Warm child whispers in my mind
singing of quiet safe sleep womb held
wistful quiet too young for words
red glow of inside carried soft
awaiting futures undreamed
new trauma of light and birth
some so precious fade and fail
but we cherish their wee heartbeats still

Spirit and angel soar in my mind
pagan or christian one of a kind
Church of the Free Spirit
I hope you will grow
just a wee little circle
of the friends that I know

We saw your ship  founder
we heard your last call
we paused as she sang
and we saw her  head fall
her words steer our wings
and her songs we still sing
crying to her as we circle above
the wind in our wings remembers your love

I sat by the shore for a year and a day
waiting and singing my heart turning grey
knowing the thought that you cannot return
dims now the flame that between us did burn
the birds cried with anguish and longing regret
the sea sighed and shuddered it cannot forget
my sweetest of souls was drawn down to the deeps
my sweetest of souls now I sit here and weep

Olwen grew after mid-winter's passing
the wind had sung her a child's name
she knew her time was now come
the man she picked was strong and wise
and she had seen his death was anigh
the great gift she would give him
a girl child she would carry, birth and teach
her first word would be the name of him
who was to fall in the cattle raid to Seisysllwg
no man to own her or claim her

Olwen mothered
a world of dreams
a world of knowing
she knew the seasons
and the schemes
of life growing
hares and foxes
would sleeep at her feet
enemies before her
would not fight but retreat

Olwen's way was of care and of love
her power of the earth and skies above
no denizens of dark and deepest hate
would stand her eyes that saw their fate

fast eye
clear sky
brown flash
passes by
beast or bird
we cannot see
good  Olwen
watching over thee

The child came in the autumn months
gold- clad meadows bear the last of mother's bounty
as she came into the world scythes cut the last bushel
weak with the birth she carried the child
to the stone on  plynlimon's east side
"let the source of the five feel the spirit of this child
carry her through her life with power and love..."

When Cariad was five she took her to the great marsh south of the Dyfi
and watched as the child threw her father's sword back to his spirit
further than any man could throw

ask not for power
for your arm
ask for strength
in your heart

ask not for dominion
over men
seek love
for the world

ask not for thyself
anything you
would not give
away freely

no shadows came to dwell in the hills and vales
where peace eternal dwelt with power of hearts
Olwen  slept after one mid-winter's passing
She died when the spirits asked for her
Cariad bore her to the Plynlimon stone
where all wise women's bones will lie

The rivers remember her eyes
The trees remember her wisdom
The birds remember her song
The stars remember Her dreams

The Stones of Deheubarth
remember their Wise-Woman
when Moon and  Sun rise
and the shadows flee

What hides behind all the words we read
past broken hearts that still can bleed
fear and grief I can barely concieve
that you continue I hardly believe
some people who suffer are so full of light
it gives them the power to love and to fight
all the world's women bear so much of its pain
they do most of it's healing again and again
so glad to be here at this place and this time
drawn here to write and to listen to rhyme
blessed by the presence of you who live here
with your life and your poems that move me to tears
glad that you have the wee folk to watch over you
I'll send you an Angel so she can watch too

One arm for me to lean on
giving strength for when I weaken
one hand that holds me fast
when I'm feeling broken
one finger prowing to my soul
like a whole book spoken
for all the love and kindness
these lines are my wee token

Need to see the Hare once more
tell it how my heart is sore
need to see him running free
taking cares away from me
his dreams run with mine far away
take me through another day
wisdom in that ancient glance
speeding freedom life and chance
look through me knowing eyes
only truth you know no lies
the time for hares to dance is here
the joy of spring is coming near
you carry the sun and share it's light
bring hope for the springtime
into winter's sight

Thrown down from the castle
built inside your dreams
hiding in the forest wild
no way back for you it seems
but in the depths I see a glow
it will reach out to where you lie
only those who care will know
only they will help you  try
feel the power of night skies
start to fly and break your ties

I thought of  you out
in the cold woods tonight
the clouds hid us all from
the silver moonlight
we saw the white flowers
and we felt the sweet air
met with nights powers
with a feeling so fair
did you think as you stood
in the silver and grey
we were standing beside you
an ocean away

One hundred ways to happiness
a thousand songs to light
different words and rhythyms
you found the one that's right
love and joy and caring
open to the world
secretly or sharing
wings closed or unfurled
try to touch the different
or learn to give them space
of this world or heaven sent
you help us find our place

