some toast.
 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
Believe me I want to stay positive
And I’m positive of one thing
I’m positive I don’t want to be here
And that’s the only song I’ll sing
I don’t know what I’m doing here
And I’m positive I don’t know why
I don’t know any of these people
I want to go but I don’t want to die
So if I must stay here unwillingly
Then I’ll do my best to stay drunk
Otherwise I might do some damage
Says the guy ******* in my trunk
He asked me too many questions
I’m too certain he knows too much
So I offered the ******* a ride
Next to my spare tire and such
But now I’m starting to wonder
While sitting here eating my brunch
He’s been quiet for sixty miles now
I should let him out for lunch
Maybe again I’ll ask him “why me?”
Why is it I can’t find any meaning
I’ll bet he’d happily answer
If on his throat I’m leaning
Eventually my hopes will fly
Cause what he says makes me sick
“My name’s Craig and I work at McDonalds now let me go you ****!”
 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
They’re going to call me an indigent, it’ll say so on the tag.
If you want to read the c.o.d., before they zip up the bag.
I’ll lie in a freezer for a good eight days, then it’ll be the furnace.
Was life supposed to end like this, why didn’t somebody warn us?
If nobody comes to claim the body, the ashes will go in the trash.
That’s what happens when you die alone and with very little cash.
 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
She’s a painting in motion.
Could I love her?
From a thousand yards out on the darkest night to be found.
Yes.
Even in the absence of light in my life.
I could love her.
But I won’t.
To add me to the landscape of her painting, her life.
Would only serve to muddy the imagery.
 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
My mind misses you
It’s unhappy with my decision to leave you
It has no nerve endings of its own
So it’s trying to turn my heart inside out
That’s why I know it’s angry with me
And the fact that it has now turned you into a specter
You’re giving me that look
That “you’re being ridiculous” look
I see it every time I close my eyes
Something else my mind is good at
Imagery
So no
I’m not going to forget you
And for that reason, I’ll probably still love you
Long after you think I hate you
You’ll still be here
On my mind
Giving me that look
 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
Had
 Oct 2018 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
Had
I had a dream come true
It was as soft as the sky is blue
This dream I had come true
Started when I met you
I visited my home for a few days
smelled the ocean as I thought of the time
we decided to drive to the beach and lay there
in each other's company for a few hours
I got wind burn and we drove back in a storm
leaning forward, my back on fire
we laughed because we were happy
to be with each other
I loved You
you know
as crazy as it was
I didn't know where we stood
we didn't talk about the possibilities
of you and I beyond this day
you were spoken for
this I knew from the start
and I waited for you to tell me different
but it never came
even though I saw the burn
in your eyes
we would get high together
and sing as we sat around the candles
on your living room floor
though we kissed like vampires after blood
and held each other until the Sun arose
we never made love
perhaps we both knew that
we could never turn back if we did
this was what I wished for

I am back to the place where I live
and must return to my life such as it is
put the memories of you away
until I am home again
I loved You
you know
for Lisa
true story
long ago
 Oct 2016 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
There are so many things I want.
I want you to be warm.
I want you to be safe.
Happy.

Then again. It doesn't matter what I want.
It only matters what you want.
Y'all seem to like unusual titles.
 Oct 2016 Miss Grim
Jamison Bell
I toss my thoughts out into a void.
They won't inspire like the stars.
Themselves scattered.

They disappear into a murky void.
Like the rocks I've fed to the rivers.
Themselves forever lost.

My heart speaks out in some thoughts.
The mind interprets what it can.
Things get lost in translation.

Youll find no joy, no sorrow, no love.
These words of mine have been tested.
No affects do they bear.

Nonetheless they were never mine to begin with.
Like everything else.
These thoughts are about you, for you, and without you.
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