Do you still sit and sing for me down by the shore
the birds cried you sang to me just like before
sitting the two of us watching the stars
hearing your voice as it healed all my scars
the birds cried you sang for a year and a day
counting the hours as the time slipped away
did you bring down the basket to carry my catch
your eyes and strong arms no one woman can match
I'm sailing through mist that won't lift or ease
drawn through the waters my love will not cease
won't you still sit and sing for me down by the shore
your voice calls my heart from the deep ocean floor
the birds cried you sang for a year and a day
the birds cried as you sang as I faded away

Shelter me
            from all that I am                
what I try to be
I tried to shelter you
wash the blood and muck
from your hurt thighs
read you a kid's book
while you tried to sleep
in the bath too afraid
***** soiled wee scrap
we couldn't get you clean
cut your head where they
***** you over the wall
your blonde hair
stuck to the tiles
you made me cut it off
so I shaved my head
to be ugly with you
shared an overdose
tricked you
your half was
just beta-blockers
you tried to comfort me
share our pain
slept in bed with me
like you were
a proper mum
with your hurt
arms around me
till you crawled
out to find
the boyfriend
with his drugs
I could never shelter you
from what you were
life and light
grey-faded
shrink in with me
let us share this grave
of soiled hope and
anguished dreams
my wee rough pal
the first one
in the world to say
that you loved me
you wrote it
on my arm for hospital
they thought you were
my daughter I
wished you were
prayed for angels
to shelter you
like you tried
to shelter me
that night
we failed each other

How many times did I come back to help
wipe the tears and guilt out of your eyes
I put you in a bath read kid's stories to you
washed the muck from between your thighs
I remember nursing your cat through the night
I saved your wee cat  but I couldn't save you

An Angel fell down and looked around
this new world of ours she just had found
enthralled by the vaults of evenings sky
nights hand touches heaven high
no ages lost  past times call out
she hears more where there is no shout
she sees why human hearts and eyes
do not all yearn for the heaven's skies
bones of the earth the sweet world's air
she come to see as whole and fair
sees love and wisdom shaped this land
as much as her own God so grand
began to see her time for change
was come and though it felt so strange
vision and love had now outgrown
the bonds of harsh religion flown
ahead lie worlds and dreams all new
a kinder world comes into view
and if ordered home by the King of Kings
she'd stand as a woman and shed her wings

Wine glass full of water now
last weeks was full of pills
sat and looked for hours at it
no place for happy thrills
poured wine in until it met
the high point of the pile
it melted into mess and gunge
that tasted ******* vile
didn't really do that much
hardly any power
didn't want to die or hurt
just sleep to numb an hour
all that **** is history
prescription ripped up in the bin
got a happy life for me
won't hurt my friends with that old sin
painful flashbacks ******'s ghosts
I overreact and always  frown
got to protect my friends the most
to remember the ones that I let down

february 1943

Two still bodies embrace
snow-clad where they died
won't anyone move them
or push them aside
passed away looking deep
into each others eyes
a last look of love
no time to cry

2 days before

Father wanted to **** and eat her little cat
like he killed her wee brother
when the drink made his demon come out
Joshua tried to stop father climbing into her bed
so he beat his head to porridge then took her to his room..
but now he wanted to **** the wee cat so she ran into the storm
clutching the poor sick thing to her inside her thin clothes
like she wished she could clutch joshua again
they hadn't eaten for days the cold bit hard and deep
the liquidation squads were all around
he made her carry food for him
gave her some which she shared with the cat
she always ran fast and hard noone to match her
deep into the woods till she could run no more
lying in the snow storm blown out jewels of ice
strewn far and wide handfulls of magic star-diamonds
she counted them till she saw the grey light rise in the south east
the poor cat was dead passed in the night
to weak and small to fight another day of fear and cold
she cried knives of grief for hours
then scratched a deep hole in the ice and ran on leaving it behind

No cat soul falls away unseen
slowly paced the spirit queen
paused above light on the snow
eyes on fire with an ancient glow
the  kitten climbs out of it's tomb
spirit flows cat mother womb
an eternity  of play and sleep
so for this cat-soul do not weep

she was at the end of her endurance when they found her
a ***** bunch of Russian soldiers and peasant refugees
the men would have treated her badly but there were women there
they warmed and tried to feed her
she wouldn't eat
just stared at the youngest of the soldiers and moved her lips slowly
"Hey Pavel, she thinks your name is Joshua, are you a jew too?"
That gave them a laugh at his expense
He was sorry for her she was alone and dying

They moved on the next day left her to die wrapped in a blanket
Pavel had gone missing by midday noone gave a ****
maybe he fell into the snow and went to sleep
maybe he went to sit by the 10 year-old girl
who thought he was her brother
maybe he smiled as she smiled
little cat spirit rubbing her dying legs
maybe he smiled as he pulled the pin from his grenade
and held it to their chests

My worst day of poems oh god I was *****
but put them all here even the ones tonight
read some great stuff that you all did today
David and Judy and sweet Lily Mae
felt bad as I forced it I wanted to write
got stuck in a downer feeling uptight
said the right things in a pathetic way
now got a migraine I make myself pay
tomorrow will maybe be better for me
cannot be much worse will you guys please tell me?

How can I say how sad I feel
just got real fear no hope or zeal
so I let the moments pass away
think it would be better not to say
perhaps she might get a wee bit scared
if my nervous interest is declared
dread to lose the new pal that I found
so I won't make a single request or sound
won't chase or push or bother you
but wish you could know my heart is true

When I was born my brother
saw bad creatures in my cott
so he used a toy car to stab my leg
it bled bad and started to clott
mum thought they tried to take me
the night that I was born
found me stuck behind the head board
unconcious in the morn
when I was four and he was six
Neil saw something on tv
so he touched with a piece of lead
was it a changeling or just me
guess he stopped believing
that my soul was taken out
I think they ****** fooled you
put more in I have no doubt
I never fitted in to well
for all my living days
except for now I don't know how
there's a wind blowing my way

Standing at the border
looking out beyond the wall
dreams of mist and forests deep
eastward hear the call
echoes of the secret glades
distant Osterwald
memories of crashing blades
ancient peoples fall
sent abroad and scattered far
brave resistance to atone
quiet whispers still we hear
stand and listen at the stone

Not in the ***** urban lakes
or zoos and sanctuaries
in her moorland stream and loch
where spirits slow and ease
dressed in white calm and alone
a woman passes by
try to speak then look around
above you in the sky!
tied to her loch by loves hard cord
a tryst from ancient years
awaiting her love who swore by his sword
to save her from her fears
the spell to break and set her free
but his life was lost years past
he fell in the desperate quest to return
and eternities spell holds fast

Drink out of my eyes like a humming bird from a bloom
rage against the skies fight to the end against your doom
blind the stars if their light wont guide your way
drag the sun into the night if you need to make it day
tear open the hollow hills to set your spirit free
when all is done your battles won then would you cleave to me

When I stand before wild waters
in the early morning sun
I imagine your reflection
and what we could become
if the wind beats hard against me
if I feel the thunder roar
I will not flinch nor turn away
my resolution all the more
no lies or fears no doubts of man
will live beneath your gaze
sweet power of life eternal
until the ending of our days

I wish I was  a dashing hero.......hang on
*******.......
I wish I was a superstar..........
NOPE....
A ****** football pin-up.......
HAAAAAAAA oh my sides hurt so.............
Ok........ I wish I had all my wee cats back
for a night like the mum in A.I.
How I would howl and sob and cry
but get to say goodbye
I wish I never smacked my heid so hard
that some faces are hard to recall
thats the price we ******* pay
riding bikes off buildings and all
and I wish that I could somehow see
if someone special this Valentines day
would simply smile for me.

How come the world is good
when I am dumb as a plank of wood
worried that women are smiling at me
I'll run and hide up a big oak tree
some help my pals they push me on
"Make a move before she's gone!"
no I'll hide and pretend I am dead
or suddenly in a coma instead
all this girl stuff leaves me perplexed
I know they are sort of a different ***
nicer shape and not quite so hairy
though some back in Wales are really scary
it's not like I am truly fussed
for a perfect figure? a shapely bust?
no, find me a woman with spirit and love
like she fell off a cloud from up above
or grew in a glade in the great greenwood
she can banish my fears with her powers of good
she can bully and laugh and kick my ***
though the best of my friends she'll have to pass
but I guess if she can withstand both of those
she'll have earned her right to hold me close

Always poetry makes me cry
writing it reading it tell me why
maybe not wee happy ones
but anything sad and down tears run
makes my cheeks wet and really soggy
want to go to Denises and hug her moggies
when you all write sad I hear your call
a sniff and snuffle and down they fall
I know in a while the tears will pass
I hope it's soon as they've reached my ***!

Curving along the edge of the moonlight
the hands that spans the ages
whisper no hurt or hate
only turn back that which is evil
and send it home to rest
the shadow that falls beneath the stars
can warm like the heat of day
bless with its silvered touch
heal like the rain in spring
walk out to the night alone
feel the coming of calm and peace
forgotten by most but felt by the blessed
flow through the veins and breathe deep
take the time to stand still and feel
the power the ancient ones keep

Beautiful mother of the world
you draw the shades of grey aside
you bring life and love and trust
in tomorrow's dreams
walk for a while beside me
through your woods and glades
show me where your deer walk
and the flowers sing
your deep quiet pools
where the Wee Folk sing
take the time to pause and see
the hurt in this green land
take the time to set us free
and heal us with your hand

No more pills
start tonight
sleeping though
will be a fight
left them all
with Denise
told her that
my life will cease
to be a war
with doctor's drugs
fired like lead
machine gun slugs
took the last
twenty eight
didn't feel bad
in fact feel great
threw them up
really sick
what a ****
I am so thick
so want to cleanse
myself of these
prescription pill
monstrosities
will I last?
do you care?
some of you do
I feel you there
so sunday dawns
in a short while
I'll meet the morning
with a smile
and if I go
to take them back
Denise, Denise
just give me a
WHACK! x

Transcendant beauty of her soul
sailing through life a wonder in full sail
her children hold on to the glory of her
summer-flower dress and mother's hands
towing them to dreams and joy
no darkness can dwell in her light
love and smiles makes her  home heaven envy
spread your sails and fly in her following wind
she will carry all home just close your eyes and smile

My demons come when I am weak
wounded lion spirit
hyenas scratching at my bloodied sides
fingers pushing at cracked glass soul
corpse of decayed love whisper vile insanities
once kind life voices mewling crowing
over fresh ****** wounds to new for rotten
push your grey fingers in through my split skin
fish hook tenderness as you disport in my misery
defiled by the profanity of soiled joy
black shapes flap and rattle at the thin glass
break through with the shards and pierce my soul
my heart is frozen by your lapping rising tide of eversore caresses
too late to cry for help if death comes to me in a demon's red eye
it will find a fallen spirit of light burnt by close flame falsehood
and regrets barren embraces
held in the grip of the twisted gone
it  is the crack-scabbed tomorrow that mocks my today
wounds cry tears of knife edge expectancy
arms shrink at cutting-shrine memories
God cannot stand against you but vomitting can play his role
4004  6015 numbers list your mocking horde
to late for redeemers blades
reject and defile the war cry of the un-dead
choosers of the slain cross skies of dead hope stars
No dandelion seed would stoop to carry my soul
too twisted for heaven's soil
rotted leaf shrine heat of decay warmth
no hell for demons to dwell carried within heart-carcass vessel
sail through eternities baying grief this reward
cherish fear and pain marks the hours of still alive
window of thin despair ready to crash but striving still
gossamer molecule threads still cleave to me
fight against 1916 cloying of death-sweet expectancy
shell hole camaraderie with last summers corpse gas kisses
twenty-eight pills later summer needs to come soon
at four degrees I can be water ice or gas can I be alive

Under leaves you sat and dreamed
feeling summer's warm caress
no shadow was upon you
no stain or doubt
but you tarried over long
beneath the vault of green
waiting until autumn's leaves
covered the forest floor
Now under leaves you sleep
but you dream no more

Sitting dreaming, mind locked shut
looking into her dark mist
forgetting the living
only the vague dead
flit through her gaze
I am her son
then her husband
she has to go home
to feed her dog
cries with the worry
then a moments sunlight
"Are you new?
You are a lovely wee boy,
you are an Angel!"
No, I am just a cleaner,
I just like to talk to you
that is all I can do

Amber eyes and fleet of foot
on these moors a spirit put
born to run for runnings sake
nothing will her brave stride break
distance all the fastest hounds
queen of green she skims the ground
fears no clutching claw or beak
high among her purple peaks
a gentle creature hurting none
as blessed to see as winter sun
in her proud eyes freedom holds
beneath her feet her world unfolds

Amber eyes and fleet of foot
on these moors a spirit put
born to run for runnings sake
nothing will her brave stride break
distance all the fastest hounds
queen of green she skims the ground
fears no clutching claw or beak
high among her purple peaks
a gentle creature hurting none
as blessed to see as winter sun
in her proud eyes freedom holds
beneath her feet her world unfolds

Leaving the heather
leaving the hills
the whispering woods
that winter fills
back to concrete
glass and steel
people who frown
and don't seem to feel
so stay no longer
than I need
home again soon
my path will lead

It happened tonight
I dare not clap
Haggis the cat
slept on my lap
watching a film
on the settee
Denise was sitting
next to me
he strolled along
looked at my pants
though "oh well,
I'll take a chance."
A stroke and a pat
I doff you my cap
Haggis the cat
slept on my lap

You were smiling in my heart today
quiet eyes spilling hints of your light
the footsteps you took left white jewels
as snowdrops arose with your passing
your soft calm soothed my fears
all things comes to pass and time cures all
the brush of your hand brings hope and new life
makes spirits soar repairs the hurt
your face will ever be beyond my touch
like the hares that dance at your feet
joyful as you herald the coming spring